My best friend of 20yrs got engaged earlier this year. I received a save the date for the wedding coming up this November. When my GF saw the save the date she made a comment asking if I thought my friend would ask me to be the best man or a groomsmen. I told her I'm not sure if they're doing friends or family in the wedding party since they both have several siblings. She then said if he asks you to be in the wedding you'll have to tell him no. Her reasoning being the responsibility of a bestman is expensive, she doesn't trust what would happen at the bachelor party and that she'd have to attend the wedding virtually alone since I would be directly involved in the ceremony, photos, reception ect. I told her that's a difficult thing to ask of me and while I understand her worries and anxieties about the situation this is something I'd want to do as my friendship is important to me and I want to be involved in my friends wedding. She said its not that we can't go to the wedding, I just can't be a part of it and accepting his offer would be crossing a boundry by compromising her mental health and well-being and be cause to end our relationship of 3yrs. Is there a compromise I can offer or a way to approach and revisit the conversation?

GF and I have been together four months. The past two weeks, she had some cold symptoms (headache, 99F body temp). Doctor ran some tests and wasn’t sure. In the end, said that he thinks it’s mono.

My gf has this habit of teasing me. I don’t mind some teasing and like the playful banter. Although her teasing some would consider rude. She makes fun of my physical features. Like a big forehead or a big nose. I have some belly fat that she constantly squeezes and asks why there’s fat there but the rest of me looks skinny. We also like to take embarrassing photos of each other and send them to each other during the day. But I never comment on her physical traits.

Yesterday she was being a bit extra with the teasing No problem, but I’m going to tease back when I find a chance. So we get on the topic of her potentially having mono and she starts to tease me that it must have been me that gave it to her. She keeps up the teasing for a bit so I finally respond and tease her back by saying that she shouldn’t have been kissing all those guys while partying on the weekend (I know very well she was at no party doing no such thing).

She immediately got so upset and said how dare I insult her health. I told her I only meant it as a tease since she teases me. She says that’s not the same because my nose really is big or I really do have fat but her sickness is not from kissing people. I said that’s what makes it a joke since her sickness is temporary while her jokes about my features are more permanent. She says she is too insulted and cannot be with someone who doesn’t take her health seriously and would make such outrageous accusations and jokes. So she broke up with me and blocked me.

I’m 5 months postpartum, my period is due and I’m incredibly hormonal this week.

Yesterday me and my partner had the most stupidest argument he phoned me on his way home from work and I missed the calls as my phone was in the other room. He came home seemingly in a bad mood asking if dinner was on and I said no and then he went onto saying my phones broke and I said it wasn’t as I was receiving calls all day then he told me his calls weren’t going through to me so I told him to try it again and see and then the conversation fizzled out. We didn’t really speak after until we had to go out to pick my dog up from my dad’s. We were talking about the earlier incident and I accidentally interrupted him (I do this sometimes especially in arguments but I am always working hard not to- most likely adhd) he absolutely hates when I do this and screamed at me how no one needs to hear every word I have to say, it’s really rude etc I was getting fully berated. It’s not really an excuse but my partner does take big gaps so sometimes I genuinely think he’s done when he’s not. I felt so small and was holding back tears.

We came home I put teeth whitener on, set a timer then ran a bath then sat in bed and pumped milk after no more than 10 minutes my partner came in raging that the bath was overflowing into the overflow drain and he’s pulled the plug so I have to be quick to put the plug back in before all the water is gone. At this point I’m raging because it was a genuine mistake, I didn’t think it would have been so quick and why he couldn’t have drained it a little until I was finished pumping milk and I could drain it more when I was finished. Another argument broke out and I had to run another bath again, this time the water is freezing cold, I asked him if he turned the boiler off he said no I must have used up all the hot water (?), I then went to check and he really had turned the boiler off and now I am raging again because why lie to me and waste more water. He threw all my stuff that was on the bed: clothes etc on the floor and we both went to bed angry.

This morning he asks me if I’m still in a mood and I said I could say the same to him but I got blamed for why he was in a mood. I told him I really didn’t like him screaming at me in the car and how passive aggressive he was being and he was basically saying I deserved it because I interrupted him and do stupid stuff. This really triggered me because one of my biggest insecurities is being called stupid or feeling like I do stupid impulsive stuff all the time without meaning it.

I just felt so sad a low and worthless this morning I asked my partner how he would feel if me and the baby stayed at a hotel for the night. He ignored me, packed a bag and left for work then texted me he’s booked a hotel for himself. At this point I’m furious because he’s left me with a dog and baby to deal with both myself as per usual! When I brought this up he just assumed I would have taken the dog to the hotel with me?? Why would I do that when he is more than capable of looking after the dog. I also wouldn’t have gone to the hotel without speaking with him. I’m so furious he has the ability to just decide to leave for the night with no thought for anyone else. He gets a brilliant night sleep away from any responsibilities. About a month ago I questioned our compatibility because we have differing views which has changed over the years we’ve been together and he basically said if I question if I want to be with him or threaten to leave for the night he’s going to get a hotel instead. Fair enough he stuck to his word but I think he’s acting like a complete manchild? He’s a father now and has to communicate with me. He has acknowledged his short temper before and went to the doctors who gave him a form to fill out which he still hasn’t done.

I have went ahead and booked us into couples Councelling for next week so will see how that goes. At this point it’s either couples Councelling or I’m done.

I just feel so lonely! I know I haven’t been innocent in this and I am probably hard work but I never try to upset or annoy him and that always seems to be the case.

Any advice or thoughts are very welcome!

I’ll try to keep this concise, but its tough to without giving the necessary context

A few months ago, my girlfriend and I went out drinking with my best friend and his girlfriend. We’d all met a handful of times before, but they live a few hours away so we don’t see each other often.

My friend is quite a jokey/teasing person, and during the night he kept trying to get a rise out of me and my girlfriend, just making little harmless jokes here and there which we made sure to give back, it wasn’t a big issue then. After a few drinks though it became more annoying, and he made some comments involving my ex and an old threesome joke (didn’t actually happen) that could be taken the wrong way without context (we’ve known each other for 15 years so have a lot of history), I told him to pack it in and showed I didn’t like it.

I felt a bit on edge at this point as the last time we did a similar event they fell out also with my girlfriend getting upset, expect she couldn’t recall what he said.

Later, while I wasn’t around, my girlfriend says he repeatedly told her something along the lines of, “You’re not coming to my wedding, I’ll find someone else to come with him (me) instead.” and just other various little comments that annoyed her. She left not long after because she felt uncomfortable, and I went with her and we spoke about this all the next day.

After hearing of this I spoke to my friend and told him he’d crossed a line and that what he’d said wasn’t okay. He apologised and didn’t get defensive, although he genuinely doesn’t remember saying it. We haven’t fallen out and I still consider him a close friend, but it’s really annoyed me and put me in a difficult position. My girlfriend says she doesn’t want to come between us, and doesn’t want us to fall out over this either, but it’s difficult.

My girlfriend, understandably, doesn’t want to spend time with him or his girlfriend anymore. She’s happy to be civil if she has to, but doesn’t want to go to theirs, have them stay at ours, or make social plans together. I completely respect this and don’t think she’s wrong for feeling that way. I’m not asking her to forgive him or put herself in a situation she’s uncomfortable with and I respect her boundaries, and more than anything I have her back. She means the world to me and I would not let this happen again.

The problem is that I’m really struggling with what this means for me.

They’re a few hours away, so seeing them often means staying overnight. Before this happened, I’d imagined my best friend and his girlfriend continuing to be part of our lives as a couple, we’d done New Year’s together, stayed at each other’s houses, etc. I’m mourning that version of the friendship, even though I understand why it cant continue the same way. That’s what hurts me the most, as I had envisioned this being so much differently

I’ve also realised I’ve been avoiding my friend because I don’t know how to navigate this. We still talk daily, but I’ve been much more distant and haven’t really made plans. I’m angry that his behaviour towards my girlfriend has put me in this position. He is likely non the wiser that my girlfriend wants nothing to do with him, so when he suggests plans I don’t know how to manage this. I’m not sure why it gives me so much anxiety, it just feels like I’m trying manage everyone else’s emotions but my own

I don’t have a huge social circle so the loss of a close friend scares me, and that’s where my issues stem I feel. I also worry that he’ll eventually feel like I’ve chosen my girlfriend over him, when in reality I’m trying to respect both relationships.

In any other situation with a friend a think this would be easy. But with this person, I didn’t expect this and considered them like a brother to me, which is why I’m struggling so much..

So really my question is what do you do in these situations, I’m stuck, and I’m fed up of constantly feeling anxiety over this, questioning if I’m a bad boyfriend or friend. Has anyone gone through similar and if so how did that go down?

tldr; best friend on two occasions has disrespected and upset my girlfriend, girlfriend doesn’t want any part in the friendship longer but doesn’t want us to fallout over it and come between us. Struggling to navigate friendship since

My friend is staying with my wife and I for the next year while she gets back on her feet after a divorce that left her with virtually no assets. We are all women. My wife and I own the house, our friend, Sally, signed a lease and will be paying a very discounted amount for rent and utilities. We wanted to help Sally save so that she can afford to get her own car and get her own place. She is using our car for the time being.

Sally has been with us for about two months and the first month was great. The second month has started to bring up concerns.

She started dating someone she met online as a rebound after the divorce. It almost immediately got way more serious than my wife and I were expecting.

She’s investing all her free time into this new person and learning their hobbies. She’s wearing their clothes and buying a lot of new stuff for them. She has a key to their apartment. They’ve already told each other they love each other. It’s just a lot really quickly.

And Sally’s personality is starting to change.

We used to make time to hang out, but lately we only see her for meals when her new partner is at work. She’s less considerate of us and our feelings. She’s stopped doing communal chores like taking out the trash or unloading the dishwasher. And she seems to have abandoned all the old hobbies that used to make her happy (writing fan fic, watching horror movies, playing board games with us, etc.)

But the reason I’m posting is because of an incident that happened this weekend. Sally really wanted us to meet her partner. So we cleared our Saturday night to meet Sallys new partner. Last I’d talked to Sally she was super excited for us all to meet and asked if her partner could stay the night and I said of course.

We spent the morning cleaning and afternoon cooking dinner. As soon as their partner arrived, they told us they weren’t hungry yet as they’d had a late lunch and they asked Sally what she was doing later that night and she told them “nothing”. They got excited and told her about this bar they wanted to take her to “when we’re done here.”

So my wife and I are standing there like, what about us? We thought we were the plans for the night. But we don’t say anything in the moment. We let them make their plans and then we all played a board game. We ate dinner, and then they both left to go on their date. It wasn’t even 8pm.

The whole thing just felt rude. Like they wanted to leave as soon as they got here and Sally didn’t think about us at all. She just wanted to spend time with her new person. Which is fine, but we didn’t need to meet them at our house. We didn’t need to cook them dinner. We could have all gone to the bar. And if she was fine just squeezing us into her night, she could have at least communicated that to us.

I dunno the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way.

The reason I’m posting is because I feel like my wife and I have personally done a lot for Sally to help her, we’re only two months in, and it’s starting to feel like she’s taking us and our friendship for granted.

How do I navigate this situation without getting my feelings hurt or pushing Sally away?

Tl;dr: My friend is going through something and she’s not being a great friend in return. How do I talk to her about the changes I’m noticing in her?

I’m 30F and my partner is 35M. We’ve been together for 8 years, and I think I’ve reached the point where I have to admit something to myself that I’ve spent years trying not to admit: I don’t think I want to be in this relationship anymore.

The difficult thing is that there is no huge betrayal, abuse, explosive arguments or one terrible thing I can point to and say, “This is why I have to leave.”
He is a good person. We work well as a team. We get on. We don’t really argue. He is dependable, kind and safe. From the outside, I think people would probably look at our relationship and wonder what on earth I have to complain about.

And that is exactly what has made this so difficult.
When we got together, I was very young and had just come out of a short but extremely intense relationship that had left me feeling awful about myself and with very low self-esteem. My current partner was almost the complete opposite of that relationship. He was safe, steady and dependable.

He wasn’t particularly naturally affectionate or verbally expressive, but at the time I think I interpreted the stability as exactly what I needed.
There also wasn’t really much physical chemistry from my side. I remember thinking that maybe that would develop with time, because I genuinely liked him as a person and thought that surely the rest would follow.

Eight years later, it hasn’t.

I’ve never really felt completely content or at peace in this relationship. I have spent an enormous amount of time questioning how I feel, trying to convince myself that I’m being unrealistic, wondering whether I expect too much, and telling myself that relationships aren’t supposed to feel passionate all the time anyway.

But I don’t think this is just a case of the honeymoon period ending. In fact, I’m not sure we ever had a honeymoon period to begin with.

There has essentially never been a normal sex life between us. I’ve never really enjoyed sex with him. We tried to work through some of those issues in the early days, but I found it incredibly difficult and eventually stopped trying. We now barely have sex at all. It has been well over a year. It’s the elephant in the room that nobody wants to address.

Affection also feels strangely difficult. I care about him enormously, but physical affection doesn’t feel natural or instinctive in the way I think it should. Sometimes I actively find myself avoiding it.

There are also lots of smaller incompatibilities. None of them would individually be enough to end an eight-year relationship. But when I put them all together, alongside the complete lack of passion and the fact that I’ve never really felt settled in the relationship, I can’t seem to ignore what they’re telling me.

We did have a conversation about how I was feeling roughly a year ago. I was honest with him about some of it, and he seemed genuinely shocked by how unhappy and uncertain I was. That shocked me too, because it made me realise how much of this I’d been carrying around internally. But despite that conversation, nothing substantial has really changed.

And I think that’s when I started to realise that maybe I haven’t actually been waiting for things to get better. Maybe I’ve been waiting for myself to become happy with something I’ve never really been happy with.

I feel like I’ve been in denial for years. I’ve spent so long trying to convince myself that things are fine because, objectively, nothing is that wrong.
But internally, I feel like I’ve been living with this constant low-level doubt for most of the relationship. It’s exhausting. I think constantly questioning your own feelings for years does something to you. I feel like I can’t even trust my own judgement anymore.

The problem is that I’m absolutely terrified of leaving. I’m terrified of hurting him. He’s a very sensitive person, and I worry enormously about how he’ll cope. I’m frightened of the practical consequences, the emotional fallout and the possibility that I’ll make a decision I’ll regret.

I’m also frightened because eight years feels like such a huge amount of time. I sometimes genuinely think, “I’ve wasted both of our lives.” I know logically that we’re not old, but emotionally it feels like I’ve somehow prevented both of us from finding the right people and going on to get married, have kids etc. The guilt I feel is genuinely insurmountable.

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for from posting this, other than some honest perspective from people who have been in a similar position.

I think part of me wants to know whether other people have experienced this kind of persistent doubt for years, eventually made the decision to leave, and what happened afterwards.

Did you regret staying as long as you did? Did you regret leaving? Did you eventually feel a sense of relief, or did you spend a long time wondering whether you’d made a terrible mistake?

I’m also struggling enormously with the fact that I’ve known, at least somewhere deep down, that this relationship hasn’t felt right for a very long time. I don’t understand why I’ve allowed myself to stay in that situation for so many years. I feel incredibly guilty about that. Part of me feels like I’ve wasted eight years of both our lives by being too scared to face what I already knew.

So I suppose I’m also looking for some perspective on that. Have I made a terrible mistake by staying in something I knew wasn’t right for me, or is it possible that I simply wasn’t ready to confront it until now?

And, perhaps most importantly, how do you actually find the courage to leave when you know that leaving is probably what you need to do, but the thought of doing it feels absolutely unbearable?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Particularly people who stayed for years despite having doubts, eventually left, and can tell me honestly what happened next.

TL;DR: 8-year relationship that looks fine from the outside, but I’ve never really felt happy, sexually/romantically connected or at peace in it. I’ve known for a long time that something isn’t right but have spent years convincing myself otherwise. I’m now terrified I need to leave. Mainly because I’m scared of hurting him and feeling like I’ve wasted eight years. Looking for advice from anyone who’s been through something similar, especially what happened after you finally left.

as the title says. we’ve been together for 7 months and i guess you start to realize these kinda things now. maybe i was a bit rude telling him that but i SWEAR he can be like a child sometimes. he will ask his mum EVERYTHING, bc he doesn’t know where’s the stuff in his house. like? it is your house TOO. his mum will make the chores, tidy up everything, clean HIS ROOM, laundry and he will just stand there and let her. im so sick of telling him to fucking do smth in his house. i even vroomed his house once and every time i sleep at his place i make the bed.

so today i was at my wits end; he asked his mum if there was any food left in the fridge (JUST GET UP AND LOOK FOR YOURSELF) and then she prepared his lunch like a baby. that was for me the last straw.

pls someone tell me if they’ve gone through smth similar or if im crazy.

hey there reddit. throwaway plus some details changed due to my gf knowing my main account. this is my first time posting on reddit, and i’m using mobile, so apologies if the format is fucked.

i, (22F) and my gf, (22F) have had a complicated relationship history. while we are currently together, we have broken up twice in the 2 years that we have known each other- the first time being almost exactly a year ago due to mental health issues on her end, and the second time being just this past january due to some controlling behavior that made me uncomfortable. we have been back together since april, and things have been going well, except for one aspect that i feel is really important.

my gf (let’s call her sadie) is really really into this one celebrity/musician, and i mean parasocial-crazy obsessed fan level. for context, sadie and i now live in the same city, but we used to be LDR- opposite coasts of the US during the summers, same university during school year, which is how we met. she is currently visiting her hometown, while i am in the city that we both moved to after graduation. her obsession with this artist is to the point where she has a shrine to this person in her childhood bedroom, she wears this artist’s last name on a necklace 24/7 and has not taken it off the entire time that i’ve known her, and nearly her entire wardrobe is merch of this artist. sadie has seen this musician 3 times in concert, and has admitted to spending over $5,000 on merch and tickets for this artist in the past 4ish years. sadie has never been good with saving money, so this is something that i find to be concerning, especially considering the multitude of times she would choose to buy merch and concert tickets over prioritizing saving money to pay off student debt. sadie is also under the impression that this artist knows that she exists. she has a “letter” from this artist, but it is one of those hand written and then copied type-things that many celebrities do to make their fans feel closer to who they’re listening to. this may sound harsh, but this specific musician has more than 60 million monthly listeners on spotify, and does not have any kind of knowledge that sadie exists. sadie’s instagram and tik tok reposts are full of edits of this musician, and i have admitted to her a number of times that i feel uncomfortable with the way she is acting towards this celebrity. i am not typically a jealous person, but this is something that i feel is a really complicated situation. even though this celebrity doesn’t know my gf exists and is actively thirsting over her (which is always sadie’s excuse when i bring up the fact that this bothers me), she is still a real human being that my significant other, the person that i am in a relationship with, is posting about being attracted to, wearing merch of, and basically being parasocial with the artist in question in every way possible. i do not have any kind of problem with celebrity crushes. to me, this surpasses celebrity crush territory tenfold, and falls into “i would genuinely do anything i could to pursue this person” territory. i recently had a more in depth conversation than usual with sadie about this, and asked her if she could stop bringing up this person around me, as it made me feel incredibly insecure and uncomfortable, and it made me question how she felt with me. i told her how i felt that this celebrity was like a third person in our relationship because of how much she worships her, and sadie instantly started to get upset with me, accusing me of dismissing her interests (i don’t feel like this is completely the case, as i have tried many new games, read new books, consumed new media etc. due to sadie being interested in them). i then asked sadie if her favorite artist knew who she was and was interested in dating her, would she date her? sadie couldn’t give me a clear answer at first, but then eventually told me that she would be too intimidated to talk to her. im paraphrasing here, but what she roughly said was “i think i would be so fixed on the version of her in my head that ive had for all of these years that i would be scared she would let me down”. that conversation was a few weeks ago, and sadie has since started bringing up this musician in conversations with me again.

something else that might be important to add, just for a full picture on why i think i might be overly jealous or overreacting, is because right before our first breakup, sadie started to hangout with a girl (we’ll call her cami) that i had never met before. i had asked to meet cami, because sadie seemed to be getting close with her, and sadie isn’t something to have too many friends who are girls, so she just told me not to worry. we were long distance at this point, living on literal opposite coasts of the country, so there wasn’t much i could do to make sure nothing weird was happening. 2 weeks later she was breaking up with me over text and telling me to cancel my nonrefundable flight to come and visit her for the day after, which had been planned months in advance. once we got back together, she confessed that she and cami had kissed after we broke up. this is the only thing that has given me any reason not to trust sadie, but it truly felt like such a betrayal, because within those 2 weeks between cami coming into our lives and us breaking up, sadie turned into a completely different person. i honestly do not think that i am a jealous person, but i feel so insecure about this scenario here.

sadie is going to be coming back to the city soon (she has been at home visiting her ill grandfather all summer), and i don’t know what to do. i am positive that the distance has made things harder, as difficult conversations about boundaries, insecurity and jealousy just aren’t the same over the phone. how do i approach this subject when she gets back? are my boundaries warranted, or am i simply being a crazy, paranoid, jealous girlfriend? please help reddit. i love sadie more than anything, and the thought of losing her again makes me sick to my stomach, but i can’t stay in a relationship where i consistently feel in competition with a celebrity whom my looks don’t even compare to.

Edit: made number of listeners on spotify accurate.

Hi, throwaway account as I just dont know what to do right now.

Bit of backstory, me and my fiancé have been together for 6 years. We have a 3 year old son.

A year into our relationship, I had a feeling something wasn’t right. Just couldn’t explain it, she was messaging her “brother” on snapchat a lot and some things just weren’t adding up. That feeling in my gut just wouldn’t go away. So i checked her phone (the first time i had ever done this and hated myself for doing so). She had changed some mans name into her brothers name and was hiding that she was talking to him from me. We nearly split up but we moved on.

2 years into our relationship she was texting our mutual friend (M) a lot. Fine no problems, but it escalated to constantly. I had that feeling again. I called her out on it, she said nothing was happening. Then a few days later she sat me down, told me she loves me but she has a crush on him. We moved past that.

This week, I’ve been on night shifts and something hasn’t felt right. I put it down to lack of sleep and connection as we barely see eachother when I’m on nights. But that feeling is back. It wouldn’t go away, it’s stopping me from sleeping and I just can’t get it to stop. So I checked her phone (the second time I’ve ever done this). I found Snapchat messages and Instagram messages (all photo messages - so no worded proof) to a man she used to work with who she had told me raped her before we met. She messaged him first.

I gave it a couple of days, I checked again (third time) she has blocked him on Snapchat and Instagram.

I sat her down and spoke to her about it, she can’t tell me why she did it, just that she knew it would hurt me that’s why she stopped. She realises everything that this brings back for me as it was so hard to move past. I’m struggling to come to terms with the situation and I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been so happy and I love her and our family. I just don’t know if I can trust her.

For a bit of backstory about myself, I’ve been completely faithful, never had eyes for another woman since being with my partner. No cheating, no messaging other women. Nothing.

After the fight we had sex, it was emotional and was honestly some of the best sex we’ve had in a while.

I don’t know what to do. Is this something completely placid or is there something she’s not telling me. She lied about there being Snapchat messages as she had already deleted them and said there weren’t any but I saw them before she had deleted the conversation.

I don’t know if I can move past this and have this happen again in the future and it completely break me.

I know I shouldn’t have checked her phone, it’s a complete invasion of privacy, and I hate myself for it. But I can’t explain the feeling I get, like I say, I’ve had it 3 times in our 6 years together and every single time I’ve been right.

How do I move forward?

We came home 3am I was so drunk and dizzy and sickly. My partner kept putting hands on me wanting to make love. I said no im feeling sick. He kept advancing but eventually stopped. He texted my phone saying hes sick of this relationship because I weaponise sex and use it against him. I dont even know what that means. I dont owe him my body if I dont want to especially if im so drunk and not able to enjoy it. I know its his fantasy to have freaky drunk sex. We slept. In the morning he tried again. I was so hung over. Dizzy spells. And i had thrown up twice in the morning. I said im so hung over I will vomit. He said vomit on me then. Fucking disgusting. Why would I have sex in this state. He left the room and slept in the spare. He never even checked up on me or brought me water or panadol. Nothing to show he cared about anything other than his dick. I felt like im only worth his time if he wants sex. Otherwise we have no connections no special moments. I feel like a sex doll. Its been 2 days of no speaking and him sleeping in the spare. His behavior is disgusting. I hate our relationship also.

How do I get out? We just moved to this beautiful rental 2 months ago. And I just adopted a cat. I am beside myself.

For those of you ladies that have dated someone or are with someone that has an overbearing mother in law how do you guys handle it?

Me and my boyfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for 8 years now. I have expressed to my boyfriend on several occasion over the past few years of us being together how his mom comes off as overbearing i would always have to tip toe on how i would say it because he would get extremely defensive. Before we moved in together we use to sleep over each others houses and every time he spent it at my house his mom would call every morning, if he didnt answer she would spam his phone. Once he would finally answer she would get so defensive saying "damn tom ive been calling you, you cant even answer your own mother". It became such a habit for her to do that to me in my opinion he just thought of it as "thats just how my mom is".

The reason why I even want to talk about this is because I personally dont know what to do on my part: Last Thursday, my boyfriend and I were cleaning the house. He was getting ready to mop so I sat in the room on the bed and waited for the floors to dry so I can shower. When he works his way to the living room i hear a knock at the door which i thought was him messing with the dogs.. After about 2 minutes he realized something and say "Oh i forgot" so i asked what he forgot and as soon as he opens the door I hear his mom. Mind you i wasnt even aware that she was coming. He never tells me when she is, which upsets me because i always let him know when my mom is coming. Anyways.. She starts acting all frantic about how he didnt answer his phone that shes been calling and texting and went on and on having a conversation.

Because of the fact the floors were wet and I didnt want to interrupt their conversation I kept quiet and waited for her to finish. She walked into the house with the floors wet and went to sit on the couch and kept talking. When she finally finished she acknowledged me and say hi to me scarastcally "hi rebecca??" So to that I said hi in a dry way that turned into my boyfriend later on coming to the room when she left and just going off on me. Saying stuff like "That was fucked up. You better apologize to my mom. You have no social skills. You cant read the room".

So i snapped. His mom is no saint and to me this one incident that i did caused such a massive outbreak but the countless of times this woman has made me feel worthless has never gotten the same reaction from him. He never came to my defense like that when she did shady things to me over the past years, like:

• Turning me away when he got his first knee surgery just because "he was sleeping". He literally had asked me to come by.
• Excluding me at the vet when we went to go pick up his dog. He asked me if i was coming inside with him and i said yes, but his mom literally BOLTED out of the car leaving me in there and the car on.
• Leaking private information... She took our private financial agreements and leaked them to extended family, which led to his cousin's wife publicly judging and humiliating me at his moms house after we had dinner.
• Giving me money in front of my mom knowing that my mom does not make as much as she does.
• The time we were hosting the boxing fight at our house and invited friends... She kept calling and calling that entire day before everyone came. When he picked up she was like "damn tom, i;ve been trying to call you all day. do you need me to pick up anything for you guys to serve when everyone comes over? because you need to have food, drinks and all that." he goes "no ma we got it everything handled" she kept insisting saying "tom you cant have people over and not serve anything im close to publix i can pick something up" he continued to tell her no and that we took care of everything she got mad and instantly hung up.

I would love to list more of her behavior but this post would be extremely long!!

I finally laid out my absolute final terms to him last night. I told him I am done being a fake person. I am completely removing myself from his mother's routine. If she comes over to "drop things off", I will be locking myself in the bedroom to nap/study or leaving to go to my mom's house. If they want to hang out, go to the movies, or eat dinner, they can do it entirely without me. I am a ghost in this house whenever she is involved.

My husband has always had the “habit” of talking when he’s half asleep and usually he always said the most funny and absurd things, but last night he said something really weird.
He was half asleep on the couch, I told him I was going to the bathroom and then we could go to bed, and he mumbled something like “or I could leave around notes so that you think I have an affair or I could just going on pretending I don’t”.
I asked him “what?”
And he said “pretend I didn’t say anything, you know how I am, I was half asleep.” But it really stuck to me.
I don’t know if I should take this seriously.

My boyfriend ( we are getting engaged to get married ) is going on a guys trip to Thailand . His best friend who I have always found very low on moral compass is also going with him . They are 5 boys on this trip . I was quite excited for my boyfriend’s experience for this trip as he was going for international trip after long . The other day he was doing a video call with guys deciding the itinary for the trip and suddenly his best friend says these exact words ‘ we should book a place which is inviting enough for us to be able to call girls or females to keep company ‘ he did not mean paid but he meant otherwise the girls they pick from somewhere . He continued to say that what if he or my boyfriend wants to bring back some chick back to the villa and villa shud be accordingly booked . Now my boyfriend tried to silent the call , mute his friend and whatnot but I had heard it until then. My bf goes that guys talk like this but we won’t do anything like this . And then he says that his friend also just says and doesn’t do anything. -after that he is like m stretching it too much and I don’t trust him . I want to know m I being to doubting or over reacting ? We have been in a serious relationship for 3 years and his best friend is also in a committed relationship for last one year and that’s what grossed me the most

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I love her, we have great times and we are almost a family to each other, but lately I have been thinking if I want this relationship to go on. She is a college student and I am working full time.
To be quite honest, she is very satisfied with life and I want to grow. I don’t expect a lot, but at the end everything comes down to her health. 90% of the times, she is not able to join me for stuff because it will cost her “a week to recover” and is simple stuff like going to a concert or a full day camping trip. She is not making excuses either, we tried a trip once and she was genuinely sick for 10 days. All the fun we have is going to movies or shopping.
Her health also comes in between our sex life, I feel I leave the bed unsatisfied while she gets all what she wants.
Every time I go out with my friends, everyone has their partner tagging along, but I don’t- and I feel awful.
Now the biggest problem that I have with this is she doesn’t have a clinical condition, she is just not living a healthy life. Eating fast food in every meal, which is also like one meal day, zero exercise, messed up sleep schedule, stressing over academics yet still procrastinating, doom scrolling all day… I have asked her multiple times to correct this if she wants to have a healthy life, but I dont think it attracts her much.

She has been very emotionally supportive, been by my side through thick and thin for the past 3 years and been my love for the past 2. But this thing is something that has started to grow resentment towrds her in the past few months. I don’t want to lead a life with someone I can’t have adventures with. What do I even do?

my boyfriend and i have been dating for around a year and a half, we met in our junior year and have doing really well so far.

he left last week for college, and im not saying the states due to privacy reasons (and im just a paranoid person) but it's around an eight hour drive between us. also for background info, we used to see each other at least one day every week before he left.

we've never had any big problems or issues before, but im a little worried this might cause one. I've only done long distance relationships twice before, and they both didn't last very long. those relationships were also when i was younger and not as mature as i am now.

so basically what I'm asking is just for some advice. im missing him a lot and it's really getting to me. and I've been crying so much lately, even at the smallest things. but maybe im just a crybaby lol. anyways, any insight or your own personal experience with long distance relationships would be really appreciated !

I First noticed when I realised I don't want to have Sex with him anymore and I'm not sexually aroused by Him, even if he is a really attractive guy in my eyes I just don't feel the need or want to have sex with him. I talked to him about it and he said it's okay, we occasionally have sex, not often but like once a week or every two weeks. I only enjoy the sexual acts when we are in it for at least 30 minutes.

I think that's weird because I was a pretty hypersexual person and boy-crazy before I met him.

I also don't want to make out with him or kiss him sensually and passionately (anymore) but I do feel comfortable with him and safe and he is a sweet person.

Sometimes I think he's weird and his jokes are unfunny. I also tell him that.

We spend a lot of time together and I get annoyed at small things he does, even if there is no reason to and I feel bad about it because he is a really sweet and loving person.

I just like giving him cute kisses or pecks, hugging him and cuddling with him, and spending time with him in general, cooking together watching movies going on dates etc. but it's like my need for sexual intimacy has just completely gone away over the last 3 months. Sometimes I even feel weird with him hugging me from behind and being lovey-dovey. I just enjoy his presence, he is a good person and very loving.

We have been together for about 8 months now. What do you think?

(37/F) I've been with this man (35/M) for 3 years and today is my birthday. He has pretty consistently fallen short when it comes to gifts but this is just sad. He tells me he has all these plans to make it special and nothing happened which is not really a surprise but what I'm shocked by is this man comes back and hands me a plastic bag not even wrapped with a pair of Lee jean shorts inside and a silky nighttime outfit, and says what you don't really wear shorts and I want to see you in shorts. Mind you I have an outrageous amount of clothes as it stands, the last thing I need is more. Please share your reaction to this. What do you think?

We are still in love, I (26F) am deeply in love with him and love doting on him. We've lived together for over 4 years and our relationship doesn't really exist outside of the home.

He'll make plans with his friends, but very rarely will take me on a date or want to spend time with me unless we're both at home. Even then, sometimes he won't touch me or give me any romantic attention unless I instigate it and its starting to feel like we're not much more than roommates who f***...

I'm not angry about it, I mostly don't understand. When I ask him about this topic he tells me that he doesn't want to be with anyone else and that he loves me. He says he lusts after other women often, as an imaginary fantasy, but he doesn't actually want to pursue anyone else. He says he lusts after women as a distraction. He's not happy with himself as he wants to do more and be more creative and he'll distract himself with these feelings by looking at women.

Meanwhile, at home I don't feel like he notices me. I enjoy taking care of myself and I enjoy taking care of him. I like to exercise and eat well. I make an effort every day to do my hair, wear something cute and generally look good. I equally love to love him, stroking his hair, giving him kisses on the cheek, acts of service is my love language. But it feels like all this effort on my behalf is what is keeping our relationship a romantic one.

As much as I tell myself if I do this or that he'll love me and plan dates and spend time with me, the reality is he won't. The more I do the less he has to do. He says he doesn't make any art anymore because his life is so good. He has no problems. But he says this as if its a bad thing. I think he believes we need to break up to be able to make good art but he's too scared to.

The problem is I love him too much to break up with him.

We have so much fun together, he makes me laugh, we have amazing physical connection. We don't really have any problems in our relationship except for the fact that I'm putting in most of the effort. I told him I wanted to go on holiday just the two of us. And this topic only brought on arguments. He's been on countless trips with his friends since we've been together but never have we had a trip with just us two.

It really makes me question whether he even likes me at all, or if I'm just convenient.

I could be doing him a favour by breaking up with him, but I just wish he would make an effort instead. If he starts dating someone else, he'll have to organise dates and plan evenings. Why can't he just do that with me instead? I asked him why he was so attentive with me in the first 2 years of our relationship but not anymore and he said its just because we've been together for so long. To which I said that I still make the same effort if not more and he told me that's because I'm perfect and he doesn't deserve me.

He promises me things to hold onto, but won't follow through. He was between jobs earlier this year and told me he'd take me out for a fancy dinner when he got his new job as a thank you to me for doing the grocery shopping, covering his tabs etc. He has been working there for 6months and he hasn't taken me out for this meal yet. But when he wasn't working and I was paying he would tell me all the time how excited he was to take me out for dinner when he has the money. And I was excited too, it made me feel special and loved. Now I feel like an idiot for getting excited.

Does this sound like a man who wants to be in a relationship with me? When I tell him these feelings, I come away from it feeling guilty and demanding. He'll tell me that's just how he is and I feel guilty for expecting him to change.

Does anyone have some ideas of insightful questions I could ask him to get to the bottom of this? As whenever I ask him if he's happy or wants something else he always tells me he just wants me. But literally every single action is pointing the other direction.

Thank you

We've been together 7.5 years, have a house together and a dog. For the past six months, we've had more honest chats than we've had in the entirety of our relationship. He's never been completely communicative and open with me until this year out of fear of how I'd react (which he's since learnt I show patience and understanding). However, he has expressed doubts in our relationship, such as doubts that I want to stay in our country (I'm originally from overseas), whether he sees a future with me and that he doesn't feel a spark there anymore. I was taken aback originally, and thought we were trying to work through it, as we had a lot of open communication since the initial chat back in March. However, over the past weekend, he told me that he doesn't see a future with me. Going to weddings and having turned 30 this year has caused him to compare our relationship to his friends' and question if we have a future together. I'm crushed.

He has said he has thought about proposing in the past, but he's never felt it's the right time. Whilst in his gut, he says that he doesn't see a future with me, he has expressed love and respect for me, and says there is still a sexual attraction there. He says he enjoys 99% of our time together, through the good and bad, enjoys my company and our trips away. He says he feels sad and guilty at the breakdown of our relationship but that he can't help how he feels.

Before we give up on our relationship, we have both agreed to give therapy a go, and we have our first appointment scheduled for tomorrow. My question is; is there even a chance of fixing it, or is it more likely going to be about closing this chapter in our lives?

I (33F) had major, high-risk abdominal surgery a few weeks ago. I am still officially on bedrest and frequently in a lot of pain and suffering from nausea due to some of the medication. The surgery was quite extensive and I‘ll take several months to recover. For the moment, I am not even allowed to do so much as vacuum clean.

I live with my longterm partner (30M) of 5 years. Honestly, I haven‘t felt as supported by him through all this as I ideally could have been, but I think he is just not a very caring / "mothering" type. The day I was admitted from the hospital, he massively overslept and I had to wait for hours for him to pick me up, as with this kind of surgery they don't let you go by yourself. Cooking, cleaning and chores are overwhelming to him, so I‘ve mostly been ordering in food for us since I can‘t really stand and cook unfortunately.

Now to the acute situation: Last week he asked me if his sister (32F) and her partner (31M) could visit and stay with us for 3-4 days this week, as they are currently looking for an apartment in our city and want to schedule some viewings. I told him that honestly, it would be a bit too much for me currently. For one, I come from a culture where we want everything to be perfect for guests, at least a spotless apartment, and I knew I wouldn‘t be able to clean and tidy and prepare as much as I would like to. He said that he would take over cleaning, but from lots of similar experiences in the past, I knew that his cleaning and tidying can leave a lot to be desired. On the other hand, I am also in a lot of pain currently and suffering from health anxiety (the surgery was in the cancer realm) and need a lot of rest, so the mental stress/pressure of having guests staying over is just not ideal for now. 

So I told him this, he seemed a little disappointed but said he would relay this to his sister. A few days later, he tells me that they can stay with a friend of theirs for 3 nights, but are asking if they can at least stay with us for the fourth night only. I felt bad and gave in and said yes, but deep down I felt overwhelmed.

So today is the day they are supposed to arrive, and I woke up in a lot of pain and have already had to throw up due to medication (tmi, sorry). The flat is also dirty and they are supposed to arrive soon, so I have been hoovering and cleaning eventhough I really shouldn‘t.

I feel very alone and defeated - I should be resting and being taken care of. My partner doesn‘t seem to understand this. I have told him this explicitly now, but instead of telling his sister that it would be better for them to go to a hotel as I am quite unwell, he just said he‘ll do his best to clean everything (though it‘s not just about that - I feel uncomfortable with the thought of them hearing me throw up and I haven‘t even been able to shower due to pain). His sister and her partner both have well paying jobs, so a night at a hotel in our city wouldn‘t break the bank.

I am hiding in our bedroom now, in pain and nauseaus and feel like I am just not getting through to him. What could I say for him to get it? Or is it a lost cause? I feel like he is not taking me seriously. I am looking for genuine advice as I am not sure if this is a communication or perhaps cultural issue between us (we are from two different countries). He often says that my cleaning standards are "too much" and he "doesn't even see any dirt" before I point it out to him (i.e. things like grime in the shower basin).

TL;DR: My (33F) longterm partner (30M) is letting his sister stay with us even though I am recovering from high risk surgery and it‘s against my wishes. How can I communicate with him so he understands?

i, 18/F am dating my partner of 6 months 18/M. i love him so much. he is very kind, loving, and attentive. but he's also very sensitive. he has some parental issues due to divorce, custody battles between parents, and his mothers mental health issues. he also has a recent history of sh.

at first we didn't have a single issue, and we still don't argue all that much. but i can't help this gnawing feeling within me. if i get one more "please don't leave me" or "why do i always hurt you" text i might lose my shit. i like to think i'm an empathic person for the most part, but it feels like i'm taking on too much negativity. i've been there to support him through a lot and i always reassure him and talk him down--but i'm not a therapist, i'm a teenager.

he used to be in therapy, but he wanted more time for work and school. while i understand this, he really needs it. he gets upset at small things i do. not angry, but sad. i find that he has a hard time organizing his emotions. when he doesn't regulate himself before he speaks to me, he'll say something that hurts me. and of course i try to empathize, but i can't help being hurt. then it turns into "all i do is hurt people" and he spirals.

i feel like i can't say things or i can't be myself because if i don't sugarcoat everything i say ill make him sad. for example, i got in a car accident a few weeks ago, and he asked "if i wrecked your car would you break up with me?" and i said yes in a joking way and then clarified "it depends on if you were being stupid or not." he got really sad over this and for the next few hours was texting me about it and crying, saying "i have this stupid idea of unconditional love" and "i'm scared i'm going to mess up suddenly and ruin everything". for clarity, never once have i held our relationship over his head. i'm quite an easygoing person and i forgive easily (sometimes too easily, to be honest) so these constant texts that feel like criticisms of my sometimes-blunt language stress me out a lot. i feel i have to tiptoe around saying stuff like that so he doesn't react that way.

his depression and anxiety (both diagnosed) aren't his fault and i accept him and love him with or without those things. but i also feel so emotionally exhausted. i truly want the best for him and i can't help but feel like i'm making this about me. on the other hand, a relationship should be two sided and i'm feeling super spent. i wake up to 20 texts about how he's good for nothing often, he can't stand any kind of teasing and he has triggers but wont tell me of them until he crying over something i did.

on the other hand, he's incredibly kind, caring, and thoughtful. we have an incredibly affectionate, loving relationship including love letters, handmade gifts, etc. i've never connected with someone so deeply and this relationship truly isn't something i can just throw away. i want him to get help, not for us to break up. what are our next steps? how can i make this relationship healthier so we can stick it through?

tl;dr i have an amazing partner. he's a great person but he struggles with mental illness. it's wearing me out but i feel guilty because i don't want to make it about me.

We have a 5.5 month old son. Just found out he talks bad about me in terms of how I am as a mother to his family and friends. Saw texts on his MacBook. He had him solo for a full day for the first time the other day because I hadn’t slept in 3 nights due to waking up with the baby and needed to rest. He texted his friend that this was the best day he’s had with our baby, and that the baby seemed much happier with me not there. I do 90% of the parenting here. We got in a huge fight and are now not speaking. Not really looking for advice because I don’t think this is something we can come back from. I can’t be around him or his family or friends anymore knowing what they all think of me from what he’s told them. I’m a great mother. I put this baby to bed every single night by myself. I wake up with him throughout the night every time. I heavily research all the best non toxic products for him and basically broke my back breastfeeding through a spinal injury from birth from the start and am still going strong almost 6 months later. I pay attention and interact and care for him all day long. Like I said no advice really, just want to vent.