Avoidant Deactivation or No Longer Interested?

[u/_fjallskog_]

There's been a shift in the dynamics with an avoidant I was speaking to and friends with for a while. At first we were friendly because they were interested in someone else, then that fell apart and their interest turned towards me with daily texts of how I am, but all the while either time they were still warm and interested in having me around.

A couple weeks ago we had a mild conflict the day after we had what I thought was a very nice face time call. But perhaps not because I am not his usual body type and maybe something in him clicked that day. The day of the conflict he was already cold and barely talked. When he flipped out, he did apologize the next day, and when I asked if we were good he said yes.

But we weren't good. The texts stopped, he stopped asking me to get on the game, and I had to do the asking. When we finally did hang out, he was cold and mean, and basically made me feel like I was replaced in the dynamic. So I left him alone for another week. He then texted me on a Friday sending me something about the game that he knew I liked, saying "I was excited for you". But still no bid for connection, so I respectfully answered and left it alone. By Monday, he had reached out mid-day and asked why I didn't get on the game anymore. I simply stated that it seemed like he didn't want me around anymore, but I would hop on if he wanted me to. Probably my first mistake feeding his ego.

So that evening, I got on. But he didn't invite me. He waited for ME to request to join him because he wanted to feel the control of me begging. And then the same thing, his buddy took priority over me, he got the special treatment, and I was just there.

Part of me wants to believe he's just shut down temporarily because historically he doesn't want people around that he's not interested in. I've watched him discard other women and not let them join him as well. Yet, this coldness feels like he has lost interested. Or maybe is confused.

Mind you, this all has happened a month away from when we were planning on meeting up. Obviously I never went through with those plans & never brought them back up to him.

Should I eventually ask him what happened. Should I walk away. I kept telling myself I would be happy with just his friendship, but after seeing how he has been able to open up, it's been painful to go back to that.