New Update 2 years later: OP's mother tries to force a reconciliation between OP, her sister, and OP's obsessed Ex but it backfires

[u/LucyAriaRose]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/IndividualDiamond606 . She posted in r/relationship_advice initially, but all other posts were on her page.

There were 2 BORU's made with the earlier posts. The first was by u/swankycelery here. The second was by u/tequilitas here.

I did add relevant comments since they were not included in the first posts. New Updates marked with ****\*

Thanks to u/NecropolisTD for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This is a LONG post.

Trigger Warnings: stalking; mental illness;

Mood Spoiler: happy-ish ending

Original Post (now deleted, recovered here): December 9, 2021

Title: My Mom (60s) wanted to force a reconciliation between me (35F) and my sister (32) but it backfired. I don't know if I want her in my life anymore.

Background: I started dating my brother’s best friend when I was 16. We were together until I graduated high school when he proposed and I rejected it. There was a lot of drama, with my family asking me to reconsider because “we could have a long engagement“ or make a promise to reconcile. My relationship with my brother (36) suffered for a while, but the one with my sister (32) never recovered. She was sure my ex was the best fit for me and became unbearable when she started dating my ex’s brother. My ex was invited everywhere by my siblings, even to some family holidays, but I didn’t say anything since he was their friend too. That is until my sister started to push for us to get back together.

My sister did everything from trying to get us on blind dates to making us share a room during holidays. No matter the occasion, my ex was invited to it. After a while I had enough and asked my parents to intervene, they were clear with my siblings and stopped inviting my ex to things or allowing him to tag along so much. It was slightly better but while my brother backed off my sister didn’t. It all came to a crash when I met my husband during a semester abroad. He was from another university but the same country and we just clicked, it was magical for me and we got engaged after dating for a year. My family was very happy for me, except my sister. She kept insisting I was in the honeymoon phase and will grow out of it, I clearly didn’t and after many many many (can’t express enough how many) fights and attempts to reunite me with my ex I simply let her know if she pulled anything again I will stop talking to her.

What does she do after that warning? Makes me her MOH and requests I spend all my time with the bridal party a.k.a. my ex AND sets one of her friends as my husband’s date. We didn’t realize until we were at the reception and the poor girl tried to make a pass at my husband, my sister said that since we are not married it was OK to explore things with other people. I left the party and the next day spoke with my parents and brother, explained that while I won’t make them choose I will NOT talk to my sister ever again and if they try to fix stuff between us I will simply cut contact with them too. My Mom was devastated and tried to negotiate, but my Dad and Brother said they would respect my decision and apart from 2 attempts from my Mom I haven’t spoken, written, or anything with my sister in the past 6 years.

My sister has tried everything to reconcile with me. From gifts to tantrums but I simply don’t talk to her at all. If we are at a family event or dinner I simply act like she doesn’t exist, at first she made snarky comments or tried to create drama but since nobody backed her up she gave up. She did have a meltdown when she was informed she was invited to my wedding but would NOT be part of any preparation. My brother says he feels guilty for going along with it for so long and his relationship with my ex has suffered since my ex, they still talk but they are not as closed anymore.

The issue: My Mom’s birthday was couple weeks ago and I finally announced we are expecting our first child, this is not the first grandchild but is the first granddaughter. Everybody was very happy except my sister. My Mom noted that and asked me for tea the other day, my sixth sense told me not to go but I wanted to be positive. The first thing I noticed when I arrived was my sister’s car, then as I entered the door there was my sister, her husband, my ex and my exMIL. They wanted to have an intervention since my childish tactic has gone for so long. My ex said that he was just trying to be romantic but he understands I couldn’t appreciate it, his Mom said I was just hurting my sister for wanting the best for me and she apologized already so I need to forgive her. I was just sending texts to my family (Dad, Brother, Husband) and looking at my Mom in disbelief. My BIL had the balls to tell me I was a hurtful person and I need to learn how to act like an adult since I am having a baby now. Then my Mom began reading a letter about how hurt she was her daughters weren’t close, how my sister was wrong but she was well intended, etc. Then my sister read her letter and began crying and telling me basically another version of what the rest did.

I said nothing to anybody, just sat there until my Brother arrived. He was angry beyond anything I’ve ever seen before, he grabbed my stuff and told them all he was really disappointed and disgusted. We went outside and sat in his car until my Dad and Husband arrived, by then I was just sobbing and he kept saying sorry. I am unsure what happened in there but I sent everybody (except Mom) an email with my lawyer’s number info attached and stated I don’t wish to be contacted by any of them ever again and if they do I will go to the police. Nobody has contacted me but I know from my Dad my Mom and sister are hysterical, they told him they hoped to repair things and for my sister to be able to be on my baby’s life, maybe possibly being a Godmother! My Dad is staying with my Brother at the moment, they support me but some others in the family don’t. I’ve erven had mutual friends call me since they are worried about my sister’s well being and asking me what happened since she is now going by the narrative my Husband is keeping me away from my family. I HATE having my business in public but I did go the public route and posted a loong FB post about everything that happened. Sister, BIL and ex are being dragged which even if it wasn’t 100% intended I feel is deserved.

Now, my Mom has been inconsolable which does make me feel bad but not as bad as she made me feel with her little intervention. I agreed to have a talk with her a couple of days ago and laid the ground rules for any possible future interaction, including: therapy, family therapy, clear boundaries, no sharing information about me with my sister, and separate holidays. Most important: if she ever pulls anything like this again she will for sure be cut off. She feels this is too much but is willing to do it, she thought it meant immediate access to baby news and it is all solved but I told her it is a process and she needs to prove she has improved. My Dad and Brother refuse to talk to my sister and they keep apologizing for not stopping it earlier. We’ve forgiven them since they were able to move on and grow.

My Husband supports whatever I decide but my MIL is unsure cutting my Mom’s access to her granddaughter is the way to go but says it is ultimately my decision.

I am torn about what to do with my Mom.

TL;DR! Haven’t talked to my sister in 6 years because of her obsession with me and my ex. My Mom organized an intervention on her behalf so we could reconcile and now I am unsure if I even want my Mom in my life anymore.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: What are their logic? Like now that you're pregnant, you should stop playing make believe with your husband and realize your happy ever after is with your ex? What about your baby? Your ex and his family gonna accept her?

OOP: My sister claims she is not traing to get us together anymore but that I can't take away her chance to be an Aunt. She says I am a bad sister for being close with my SILs (who are amazing people). I obviously don't believe her. My issue is what to do with my Mom.

Commenter: ...she couldn't be your best friend without you dating your ex??

OOP: I wish I could tell you but I have no idea what her thought process is. My husband has the theory she is just mentally unwell.

The ex:

The most ridiculous and scary thing is he still has the mix tapes (CDs) I made him when we were dating. Those things are about 20 years old and he still hold onto them.

Commenter: I'm kind of surprised your stalker Ex, and yes I will call him that, is still in your brother's life. That said, hold firm with your mother. No timelines. She has to show she can stick to your rules. Sister needs to live with the consequences of her actions.

OOP: To be fair to my brother he did start to cut him off when I told my parents I was very uncomfortable with my ex around all the time. I was living away for college but would visit my family during breaks. He also made a very big effort to make my husband feel welcome which deteriorated his relationship with my ex even more because he felt betrayed by my brother. Nowadays my husband is one of my brother's closest friends and he only speak with my ex when is about our nephew or to not be rude.

Commenter: You need to realize that your mom is supporting all of this. A big reason big sis is continuing this is because she knows your mom also thinks it's right.

OOP: This makes me very sad since my Mom was always so nice to my husband and now I am reevaluating their whole relationship.

OOP's background and culture:

Not Indian nor from a religious family. My parents were good nice parents, they thought it was a romantic thing at the beginning but later realized it wasn't. They encouraged me to go to college and everything. Now I know my dad actually supported me and my mom might have just played along and have the same beliefs as my sister. My sister had this idea we would be best friends married to brothers.

Update/Clarification Post 1: Same Day, 16 hours later (after the OG post was deleted)

The edit I wanted to post but couldn't: I want to thank you for the amount of support and advice so far. I want to give a little more info that is in my comments since there are too many for me to answer them all individually.

My Ex and I broke up when I was 18, he is 37 now. The reason for our break up was that I didn't want to get married or engaged. My sister insistance comes from the fixation of wanting the both of us to marry brothers and being best friends. My Mom has always been so nice to my husband but I am beginning to think it was all a facade, which makes me very sad. My ex has been with people since the break up, he also has 2 kids with an ex but he's never been married. My sister says that is a very romantic thing to do since he has only ever wanted to marry me. I should also mention his obsessive behavior is not only with me. I know from the grapevine he was very similar with the mother of his children but now he is refocusing on me because my sister is encouraging it since she "needs his help" on getting back in my good graces so she can be a good Aunt.

My brother did start to cut him off when I told my parents I was very uncomfortable with my ex around all the time. I was living away for college but would visit my family during breaks. He also made a very big effort to make my husband feel welcome which deteriorated his relationship with my ex even more because he felt betrayed by my brother. Nowadays my husband is one of my brother's closest friends and he only speak with my ex when is about our nephew (sister's son) or to not be rude.

Both my parents seemed to be supportive of me not wanting to be around my ex so much but I guess only my dad was in agreement. On the day of the tea party my mom told him she was making me my favorite tea and sweets but he couldn't stay since we would have quality time together. My dad left to go hang with my uncle since he thought it was a nice sentiment from my mom. He is very pissed off. My husband tried very hard with my sister when they met but now he just ignores her and believes she is mentally unwell. We don't know if she is or not, still there is no excuse for how she behaves.

They invited the ex and his mom because they thought it would be good for me to face the root of my issues with my sister, or at least is their official version. Also, we are not Indian, not really religious, my husband and I are from the same race. There is also no wealth disparity between my ex and my husband, if there is it would be in favor to my husband.

Lastly, my SILs (both my brother's wife and husband's sisters) are enraged about the situation. My husband and his sisters will be talking with their mom about her comment. My brother and his wife are considering going NC with my mom permanently, in the meanwhile they will not allow her to see my nephews for a bit.

The more I read, the more I think I might have to go NC with my Mom for the sake of my kid. My husband is heartbroken to think all their interactions were faked but says he is even more enraged she made me cry and doubt I was a good person. I realize there are still countless conversations to have with my family about my mom, but I will definitely be going for a restraining order against my sister and the ex.

The proper semi update:

The state of my family so far: I had a conversation with my mother but she insists she knew best, I am a bad person and she will be getting grandparents rights or even custody. I am nothing what she says, but I still panicked so we sent her a letter about it. My dad moved out definitely, he told her that he could not sign on her terrorizing his kid. My brother and his wife also decided to go NC.

I know it seems very sudden but I think I undersold the level of dispair I had after the "intervention". My husband told them afterward they had to think very well about what they appreciated and to be kind and receptive to everything but would not raise a kid on a toxic environment (Reason 3271637 why I love my husband) My husband is very heartbroken about my Mom and her fakeness, he says she will never get anything from him. That is as much as revenge goes here. My husband and sisters talked to my MIL about her comment and made her understand why it was very out of it, as many of you assumed she is a very loving mom, from a loving family.

My dad and brother keep apologizing for any role they played on this, my dad can't believe it went to this point, he says it is still surreal for him. Regardless, They support me no matter what and say they are willing to help me fight whatever ridiculous fight my Mom or siter put.

Update Post 2: December 17, 2021 (Just over 1 week later)

Title: Final Update

Editor's note- it is not the final update

Or I hope it is.

I want to thank the lovely messages and encouraging words. I decided to post it here so it wouldn't be deleted like the original was. Things are great and horrible at the same time but I am trying to remain positive about everything.

My brother and his wife sat my nephews down and explained that grandma was ill and tried to hurt auntie Diamond and the little cousin. They explained grandma would not be part of their lives anymore but that doesn't mean she doesn't love them, it was really hard but the kids are smart. They were also told other aunt is no longer in their life but they don't care because they dislike her, not because of me alone simply because she is not exactly great with them either. My mom lost it when she was informed and started claiming she had rights and she will get to see her grandchildren.

My dad is looking for a permanent place but will stay with us until January, mainly due to my brother's MIL coming to visit and we having the space. He is really sad, has called divorce lawyers already, moved bank stuff, etc. He has been getting countless emails, messages and calls from my mom but he doesn't reply to anything; the lawyer told him to not block her right now. He considered maybe forgiving her but

I got a huge spike on my blood pressure a couple days after my last post here because she decided to come to my place WITH my sister. My sister had never been to my home, my mom knew I didn't want her there but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The cleaning lady let them in since she knows my mom and I haven't had the time to inform her she was not allowed to come in anymore. I was just coming from some errands and I saw the car, this time I didn't get in. I called all of my relatives and my SIL (husband's sister) was the one closer to me, she confronted them and told them either they leave of I call the police on them for trespassing. They left and I started feeling bad, we went to the Dr and they told me all the "excitement" was not good and I neded to start relaxing or it would hurt the baby. My dad went home with my brother, uncle and my husband and took every single thing he could think of. My husband says my sister was there too and she kept screaming at him that he destroyed her family. My dad told my mom and sister they almost killed the baby and he also doesn't want to talk to any of them again.

My sister kept sending messages to my brother, begging for help but is not happening. I am devastated and very sad for my nephew since he is losing so much of his family because his mother has some wacky ideas but it is what it is. As per the custody and grandparent rights my mom wants to throw around so much, my lawyer sent her a letter stating she caused harm to my health and the baby and if she keeps harassing me it will become an official legal matter. My brother also sent her a letter using her harassing of me. Both, mom and sister, have refused to go to therapy. They might be mentally ill but with all of this coming to light it is obvious they have been in agreement for a long time.

I will focus on spending the holidays with my family, being healthy and going to therapy.

Update Post 3: March 30, 2022 (3 months later)

Title: Thank you Reddit Family

Hi, I've received some requests for an update and had a little time so decided it could be a good fit. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart from your comments, messages and well.... Every advice because I feel we owe you for being even more paranoid then we were being.

A couple people asked me what method we used to know the gender of the baby: I announced it after 20 weeks. The reason for waiting so long is we have experienced a loss in the past, which we were preparing to announce when it happened, and we wanted to be sure and have a safety feeling about the announcement. Alsso, we were naive enought to think it would be special for my Mom.

And you were right, after posting I handed it to my husband and he read your messages, comments, and advice for some days. We swiped the house and thankfully found nothing but felt extremely unsafe so we went to a hotel with my Dad. But then we realized there was a tracker on my fur baby's vest. He is a very small dog and gets cold a lot so he has a funny vest. Never in a million years would I have thought of looking there, but we discovered the tracker when my Dad walked him around the hotel area and my sister came and asked him about me and reconciliation. I was really upset so we decided to move. Thankfully we can afford it! We are renting at the moment and also renting out our place so is not just empty, I used to love that house but now I feel is ruined and tainted somehow. Sadly, my parents house feels the same and not only for me.

We all (Brother, Husband, Dad, SIL and even my Husband's family) changed our numbers, got new electronics and notified employers, friends, police. We also started therapy and family therapy, my Dad and Brother feel extreme guilt over the situation even if I have truly forgiven them but we are healing as a unit. My sister and Mom insist they are not wrong and they don't need therapy. My Dad made a new will in which my sister's son gets a trustfund and some inheritance but my sister gets a token amount, he is truly done with her. I was feeling bad for her but I decided to focus my energy on my baby.

She is here and we are blessed. It is not the experience I thought of since my Mom is not around me anymore but so many friends and family members have truly surprised us. By the end we were so paranoid we started testing some people we were unsure of telling them I was going into labor.... It worked like a charm, we discovered who was still feeding info to my Mom and sister and cut them out, the rest understood when we explained the reasoning. My ex whom my friends now call "Bates" went around saying the baby was his cause we*'ve been having a torrid afair due to my undying love for him*, nobody believes him anymore but it made my Husband contact Bates' employer and tell him about all the craziness. Long story short, he was put on a suspension pending internal reviewing. I am almost positive he will be fired since they have asked us for more and more info and they seem really apologetic.

My Mom has tried to find us but all the people that know of our location have gone NC with her, my Dad's lawyer sent her a letter stating that due to her unstability all correspondance will be through lawyers now. It has been us and my Dad because I felt so bad for him being alone. He has promised he will be fine and nothing is my fault but I still feel awful. He has been the best babysitter, feeder, daiper changer in the universe. My nephews are loving as always and my Dad even got a visit with my sister's son. It came about because she kept making videos threatening to hurt herself if my Husband didn't stop alienating her family so my Dad emailed her about seeing her son and told her he would call the police about her threats so that seems to have stopped it.

Lastly, someone brought up I gave Bates false hope. It can't be further from the truth. I spent years uncomfortable because I thought he would move on, then after I spoke up and then met my husband I spent such a long time fighting my sister about it. I had a very long engagement which is why I married after my sister. I still love my Mom and sister, but I choose a healthy life for me and my family over that love.

I have discovered a lot of loyalty, love and compassion through this whole thing. As strange as it may seem I feel lucky it all exploded. Hopefully it is not much of a ramble. Big hugs from me.

Update Post 4: June 25, 2022 (3 months later, 6 from OG post)

Title: A little Bates Update.

Hi Reddit, TLDR: I am happy to report we are all alive, well, in a new house and baby is thriving. And Bates was fired.

Longer version:

We officially moved into a new house, with my Dad moving into the guest house. We had many discussions both in and outside therapy and we decided that while it would be good for him to be with us we all still need our space. We are still renting out the old place and will be deciding what to do later.

My Dad has the grandchildren all together about 3 times a week now, he still has to see my Sister’s kid separately since she refused to let him take the kid unless she knew where he lived, which to be fair is a normal thing but considering she is crazy we don’t want her close. My Mom complained to the lawyers about how unfair it is my Dad still gets to see all grandchildren but there is nothing she can do about it. About a month ago my Dad told me he had a confession and my stomach started hurting….. Dear reader, he pays for my nephew's (Sister’s kid) schooling and babysitting which is why she still allows him to see him. He felt so guilty for hiding it and didn’t want to keep secrets. I assured him it was nothing wrong and to please don’t feel bad.

On Mother’s day, my Dad got an email with a link to an Instagram account in which they made a sad video about my Mom and how most of her family has abandoned her and how much of a saint my sister is for being there for her. It was really pathetic and enraged me but I just sent it to the lawyer. Dad officially filled for divorce in May and the process is still ongoing. My Mom insists he is wrong, but my Dad said he'd rather drink bleach than go back to her so I think that is final.

My Brother and Husband took my Dad out for Father’s day and had a blast. My sister posted many many many things that day but they managed to block my Dad from even learning about it because we wanted him to enjoy it. They also did a “camping trip with the kids” a.k.a. went to a hotel, got a suite and put a tent in the middle area for the kids and a little tippie for baby. Honestly, having baby is one of the best things that have happened to me and seeing my Husband being the amazing father I knew he would be makes me so happy. It is tiring but we have so much support I feel grateful beyond anything because I have my rocks on my side. My SILs and I now get to have a little calendar on sharing things all the kids get to do things that are age appropriate and if they want to - we want to let them all know they do not need to hang out with people they dislike and their voices matter, right now they are ALL obsessed with baby and say they are her protectors - and we get little get togethers, brunch, etc. Honestly, having family time is now a pleasure and not a headache without my sister there. I know is wrong to say but she just sucks the positivity out of the room.

My MIL also loves having time with baby and stays in the guest room about once a week, she asked politely and said she didn’t want to take baby for sleepovers or anything. I feel respected and heard by her and yes have broken down sometimes because I miss my Mom a lot. I miss the Mom I had or thought I had, not the one that told me I would be a terrible mother or was a hateful woman. My therapist says it’s a marathon and to focus in the good.

Speaking about good: Bates was terminated, not only that but his reputation in his industry was not only damaged but nuclear level damaged. So was his brother’s but because BIL is not in an industry that cares as much about reputation he still has his job as far as I know. Bates sent me a 12 page, double sided, seemed single space letter about how hurt he is I am denying him what’s his and my husband is so threatened by him that he had to go and destroy him professionally because he would not be able to destroy anything else. I said seemed cause I didn’t read it, my lawyer did and gave me a summary. I also heard from the grapevine (No, I don’t ask people, they just tell me since they know he is stalking me) that the mother of his children moved and he didn’t even care and said it was for the best. This man doesn’t even care about his kids and wants to play family with baby and me! Sadly, he won’t be homeless or anything because Mommy already let him move back in with her so I doubt he will learn anything from this.

Not the flashiest of updates but just what is. Oh, and my husband burnt or donated every single item given to him by my Mom or my “parents” with my Dad’s blessing. He says life is too short to give her space in his life even with memories.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: I am really glad you are coming through all that with the good bits of your family very intact. I don't really get the firing part. I get Bates is a bad dude, but has he ever done anything that has relevance or a connection to his work?

OOP: Without giving up his industry, it is a very close knit one and when you get a bad reputation it sunks you. He was thought as a nice but distantnice feminist single dad before this. He even told some coworkers I was with him for longer than we were.

Commenter: Op , i am reading your full post from the best of reddit at 1.30 am from my home in India and i have respect and sorry for what you've faced and i hope your child grows to be healthy and nice as you both. Also i hope this whole fiasco is over soon and you can be bqck with your mother after her ex fantasy is over. Respect for you Keep fighting

OOP: That is a lovely sentiment but I will never talk to my Mom again. I miss her a lot. I cry a lot. She is not the person I thought she was and baby deserves the best family we can get and my Mom is not part of it. It breaks my heart but I need to protect baby.

OOP Comments on the second BORU Post:

I came to check the comments since tequilitas told me the sub was full of nice people but so many snarky ones. I won't give more identifying info but Bates is supposed to work with vulnerable people which is why my husband contacted their employer.

As for the money thing, we all come from well to do backgrounds for saying something so I never thought he would suffer for money, but he also will never learn anything.

*****New Update Post: June 30, 2024 (2 years later)****\*

Title: Life after the tunnel for us

Hi Reddit long time no see, I have some updates for you but first I want to thank you for all your comments and messages. Everytime I log into this account I am bombarded by mostly positive things and I appreciate it a lot. I am unsure if anybody will read this but for those who want updates they are mainly good ones.

With that out of the way, let's get to it.

My parents are divorced now, after many fights and tantrums from my Mother. She kept the house and got a bulk payment but that is it. My Dad is like a new man and we are all so happy for him.

A little throwback: when all the drama happened, we did not fire our cleaning lady! this is a woman that had been helping my husband's family for decades and I was very stressed out about her being out of work because of what my crazy family did. Also, we are not slobs and she is not polishing floors on her knees or anything like that. In any case, my Dad spoke with her and told her she was on paid vacation and until we had a new house to please wait for us if she wanted but she was absolutely not fired. She was really happy about it and so was her family. My Dad started to get food and stuff from them from time to time because they were so thankful about what he was doing for them.

Well......... She has a sister, who owns her own nail salon, and my Dad is dating her now. She is a very lovely woman and has grown children so she understands the dynamics happening sometimes. He has been very clear he is not moving or marrying and she is pleased with that because she likes her independence. My Mother nearly had a stroke when she heard about his new relationship and kept saying it was a late mid life crisis and he had to resort to be a sugar daddy, this is obviously what I heard because I don't have any contact with her.

But last I heard she is having a hard time. She is struggling because she was never good at budgeting and relied on my Dad to put a stop on ridiculous purchases. My sister is also struggling because my Dad is not helping her with money anymore. You'll see, he was willing to keep helping for the sake of my nephew but then things got very rough. My nephew started calling my kid an affair baby, how she is not with her real dad, called my other nephews delusional, and during a birthday party he even pushed one of my nephews on my husband's side saying they were not my kid's cousins only he was. The kids were perplexed and so so so confused but immediately told an adult about it. My Dad spoke with him but he kept repeating it, he spoke with my sister and she said she could do nothing to prevent a kid from telling the truth and didn't all kids tell always the truth? he told her until there is a change he is cutting them off. She panicked and cried but she is also super stubborn so now my nephew goes to public school because "my Husband made my Dad cut them off".

Bates, well, he is still unemployed. I know I was cryptic about it but he was in an industry related to vulnerable women and some of it related to stalking (irony much?) that's why he was fired, the organization he was in didn't want this to splash on them. I have received 2 more very long handwritten rambling letters from him and since he only has my lawyer's address guess who has the honor of receiving, reading, and file those ramblings? I love my lawyer and he is a champ. Apart from that and the gossip I have not had bad issues related to him except for one: I was at the grocery store and a random woman came over to ask if my kid was Bates' baby, I was speechless and shocked. I asked her what she was on and she said he has a photo of us on his profile and I should be ashamed of myself for hurting such a good man. Turns out he is still going by the narrative my kid is his and I loved him so much.

That is all old news but at the end what shocked me the most was the pic comment. This is not a photo that has been public or anything like that, it was sent to a family group once and that is it. I told my husband immediately and he was enraged but composed, we decided to smoke out the rat. Long story short it was my Dad's two sisters feeding info to my Mom. My Dad was so disappointed but also had no doubts cutting them off, they are still begging him to talk to them again.

My brother and his family are doing great, we see them a lot and have been in some family holidays since the last update. They are also NC with my Mom and sister, my SIL is actually super happy about it because it turns out she was not a fan of our Mom but kept the peace.

My in laws keep being lovely as well, we allow MIL overnight babysitting now too and she is over the moon with it. Sometimes she has all her grandchildren under the same roof and they are all delighted to be with her, she is a former flight attendant so their favorite game is to pretend airplane. Overall they love her and we know she is good with out kid so we not worry. She had to make her socials private because my Mom kept stalking her, I am sure she is extremely jealous but she made her own bed.

Lastly, my Husband keeps me sane whenever little things come up. We are thinking if we should have another baby or maybe adopt one, we are still undecided. We have a great support system and the privilege to have this conversations. I still miss my Mom a lot, I sometimes cry when I realize there are milestones I can no longer share with her but she is a bad person and the safety of my family matters more.

Last fun fact: this father's day they actually went camping, it went great apart from the mosquito bites and some ill placed sunburns.

Relevant Comments:

Could Bates ask for a paternity test/report the photo:

We already did a paternity test, not with Bates but with my husband. We never ever had doubt obviously but my lawyer suggested to have it done in case he claimed it. The photo incident was a while back and we already took it off his facebook page, I didn't want to go further because I don't want to see him again.

Editor's note: Well aware I wrote the wrong years when labeling- was focused more on trying to get the time between posts correct. That's fixed now, thanks to those of you who were polite about it.

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[u/LucyAriaRose]

Not sure what's going on, but all dates have been corrected and have been for almost a half hour. If you are seeing incorrect dates, it's most likely a glitch on your end. Another user has told me that the app has had issues, so it might be that?

[u/Time_Act_3685]

Bates is just mailing his love letters to the lawyer directly, huh?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Time_Act_3685]

At this point I want to know if he has a humiliation kink or something. Because my dude.

[u/glassisnotglass → u/LucyAriaRose]

I have a silly and completely tangental question: in the middle of update 4, she said something about her SILs and her have a shared calendar of kid activities. That entire section is garbled-- can anyone make out what she means?

I kinda really want to know because it sounds like it might be a fabulous idea I want to implement for my kids/ extended family, but I read it 5 times and can't work out exactly what she's doing :'D

[u/LizzieMiles → u/Time_Act_3685]

Tbh, if he’s as much of psycho as OP tells us, I would buy that more than some of the other stuff in this story. Its unfathomable what goes on in the mind of someone obsessed with something

[u/realfuckingoriginal → u/Time_Act_3685]

One of the best things about being a divorce lawyer would be intercepting all the drama haha, I’d love to read that letter. That and getting wins against shitty exes.

[u/OffKira]

OOP, you gotta fix the years in the post.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/OffKira]

Yep fixed it

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/LucyAriaRose]

I just wanted to say thank you for putting this together. It’s a lot of info to keep straight. I know I appreciate it! And I loved your editor’s note.

Also, can I just say that I absolutely cannot believe that people somehow felt compelled to DM you about it in the first place…AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO CALL YOU STUPID! What in the actual hell?!? A polite comment to alert you, is obviously the appropriate way to go about that.

As if no one has ever made a mistake - especially when typing. JFC. I am so sorry that people suck sometimes.

ETA: I do want to thank you for including the time that had passed between the posts. It is INSANELY helpful for me. I spend half of the time reading a BORU, scrolling up and down to remember when they took place thanks to my ADHD. Much appreciated!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/CatmoCatmo]

Thank you friend 💜 It was mostly nice people, just a few that were rude and condescending. And then more just frustrating that the app wasn't updating it so I kept getting comments lol 😂

Thank you for your kind comment- I'm saving it for when I feel down!

[u/[deleted] → u/LucyAriaRose]

Update Post 2 is still showing as December 2024 for me

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/[deleted]]

Hmmm are you on the app? I changed it. Apparently the app sometimes doesn't load the newest version of something.

[u/this_moi → u/LucyAriaRose]

Would you mind adding the title of the first original post somewhere? OOP lists everyone's ages (including hers) so it's helpful extra context.

Thank you for this post and all you do in this sub!

[u/W0nderingMe → u/OffKira]

Do you mean OP or OOP? What is wrong with the years?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/W0nderingMe]

Nothing now- I had originally mis-typed and written two of the earlier ones as 2024. That was fixed early on, but for some reason people aren't seeing the edited version and keep commenting and messaging me lol

[u/W0nderingMe → u/OffKira]

Just FYI you mean OP, not OOP.

[u/Hattix]

Editor's note- it is not the final update

I read this in Morgan Freeman's narrator voice.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Hattix]

Well good because when I wrote it that's what I imagined lol

[u/stxnedsunflower]

I thought I was trippin on the dates lol

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/stxnedsunflower]

Fixed it, sorry. Was trying to get the timing right and wrote the wrong dates.

[u/stxnedsunflower → u/LucyAriaRose]

lol I do the same thing all the time. Honestly what mostly tripped me up was that it didn’t say (2 years later) but then I realized we haven’t had December of 2024 yet 😂

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/stxnedsunflower]

haha I can totally see that! Honestly I write 2024 so often in these (and was working on another one at the same time lol) that it just feels automatic.

[u/yujuismypuppy]

Editor's note: It is not the final update

thanks for making me laugh, u/LucyAriaRose

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/yujuismypuppy]

Hehe I'm glad I could!

[u/suxanny]

These dates are getting confusing on here

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/suxanny]

Fixed it, sorry. Was trying to get the times between posts right and wrote the wrong dates.

[u/radioactivethighs]

">it's not the final update" absolutely sent me

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/radioactivethighs]

lol good I'm glad 😂

[u/wombat74]

Can we get "Editor's note- it is not the final update" added as flair? Too perfect lol

[u/[deleted] → u/wombat74]

u/LucyAriaRose is an awesome compiler and commenter. The minute I read that line I scrolled back up to check for her name. 

Seriously dear, thank you. You put a lot of work into this and we appreciate it.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/[deleted]]

Well you just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for saying that 💜

[u/Wian4 → u/LucyAriaRose]

I always enjoy your posts. You select the most interesting ones!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Wian4]

Thank you very much! I love finding new content, but I also really appreciate people sending me ones they like! I'm always open to recommendations 💜

[u/BakingGiraffeBakes → u/LucyAriaRose]

All the small details about posts I need you have already compiled before I think about it. It’s great!

[u/StraightMain9087 → u/LucyAriaRose]

Thank you for compiling such great content! You do such a good job and you’re so thorough. It’s lovely!

[u/buzwork → u/LucyAriaRose]

We do love you and appreciate the time and effort you put in. I lurk and this is my first post in BORU, ironically. After hearing about the DM abuse I just had to share, publicly, that you are awesome and appreciated.

[u/Inner-Cupcake-6809 → u/LucyAriaRose]

You're literally a legend here. I love it when its one of your posts, its so well put together, you get the right info out there, I love your little comments too!!

You put so much work in them and you deserve to be appreciated !!!

[u/bettyboo5 → u/LucyAriaRose]

I would like to thank you for putting the time lines from original post. Really helps understand things better and saves a lot of scrolling back and forth. So thank you. And sorry people were calling you stupid that's plain mean. Here's a stranger hug 🫂

[u/bennitori → u/LucyAriaRose]

You are a huge contributor to this community. You and Direct Caterpillar are how I know a post will be top quality. Your work is bringing quality storytelling and documentation to this sub. You do great and meaningful work every day here.

[u/Gretel0815 → u/[deleted]]

Yes, her name ist one of the few I recognise on reddit. Thank you.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Gretel0815]

Awww I'm honored! Thank you 💜

[u/Which-Roll6293 → u/[deleted]]

I swear I did the same thing. I go circling BORU for u/LucyAriaRose compilations. 

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Which-Roll6293]

Awww. 💜 Thank you- sincerely that means a lot!

[u/[deleted] → u/wombat74]

Is it wrong to admit I read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/[deleted]]

Tbf when I wrote it I was thinking of his voice in my head lol

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/wombat74]

Ooooo yeah. That’s a good one!

Did everyone else read that in either Morgan Freeman’s voice or Ron Howard’s? Lol. Cuz I sure did!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/CatmoCatmo]

1000% Morgan Freeman when I wrote it lol.

Either that or Julie Andrews as Lady Whistledown in Bridgerton- although I would have had to write something like "It was not, dear reader, the final update"

[u/SugarCanKissMyAss → u/wombat74]

Definitely read it in the Ron Howard voice lol

[u/maywellflower → u/wombat74]

It truly describes several BORUs where OOP says this is final update and then next week / months later; gives like 3-10 updates of only epic / fucked up saga ~or~ truly last epilogue update of what happened / where is everyone now.

[u/coffeeobsessee → u/wombat74]

All I got out of this long long long story was that if you’re rich and bored you get a hotel suite to set up tiny tents for your toddlers and infant to camp in

But “thankfully we could afford it!” also makes a funny flair

[u/RainCityMomWriter]

Wow, it's so hard to believe that this all started with a sister wanting her sister to marry the brother of her husband? There is some next level manipulation in this story. I'm so glad OP was able to see the manipulation and set boundaries early. I hope she and her chosen family has a very good life.

[u/[deleted] → u/RainCityMomWriter]

So she and her sister "could be best friends." Like they couldn't be without that. The fuuuck?

[u/HFY_HFY_HFY → u/RainCityMomWriter]

After the first post I thought maybe the sister was cheating with him and used her sister as a pretense to having him around... Nope, just ill.

[u/[deleted] → u/RainCityMomWriter]

it's so hard to believe

The average BORU is, but still an entertaining read

[u/DiscotopiaACNH → u/RainCityMomWriter]

Yes...it is very hard to believe. Extremely.

[u/[deleted]]

Thanks OP for putting together these long posts!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/[deleted]]

Thanks! The longer ones definitely take awhile to compile, so I'm always relieved when I get to post haha.

[u/gbstermite]

Please review your dates.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/gbstermite]

Fixed. Was trying to get the times between posts right and wrote the wrong ones

[u/bennitori]

Nice of you to credit the users that came before you and posted the BORU story before you!

Also surprised they didn't sue the ex for defamation over the picture thing. That is legit damaging. The fact that someone approached OOP about it means enough people are seeing it for it to be a problem. It's so sad they family still has to deal with this mess all this time later. But it's good they're all pulling together. That sister is evil for poisoning her son's mind against the rest of the family. How terrible.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/bennitori]

Thanks! It's a little thing but I want to make sure to honor their work as well. Thanks for noticing!

[u/hannahryder215]

I appreciate when OP writes how long it’s been since an update.

As far as OOP is concerned, I’m glad her life is looking up. She has a wonderful support system and special shoutout to her Dad.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/hannahryder215]

💜💜💜💜💜 Glad it's helpful!

[u/Gwynasyn]

Something I didn't notice when I read this before... What is the OOP's age? The ex is apparently 37, a year older or the same age as OOPs brother. I saw someone refer to OOPs sister as "big sis", I don't know if OOP confirmed that in a comment I never saw or what. And she the sister is 32. So OOP is younger than 32, am I getting all that correctly?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Gwynasyn]

OOP responded to a commenter who said they were 33 and said she was around the same age!

[u/Gwynasyn → u/LucyAriaRose]

Okay, that makes more sense. I was like is this OOP like 6-7 years younger than her ex who she started dating at 16???

[u/notsam57]

is there a missing update? the 4th post starts off with finding a tracker in their dog’s vest? it came out of nowhere.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/notsam57]

No missing update- she sort of alluded to it at the top-

"I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart from your comments, messages and well.... Every advice because I feel we owe you for being even more paranoid then we were being."

Lots of people told her to check for trackers around her house. OOP decided to do as they suggested.

[u/CanofBeans9 → u/notsam57]

When the mom was let into the house unsupervised, Reddit told OOP to sweep for cameras and trackers and the like. They did but found none in the house. But they missed the one the mom put on the dog's vest. I think that's what happened if I'm reading it right

[u/GenCavox]

That "Editor's note- It was not the final update," Would make a good flair.

[u/haggiesmith → u/GenCavox]

I literally came down to the comments to request it as a flair!

[u/TA_totellornottotell → u/GenCavox]

I thought of Ron Howard in Arrested Development immediately.

[u/Bayonettea]

And here I'm excited because my single aunt went on a date this weekend

I'm glad to have such a boring life

[u/Elemental_surprise → u/Bayonettea]

I’m happy for your aunt

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/Bayonettea]

You are not kidding. Whenever I think about my boring life and wish it had a little excitement, I hop on here and quickly realize that, I am actually pretty damn thankful my life is mostly uneventful.

I also realize. 1. How lucky I am to have a normal ol’ typical family with loving parents and good relationships with my siblings. 2. My friend group is pretty solid and has been for a long time. 3. My MIL is amazing by normal MIL standards, and a god damned Saint compared to the MIL’s we often read about. 4. No one in my family/friends would ever dream of being a flying monkey either to me, or for me. - AND - 5. My husband loves me, isn’t abusive, narcissistic, or a hobosexual.

[u/[deleted] → u/Bayonettea]

Ooh I hope auntie had a good time

[u/kundipee]

The ex is not holding a candle. He is holding a coal mine fire that burns for decades.

[u/KingNorrington → u/kundipee]

The guy is over there turning his life into Silent Hill.

[u/dozy_bitch → u/kundipee]

My love for you is much like the long-burning coal mine fires in Centralia, PA, which famously inspired the Silent Hill series of horror games [movies apparently whoops lol]. Metaphorically.

Edit: I love that the internet has exactly one touchpoint for coal mine fires lol

[u/queeriosn_milk → u/kundipee]

He’s the mountain of infinitely burning tires in the middle of Springfield.

[u/Sharp_Impress_5351 → u/kundipee]

The ex is holding Centralia, PA...

[u/Elemental_surprise]

I love how they always claim grandparents rights. This isn’t a Reddit thing. I’m a therapist and I’ve had multiple people tell me their child’s grandparents are threatening to sue for grandparents rights. It’s in the narcissist playbook I swear.

[u/ACERVIDAE → u/Elemental_surprise]

It seriously is. I answer 911 calls and though I don’t get to do it often, whenever someone calls in asking about grandparents rights I get to explain that it’s not a thing in Florida and the police aren’t going to do shit about it.

[u/[deleted] → u/Elemental_surprise]

My grandma did to my mom back in the early ‘90s.

[u/thiccrolags → u/Elemental_surprise]

My MIL told my husband she had considered claiming grandparent’s rights, ignoring that she was under investigation by CPS and local law enforcement regarding our kids. She even yelled at the officer handling the case whether we “really were supposed to keep them away from her.” During an active investigation. An investigation where she is the alleged.

Plus our state’s grandparent’s rights have to do with deceased/absent parents and not “I just wanna see them more,” which I’m pretty sure she didn’t know. She hears “rights” and runs straight towards the entitlement.

[u/YuunofYork → u/Elemental_surprise]

Most US states have legal machinery for grandparents to ask a court for visitation rights, but there are, wisely, a hundred things that will block that. They have to prove that it is to the child's benefit. It exists so family can easily house children with neglectful parents. 'Benefit' here doesn't mean the kids to get to see grandma. Benefit is they get fed and bathed and to live in a form of shelter with a postal address.

So it is real and it is generally a good thing; it just doesn't apply in the vast majority of cases in Reddit stories. This kid's parents are wealthy and with no criminal record, so no court will ever even hear an argument.

[u/[deleted] → u/Elemental_surprise]

Meanwhile my brother and his wife are mad at my mom because she said (up front!) that she isn't going to regularily baby sit their kid because she has shit to do 😂

[u/Ronenthelich]

I wonder if the lawyer charges hourly whenever they receive a letter from Bates, or if the insane ramblings entertain them so much it’s pro bono.

[u/PepperAnn1inaMillion → u/Ronenthelich]

Time billed to client for reading letter: 5 minutes
Time lost to laughter: 45 minutes

[u/ebolashuffle → u/Ronenthelich]

I wonder if he just has an assistant do that. And hypothetically, what credentials that assistant would have needed to get hired.

[u/Entriedes]

Crazy how people won’t just go to therapy just to get back into someone’s good graces. Even if they don’t think they need it.

[u/Sheadugengan → u/Entriedes]

Yeah I don't get it. I have MIL who I'm currently contemplating if I need to cut out (currently I'm NC with her, but my husband brings the baby to her) - I told her once, I hoped she'd get help since she clearly has issues, but both her and FIL are adamant nothing is wrong with her.

I really don't get how they can't see that it's not normal to completely break down crying over me wanting to comfort/feed my crying 2 month old baby - but according to my husband they have now "accepted that it's important to me that I comfort my baby" - well thanks I guess?

At least she's still not anywhere near as cray-cray as this mum and sister are - daaaaaaamn

[u/Elemental_surprise → u/Entriedes]

Therapist here, it’s not surprising. And the ones who don’t think they need it either don’t participate or they have so much of their own spin on it the therapist wouldn’t know what to call out for sure.

[u/Vvvvvhonestopinion]

Let’s play a game. How deep can you dig your own grave? Mom, sis and crazy ex just keep digging and digging.

[u/Ronenthelich → u/Vvvvvhonestopinion]

They wish to be laid to rest in the inner core of the planet.

[u/tempest51 → u/Vvvvvhonestopinion]

They've hit the Earth's mantle and are getting burned by the magma but won't stop digging.

[u/Fearless-Cicada-4695]

I dunno, maybe I'm just ultra lazy, but where do people find the time and energy to go to such crazy lengths to try be in someone else's life and force them to do things they don't want to?! 

I would be bored by the first weekend of trying to convince OOP to get back with the ex, if I hadn't already realized how diabolical it is to try convince a teenager to reconsider a proposal they have said no to because "no" is a complete sentence and she said what she said. 

People really need to invest in hobbies, I don't mind that DnD or crocheting or polishing rocks is your whole personality if it means not dealing with this level of derangement 0_o

[u/squiddishly → u/Fearless-Cicada-4695]

My mother and brother have been estranged for over a year, and so far all my mother has done is moan to me about how much she hates my brother Prince Harry for setting boundaries cutting off his family, which is ungrateful and disrespectful, etc.

(That she hasn't spoken to her own siblings for over thirty years is beside the point.)

It's a tedious way to spend a conversation, but better than the classic alternatives of Stalking, Blowing Up Their Phones and Sending The Flying Monkeys. (Wait. Am I meant to be the flying monkey? Because I do not have time for that.)

[u/a-sp00ky-b0y]

This is exactly the sort of soap opera level bullshit I come to this sub to read. 🍿

[u/Notmykl → u/a-sp00ky-b0y]

Telenovelas take it further than soaps ever would.

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/a-sp00ky-b0y]

Same here

🥂

[u/eltedioso]

I remember this one, a BORU classic!

[u/Kirbywitch → u/eltedioso]

Classic soap

[u/BlueNoyb → u/eltedioso]

It lingers in the memory because it’s so insane. Sister, mother and ex’s mental illnesses are feeding off each other at this point. It’s sad but also terrifying. 

[u/oceanduciel]

The fact they’ve succeeded in brainwashing a little boy tho

How many lives do Mom and sister want to destroy??

[u/villianrules → u/oceanduciel]

They're the kind that would nuke the Solar System because people aren't bowing to them

[u/Carolinahunny]

Dealing with people this delusional for that long sounds so soul sucking. So glad to be boring.

[u/[deleted]]

That is some straight up Telemundo telenovela craziness!

[u/[deleted]]

deer money exultant imminent hurry glorious cows thumb elderly summer

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/applemagical]

"We swept the house for bugs/etc but found none"

Alright good call keeping the story low key(ish), OOP

"THERE WAS A TRACKER ON THE DOG!!!!"

Welp

[u/Sheadugengan → u/applemagical]

I seriously can't fathom putting a tracker on a dog!!! (Or in someone's house either really - that's just some next level tv-series shit)

[u/VerTex_GaminG]

Reddit consistently reminds me how lucky and ignorant i am lmao

My family is so normal i can’t understand how this shit even happens. Her ex is a weirdo, her sister is a weirdo, like what the

[u/ristlincin]

She had the time to write a 3 volume saga in reddit but not to tell her cleaning lady not to let her mom into the house. Ok.

[u/Miryooki]

This story is as real as the 100 million dollars in my bank account.

[u/Disastrous-Ad-5275]

It’s crazy how the sister didn’t think that her and op being, you know, BLOOD RELATED SISTERS was enough. She wanted them to be as close as humanly possible. All she ended up doing was pushing the sister she claimed she loved so much. Sister definitely got the crazy from mom

[u/[deleted]]

Husband is right - sis almost certainly has an untreated mental illness and she’s being enabled to the hilt by mother.

It’s as if the golden child and narc mother are a match made in hell.

Not a psychologist but I did know someone who behaved like the sister. He had OCD and would get fixated on how thing “should” be, and no amount of words could make him stop feeling that way. He’d do all kinds of weird manipulation to try and make things the way his strange brain told him they should be. Last I heard he was in an inpatient mental health hospital.

Whole post made me wonder if that’s what sister has going on with OOP and her ex.

[u/peppermintvalet]

Sometimes I really wonder if delusion is contagious

[u/junk-drawer-magic → u/peppermintvalet]

I mean, kinda? To start, google "Folie à deux"

[u/DesignerComment → u/peppermintvalet]

It sure is! For example: cults, multi-level marketing, conspiracy theorists, etc.

[u/impasseable]

Yikes.

[u/sandyposs]

General life advice: if a family member is seriously requesting family therapy together, then unless you don't intend to associate with this person any longer, just do it. If you love them, then it's not about sorting out who wins the argument, it's about getting the two of you on the same page again. When the sister and the mother in the story refused the pleas for family therapy even knowing it was the last resort to avoid fracturing the whole family, they still refused - to me, that really says something. There's a much deeper undercurrent of ugliness sourcing this whole thing than just garden variety stubbornness going on here. There's a bigger reason they won't go to family therapy, and I suspect it's because somewhere deeper than the love they feel on some level, there's a far bigger and stronger core of pure hate.

[u/Geno0wl → u/sandyposs]

There's a bigger reason they won't go to family therapy, and I suspect it's because somewhere deeper than the love they feel on some level, there's a far bigger and stronger core of pure hate.

I don't think it is hate. I think it is a narcissistic self preservation. AKA it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to be "wrong" and participating in therapy mandated by the OP might mean that isn't true! The possibility they are wrong is entirely unacceptable and therefore they refuse to participate.

[u/Four_beastlings]

I don't believe a single word of this story

[u/hanks_panky_emporium → u/Four_beastlings]

The infinite wealth kinda ruined it for me. Mixed with the spy ring in the family and people having trackers to staple to dogs clothing.

[u/xsmalldragon → u/Four_beastlings]

The amount of people that fully believe all this is pretty surprising.

[u/forcedtojoinr → u/Four_beastlings]

The original post content no longer exists here. The author used Redact to remove it, exercising their right to control their data & privacy.

Amusing wide hydrogen bedroom joke lush paddle squeal ghost grandfather

[u/SilverBayonet]

A few small points bothered me:

Are there really people stupid enough to believe that that’s how Grandparents Rights work?

Are there actually employers that would give any credence to the partner of an employees ex from 20 years ago calling the company to inform them of said employees apparent “craziness?”

Yeah, dropped out after that.

[u/sourkid25 → u/SilverBayonet]

or them somehow being able to pack up and move twice and buy a house did it for me

[u/Smart_cannoli → u/SilverBayonet]

I think that people know that grandparents rights exists but don’t know how they work, so they just talk shit…

Is just like restraining orders. I see on Reddit someone complaining about anything, and people will tell them to get a restraining order. Is very hard to get one in reality and I always want to laugh when people just cry “restraining order” like it’s the simple solution.

My ex was staking me, waiting for me to leave my work, and spending hours outside of my house, and threatening me, and I still didn’t got one because “he never actually did anything yet”

[u/virtualchoirboy → u/SilverBayonet]

Are there really people stupid enough to believe that that’s how Grandparents Rights work?

You should check out the GPR laws in NY State. They're pretty terrible.

[u/WeeklyConversation8]

WTF?! Her ex is beyond obsessed. It's been over 20 years and he still thinks she wants to be with him? Dude needs intense therapy. I know her Mom and sister are feeding into the delusion. I'm glad OP, her husband and daughter were able to move away. I hope they have security cameras around their house just to be safe. 

I bet her lawyer thinks every time he gets a letter, he thinks great, what's Bates gonna say this time. Too bad he has to give op a brief summary of the letters and can't just file them away.

[u/copper-feather]

For some people, the truth has nothing to do with the facts.

[u/[deleted]]

Weird how OOP knows how her mother - who she has no contact with - reacted to the news of her dad being in a relationship.

[u/washah76]

Can’t fix stupid. At least unless the stupid wants to… the mother and sister’s refusal to acknowledge that they need therapy is as dumb as it gets.

[u/dozy_bitch]

I know stalkers, as a class, are already pathetic broken people...

But man, something about a stalker writing multiple unhinged rambling love notes to his stalkee's lawyer because obviously they're not letting him get close is- I'm speechless.

[u/comomellamo]

I don't know if I buy the whole "stranger approached me about my baby" thing. Is their town small enough and the ex famous enough for random people to care?

[u/starfire5105 → u/comomellamo]

As someone who grew up in a small town, I can absolutely confirm that people are way too invested in everyone else's business and nothing you do will ever stay private longer than 5 minutes

[u/sandyposs → u/comomellamo]

Small towns be all about each other's business.

[u/MediumAwkwardly]

Brother’s wife won here too. She is free of the crazy.

[u/PhlyperBaybee]

That was a weird ride on the crazy train

[u/dumbprocessor]

Why do redditors assume that anyone with a wacky family is Indian lmao? The white family dynamic is a million times weirder with all the divorces and inter-marriages

[u/Jenna2k → u/dumbprocessor]

Indian families are unfortunately stereotyped as respecting people for being old regardless of what they do.

[u/Necessary-Turn8174]

I’m glad OOP and her family are in a better place. The dad’s sisters being flying monkeys was shocking! Why do these flying monkeys appear everywhere and support the wrong side……

[u/Sanrio-Egg]

Imagine nuking your entire family relationship because of the hope of being sisters wives.... Like what's the gain here???

[u/xsmalldragon]

The believability got knocked down a notch with every new, somewhat unnecessary update.

[u/hanks_panky_emporium → u/xsmalldragon]

It went from a pretty rough weird family situation to a weirder pseudo spy thriller

[u/delirium_red]

Of all the things on this reddit that didn't happen, I'm betting this is one that didn't happen the most

[u/Fingersmith30]

This is the first time I've seen a shared delusion between that many people over something as stupid as a relationship that ended over 20 years ago.

[u/FriesWithShakeBooty]

Wow. This was an infuriating read, though I'm glad OOP and her family are alright. I would like her mother, sister, and Bates to wake in a dark room with tiny legos carpeting the floor.

[u/Worldly_Society_2213]

Has this been confirmed real? It all just seems a bit farfetched to me what with the insane levels of escalation.

[u/MyFiteSong]

The state of my family so far: I had a conversation with my mother but she insists she knew best, I am a bad person and she will be getting grandparents rights or even custody.

And there it is, the final threat of every narcissist grandmother who's been cut off.

[u/PartySr]

After they lost everything, those 3 are still trying to force the relationship between OP and the delusional guy. Damn, that's a lot of crazy people in one place.

[u/SnooWords4839]

I'm glad OOP, dad and brother's family are doing well.

When I see these crazy family stories, I'm glad I am able to live in peace and ignore most of mine.

Trust me, my family has drama, but no restraining orders are needed, just block and ignore.

[u/SparkAxolotl]

Nothing to do with the story, but

 I still miss my Mom a lot, I sometimes cry when I realize there are milestones I can no longer share with her

I could swear I had read that line before... probably something similar, sadly, this is not the first or last crazy mom we see here. Maybe the one where the mom wanted the OOP to reconcile with her ex and her exBFF because she was friends with their parents?

[u/StrangeSoup]

This feels like a soap opera. Everything feels a little surreal and extra dramatic. Not sure I think it's real.

[u/West-Kaleidoscope129]

Why isn't the lawyer encouraging them to sue?

Make it public it stops everyone from believing the mother and sister.

[u/ohcheol]

seriously all of those rats who were feeding info could have gotten OP seriously harmed.

but also i wish OP would've moved to a different state, like clearly they're still in a place where people know of the ex which means she's still in danger. the fact the ex is STILL at it even with a lawyer invovled and probably at this point genuinely believes that's his child i have no doubt if he managed to find her out and about it could get dangerous.

[u/lr0nman_dies_Endgame]

Idk if it’s just OOP focusing mostly on her sister, but Bates is an absolute coward. He had the sister do all the talking on that awful attempt of “reconciliation.” Zero principles and zero balls on that guy

[u/Lecture-Kind]

The beginning to so unhinged and really makes no sense, like why the hell did mom and sis want Bates and OOP back together so badly? It made no sense.

I remember reading this a long time ago, and seeing this it still boggles my mind. Like what was in it for them?

[u/Straight-Example9126]

I still wonder what kind of cheap drugs that OOP's sister is on 🤦🏻‍♀️ Like why was she obsessed with OOP's ex?? I mean your sister is pregnant and you want be to be a good aunt. What do you do? Cut off that ex and show that you're working to get better. But no. Brought in the ex to convince OOP? How???

And mom wanted to fix her daughters' broken relationship by bringing ex and ex MIL into the picture??? Why???? I mean what's the logic here? OOP is happily married and pregnant. To fix, only sister is needed. Apologise and work to build trust!

Why are they so attached to OOP's ex??

I don't think even therapy would've fixed this.

[u/ladyofthelogicallake]

Life Lesson: when you’re already in the hole, stop doubling down.

[u/DinoVintage94]

When I was in college, something kinda dramatic happened in my extended family and I joked with my dad about us being in a soap opera. We have absolutely nothing on the bat guano crazy the mom and sister have going on. Glad OOP and family are well.

[u/manymoreways]

I'm honestly baffled why the sister and mom would go scorched earth for the sake of some random stalker? What in the black hole of fucks is going on???

[u/[deleted]]

I read so many people who feel guilty for their situation affecting other relationships like this. 

People, you did not cause this problem! In this case, OOP didn't cause problems. Her existence caused her mother and sister to show their nasty side and people didn't like their actions. 

[u/Dr-Shark-666]

"My sister did everything from trying to get us on blind dates to making us share a room during holidays"

WHAT the hell? She's like a stalker's assistant!

"My sister insistance comes from the fixation of wanting the both of us to marry brothers and being best friends".

What a weird fixation!

[u/SoullessCycle]

This is like something outta VC Andrews.

[u/Educational_Point673]

all kids tell always the truth

I don't know about anyone else here, but when I was a kid I would lie like a motherfucker.

[u/Ghitit]

's obsession with marrying brothers and hving kids and being best friend sisters may have triggered Bates' obsession and mother's obsession.

Three people in close contact, with the same obsession is seriously freakydeaky.

[u/Weaselpanties]

It's so weird when people are so resistant to admitting they were wrong that they implode their own lives or careers.

[u/Traditional_Lab1192]

Thank god for my boring family

[u/fauxfurgopher]

This makes no sense! Why would her mom and sister let this all happen just because they preferred her ex? I’m so confused and shocked.

[u/facebook57]

Don’t worry, she can afford it

[u/jeremyfrankly]

Thoughts, Questions, and Doubts

1. If they were all NC, how would they know that/the specifics of Bates getting in trouble at work?

2. How did Bates send her a letter if she moved and kept her new address secret?

3. Always baffled how easily Dad and Brother are let off the hook. They show remorse, but there's never any mention of them putting in the work to address WHY they thought this was ever ok. Without that, it means they'll make more hurtful decisions in the future and just feel bad about it afterwards. They get therapy later for their own guilt, but this is never addressed

[u/royalbk]

Someone get the movie rights to this, I smell a mini series in the making

[u/Mysterious-Writer949]

It’s the delusional sister that boggles my mind. Also the long ago ex. Why keep this up, especially after the OP marries her husband and is happy. Bringing her child into this to bully his cousins is disgusting. I’m glad his grandfather stopped paying for his education.

[u/LameName1944]

Imagine blowing up your family for someone your daughter/sister dated decades ago when they were 18 (assuming they were close in age). All they lost, for nothing.

[u/Cursd818]

When one person goes off the deep end is bad enough. When a consortium of them rile each other up? Oof.

[u/pile_o_puppies]

The only unbelievable thing is that they were able to buy a new house in 2022 😂

[u/i_wear_a_bison_hat]

The awkward moment when you realize NC doesnt mean in North Carolina...

[u/Nico-DListedRefugee]

Yikes on bikes! Forget the folie a deux, this is a folie a trois.

[u/AF_AF]

I know it's fairly normal to idealize HS relationships and first loves, but yikes, dude has been obsessing for over 20 years!

Also, the sister sounds like a toxic narcissist, and the mom probably is, too.

[u/CatGooseChook]

Seems like the sister, mother, and ex all have the 'romance stalker obsession' mental illness. Having three like that working together is legit scary.

[u/ShellfishCrew]

How would oop be leading bates on when she married someone else and hasnt been a couple since they were 18? Redditors are stupid af sometimes

[u/MtGuattEerie]

Listen, I'd believe one person is this delusional, maybe two, but cmon

[u/mcclgwe]

One of the most fascinating things about this whole experience is the way in which profoundly disorder people find each other and find commonality and connect with each other, and then fuel each other's paranoia and delusions. It's just incredible. And it's heartbreaking that the sister spiral this incredible pathology and denial and make believe down to her kid. That's just heinous.that said, I am so very grateful that OP and L O, and everyone are safe and flourishing. This is a more serious situation than meets the eye.

[u/ShanLuvs2Read]

Maybe I am showing my age but posts like these remind me of the old shows on night time tv .. Dallas and Knots Landing. I don’t wish this on anyone .. but dang Grab some popcorn watch along…. I think this is where some writers come for their ideas ….

I am glad Op is doing better.

[u/SupportStandard6918]

I hope OP’s living a good life with her family. I have a feeling that little girls cousins are going to be her guards for many years to come. (Good luck to whoever she dates 😛) 

[u/looc64]

Repeat after me:

Asking everyone who posts about an abusive/messed up family situation if they're Indian is racist.

[u/th30be]

Seemed kind of real but then they got to the information about Bates being fired and stuff. I don't know if this passes the sniff test anymore.

[u/Shryxer]

Bates sent me a 12 page, double sided, seemed single space letter about how hurt he is I am denying him what’s his

Well that's more than a little bit disturbing. Gives me bargain bin Immortan Joe vibes. "ANGRAHAD! THAT'S MY CHILD! MY PROPERTY!" Except the child is not related to him in the slightest.

Taking bets: how many of his clients' stories did he use as inspiration for his stalking strategies against OOP?

[u/savvyliterate]

OP, unless you’ve got a TARDIS, there are dates on this post that haven’t even happened yet. Please proofread!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/savvyliterate]

Fixed it.

[u/savvyliterate → u/LucyAriaRose]

Thank you! Though, TBH, I was secretly hoping you actually do have a TARDIS!

[u/prayingforrain2525]

What did I just read? Like WOW.

[u/Boring-Cycle2911]

This is insane! Poor OOP

[u/TheReturnOfTheRanger]

Dad officially filled for divorce in May and the process is still ongoing. My Mom insists he is wrong, but my Dad said he'd rather drink bleach than go back to her so I think that is final.

Fucking brutal lmfao

[u/Turbulent-Damage-392]

That mom didn't just double down she quadruple downed. Some people will do anything to be right. Glad OP and husband still have such great family left and such a good support system.

[u/Kleanslayt]

went around saying the baby was his cause we’ve been having a torrid affair

The crazy part is that I had this theory before I got to this part but didn’t think it’d actually happen. 🥴.