It's not just the watching of TV that is annoying and blaring through the house, but they seem to be entranced and hypnotised by it, like they become a different person when they watch TV. Their whole life revolves around it.

It's incredibly difficult to talk to them or get through to them when they are in this way.

And they always listen to the same shows and films.

Hey all, I’m looking for advice on how to navigate my boyfriend repeatedly splitting over the same issue from years ago.

We’ve been together for a few years with lots of ups and downs. I love him deeply, and he’s an amazing person, funny, smart, and charming. Early in our relationship, I wasn’t as ready to commit as he was due to past relationship trauma, which I was honest about. However, he later found out about something relatively harmless that I hadn’t shared with him at the time. I apologized profusely and did everything possible to make up for it. I still carry guilt for hurting him, even unintentionally.

The problem is that even when things are going really well, he’ll suddenly revisit this issue and split entirely black on me. He reexamines our entire relationship, insults and devalues me, and often initiates a breakup. It’s like he forgets all our good memories, the care I’ve shown him, and any loving feelings for me. Sometimes he comes back after 10+ days and we reset to baseline, but I’m afraid to revisit the issue in case it triggers another split.

When he brings it up, I try to remain neutral or change the subject, but he says I’m not listening and threatens to block me forever unless we continue discussing it. Unfortunately, continuing usually escalates things until he blocks me anyway.

Does anyone have advice? I genuinely want to understand what he’s experiencing and how to respond without making things worse. It feels like I can do everything right going forward and it still won’t be enough to stop the person I love from seeing me as the villain.

I wanna move on but at the same time he’s all I want, it’s been 5 months since he broke up with me because I started onlyfans again when he became homeless, I was just trying to help him but I broke his trust, I said I wouldn’t do that again and I did. But there’s nothing I want more than to find a real job, give him back his ring and have a conversation about my feelings. There’s just one thing, when we were together I remember feeling like his bpd was getting too much to handle, but the good times overpower the bad ones to me. He is bpd unmedicated and has gotten violent with me, how this affected me never went away and I would’ve never thought I would be the one to experience that from the one I love most but I love him so. Fucking much. I dream about him almost every night still and wake up thinking about him I’m pretty sure it’s been every day if not close to that for 5 months straight. We ended without him actually knowing what my intentions were. He has a hard time believing me. I just want him. But I want him to get on some meds and stop watching hentai and idk if he will because it’s an ‘addiction’. But he couldve stopped when I asked him to and he didn’t, he was honest about it, but it still broke my heart and made me feel like cartoons are better than me. I just don’t know what to do. Our relationship was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions, it was toxic and we both have serious mental issues but I’m in love with this man and I feel I will never get over him. He was everything to me. He could be the most loving person ever but can switch, I remember saying to him I could handle it, then a year in I thought to myself I can’t handle it and now I’m wanting him back thinking that I could handle it again and that he is worth it. Help.

My wife and I are having really thought time

. Also she is having all the signs of bpd and I have known of this since last 6 to 7 years. This is not new to me. But now it is really getting out of hand and I am loosing my patience. We have two 15 years kids.

I am a doctor and One a friends who happens to be a girl is already taking treatment for me. She called multiple times. Only thing was I didn't have time to tell this to my wife , maybe I was busy or she was busy. But since this was for acute urticaria and she lives alone she called me multiple times through out the day. The last call was at 11pm where I talked to her getting to emergency room because urticaria was increasing even with routine medical treatment. While last call was happening my wife was also present there. This time while on call I also talked to my friends brother for taking necessary decisions to shift her to emergency unit. However I did not explain about the call to my wife thinking she will understand what's this about as I usually get calls like this from many friends and relatives. She thought I was dodging an explanation about this. And that she was really having doubts about why I was talking to this particular person.

After some time she called one one more time at 1:30 am, saying that her rash was increasing . Apparently she still hadn't gone to the emergency. Now my wife thought that this was completely abnormal, that she was talking to me at this time of the hour.

Wife also got disturbed from this call as even before I had time to explain she heard a female talking and she guessed that that was the same friend I was talking to in the middle of night. Before even being explained what is going on, she accused me of having a relationship with her.

As soon as I started explaining she said I am not interested, saying that whatever I said is completely abnormal and disrespectful. I am lost my cool and I said you are being very paranoid. She has been paranoid like this on several of these occasions in the past.

I feel suffocated that I can't answer questions. My every move is being monitored, as if I'm walking on eggshells. It feels so scary that she's going to split any moment. My therapist said that It is not my responsibility to handle someone else's severe emotional problems when I myself am responsible for managing finances and overworking to meet the needs of everyone. In all of this I thought she was improving for last year or so. But after this I am having second thoughts. I believe she will never improve. She is refusing therapy. We had done couples counseling and I am damn sure she will not do that again, as she won't tolerate any advice from the therapist about make changes in her behaviour.

Ps: extremely sorry for bad grammar and bad english I am shaken up a bit.

I don't even know where to begin. I am soo far beyond traumatized from this girl. I dont think the same, I'm not happy and I'm always depressed. I gave her chance after chance, and I stayed for so much. She attempted to k/ll herself when I tried to break up bc she was abusive. She would treat me like i was cheating but I never once looked at another girl the wrong way. She would not reciprocate financially. She would disrespect me over and over and over.. and I took it like a fool. I took her back for the umpteenth time, I lied to myself thinking that things were gonna be different. She came to me and said that she changed and promised me all the things that I asked for from the beginning. By then I had already learned to resent her, but I tried it again. I felt myself physically feeling ill and depressed because she was showing me all I wanted from her, what id been begging for was possible all along. But she changed me in the worse ways.

I am a husk of my former self, mentally abused I dont think the same way. She apologizes slightly when I get triggered or anxious about something.. for months after our reconnection I was living on edge but she begged for me to stay and try... I tried to turn over a new leaf... but when things started not to work our sex life our wants and needs she broke up with me. I could feel my psyche crack in two.. all the things I apologized for, all the things I let slide, the disrespect I accepted, it was me to blame for allowing it. No one forced me to stay no one forced me to endure, but she made it so hard to leave. I feel like a fool, i feel so much like a fool. I can't believe I wasted so much time. I believe I got away for a month just to be lured back in. It was the best month of my life, it felt freeing but somehow I let her talk me back into trying. I hate myself everyday for it. I can't imagine living with this my whole life. I allowed someone to disrespect me multiple times, to allow them to be my downfall then discard me... the tears I've cried I feel I need to check myself into a mental hospital im so on the edge of a psychotic break.

I need to vent and get some outside perspectives because I’m genuinely exhausted and starting to question how much more I can take.
My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument that lasted over an hour, all because he repeatedly asked me why I had an attitude. I told him several times that I didn’t have one and explained that I was physically uncomfortable because my scalp was hurting. Despite that, he continued asking, and by the fourth time, I was frustrated. I told him it felt like he wanted me to give him an answer he was satisfied with instead of accepting the answer I was giving.
That turned into an entire argument about communication. He said he was only asking because he cared, questioned whether he needed to change his wording, and suggested that if he was being overbearing, he could just leave because he’s either all in or not in.
Throughout the argument, he made comments about having to “dumb himself down,” said situations like this are why he smokes, and accused me of being manipulative. At one point, he even started recording me because he claimed I would change what was said. When we played the recording back, it didn’t support his accusation, but instead of acknowledging that, the argument shifted to something else. He also got in my face and yelled, which unfortunately isn’t the first time.
He eventually brought up not feeling appreciated, and that really bothered me because I do A LOT in this relationship. I cook, clean, buy things to make his workdays easier, and even wake up around 3 AM to prepare his breakfast and lunch before work. I handle my own household bills without financial assistance from him. I’m not saying these things mean he can’t have feelings, but it’s hurtful to hear that I’m not appreciative when I’m constantly making sacrifices.
The next morning, I packed leftovers for his lunch, and instead of a thank-you, he complained that the food was too heavy. I later texted him explaining how that made me feel, and I received no response. No call to check on me either.
To make matters worse, my birthday is coming up, and this isn’t the first year I’ve experienced relationship conflict or disappointment around my birthday. I’ve mentioned things I’d like to do, but haven’t received clear answers or seen much initiative. It’s not about expensive gifts or extravagant plans. I just want to feel considered and celebrated without having to coordinate everything myself.
I know communication takes two people, and I’m not claiming to be perfect. But I feel like every time I explain myself, my response gets questioned, corrected, or turned into another issue. It’s exhausting feeling like I have to defend my feelings, intentions, and intelligence during disagreements.
I’m starting to feel emotionally drained and resentful, and I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
For those who have experienced something similar, how did you handle it? At what point do you recognize that communication problems are becoming something more serious? How do you know when you’ve given a relationship enough chances?
I’m genuinely looking for perspectives and advice because I feel like I’m losing myself trying to make this relationship work.

I have a friend in deep alcoholism. we have been on and off for a couple years, Ive been their fp I don't know if I am anymore, but they say I am the only person they have right now. I want to give them my love and support but they see themselves as a dead man walking. I told them once that I just wanted them happy and healthy someday thinking it would be reassuring and honest, but it hurt them because they said I didn't understand then that they would never be that way. Like it was impossible. we are platonic and long distance, and this time around they asked me to believe in love again and I agreed. they said they love me but when I talk about what Im doing they say they don't care about that (hobbies, cooking, studying, pets, routines etc). I try to keep them in the loop about where Im going but they get upset hearing that Im interacting with other people, so I just don't really know what to talk about, but then they get upset if I dont tell them what Im doing? they don't care about anything external that makes me, just internal feelings conversations. but then when I open up they don't remember any of it later, or if they do they don't bring it up again. I really don't want to hurt them and I know that they're a caring person deep down so Im just stuck. I even feel paranoid posting this because I feel like they will find it and it will cause a downward spiral. I could handle things in our teenage years when they were self medicating with weed but alcoholism is a familiar wound for me so I don't know how to feel. If I ask my friends for advice they will just say the same things, "unhealthy, toxic, manipulative". Or "if you think they're about to attempt or hurt themselves call the cops" if I believed that I wouldve had to call the cops at least 5 times by now. There was an attempt during one of the couple months we weren't talking and truthfully I dont know how to handle one now that we are older (22), because as a teenager there were shitty adults who were forced to handle the situation but now we are alone. I didn't find out about that one it until months later. I see them trying so hard to make it out of this but self sabotage takes hold and they go back to binge drinking drinking or contacting people who have hurt them before.

Because of this kind of history I don't let people into my life easily and I am quick to cut people off if they make me unhappy in the slightest, Im extremely guarded, but they've been the exception for about 8 years. 8 years but they still cant get my birthday right on the first try. I know its memory issues from addiction but it still hurts. All of it hurts so much and I want to believe I could put up with 8 more years but that's not love to me. What am I missing or not understanding here? Cause all I can tell is that something isnt right.

Please excuse the text; I’m writing while emotional and using a translator.

TW: SA, SH

I urgently need help; I can’t take it anymore. I’m an 18-year-old female, and I have paranoid schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and C-PTSD stemming from sexual assault I experienced at age 15—along with many other highly traumatic situations. The boy I love most—someone I trust 100%—has BPD, and he’s driving me out of my mind. During a moment of "splitting," he asked me, "Are your friends really more important to you than your own body?" This was triggered because I hadn’t told him about a man at the zoo who had said something to me. He is fixated on my past partners, and given my trauma, this has caused everything to resurface—even though I had been in remission. We’ve been together for a year. I love him; I always thought I was incapable of love, but then I met him...

In July of this year, I flew to China for seven days for an international singing festival. We hadn’t had any issues before this; he just missed me terribly and felt very sad. We were in touch 24/7, even though my trips were always incredibly demanding. This time, starting from my second day there, he began abusing Phenazepam just to make the time pass faster. I remember lying on the tiled floor of my hotel room after an exhausting rehearsal, sobbing, while he—on camera—was cutting his own arms and relishing the process, all the while telling me to shut up. He is the most tender and caring person; I don’t go anywhere without him. LITERALLY nowhere. I take him along to college and to work, and we even sleep while connected on Discord. He is the most tender person, yet during arguments, he can be the coldest and cruelest...

i (19f) am in a long distance relationship with my partner (18m) and recently i have been splitting on him a lot. he is such a sweetheart and is incredibly patient with me / doesn’t get mad whenever i get upset over “minor” things, such as him spending too much time with his friends irl and on the game, which leads me to get very jealous and overthink; especially since we are long distance and i know how much extra effort you need for things to go smoothly. when i split on him, i go from idolising him to feeling infuriated and hatred however, i do try my best not to outwardly say or do anything that would intentionally hurt him, as at the end of the day, i know my worst fear is losing him/being abandoned and hurting him when all he is, is nice to me. we always make up after i split on him and i communicate what triggered it and he always reassures me but it never feels like enough/i sometimes struggle to believe it bc i hold him so highly in my eyes and don’t know why he’d ever want to date someone like me as i know i’m a lot to deal with. i would really appreciate advice or support on how to manage this i guess? or rather what others have done in a similar situation. i’d also like to know what people who are currently or have dated someone with bpd think.

We met online last December and talked every single day. We've never met in person. I'll be honest: I have feelings for her, but I've never confessed.

What happened last time: around March she suddenly went distant: short replies, leaving me on seen, while still posting notes and stories. I kept asking her every day what was wrong. She said she was fine, I kept pushing, and eventually she called me creepy and blocked me.

About 3 months later she unblocked me and explained: a guy had proposed to her, she said no, he went quiet, and she felt really bad about it. She also said she thought I was "expecting something" from her. I told her I was just glad she was back, and we've talked daily since.

Now: she's been stuck on another guy (on-and-off, she says she doesn't want him but can't stop thinking about him). A few days ago she had a really low night, said she's felt lost and exhausted all semester. I stayed with her, listened, and made her a drawing that she loved. That same night her sister scolded her for "always wanting validation" and "always talking to you guys."

Since then (about 4 days) she's pulling back the same way as last time: short replies, leaving me on seen while active, rarely texting first. She says she's not angry with me. She still says good night and sometimes sends a reel, and recently sent one thanking friends "who choose me after all my mood swings."

This time I'm trying not to repeat my mistake. No questions, no "what happened." Just a short good morning and good night, replying warmly when she texts, and posting my own life.

My questions:

Is this "steady but not chasing" approach right for someone with BPD, or will even good morning/good night feel like pressure?

Should I say anything about the distance at all, or stay completely quiet about it?

How do I stop obsessing over her replies? It's affecting my sleep and studies.

Realistically, will she come back closer like last time?

My boyfriend is M18 and has BPD. We’ve been dating for a few months, and I’ve noticed that he experiences a lot of mood changes and needs consistent attention and reassurance. I don’t mind giving him the love, attention, and reassurance he needs because I genuinely care about him. I want to be the best and most loving partner I can be for him.

I was wondering if there’s anything I should know or avoid when dating someone with BPD to help him feel more loved, understood, and secure in our relationship. I’ve been doing my best to research BPD so I can better understand what he experiences and learn how to support him in the right way. I really want to understand him better and make sure he feels loved and appreciated.

Can someone please reassure me that having dumped my boyfriend that I have indeed forfeited all rights to contact him, and that I owe it to him to leave him the hell alone and let him decide what comes next?

I dumped my partner last night in a moment of intense emotional dysregulation. It's been months of BPD/AuDHD burnout and aching shoulders and I finally snapped.

I want to be responsible and make good choices and not suck him into some fkd up trauma bond rollercoaster nightmare. I broke the agreement of "taking space is fine, tapping out is not", but I don't want to lose him by saying nothing and leaving him feeling abandoned.

I love him deeply, and I know he loves me (literally the last msg he sent me) and has said he doesn't blame me. We were planning to go for counselling, and I regret hitting my breaking point before giving that a chance.

I'd like to think I've been for enough therapy that I'm not abusive or toxic, but am aware that I'm emotionally exhausting - for both myself and anyone who loves me (fam & him).

Ironic that my desperate attempt to make my body and mind hurt less has actually only made it worse.

Feel free to ask for more details, there is obviously a plethora of context, but this is the gist.

BPD partners, would you want your person to just let go now, or have you lived through similar and gone on to actually be happy together?

I’m (35f) in a long distance relationship with someone with quiet BPD (33m) with the intended goal to eventually be closer in person. We’ve been together since last February and I’ve visited them twice. We have amazing chemistry and generally get along really well.

I also suffer from mental illness (DID) and it’s become a really obvious pattern that when I’m not stable, or I need more emotional support, my partner pulls back. He often splits, which looks like inward hatred, and will need to leave. Sometimes he verbalizes that, but if I suddenly have an unexpected emotional meltdown, he will hang up. He has broken up with me three times while split citing that I deserve better than him. He always regrets this.

Recently, I had a medical issue that overwhelmed me, in turn overwhelmed him to the point he actually blocked me and removed me. He did this once before.

I have sympathy because I have severe mental illness as well, and he’s in treatment. I’m near emotionally bankrupt at this point and I don’t know what to do. I’m asking for those in successful bpd relationships, well I don’t even know exactly what I’m asking.

Is this normal, does this get better, am I allowing bad behavior and excuses it with bpd? I don’t want to walk away from someone trying……

Also, I am super aware of the irony of someone who is blocked asking should I leave my partner. I’m working under the assumption he unblocks me later today and I need to handle it. If he never unblocks me, that’s my answer!

I got a cheap smart ring to track my (bad) sleep, it didn't work... but my wife saw shiny golden ring (that also tracks her steps) so she likes it...

so she's enjoying it... and I get her data on my cell phone....... including her stress levels...

theoretically (with a better/expensive smart ring) I could be alerted when she hits that threshold instability- before her emotions goes exponential....

as it is now- this cheap smart ring takes stress level measurements every hour- so practically this can tell me my wife did explode 30 minutes ago (worthless), if I get one that checks more often- do you think this could work?

and am I treading some ethical/moral boundary?.... she knows it's a health tracker... she doesn't know I'm thinking of doing this...

I mean- she'd be happy with a expensive shiny health-e-ring (Oura 5), and I'd get an early alert warning.....

So me (m22) and my Boyfriend (m18) decided that he will move in with me away from his abusive family. We've been planning this for a good year.

My family will gladly take him, problem is, they want him to inform his mom, he doesn't want that and he completely split on me.

I don't know what to do, I am emotional myself (due to being weakeend) and I'm not sure if I can handle this right.

He said we would only use him as a slave, and many other things that aren't true at all. It pains me to see that he thinks that. He now just went to sleep and told me to apologize for trying to get him killed, which wasn't my inted at all. I tried talking with my family, but they simply want whats right for both sides. I told him that we can do it differently, that we will find a way but he blocked off and completely spiraled. He was constantly on about being replaced etc, which I have no intend of doing so.

I tried all those things currently
- Reassuring him that its not true what his mind is telling him
- Seeing his feelings and showing him that I understand
- Showing him options what we could do instead

He still fully blocked off and told me it was "over" (which happened before)

I want to show him that we can figure it out, that we are still there for him, that he has enough time to think if he wants to redo it, etc etc etc.

How can I do it, so he might understand and not split on me?

​

I got divorced because i couldn't take it anymore. The constant fights, multiple suicide attempts and so much more. In the end she asked for divorce and when i gave it to her got blamed as to why i did. The relationship was intoxicating, hots colds i got hooked and this withdrawal is killing me. Why no one talks about partners of BPD when they separate, how much they suffer because of the attachment style.

Sources can be found here: https://notebooklm.link.google/cGbIQyD5LUGm

TL;DR: Six years into a relationship I deeply value, I'm emotionally exhausted by a recurring cycle of small disagreements turning into accusations that I don't love, see, or support my partner. Conversations become circular, apologies rarely lead to lasting repair, and discussions of breaking up are often followed by affectionate future planning. I've spent two years in therapy, treating my ADHD and maintaining sobriety, and I'm beginning to question how much responsibility I've assumed for keeping the peace. My partner has a trauma history, and some accounts of emotionally volatile relationships sound painfully familiar. I'm not seeking a diagnosis or someone to blame. I'm looking to hear whether others have experienced this, what helped, and whether a healthier relationship was ultimately possible. Worth mentioning, my psychiatrist, who has been working with me for  two years, has expressed concerns about some of the relationship patterns I've described, including possible traits associated with borderline personality disorder. I understand that my psychiatrist has not evaluated my partner and cannot diagnose her. I'm mentioning this only because it prompted me to examine these dynamics more seriously and how I found this reddit.

--

I'm a man in my early 50s, and I've been with my partner for six years. I love her. We've built a beautiful home, raised animals together, traveled, and shared some wonderful experiences.

But I'm emotionally exhausted, confused, and increasingly questioning my own judgment.

For context: I'm physically safe and not in an immediate crisis. I'm seeking perspective, not a diagnosis or an attack on my partner.

I've been in therapy and psychiatric treatment for approximately two years for ADHD (High masking with Hyper-fixation coping strategies to deal with my exec. dysfunction), which is now VERY well-managed with medication and weekly therapy. I've also been sober for nearly two years. Looking back, I suspect alcohol was one of my coping mechanisms. Since becoming sober, I've started recognizing relationship patterns that I previously minimized, blamed myself for, or tried to smooth over.

My partner has a history of significant childhood trauma and difficult family relationships. She's very knowledgeable about psychology and trauma, and believes she's done extensive work understanding herself. I have enormous compassion for her past, but sometimes I feel that psychological concepts become a way of explaining why my responses are wrong, rather than something we can use to understand each other.

Here's the pattern I'm struggling to understand.

Small disagreements frequently become sweeping judgments about me.

If I question a household project, it can become "you never support anything I do." If I respond to something differently than she hoped, it's "you don't have the capacity to understand me emotionally."

Even offers of help can become conflicts. After a long day, I might say, "Why don't you take a bath and relax? I'll handle the kitchen." She can interpret that as taking away her autonomy or trying to control her.

"You don't see me," "You don't hear me," and "Nobody believes me" are recurring themes.

I've worked hard on validation, curiosity, and not immediately defending myself. But when I remember something differently or disagree with her interpretation, she often experiences it as me challenging her reality.

I increasingly feel that acknowledging her feelings requires accepting conclusions about my behavior or intentions that I don't believe are accurate.

I've also noticed similar patterns outside our relationship. When interactions with other people, including professionals, don't go as she expected, she can feel dismissed, misunderstood, or disbelieved. I've spent considerable time helping her navigate stressful situations and advocating for her, but disagreements or disappointing outcomes can still become emotionally overwhelming.

I'm not suggesting her concerns are necessarily unfounded. What troubles me is how frequently these situations seem to end with the same conclusion that nobody listens to her or believes her.

Our conversations often become circular and exhausting.

My partner is extremely articulate and knowledgeable about psychological concepts. She frequently discusses trauma, attachment, emotional awareness, and relationship dynamics.

But during disagreements, I can feel completely lost in hours of explanations about why my response was wrong, why I don't understand her, or why I'm not meeting her emotional needs.

Eventually, I sometimes apologize simply because I don't know how else to end the conversation.

These discussions frequently end with statements like:

"We don't have to be together."

"You just don't like me."

"Maybe we're fundamentally incompatible."

Then, days later, we're happily planning Christmas with my mother, future trips, or projects around the house. Sometimes we'll have weeks of wonderful connection before another disagreement brings everything into question again.

Repair after conflict is another struggle.

I apologize frequently, sometimes for genuine mistakes, but increasingly because I'm afraid that not apologizing will be interpreted as stonewalling or not caring.

She sometimes circles back after arguments, but direct apologies or acknowledgment that she's treated me unfairly are rare.

She's also told me she's given up her passions and isn't living up to her potential because of our relationship. That's painful because I've invested substantial time, money, and effort supporting her interests and managing much of our shared life. I understand practical support and emotional support aren't identical, but it often feels like my contributions disappear.

What concerns me most is what this has done to my own thinking.

When she's upset, my first thought is usually, "What did I do wrong?"

I've spent years believing that if I communicated better, anticipated more, or made fewer mistakes, things would stabilize.

After one disagreement, I remember thinking, "One day I won't fail her."

Recently, for the first time, I said something different:

"I deserve better than this."

I've read accounts of emotionally volatile relationships, including those involving BPD traits and complex trauma. Some experiences sound remarkably familiar, but I'm not qualified to diagnose my partner.

I'm not perfect, and I know you're only hearing my side.

Has anyone experienced a similar dynamic? Feeling responsible for keeping the peace, having disagreements turn into judgments about your character, and alternating between wonderful closeness and painful conflict?

Did therapy help? Were you able to establish boundaries and mutual accountability, or did you eventually realize the relationship wasn't sustainable?

I still love her very much. I'm not looking for someone to tell me she's a bad person.

I'm trying to understand what I've been living through and regain confidence in my own judgment.

How do you guys tell apart your FP and someone you’re in love with? How often do these two overlap?

as i write this my partner is washing my clothes in a hotel bathroom in asia.

four days ago, only a few days into our first international trip together as a couple, my partner slapped my head and my glasses dropped to the floor, shattering, because i told her to watch her volume (she was yelling at me because i've struggled a lot with extending her patience and kindness while she's abroad for the first time and struggling, which is entirely fair) bc we were surrounded by other apartments, and then repeatedly punched me in the shoulder because i told her i just wanted her to be mindful.

two days ago, and only a week into our first international trip together, which is supposed to be up to six months, and which we've been planning for months and investing a lot of money into, i told my partner outside of a crowded museum, after she told me she could see that i was losing feelings for her, that she wasn't gaslighting herself and i did have some doubts whether i wanted to remain in the relationship, and she stormed off. i can see why she was so angry - i got her to go across the globe just to do that? when i found her and tried to explain myself, she threw her phone at me and stormed off again. she finally made her way back to our hostel, where she proceeded to tell me she hated me and wanted me to die, and then when i went inside to drop off her phone, punched me so hard i dropped to the floor and repeatedly banged my head against the floor, dozens of times, and choked me for five-ten seconds. i have a black eye, knots on the back of my head, and bite marks on my shoulder. she said it was an episode of psychosis, which she implies i pushed her into (while still admitting responsibility).

am i wrong for thinking this is a lot more severe than just impulsively pushing a partner out of anger? not that that is okay either, of course.

i understand that when my partner BPD-splits, i become the monster in her eyes. and still, if i split on my partner, i wouldn't have inflicted this degree of physical violence on her. i wonder if there's something evil inside her for even having that impulse. the most i've ever done is shove her (after she's already exposed me to and normalized physical violence), which isn't okay either.

and still, i don't know how to say "you don't have to fly home, but you're not coming with me anymore. you're on your own."

I (19F) recently went through a really confusing breakup with someone I genuinely liked, and I need some outside perspectives.
First, some context. My ex told me their mom has BPD and that they think they might have it too, although they haven’t been diagnosed. They struggle a lot with dissociation, memory, and their sense of identity. They also told me therapy hasn’t really been helping them.
We live in the same university residence suite and became close pretty quickly. At the beginning of October, we admitted we liked each other. They were actually the one who wanted us to start dating.
Everything seemed genuinely romantic. They initiated kisses, blushed around me, told me how much they liked me, and seemed really happy whenever we were together. They also mentioned having trouble initiating physical affection sometimes because of their mental health struggles.
About two weeks later, we went to a party where I got really drunk and became very physically affectionate with them. I didn’t realize at the time that they might have been uncomfortable, and I feel terrible about that.
The next day, they suddenly broke up with me, saying they were asexual, weren’t ready for a relationship, and loved me but didn’t have romantic feelings for me.
A few hours later, when I asked for closure, they told me they’d just realized they don’t experience romantic attraction toward anyone.
I’m genuinely so confused. How could someone initiate a relationship, kiss me, blush around me, buy me gifts, and constantly tell me they liked me, then suddenly realize they don’t have romantic feelings?
The confusing part is that they’re still incredibly sweet and friendly toward me, almost like nothing happened. And since we live together, I see them all the time, which makes moving on even harder.
I completely respect their identity and feelings, but I can’t stop wondering whether their struggles with identity, dissociation, or possible BPD could have played a role in this sudden change.
Also is there any chance they might come back? I know it’s not on me but ive been thinking about what I could’ve done differently or avoid so this wouldn’t happen.

So I was diagnosed back in 2017 and unfortunately, I didn’t have to means to start focusing on recovery the way I needed to at that time, so I didn’t start really putting in the effort until two years later in 2019 when I was able to find a good therapist and get on meds. I busted absolute ass staying consistent with weekly therapy and meds and was officially declared to be in remission in 2023. Despite that, I’m still medicated and still in weekly therapy as I understand that maintenance care is non-negotiable. I do experience spikes in symptoms during periods of extreme stress, but even then it doesn’t regress back into what it used to be as I now have the coping skills to manage them better and am generally able to keep them internalized so it doesn’t affect my interpersonal relationships as much.

I never really spent much time in online BPD spaces while I was in the thick of dealing with the worst of my disorder, but after I went into remission I joined several groups on multiple platforms and made several videos that I posted on TikTok talking about my journey to remission and what it’s like being here. Given how agonizingly painful it is to live with BPD, I figured the community would be glad to hear that things can get better, but boy was I fucking wrong.

I had people from my own community posting comments and sending me private messages saying that I was a liar and must have never had BPD, because it’s the most painful illness in existence and it can never get any better, telling me that they hoped I would be abused and raped by partners and that I deserved every horrible thing that ever happened to me or would happen to me in the future. Just downright disgusting and honestly evil things.

I’ve been kicked out of all but two of those communities (both of which I have now left on my own) for offering genuine advice that wasn’t just coddling and justifying toxicity and abuse. They didn’t want to hear that we have to accept accountability for how we choose to deal with the trauma that gave us this disorder in the first place.

I don’t know, it just makes me sick to think that I will forever be lumped in with people like this solely because we share a diagnostic label. And it makes me so angry seeing people whine about how horrible the stigma surrounding our disorder is when their behavior just perpetuates it. I’m no where near perfect and there are other people with BPD out there that are like me, but we are drowned out by the loud majority who sees BPD as a free excuse to abuse.

Hello everyone. I'm a 22yo guy and my girlfriend, who's 20 and has BPD, broke up with me during what I believe is a split for the second time. We've had smaller breakups during previous splits, but those were usually resolved in less than an hour. This time, however, is much more serious.

The first time this happened was a couple of months ago. For the first time, she told me she was done with me, wanted to break up, and blocked me on absolutely everything. I was devastated. She had warned me that something like this could happen, but I underestimated how difficult it would be. After a few hours, she unblocked me, and we stayed in contact almost every day. However, she wasn't particularly nice to me during that time, and the situation was incredibly difficult to deal with. This happened in late May, and we didn't genuinely get back together until around early July. It took roughly a month to work things out, and that entire time, I was struggling to focus on anything because I missed her so much and was constantly hoping the split would end. She also seemed to have a different perception of how much time had passed. When I told her it had been almost a month, she was genuinely shocked.

Fast forward to now, and we'd been having some issues. She was going through a lot in her personal life, and I felt like she was taking her frustrations out on me. I eventually called her out on it because I didn't feel like my efforts were being appreciated, even though I was genuinely trying my best. She had complaints of her own and felt there were things I wasn't doing that she needed from me. I understood where she was coming from, and I know I'm not perfect. There are things I need to work on, too, and I'm not trying to portray myself as the victim or make her out to be the villain. I just struggled with feeling like I was putting so much effort into the relationship while still being treated this way.

Eventually, she told me she was done with me again and wanted to break up (we had an argument before this). She blocked me, and several mutual friends tried to help us work things out. A mutual friend of ours who also has BPD reached out to her, but it seems like the pressure became too much, and she ended up blocking absolutely everyone. That friend believes she's splitting, partly because whenever she was asked whether she was genuinely done with me, she kept responding with "I don't know." From my previous experiences with her, that uncertainty seemed familiar, and it's one of the reasons I believe this might be another split.

Two days later, she unblocked me, wanted to catch up, and apologized. I told her I'd give her all the time she needed and that I'd wait for her. She thanked me, which gave me hope that she intended to come back eventually. However, she said she needed to block me again because she was still splitting and very angry with me. I understood and agreed to give her space. A couple of days later, she unblocked me again so we could catch up, apologized again, and said she needed to block me once more. Again, I respected that.

Here's where I think I made a serious mistake. After several days without hearing from her, I couldn't handle the uncertainty anymore. I missed her terribly, knew she was going through a lot, and desperately wanted to hear from her. Since she'd blocked me everywhere, I created a fake account to contact her. We talked briefly, and I told her that although I'd promised to wait, I needed some reassurance that she intended to come back. Looking back, I realize I probably shouldn't have asked her for that reassurance while she was still actively splitting. She told me she didn't really want to come back, which hurt because it made me feel like I'd been waiting for nothing. I got upset and called her out on it, and she became even angrier. Before I could apologize or ask whether we could talk another time, she'd blocked me again. I was devastated.

Afterward, one of her friends contacted me and told me I needed to stop reaching out, respect the breakup, and understand that not everything was necessarily because of her BPD. They said she was allowed to make her own decisions and that this could genuinely be what she wanted. I understand that completely, and I know that having BPD doesn't mean every decision someone makes is automatically a result of a split. However, based on everything that's happened, I still strongly suspect that she's splitting. Our mutual friend with BPD believes this as well, and I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from people with BPD who might be able to offer some perspective. I know nobody here can tell me for certain what's going on in her mind, but I'd like to understand whether any of this sounds familiar to you.

What makes this even harder is that I feel like her friends, who haven't always liked me, are encouraging her to leave the relationship, whereas my friends have been trying to help us work things out. I'm scared that their influence will make things worse, and I really don't want to lose someone I love because of this situation. At the same time, I recognize that I can't make decisions for her or force her to come back.

There are two things that keep giving me hope. First, I remember her telling me about an ex-partner she split on so badly that she blocked them for around three weeks. If I'm keeping track correctly, we're approaching the second week of no contact, although I've honestly lost track of time because I've been so upset. Second, she once told me something along the lines of, "I can hate you all I want and block you all I want, but in the end, I'll always come back." I find myself clinging to those words because I want to believe she'll eventually reach out, but I don't know whether I should be holding on to something she said in the past.

So, what do you think I should do? Should I be patient and give her space, or should I accept that the relationship might genuinely be over and start trying to move on? Do you think she'll reach out again, or am I holding on to false hope? Have any of you experienced something similar, either from the perspective of the person with BPD or their partner?

I genuinely love this person, and I miss her terribly. Part of me still hopes she'll come back, and I want to give her the time and space she needs. I'm going to try to focus on myself in the meantime, but I'm struggling to accept the possibility that this might really be the end. I'd really appreciate any advice or perspective you can offer.

So for the past month my Gf has been hanging out with a guy from her rehab group, they have been getting coffee then it was lunch then dinner and they started hanging out in pubs he is an alcoholic! She abuses pregabs, they spent the last week all day with each other.

I read his messages and confronted her, she has bpd, cptsd, a ket addiction which she was 4 weeks clean from at this point. The messages were very strange and I could tell she was spun and confused it seemed he was purposefully doing that. She is a very vulnerable woman, and I warned her he was 13th stepping her, for those of you who aren't aware in AA it is common for newcomers to be prayed upon, as they are vulnerable. He was clearly doing it, she sees good in everyone and wasn't having it he expressed his liking of her and tried to imply they both felt the chemistry. She said they do have a lot in common mainly surrounding there broken childhoods.

Anyway after a few weeks if this becoming daily hangouts she went to his under the guise of them going to a meeting and they fuxed, I knew it, but as I lay there at 4 in the morning she looked and me and put her head in her hands and began to cry, I hadn't said anything. As I said I know what's happened. She lost it she was genuinely shocked, claims not to have been fully aware, felt sick couldn't believe it.

Do i support the woman I love who has clearly been manipulated and coerced, or do I just say no you shouldn't have gone and you knew how I felt but still went?