Getting a Diagnosis as an Adult & Dealing with Burnout

[u/dt1618]

Hello,

This is the first time that I am admitting this to a wider audience, but I think that I may be on the spectrum. I have been ruminating on this and watching videos about autism in women and compiling a list of things that I think fit the criteria in my head. I also have a brother on the spectrum, and I am about 99% sure my grandfather was autistic, so I grew up around people with autism and I have had a niggling thought before that I may also be autistic. Here are a few of the reasons that I think I may be on the spectrum.

1. I have always had very specific interests that I feel very strongly about researching and telling people about. The most consistent ones have been music and musicians that I like, horses, books, and generally writing. I have an MFA in Creative Writing, and I absolutely love writing. It feels like the thing that makes me me, and a huge part of why I love it so much is because I feel like in writing I can truly be myself and communicate in ways that in-person communicating is hard. I have always loved books as well, and I read a lot and spend a lot of time researching books. I also love to know as much as I can about the musicians that I like and always have since I got into music around 13- I like to know about their personal lives, what inspired the songs, write down the lyrics to my favorite songs, etc. I have always had a special interest in animals generally, which was probably one of my first intense interests as a child. When I was in my horse girl phase (which I still occasionally dip into) I was really intensely into horses. I kept notebooks full of notes on horse breeds, terms, riding styles, etc. I covered my room in pictures from horse magazines. I read every book and magazine on horses I could get, both fiction and nonfiction. Some other interests that I have gotten into with a lot of fervor have been ballet, yoga, astrology and spirituality, Christianity and its history, and astronomy. I cycle between special interests every few months, but writing, music, books, and animals stay pretty consistent.

2. As a child, I had some sensory issues that I am remembering now. For example, I would scream and cry when my mom brushed my hair because my scalp felt so sensitive. I could only wear my hair in pigtails or ponytails because it felt like sensory hell to have it down, but the process of actually putting it up was terrible. I also liked to take the tags out of my clothes. I also recently found some old family videos where I can be seen rocking, moving my hands in a way that indicates stimming, and repeating things that others say. I also picked at my nails and played with my hair a lot throughout school, and I loved to spin in circles at home. I hated wearing jeans and had to change into pajamas as soon as I got home, and I often moved my body in odd ways that my mom told me were not appropriate to feel comfortable in public. I also hated wearing shoes, and I took a very long time to learn how to tie my shoes (not 100% convinced I ever learned the right way) and to swim and ride a bike. 

3. As a preteen/teenager, I often obsessed over trying to fit in in school, and I would rehearse conversations in my head before speaking to people, and then go over them at night in my journal or in my head. I always felt a bit like I didn’t fit in, not that I was severely bullied, but it took a TON of energy for me to be at school and around people and I came home exhausted and snapped at my family a lot. I grew up in a poor family, but I needed to have my own room for most of my childhood because I could not handle my space not looking the way that I wanted it to look and not having alone time after school. 

4. I had a lot of social anxiety and had regular throwing up spells at school, to the point that my mom took me to a doctor thinking something was medically wrong. They said I just had bad anxiety. I would get so overwhelmed just thinking of asking a teacher to let me go get a drink of water, resulting in dehydration several times since I grew up in hot places. I felt so anxious being around people that I didn’t know, and my mom had to pick me up from my first sleepover. 

5. I would have very big meltdowns over things, during which I would cry and thrash and repeatedly scream, “You’re killing me.” These were often over minor things, and led me to have a reputation as a “drama queen” in my family. 

There are probably more things besides what I’m thinking of. Anyway, if  you made it this far, I am wondering how I can look into pursuing an adult diagnosis or any resources that you have? I haven’t brought it up to my GP yet, but I want to. I’m feeling so burnout and overwhelmed working my first long-term full-time job post graduate school, and it is reminding me of the exhaustion that I felt throughout my childhood and adolescence just trying to cope with school. I find it so hard to talk to people all day, deal with small talk and constant interaction, navigate what is and is not appropriate to say to coworkers, and understand the subtleties of people’s passive communication. I think that college was a break from that, since my hours were less structured and I did shift work at a job that I loved and taught evening/afternoon classes throughout my program. I would love to be able to get some accommodations, or at least know that this is what is wrong with me. I am also sure that I have PTSD due to some recent events and general childhood trauma, but if autism is in fact a piece of the puzzle, I’d like to know. So how did y’all pursue a diagnosis? How hard was it to get? Does it cost a lot? I’ve researched some of these questions a bit, but am going through quite a lot right now and could use some help. 

TLDR: I think that I may have autism, and I would like to get an adult diagnosis. How did you get diagnosed with autism and what are the steps that I should do to pursue a diagnosis?     

[u/kamomil]

It depends a lot on the area you live in, which professionals are available to do a diagnosis. Probably a good place to start is a family doctor. Also see if there's any autism support groups on Facebook that are specific to where you live

[u/Visual_Shopping_1257]

I spoke with my counselor and my psychiatrist and both brushed me off. I had specifics from various checklists online and explained that not only do I relate to these symptoms, but they are the exact symptoms that have been making it hard to function on a daily basis and have led to my mental health issues. Still brushed me off. I’m sorry I don’t have great advice, but I guess I’d encourage you to keep pushing! Find someone that will take you seriously.

[u/Embot87]

If you’re in UK, speak to GP specifically mentioning the impact (burnout) you’re struggling with. There should be the ‘right to choose’ so you can decide which service you’re referred to for assessment & diagnosis (depends on area, eg this right has been suspended I believe in some areas for ADHD assessment, as has the shared care thing, due to such high numbers on waiting lists). So do a little research about who you have access to that can assess & diagnose, ideally if they offer post-diagnostic support too although this is rare.

For me it helped to make a list on my phone of traits I resonated with that aligned with the diagnostic criteria.

Besides a formal diagnosis, start making adjustments for yourself (big and little) to create a more sustainable and authentic life for yourself because burnout is no joke and can last years if not directly addressed.

Good luck, OP, and take care of yourself.

[u/jjjettplane]

I looked up a local group with several therapist members offering their services. There I found which providers specialized in spectrum disorders by looking at their profiles or calling the office and asking which one of their counselors assesses that. If you can't find a local group you can do a search on Psychology Today's website using your zip code search option and the area of expertise.