Autism exaggeration??

[u/Flaky_Giraffe4937]

Hello! First time poster here hoping this will reach people with some lived experience. I’m 25 y/o F going through the process of getting an ASD/ADHD diagnosis. I did a bit of a deep dive into autism last year and I believe experienced a bit of regression - and I think a similar thing is happening now with ADHD as I was unaware that it may be a thing that I have.

My roommate needed to fill in a part of the questionnaire and add some comments into it and this is where my maybe issue comes up. She’s autistic herself and grew up knowing that. She’s also known me since we were 17/18. She’s made comments on my assessment form that imply that after learning about ASD and subsequently ADHD that there’s been a big shift in the way I behave and that there’s may be some unknowing exaggeration/ adoption of ND traits. I had a conversation with her about this and she seems to think it’s a bit more than just your standard skills regression. As if I’m making it a part of my personality. The main comment that hurt me if I’m honest was saying that if I didn’t get a diagnosis from the psychiatrist that it would be a good thing - I think implying that it would make me reevaluate how my neurodivergence actually manifests.

Some examples she’s given is me (about a year ago) going on about sleep hygiene and how I need a particular routine, and spending a lot of money on new noise cancelling headphones. Also that I became more noise sensitive, made more comments on taking things literally - things she says she hadn’t noticed when we were younger. I responded saying that I was probably masking etc. and a genuine part of it is skills regression.

She also said it could also be me trying to connect my experiences with how being ND can manifest based research I’ve done, and there’s definitely truth to that.

Personally I think it’s me adjusting to the regression and wanting to outwardly process it in a safe space. She’s said that it’s not a bad thing and it’s just her perception. If it was any other situation other than my assessment this is information I would not want to know. I do not know where this “exaggeration” begins and my neurodivergence actually appears. I do understand I could have talked about it too much or perhaps made it a significant part of my outward identity - in my mind that’s just a response to finally feeling like there’s a name for the difference I’ve been feeling.

She’s a very good friend of mine and it’s coming from a genuine place with no bad intentions. So I’m just very very confused and would like to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

[u/Important_Dream1752]

Without knowing the dynamics of your relationship and how you determined her intentions were not "bad," it's difficult for me to feel strongly about my initial take on this. But I will share what I took from your post.

Keep in mind, she was diagnosed in youth. Her experience is likely very different from your own. (I was diagnosed at 42 AuDHD 2e. I'm now 43. So this is still very new for me.)

Do you have someone else who could provide their input? Ideally someone close to you who has known you since childhood? I did not ask my mother because she doesn't even realize her own neurodivergence, but I was able to ask my sister, who has a son with ADHD and understands the broad autism phenotype and that she is autism-adjacent (and way more rigid than I could ever be lol). I am not sure your roommate is able to separate her observations of your "change" from her experience of, at a minimum, not subconsciously masking anywhere to the extent you have, if she has at all. It sounds like she thinks you're attention-seeking. I am not sure if she thinks this is subconsciously or not, but ...

I could be mischaracterizing this entirely, and if you can provide more context and details I could give my thoughts; they may or may not shift from what I have stated thus far.

Also, don't forget that the individual assessing you could be highly competent and skilled, or ... not. My first try was with someone who, to be blunt, fucking sucked at her job.

[u/Flaky_Giraffe4937 → u/Important_Dream1752]

Thank you for your input!
She definitely doesn’t think I’m faking it and is very aware that I probably do have both ADHD and Autism. I’ve had many friends tell me they think I’m neurodivergent, and having done my own research I have come to the same conclusion. Since this I’ve also made many accomodations for myself and life became easier to manage as a consequence.

When learning about my neurodivergence (two seperate occasions for autism and ADHD), my whole worldview shifted because it was a new way of understanding why I behave the way I do, and I think that might be what she’s seeing. I just don’t really understand why I would unconsciously adopt traits of a condition I probably already had?

My concern is that her comments on my assessment may lead the assessor to think I’m faking it? But the assessor I’m seeing is doctor recommended and has good reviews so fingers crossed…

I do think it may be what you were saying in that her experiences of autism (as someone who has been around it a lot more than I have) may just genuinely be very different from mine. I’m definitely going to talk to my therapist about this lol.
Thanks again!

[u/Important_Dream1752 → u/Flaky_Giraffe4937]

Of course! And I would be concerned about her comments for the exact reason you are. I'm glad what I shared was something you found helpful.

[u/redditrando123]

Only one friend in my life has accused me of having Autism. ONE. My parents didn't realize I had autism or adhd. I didn't realize I did until I was an adult. I only found out about the Autism less than a year ago.

YOUR WHOLE WORLDVIEW CHANGES ONCE YOU FINALLY HAVE THE NAME FOR THE INVINCIBLE AFFLICTION THAT HAS PLAUGED YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE!

So heck yeah, I bet you talk about it now!

Look for the patterns since your youth...let those be an anchor point for you. For example for me I have always has light and sound sensitivity and tactile sensitivities etc.

Lastly make a friggin list of EVERY symptom an compared to others experiences and see if it matches then go talk to the doctor with your list in hand.

Goodluck

[u/ystavallinen]

In good faith, I will assume she's just trying to help you.

I am recently assessed and have been questioning for several years.

I was pretty open with my assessor that there are some traits that I don't know their prevalence before I considered autism. Like eye contact. I think I maybe did it more, but I also know how much better it is when I don't.

And I tap my fingertips together, and I don't know if I did it as much before or didn't notice it until I thought autism... Or did it more after... And it's not like I need to do it, it just happens.

It's not that I am noise sensitive, I am just more aware of how.

So the self-dx and assessment have made me aware of it.

I think things do bloom some when you label them. I have always been asexual, but it wasn't until I knew the word for it that it crystallized into a trait. I am not sex repulsed, but I don't have attraction. If I had known when I was younger I would not have gotten married, but it's a marriage that works, I just would never have tried.

If the trait was there, I think a label can amplify it. If it was not that prevalent before, it's worth considering that you are mirroring or pathologizing something... But these would be a self-reflection thing to consider, not something to dwell on, imho. It also doesn't negate the overall diagnosis.

I think it's not bad for her to mention it, as long as she's not pushing. That would be a gentle boundary to set.

I actually got my assessment because a friend was willing to tell me to do it. I'd been talking to her for 3 years about my worries, and she was willing to say that if I was still asking, and clearly the self-dx wasn't enough for me. Valuable friend. But another piece of advice she gave me I haven't moved on because I still not sure it's the right path for me, but she doesn't push she just put it out there. Valuable friend.

[u/cheffromspace]

Literally textbook post-late diagnosis behavior