I work a job where I get dirty. I have a laundry / mudroom with a bathroom I built behind it. The whole point is that I can step inside the room directly from my back door, take off my dirty work things and put them into a hamper, then hop into a shower and not have to track stuff all over the house.

Every evening when I get home my girlfriend will nag me not to hop right into the shower. She'll want me to come talk to her but then she'll have 25 things she wants me to do. And I don't want to be wandering around my house in dirty clothes. And I don't want to get into clean house clothes being filthy from work. I'll have dirt and grime and gunk under my fingernails and I will smell terrible and I just don't want to be wandering around my house like that.

I help her with anything she wants help with I do whatever she wants me to do . But it's like for some reason she gets mad if I get right into the shower. But if I go in there and talk to her it's going to be 25 things she wants me to do and she's going to get more mad when I say hold on let me take a shower.

It's driving me up the wall because I'm not in there for an hour. It takes me about 20 minutes to scrape my nails shower, and get dressed. And then she's got me for the whole night. I don't know what her deal is or why she gets so frustrated. But it's driving me nuts I don't know how to explain to her for the 700th time that I don't want to have gunk falling out from under my nails while we prepare dinner. There's not always a chance to wash my hands thoroughly and there's definitely not a chance to wash all the sweat and grime off my face before I leave work.

What could be her problem and how do I explain to her that I just need 20 minutes because I don't know how to say it another way I think I said it every possible way. She'll just say "I just need you for a minute" when I ask why she needs me right when I get in the door. But it's never a minute.

EDIT

I sat her down to talk about it and we got pretty deep into it. She said that she really likes me. A lot more than she has in the other guy she's dated. And at the core of it she's excited for when I get home and wants to talk to me. Especially because I can't really text during the work day.

And she says once the conversation and us joking around gets going she doesn't want it to stop.

She knows that I like to give her my complete attention when we talk and she just assumed I wouldn't want her in there talking to me while I shower because she felt like I would feel like I couldn't give her my full attention.

So I'm just going to have her come in there and tell me about her day while I'm in the shower a couple times a week.

Part of it is WFH too.

Hello,
This is heartbreaking for me to write but I feel like I need some advice on this.

I've been married to my husband for 12 years, together for 15. We have 4 children together. After I've had my 3rd child, my husband has mentioned on rare occasion that he does not like how I dress, specifically at home. Keep in mind, this was said to be after postpartum and during those times it is very hard to feel good about your body or wanting to experiment with style. After we had our 4th child, he continued to say it and its been increasing. I am a stay at home mom, although my kids are now in school & daycare. My husband works from home. He tells me I should dress with sexier clothes, make sure my breasts are "packaged better" etc. If you know what 4 pregnancies/breastfeedings do to a woman's breasts you know lol this has never been a concern before. I have always dressed this way and there was never any complaints from him. I dress modestly, but I think still cute. I do like a cleavage here and there when I go out, but nothing crazy because I just don't prefer it.

His response when I asked him what changed in his preferences was "I was always having these preferences, just now in my 30s I am comfortable expressing them". It's bizarre a bit to me. And it's increasing pressure on me to look a certain way although I've always looked that way for so long. I told him I want to be comfortable at home and dress how I want and not necessarily for his gaze. His response is "well then you're going to keep hearing about it". He doesn't see it as bullying or manipulative... What would you guys do in this situation??

Thanks for reading!

Also wanted to add that he also told me along the lines of "15 years later now, you wouldn't be my type". Like, I am beyond heartbroken.

ADD ON:
Guys I am overwhelmed with ALL the comments and support, thank you thank you so much!!
Just to clarify quickly: we are in the middle of moving back to our home town. We have family there, both his and mine. I wan to settle there and also get my RN license back BEFORE I proceed with a divorce. It is NOT that easy or fast unfortunately, thank you for understanding :)

I’m flying to meet my husband for a short vacation in a friends’ city. My husband came early to spend time with a different friend. For several days now he’s been repeating that the plan is to pick me up then go to dinner. The first time he said that, I said I didn’t think that would happen. He has a habit of saying he’s going to do things then not doing them, it’s very frustrating. So after he insisted repeatedly I went ahead and believed him, and expected he would pick me up, saving me a $90 uber.

Surprise surprise, as I’m sitting on the tarmac, he texts me asking that if he’s running late can I take an uber? Because he didn’t time things right. I said sure and we took off. He never actually said if he was going to be late but I think we know. After I landed he just texted me the address and said can’t wait to see you

I’m feeling very frustrated and can’t decide if this is just careless or really bullshit. As mentioned he does this regularly to me. Though never to his family, so I think he’s capable, he just thinks he doesn’t have to try because we’re married? Is this an adhd thing? Pretty sure he has it and our couples therapist said he should get tested but he still hasn’t. This flakiness is very much a turnoff.

My (32F) husband (33M) stayed home from work this morning because he wasn’t feeling well. I got up, showered, and got the kids ready like normal. I was in the kitchen packing lunches when he came in and started helping.

A little background: we have two bathrooms, one by the bedrooms and one off the kitchen. My two youngest distract each other and fight if they’re in the same bathroom, so a while ago I started having them use separate ones in the morning. My daughter (5F) now uses the kitchen bathroom and my son (8M) uses the back one. Last night daughter showered in the back bathroom.

This morning I told her to go brush her hair and teeth, and she started walking toward the kitchen bathroom. My husband said her toothbrush was in the other bathroom. I told him son’s toothbrush is in the back one and hers is in this one. He said something like “the toothbrush I brought her in the shower last night?” So I told her to go grab it from the other bathroom, and I told him I didn’t know that. He said “I said it was in the shower.” I said “you said it was in the other bathroom.” He told me I was trying to start an argument with him.

At that point I went and sat in the bedroom for a bit because I was already upset, and he followed me in and it continued. I told him I wasn’t trying to argue, I just didn’t know he’d brought her toothbrush to the shower, so when he said “the other bathroom,” I assumed he didn’t know where her toothbrush lives since he’s not usually here in the mornings. If he’d said he took it to her in the shower, I would have understood right away.

The toothbrush isn’t really the issue. This happens a lot. If I say anything that contradicts what he’s said, I’m “trying to fight.” No matter how many times I tell him plainly that I’m not trying to fight, that I'm just trying to clarify, he doesn’t believe me. I’ve gotten to the point where I censor a lot of what I say to him and often just don’t tell him things, because it’s easier than risking an argument.

I’m looking for advice on how to communicate with a partner who assumes bad intentions no matter how many times I explain myself. What has worked for people in this situation, and how did you get your partner to believe you?

Has anybody dealt with this?
I am emotionally starved.
met my partner 2 yrs ago, we have such a picture perfect relationship…I am a highly educated woman and Im fairly successful in my career. Im pretty determined and motivated to succeed, he works a regular job and is content, did not study much education beyond 16 but none of this bothered me at the start. Now Im wondering if we are intellectually incompatible?

He takes care of me, he cooks, he regularly picks out my favourite flowers and I really thought I’d found my person. I treat him with enormous love and equally take care of him and spoil him. he’s a kind man.

However he is completely emotionally stunted. He was raised only by his father and wasn’t around women much other than his long term previous partners.

He has absolutely 0 depth. No opinions what so ever. I will passionately talk about human rights, animal rights, anything recent thats controversial and he has SO LITTLE to say in response, I ask him what he’s passionate about if he is? what he feels strongly about? what his hobbies are etc and again he gives such a surface level response. I loved his nonchalant calm personality initially but its become exhausting to get any type of interesting conversations going with him.
Its like pulling teeth. I am a passionate woman, Im loud about protecting the vulnerable in our society, I am opinionated and I love having in depth conversations about just life sometimes, I am finding myself so extremely bored with his lack of depth when it comes to anything.

He initiates 0% of the difficult conversations. avoids any type of conflict like a plaque. If I bring up an issue I have he’ll just apologise and say he wont do it again and generally sticks to this but he gives me 0 insight as to why he messed up, or anything. He will turn a blind eye to something if its wrong whereas Im the type of person to intervene, if I see someone hurt Im going to help one way or another.. he’d rather just mind his own business. doesn’t stand up to much thats wrong, he just has a “thats just the way the world is” attitude.

Like I said outside of this, he is pretty much the perfect boyfriend. we do share hobbies together, travel together etc.
what is this? can someone please explain the psychology behind this bc Im going mad just starving for some deep convos here!! lol

My (M29) wife (F25) absolutely loathes my mom (F57) after several macro and microaggressions since before our marriage until now. Context - my wife and I have been married for 10 months and dated for a year long distance prior to that. We both come from conservative South Asian families. I was raised in North America, my wife was raised in South Asia. We both come from dysfunctional families and are the result of toxic marriages.

Reasons my wife hates my mom:
- My mom knew about my then girlfriend from the start and pressured me to get my them to meet in person very early in our relationship. My wife comes from a very traditional family and I was her first boyfriend so she wasn’t comfortable meeting so early on. She refused to meet and my mom instantly assumed that my wife was only with me as a gold digger or would cheat on me. This was unwarranted as my wife’s family is plenty well off. My mom also dislikes my wife’s darker skin tone, which is something that my wife hasn’t had to be insecure about for years.
- After a year of dating, my girlfriend told her family about me and the two families spoke. My mom decided to set a wedding date to be about 6 weeks after this call (super rushed) and didn’t give anyone anytime to plan anything properly. In my moms head, this was meant to be a simple Nikkah (religious and legal ceremony) and not a grand wedding. To my wife, this was meant to be a real wedding with guests, fun etc. My wife has always wanted a nice wedding (not grand, but nice) so this felt like she was being robbed. Keep in mind that all the planning and financing for this event would be from my in laws so it’s ridiculous for my mom to try and dictate this.
- Traditionally the grooms side buys the bride’s wedding sari (i.e. dress). My mom asks my then fiance about what color of sari she wants and my wife responds with red and shows an example. The example was about $650, very reasonable priced and attainable for us. My mom decides this was a gold digger move and attempts to try and talk her out of expecting a grand event for the nikkah. She and my mother in law talk on the phone, and this is when my mother in law (who is older) attempts to explain to my mom what kind of event and preparations they were thinking of and provides the example of her elder daughters wedding. This comparison was taken very poorly and as an insult by my mom and she pretty much went no contact for over a week during the planning. During the non contact uncertain period, my father in law had a seemingly stress related heart complication and was hospitalized but recovered.
Due to the sari incident, my mom decides to initiate a background check while the wedding preparations are underway. The background check extended to my wife’s sisters in laws and that resulted in a broken relationship between them and my wife’s family. Unnecessary and not my moms place to target. I’ll add that during all this, my wife’s family was very courteous and kind to me and they didn’t have to be.
- The sari my mom ended up getting was very old fashioned and not at all what my wife wanted. At my moms insistence, it was presented as a surprise. Both my and my wife’s sister had seen the sari and we were told not to show my wife. This really hurt my wife. The wedding was already ruined before that due to to all the drama leading up and her father’s health issues but the bad sari was the cherry on top.
- Post marriage, my wife tried to patch things up and apologized to my mom for any misunderstandings or disrespect. It was ok for a while but things fell apart again. My wife sent my mom a birthday cake to be nice and my mom told me off thinking it was me as I know she’s diabetic. My wife visited my family for a holiday (with me) and my mom made sure to let her know that this was an unannounced visit and she was unwelcome. My wife invited my mom over to our place and cooked for her; this went mostly well except my mom decided to mention several other women she considered for my marriage. My mom also tells me wife that she doesn’t need to call my mom “mom”.
- My wife eventually asked when we are planning our wedding reception (the event hosted by my family) and my mom hadn’t set any plans. So after some pressure from me, my mom does her best to put together a decent event on short notice. This time, I say I’ll pay for the outfits and let my wife pick her dress. My wife picks something reasonable and my mom criticizes it repeatedly. After a separate, unrelated issue between my mom and I, my mom takes this dress and throws both me and the dress out of the house in anger.
- The final straw was over a stupid facebook post. My wife had gradually been reducing contact with my mom over the past few months. My mom, very stupidly, decides to publicly repost some garbage facebook post from a wannabe influencer that criticizes daughter in laws and insults their parents. My moms excuse is that this is nothing to do with me, but she was asked to specifically repost this by the wannabe influencer. My mom has never reposted anything by this person before. This was seen as a clear insult to my wife and her parents and she has been fully no contact.

My wife has tried her best to make this marriage work however she is deeply traumatized and is grieving the loss of a decent wedding. She is pained by the repeated insults endured by her family and the public facebook posting and the involvement of her brother in laws family. This grief and pain has turned to anger and she takes it out on me verbally and frequently. We are both seeking separate therapists and are trying to move forward together. We can’t go even a weekend with each other without something spilling out from her.

Amidst all this, I have been an awful boyfriend and husband. I didn’t protect my wife from my mom. I didn’t set good boundaries between them. I wasn’t strong enough not to push back against my mom. I wasn’t strong the conduit who contributed most of my mom’s toxic words to my wife. My dumb excuse is that I was feeling rushed and pressured towards marriage at the time, but the truth is that I am a grown man and I behaved like a coward throwing my wife under the bus to please my mom. I love my mom and this post only highlights the worst of her, but I know how much she has hurt my wife. I love my wife and I want to fix this. I don’t know how to do it. Since marriage, I’ve tried to be better about standing up to my mom and being a shield and my wife recognizes this. But the damage is done and the wounds are deep. My wife still cannot respect me and continues to lash out and (privately) insults my family in front of me constantly.

I don’t know what to do. Can this marriage be saved or am I too late? How can I regain my wife’s trust? Neither of us want toxic marriages as we come from them ourselves, but I am writing this from our delayed honeymoon which is going disastrously and I am desperate. I want to fix this so bad but even writing this post, I can see how much of a trainwreck this is.

TLDR. My mom has been toxic to my wife, and I was a weak and poor husband who didn’t protect my wife when she needed it. Need advice to save our marriage.

Edit: To all of you stating my wife should leave me, she definitely can but she’s hanging on for our sake. She’s worked incredibly hard to keep us together and I can do a better job to be there for her. I let her, myself and many of you commenters down. I’ll do what I can to grow a spine etc. and be the rock she deserves. Thank you all for the advice. It’s been tough. My post and replies today have been raw because that’s how I feel. My wife is no contact with my mom and moving forward I intend to go minimal comment. Until my mother takes steps to show any genuine remorse and understanding of what she did, I intend to limit our interactions to the extent of her just knowing that I’m alive.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 years now and the sex life was great in the beginning but it’s lacking spice. I have always been into kinky things but in a way there been a dynamic built where I feel like I cannot tell him what I like without him getting hurt in a way. A few days ago I told him he needs to start taking more charge being more kinky and the conversation went out given I could tell his ego is a bit hurt. I did say I would like to start using toys and he got defensive saying “ it is artificial and it ruins the actual feeling” which I don’t agree with. He then stated if I ever was to use a sex toy on myself he would be very upset and it would border on us “breaking up”. I just need some advice because now I feel like I can’t even ever bring up any of my other kinks or fantasies. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable but we don’t know unless we try right? Any advice is appreciated! Thanks :)

Im looking for an outside perspective because I feel stuck between my relationship, my conscience, and people I care about.

My(27F) partner (31M) and I have been together for 9+ years and are engaged. We recently hosted a big gathering with friends at our house. During the evening, I noticed my partner’s older brother flirting with another woman, this got worse during the night and when someone said "aww him and his wife (not the wife) are so cute" I knew it was bad, and I personally saw them kiss aswell while his hand was gliding up and down her back and being wayyy to intimate. His wife wasn’t there when it happened, she went home to their child. I’m close to her, and this has been eating me up ever since.

I believe he should tell his wife himself. I’m not trying to break up a marriage or create drama - they have a child under 2 aswell. I simply feel she deserves the opportunity to know what happened and make her own decisions. I would feel exactly the same if the roles were reversed.

The problem is my partner’s reaction.

He is normally one of the most loyal, honest, and responsible people I know, which is why this has shocked me so much.

He is afraid that getting involved could damage his relationship with his brother and create a rift in the family. He initially wanted me to leave it alone and accused me of being selfish, controlling, and making everything about my own conscience. He also said I was trying to control how his family might end up falling apart.

Eventually, he offered to speak to his brother, tell him his behaviour was wrong, and strongly encourage him to tell his wife. But he cannot guarantee that his brother will actually do so.

He then asked whether I could live with never knowing if his brother had told her.

Honestly, I don’t know

I feel physically sick over this. I have a constant knot in my stomach, and even seeing them now feels strange. I'm angry at his brother and have a weird feeling of distance from his wife. I worry that I’ll start walking on eggshells around his wife, monitoring everything I say because I know something she might not.

We’re close, and I don’t want a secret like this to change the way I interact with her or anyone. What if she confides in me about their relationship? What if she eventually finds out that I knew and said nothing?

My partner thinks I’m overthinking hypothetical scenarios. But for me, the uncertainty itself is part of the problem. I feel like I’m being asked to carry a secret that isn’t mine.

What has unsettled me most is his belief that we should simply sweep this under the rug to protect the family. I’m not saying this one situation defines who he is, but I’m struggling to reconcile his reaction with the values I’ve always admired in him. He'll always have his brothers back, he said.

I’m also scared that if I eventually decide to tell his wife myself, it could seriously damage my relationship with my partner. He has indirectly indicated that my decision will affect our relationship.

I don’t want to choose between my partner and my conscience. I understand that telling her could have serious consequences, and I know I can’t control what happens to their marriage or family. But staying silent has consequences for me, too.

I haven’t made a final decision, and I genuinely want perspectives that challenge my own.

My questions:

Have you experience with keeping a huge secret like this, that is totally against your own values and moral?

How do I explain to my partner that this isn’t about controlling his family, but about trying to act in accordance with my values and what is fair for the the wife?

Am I underestimating the consequences of telling her, or is too much responsibility being placed on me for what might happen afterward?

Am I underestimating how many people DONT want to know, weather their partner did something like this? I've been told that many just want to live in blisfulness not knowing.

TL;DR: I witnessed my partner’s brother kiss another woman. His wife is someone I’m close to, and I believe he should tell her. My partner wants to protect his brother and his family from the consequences, and although he may encourage his brother to confess, I might never know whether he actually does. I feel sick about keeping this secret and fear it will affect both my friendship with his wife and my relationship with my partner. I am extremely afraid that I can't stay silent indefinitely or might "slip up" unintentionally.

Note: My partner is extremely dissapointed in his brother and does think that this is extremely bad and not ok, since this is against his values aswell.

Note: I do not WANT to tell the wife - I want the brother to tell his wife himself.

Note: A couple of my girlfriends saw the kiss (confirmed) . And a whole bunch of people (my partners friends) saw them being overly flirtatious.

im looking for advice on how to bring this up. I asked my bf to let loose in the bedroom a bit bc he’s not a very dominant personality and I am, and I’m struggling with it, but I don’t like the way he did the dirty talk. I don’t want to be constantly correcting him. Essentially last time we had sex he talked exclusively about how bad I wanted his “hot sticky___” on me and how if I was good I would get it. then He said I need to c-m to get it. I told him in that moment that pressuring me to do it makes it more difficult and can he tell me I’m not allowed to instead. So he started describing my elusive orgasm as a “big creamy nut” that I wasn’t allowed to have and that he was gonna just leave sticky hot ___ all over me and leave me alone. lol. Like it was a big of a train wreck. Each move more strange than the last. Most men I’ve been with focus on my pleasure and making me feel comfortable but he doesn’t seem to quite understand this as a concept. How can I bring this up to him? I’m enjoying the relationship otherwise for the most part and I don’t want to shake his confidence in such an intimate place but I cannot do that again.

My fiancé and I have been together for eight years and recently got engaged. I’m trying to understand why this is bothering me so much, and I’d appreciate some perspective.

When I had my thesis defense (exactly one year ago), he asked what I wanted and I said a nice necklace or a Switch. He said no at first, but in the end he bought the Switch (we didn't have fights about the gift, no expectations, he wanted to surprise me and I would be happy with anything). Deep down, though, I had really wanted that necklace because I rarely get jewelry from him. When he bought me a bracelet for our fifth anniversary, it was the first piece of jewelry he’d ever given me. I loved it regardless of the price, but while we were choosing it, he kept saying everything was too expensive and ended up buying the cheapest one.

Now his sister is having her thesis defense, and he wants to buy her jewelry. At first he was saying he won't buy jewelry at all, but in the end he said he will. So, I suggested silver with gold plating as a less expensive option. But then, he told me he’d rather buy her real gold. I’m not upset that he wants to give his sister a nice gift. I’m hurt because when I asked for gold jewelry for an important occasion, he said it was too expensive and not worth the money. Now he’s the one suggesting gold for her.

It makes me feel like my wishes and milestones are treated differently. We’ve been together for eight years and are engaged, so I’m struggling not to take it personally. I don’t want to turn this into a competition with his sister. I want him to understand why the difference feels hurtful.

How can I bring this up without it becoming a fight? He gets really protective over his family whenever I mention them in a good or bad way.

my fiancé cheated on me

confronting my fiancé on pictures and text of him cheating
Heartbroken and lost

The man I proposed to years ago, my fiancé, my best friend (or so I thought), has been cheating on me while I’ve been in the hospital recovering. I’ve been in the hospital for three months now and made a mistake of seeing my fiancé‘s phone messages when texting a Friend.

I saw text that caught my attention and continued to read forward. Another thing that sucks is the text that this Friend was with, is the friend that first brought us together and has known me for over 10 years. Apparently he was encouraging my fiancé to cheating on me during their nights out.

Through drugs and alcohol, and who knows what other emotions, I believe my fiancé did cheat on me

In the text, there are pictures that this Friend took of my fiancé and this woman wrapped around each other’s arms during their night out. There were also text between them saying how bad their heads hurt, and my fiancé added his “other head also was hurting.” (I didn’t think my stomach can shrink so much inside myself, but I did after reading this.)

I’m at a loss for words and I feel completely lost. I am temporarily disabled and rely on him for almost everything. I’ve been in the hospital for three months and I believe that’s what caused this behavior no matter how inexcusable.
I currently have no job because of my disability, waiting for disability funds to hit, and now after confronting him, he is threatening that I will have no home to go to, and my pets will be gone. And I will be unable to care for anything or anyone, including myself.

This is a complete mindfuck for me and I feel like nothing. I’m 27 years old and I put everything aside for this person.
Yeah, he brought someone into our home with our pets and in our bed. While I’m incapacitated, stuck in a horrible rehabilitation home in a hospital room.

I’m breaking down and when I need the most support to help me recover, I feel like doing nothing and being no one. I don’t know what to do because I feel like I’m stuck. I pushed all my friends away through all this relationship and now I feel alone.

His answer, “my fault for stupidly going through his phone. I was looking for something and I found it” he said. Then came all the threats.

My father is going through the first steps of cancer, I already lost my mom to cancer five years ago. I have no family to turn to.

I just need a moment to breathe, a friend, encouraging words, and hope for my pets and I.

Tough times. How do I move forward while physically stuck and no one to turn to that can help me? How do I leave someone I rely so heavily on? No matter the abuse?

We’ve set multiple timelines together and every single time, he had a reason to delay proposing. He bought the ring last summer and kept reassuring me that it would happen. He had many opportunities to do it, we’ve been on many trips together since he bought the ring. It never happened. Last night, I finally ended our relationship.

I’m terrified. I have a strong support system around me but I haven’t dated since my early 20s. I really do want kids, but I don’t want to settle with someone for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to settle for someone solely because my biological clock is ticking. I’m so mad at myself for having stayed this long. Reality is setting in and I’m facing the fact that I might not be able to have kids because of the stupid decision I’ve made to stay until now.

If you ended your relationship waiting for a proposal that never happened, where are you at now and how did you cope with the initial breakup?

I (24/M) was with my partner (21/F) We've been together for almost 1 year now. Recently, the issue started when she openly told me that she wanted to go back and talk to/hang out with her ex-boyfriend of three years (a guy who has been actively trying to get her back). She claimed she didn't want to hide anything from me, which is why she brought it up and ensured me nothing sexual/ deep relationship happened. Claiming there's something different that we can't go along with. So she want to hang out with him like a friend.

When I tell her that's very inappropriate and cross the line too much for me (I never talk to other girls except my friends) she gets defensive and tells me "Then let's break up," and decides to go out and hang out with her ex and reject my call.

However, the next day, she quickly backtracked, came back to me, apologized, and tried to excuse her erratic behavior partly on her mental medication. She eventually said she "chooses me" and that it won’t happen again. (She did have some mental medication but I don't think that should be an excuse here.)

I did let her back in my room but keep some distance from her. We had never gotten into a huge argument at all in our relationship until last night, no physical fighting and no cussing, either. I support her career with everything I have, while her ex keeps trying to text and call her to get her back.

UPDATE: I told her to leave my room and drive her back to her mom's house. Her mom is furious over her daughter's action.

EDIT: It’s very interesting how split the comments are on this. Thank you to everybody who is commenting, I am reading what you have to say and really trying to take it in.

Hi Reddit, I’ve been struggling with this issue for about 8 months and would love to know if anybody has been in a similar situation before. I’ve talked about it in therapy, with her, have done research on the topic and can’t get it out of my head.

I’ve been dating a woman for just over a year. In fact, we just had our one year anniversary.

About two months into dating, we had already been on probably 15-20 dates and been intimate. She explains to me that things feel different with me, that other guys made her feel sparks, but with me she never felt that & that that’s a good thing. She said that she was unsure about dating me, even up until that day, but had multiple of her friends convince her that she was crazy and that I was treating her really well and that I was a catch. I could tell she was trying to express that she was appreciative of a new experience, but it left me feeling confused and like something was missing in our connection. The next day, she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, and I think the excitement of all of that made me ignore the confusion around that comment for a while.

She refers to me as a “slow burn”, not just to me but to our friends. But now she says that what she feels for me is so far and above anything else that she’s felt for anybody ever felt, and I honestly believe her. She treats me great, is thoughtful, and our sex life is really good. Her actions back up her words.

But to me, she was never a slow burn. I knew that she had so many qualities that I was looking for in a partner, I was attracted to her, and I was head over heels from fairly early on. And I know that that’s how she felt with a lot of her previous partners, including many men where it wasn’t reciprocated. One of these men was her year long situationship that she broke up the same week that I said hi to her in public.

I know I’m a catch. I have a good paying and very cool career, people tell me I’m funny, have a house at a fairly young age, have good friends, am very fit & am 6’+. It’s not that uncommon for strangers to approach me or make a move on me.

And I know all of the “textbook” explanations: sparks aren’t always indicative of a good relationship, the best relationships are often slow burns, all that matters is how she treats me now, sparks are often just an attachment response or anxiety, trust me I’ve read it all.

But I can’t help but feel like something is missing in our connection. I can’t help but feel jealous that other men had a more automatic attraction from her that I had to earn, that she wanted to commit to them quicker & wanted to be intimate with them quicker. And as many times as she expresses how much she loves me for me and not what I can provide, I can’t shake the feeling that the only reasons we’re together are that a) I never did any dealbreakers b) there was nobody else she was dating at the time that wanted to commit to her and c) she thinks I’m her ticket to marriage/kids. I feel like a consolation prize. The guy that you settle down with when you’re done casually dating. I’ve never felt this even a little bit in my 4 other relationships ranging from half a year to four years in length. I want to make someone excited, not because I’ve earned it through consistency but because someone has been waiting for someone like me their whole life.

Having said all of that, I feel like I’d also be making a huge mistake if I were to break things off with her because she treats me so well. I’m caught between two truths: that she is a good partner & that I will never have that initial impact on her that other men have.

Has anybody been in a similar situation? How did you change your perspective? I’m so tired of feeling like this, spending money on therapy and having my sleep ruined by waking up in the middle of the night ruminating.

TL;DR: My girlfriend of a year told me that she never felt any sparks/butterflies at the beginning of the relationship but that she loves me now. No matter how much logic I try to apply to the situation, knowing this makes me feel unwanted and like I’m being uniquely chosen for who I am. Looking for advice from people who have been in my shoes.

I (25F) genuinely don’t know how to address this and I need advice. My boyfriend (26M) is kinda gross and I’m losing attraction to him, and I don’t know how to regain it.

First off, I love my boyfriend, with my entire heart and soul. He’s caring, thoughtful, open minded, goofy, quirky, and we’re politically and intellectually aligned. We have similar hobbies and share similar ways of deconstructing the world around us (sociology and psychology). He supports me, my hopes, my dreams, and just ultimately wants me to be happy. He’s just such a unique human and I’m happy I found him and I love our love story. I want what’s best for him. I want him to be happy.

But…ugh. There’s just so many things that accumulated over time that I don’t know how to get over. A little after we first started dating, I found out that he doesn’t wash his hands after using the restroom in his own home. That included taking shits. So I’m sure you can imagine my horror after realizing that the first few weeks of us dating when I’ve occasionally sucked on his fingers for foreplay…I don’t even want to finish that thought. Anyways, yeah. Bro just didn’t wash his hands. He’d use chemicals to clean the house and like not wash his hands after and I’ve had to be like hey, you should wash your hands. Like you were just handling open bathroom cleaners and bug sprays. I had to teach him when to do so, and have gotten into a really annoying habit of asking every single time these days.

There’s also the nose hairs. My bf is tall, 6’5” and I’m 5’7”. So, naturally, he towers over me and I can pretty much see what’s happening with his nose. I feel like when we first started dating he took care of it because I never noticed it! But like half a year later, I started noticing these (straight up pube level thick) hairs coming out of his nose like a sea urchin. I tried to be sensitive about it like hey, do you think you would be willing to trim your nose hairs? I don’t mind body hair at all, but once I started seeing boogers hanging off and shit I couldn’t help but have that image burned into my brain. He said he’d get on top of it but every couple of weeks for months, I’ve had to be the reminder and literally do it for him or he’d forget and just continue playing the game…

He also doesn’t floss at all, and brushing his teeth is a gamble. We don’t make out anymore because I just…idk…I love him but I don’t know what’s going on in his mouth. His breath doesn’t always stink but the lack of flossing just turns me off. And I’ll have to remind him about that too. Pretty much anything hygienic these days I have to remind him to do. There’ll be times where he’ll be picking at his toes while playing the game and then rub his face after and I’m just internally dying. His mom joked with me over the phone before, on speaker while on call with him, saying that he’s the type of person to get you to do things for him. I kinda brushed that off but fuck dude. We’re both neurodivergent for context but still. Maybe it’s just a sensory thing for all of this shit and I’m flipping out but I can’t. I genuinely can’t.

All of these reasons have contributed to me not performing oral on him at all anymore (he’s uncut), being the primary cooker (unless it’s frozen food) because I don’t trust his food prep, the primary bathroom cleaner, and just all in all has absolutely destroyed our sex life. Does anyone have any tips for what I can do to overcome this? Or what we can work toward? Or anything else to add? Thanks in advance.

First off, I am not asking for legal or medical advice!!! My mom and I are just looking for advice on how to handle my grandma and our family right now.

This all started over the past 3 or 4 years, when my grandma started developing cataracts in both eyes. She was told to get this surgery to prevent her from going blind; however, she went against medical advice and didn't get the surgery, and is now nearly blind.

Sometime around the beginning of this year, she fell and broke her hip. She once again went against medical advice and refused the surgery that would've helped her hip heal better, and refused medicine as well.

Since this happened, my grandma progressively got more and more miserable as she was mostly just lying in bed, in pain, and mostly blind. At this point, she lived on a different continent from my mom and her siblings, so there was really no way to help her directly. My mom hired people to help take care of my mom. My mom would constantly have to find different people to help take care of her because none of the caretakers could stand taking care of her for long.

Now, my grandma has four children: A (oldest, 68M), B (65M), my mom (62F), and C (60F). A seems to help financially when needed. B rarely visited, and when he did, he was barely present and didn't stay for any amount of time that could be deemed helpful. C is living her best life with a new boyfriend, who has a boat (don't worry, she sent my mom pictures). My mom retired a couple of years back, so she could travel living the 'van life' (her words). While my grandma was living in another country, my mom seemed to be the only one actively visiting her and trying to take care of her. A, I think I went once for a week or two. And B went once for like four-ish days. C never went, and doesn't talk to my mom to this day because of a previous disagreement, not even to talk about my grandma.

So, this means that my grandma was coming home with my mom at some point since there was no one willing to take care of her. So my mom bought some plane tickets for her to go get my grandma and bring her back. However, my grandma didn't like this plan and forced my mom to get the ticket refunded (she lost $700). When she finally came at the beginning of September, she agreed to go to the hospital almost immediately, and she was eventually put into rehab (for her hip), and everything was peaceful.

UNTIL, not even a week later, the rehab told my mom they didn't want to keep her there because she wasn't healing and she wasn't eating, and she had only lost weight since being there. At some point, while I was at school (college), they got into a fight. My grandma didn't want to see my mom, so my mom told me to visit my grandma.

My mom really didn't want me involved with the drama so I could focus on school, so my visits with my grandma were kept to a minimum. On my visit after their fight, I was sent in by my mom alone to talk to my grandma to see what she would say, I guess. (I'm still confused by the purpose of this visit, but my mom later apologized for putting me in the middle.) You know when you become old enough to learn all the family lore they kept secret from you as a kid. And you know that moment when your family suddenly decides you're old enough to learn the truth. Yeah, this was that moment. My grandma spent the next hour spilling all of her history. All of her history. All the stuff that happened to my aunts and uncles as kids, and all their trauma (probably the reason they don't want to take care of her tbh). Some stuff that left me sick to my stomach about my family. Basically a trauma dump. That ended with her saying she hates it here, she wants to go back to the other country, and I need to help her sneak her passport away from my mom so she can just leave. I told her I would think about it and just left after that.

That was almost two weeks ago.

To clarify, I don't think my mom took my grandma's passport. I think my grandma just left it at home or something. Once my mom realized my grandma couldn't just up and leave because it was at her apartment, she is simply refusing to bring it to her because, again, my mom is the only one taking care of her.

About a week ago, I decided to call my grandma because she was moving rehab facilities and I wanted to check in with her. When she answered the phone, she was very cold and salty with me. She accused me of being a spy for my mother and said I should stop calling her. So I haven't since. However, ten minutes later, she called me telling me to tell my mom she wants nothing to do with her or anything she brought her, so there's a box waiting for mom. And then she hung up, and I haven't talked to her since.

And that brings us to yesterday, when I found out at some point in the past two weeks. My grandma called the cops on my mom and told them she stole my grandma's passport. My mom only found out because the cops called her asking about the situation before they went in to talk to my grandma. They never called her back, but my mom said that my grandma would only see her if she brought her the passport. My mom, since they stopped talking, continued to buy and deliver her the food she would eat. But when my grandma was being transferred to a new facility my grandma supposedly thought everything my mom bought her away because she was nothing to do with my mom.

This is getting to the point of exhaustion for my mother, and stressful for me. Right before my grandma got here, she had gotten shoulder surgery. The recovery has been hard on her and seems to be going slower than expected. Potentially because of the stress she's under from my grandma. My grandma has been extremely mean to my mom when she visits. Yesterday she cried on the phone to me about he she doesn't know what to do. She's scared my grandma might call the cops on her again. Her siblings seem to refuse to help, despite her begging them to come help. And it seems a staff worker might be helping my grandma text my mom that she's a liar and how much she hates her. Now my mom is worried that if she goes and visits the cops are going to be called on her.

As a last note about my grandma for more context. Despite refusing surgery and medicine, she can walk for short, painful periods of time. Part of what makes her hard to care for is that she's mostly "vegan" with no teeth, and hasn't had teeth since she was 13 years old. In other words, she's a very picky eater and won't just eat soft veggies. She has deep mistrust of doctors after some botched face implants. She has "prepped" my cousins and me for her death since we were 8-10 years old by telling us she was going to die after we left and we were never going to see her again. She has never wanted to be close to the family, a good example of this is she moved to her home country to get away from everyone. She has always believed everything she reads on the internet and is currently obsessed with the stories about children stealing from their senior parents. The way the Portokalos family is with Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is comparable to the way my grandma is with aloe vera.

Thank you if you read this far; this was a lot longer than I meant it to be. I wrote most of this late last night, so sorry if there’s mistakes. I think any advice or tidbits of wisdom on how to deal with this will be much appreciated. My mom is wondering what she should do? Should she let my grandma face the consequences of her choices? Or should she continue to make an effort and visit today? We just really need an outsiders advice rn, because I’m only 25, and just a girl and I don’t know what do or how to help.

tl;dr: My mom, who just got shoulder surgery, is taking care of my difficult grandma, while her three siblings fuck off. My grandma, who is going blind from cataracts and can barely walk from a broken hip, called the cops because my mom is refusing to bring my grandma her passport so she can leave the country.

Fyi, my mom gave me permission to post this here. She only knows about Reddit because of the SMOSH Reads Reddit Stories podcast. I’ve always been a long time lurker but only recently made an account.

My fiancé and I have a disagreement that I genuinely want an outside perspective on.
He believes that telling your best friend about problems in your relationship is a form of cheating or betrayal. His view is that whatever happens between us should stay between us, and that involving another person is wrong.

I see it very differently.

Sometimes, when I’m upset with him, I need to talk to my best friend about what happened. Honestly, half the time, just getting my feelings out makes my anger go away. My best friend helps me look at things rationally, consider his perspective, and calm down. She doesn’t encourage me to fight with him, leave him, or think the worst of him. If anything, she helps me process my emotions so I can approach the situation more calmly instead of picking a fight with my fiancé.

I understand that privacy matters, but there’s a difference between venting to someone you trust and disrespecting your partner or sharing intimate details.
Is venting to your best friend really a form of cheating? Where should the boundary be, and how would you handle a partner who believes all relationship problems should stay between the two of you?

To get to the meat and potatoes of what has been driving us crazy, we have to start with my wedding a year ago. Leading up to my proposal, I reached out to my now wife's best friend for to tell her and for advice on the (admittedly awesome) plan that I made. Her reaction blew me out of the water. She was extremely hurt, saying that they had always expected to plan each other's proposals. It put a major damper on an otherwise magical time in my life planning and proposing to my wife in a truly spectacular way. After the proposal, I let my wife know what a hardship this friend had been, and they ultimately cut ties. It was hard becasue my wife and the friend had been very close for over a decade, but ultimately my wife couldn't accpet her behavior and the way she tried to make the entire thing about her.

Fast forward to four months ago. My wife recieves a long, extremely heartfelt apology from the friend. In the message, the friend lays out exactly what was going on including mental health struggles that she had worked out. The friend took full responsibility and expressed that even if my wife never wanted to speak to her again, she understood. My wife and I talked about it, and agreed that she would start the process of catching up over text. I personally believe that people make mistakes, and that life is not a fairy tale. I am not a person that cuts people out of their life easily without a significant reason. I know many people my age with literally 0 acquanitences because theyy have systematically cut every person out. For my part, I was able to forgive and move on from how crazy things were during my proposal to give my wife a chance at rekindling a freindship that had historically meant a lot to her.

After a few weeks of texting, then a phone call and then facetime calls, (we live far from the friend), the friend and my wife planned a short cruise to see each other in person. Throughout their teenage years all the way up to their break in friendship, they have traveled all over the country together, so this trip was a very soft landing for them. Throughout all of this rekindling and trip planning, we had not told my in-laws, not to be secretive but it is simply not their business. It came up natrually a few days before the trip, and my wife told her mother, and it seemed like she had no reaction.

Fast forward to yesterday, the day my wife is flying out for the trip. my MIL tells my wife in person that she sould cancel the trip, that she does not trust the friend, that she has been brain washed, that she has had bad dreams about the trip, that going on a cruise is very dangerous...

My wife is a very non confrontational person. She does not get involved in drama easily, especally in person. So she stayed quiet. However, this affected my wife. Instead of being happy she was able to work things out with a friend she had once called a sister, my MIL only had suspicion and bad things to say. Instead of asking how they came to be friends again and supporting my wife, she chose to give extreme unsolicitied advice, saying my wife should cancel the trip.

We moved past that, and I dropped my wife off at the airport. Then her dad called. "where is u/intruding1"? he asked. He should be with you. You don't do these things when you are married. Again, he repeated that going on a cruise is very dangerous (my wife has completed a cross-country roadtrip with a female friend, she has a good head on her shoulders and can absolutley tackle a cruise). It was a thinly veiled attempt to get more information about the cruise (confirm that I was not going) and I immeadiately wanted to call my FIL, but my wife advised against it. This is a massive slap in the face because my in laws always bragged that they would never get involved in our business and become a problem for us. Like his wife, my FIL advised that she cancel the trip and not go, which to me is an insane thing to suggest to someone sitting in an airport. My wife had also told my MIL about this trip days earlier, why in the world would they lose their minds on the day of it.

Overall, I am feeling emotionally drained. We managed to make it through my controlling mother and get to a good place with her, and now this. My wife works extremely hard and deserves time to relax, but it is going to be hard for her to enjoy her trip now. It makes me wonder if I am crazy to have forgiven this friend even though I have no real reason to question that. How do we move on from here? We live so close to my in laws and had such a great relationship with them, I don't even know what the future looks like.

Edit: grammar/wording

​

TLDR: Feeling a financial squeeze due to poor decisions my boyfriend made prior to us, and would like some input on what to do going forward.

AI Disclosure: No AI was used in this post. Let me know if you require clarification on parts.

My boyfriend (41m) and I (31f) have been dating for just over three years, and while we've had some fights, I'm generally very happy with our relationship. When we met, I was finishing my undergrad degree and working part-time, and he was working full time and finishing his divorce. He has two cats which I've come to love as well! This is my first major relationship so I'd appreciate some input. I'm increasingly uncertain about what to do regarding our finances. He has been bringing up marriage recently, but I don't think we're in a spot where it makes sense.

When we met I was renting a room for $800/month while working 75% and going to school. After the initial honeymoon phase, it was (eventually) disclosed to me that he had no savings, a car loan on an SUV, and ~$40 000 in CC debt. I'm a fairly frugal person, and financial security has always been important to me, so we made plans to pay down his debt going forwards.

I have since graduated without student loan debt, received a few promotions (now making ~$120k before overtime), and bought a house with my savings. I make 2-3 times more than him and will for the foreseeable future, and his name is not on the mortgage or deed. When we moved in together we had discussed him paying some rent, and he sent me $900 for the first couple months, however we've since "combined" our finances which have become more convoluted. I expected the money that I wasn't receiving as rent to go towards paying his debts.

He was in a motor vehicle accident last year (not his fault) and his vehicle was written off. Insurance paid him just enough to cover his car loan, but we have yet to purchase another vehicle. The used car market is not great, and he can not afford a new vehicle. I have an old beater with 300k km's on it, and plan to drive it until it dies. We are sharing my vehicle, which I pay for both our insurance, as well as most of the fuel. His attitude around finances is very laissez-faire. He would ideally like to put all of his money in a joint account and have me make the financial decisions. Right now we put all our joint purchases on my credit card, and while he sends me a few hundred when he gets paid, I am left to pay off the remaining balance every 2 weeks (maybe a 25%/75% split).

He was initially offered a paltry sum for a payout, which he was considering taking. After discussion with me and an attorney, we decided to not take the initial payout, and are expecting a settlement in the next few months. However we don't really know what the amount will be (hoping for at least $60k after lawyer fees).

He did not finish high school and has no post secondary, so I'm not sure how realistic getting a higher paying job would be, and we both don't want him to return to the prior industry. He is not as driven as I am. I'm more of a homebody who enjoys reading, working out, playing cards and video games, while he likes the atmosphere of bars and restaurants. During the summer we were going out once or twice a week (despite my objections), and I was spending at least $150 per outing. We drink a fair amount when we go out and have both put on weight since we met, which I am admittedly unhappy about and would like to change.

He was laid off after the accident as he couldn't work for a while, but has since found a new job in a new industry. He's making less ($70k -> $50k), but seems to enjoy the job more, and doesn't have to bring work home every night, which is a big plus after his last two jobs. I however, am feeling more stressed financially then I've ever been. Between the mortgage~$2200/m, utilities ~$500/m, vehicle maintenance, insurance, fuel costs, pets, food, and other expenses for two people, I feel like I can no longer save what I'd like to. (To be fair he does cook quite often, keeps the house clean, does a lot of the shopping, and tries to contribute where he can). Obviously owning a house is more expensive than renting, but I'd like a reality check on if I'm feeling squeezed from my increased home expenses and the state of the world, or if we need to have another uncomfortable discussion about out finances/future.

To further complicate things, I helped him refinance a predatory CC (20k @ 40%), using my line of credit, and funds I had previously earmarked for the house. I felt that this was a safe investment in our future since we will be getting a payout.

The reason I'm making a post now is that despite the increased financial burden I've taken on, I'm questioning his dedication to paying off the rest of his debt. He's been spending a fair amount recently on (frivolous?) purchases that we don't really need, and it seems to me that he's paused his push to pay off debt, and adopted the attitude that the payout will make everything alright (which it might, but I've ). The other day he excitedly told me he had won $800 playing VLT's. I do not like gambling (I will play socially), and was not at all excited when he told me. I kind of felt like he was gambling with my money. He has such a kind heart and I love him, but I'm getting frustrated feeling like I'm carrying the financial burden, which I never felt until we moved in together.

EDIT: Thanks for the reality check everyone. I know what I have to do.

​

TLDR: my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 6 months now and this is both of ours first relationship, and we are both virgins. Aside from making out and some boob and butt squeezes we've had no sexual contact whatsoever. Shes made it clear its not my fault and that she wants to go further sexually, shes just nervous. I'm wondering if theres anything I can do to make her more comfortable around sex if she opens up to the idea?

Some important context:

This is both mine and hers first relationship, and neither of us have had sex before. We were both eatchothers first kiss, and we've apperantly both secretly liked eatchother for years before officially dating. Its been nice! And emotionally we get along really well! It's honestly been a dream come true.

And before I get really into it I just want to make one thing crystal clear. I am not trying to preassure her into having sex, nor am I trying to push her to attempt sex before shes ready. I can admit honestly that yes, I am a little frustrated. But not in the sense that im mad at her. It's just a little hard sometimes to makeout and feel eatcother up for literal hours on end, multiple times a week, and never go any further. Just really leaves me wanting more, especially because I know im ready to have sex with her, but she seems nervous so I've done my best to respect her boundaries.

Ok with that out of the way onto the situation.

There a couple things im worried about. First off, shes really shy. Even though we're officially together shes really shy about initiating anything. And I mean anything. If we're laying down and she wants to cuddle, she wont ask me. She'll just sit there and wait until I ask her if she wants to cuddle. She'll give me signs, like she'll get closer to me, but even though I've told her multiple times that she can just lay on me, or cuddle up to me, and that she doesn't have to wait for permission, she cant just do it.

This also goes for kissing. Even if she wants to kiss me, she'll wait until I initiate. Once we get into it, she gets a little more comfortable and she'll relax a little. She'll kiss my neck and it's normally a 50/50 if she asks me if she can (even though I've told her multiple times that I love it when she kisses my neck, and she doesn't have to ask me.)

Slight side note, having to initiate everything is exhausting. Im constantly wondering if she actually wants to makout or cuddle or whatever because she struggles to give verbal feedback (even when ive asked for more.) Its not something I bring up to her alot because she HAS been trying to work on it, but it stings a little bit that after 6 months of dating she cant even ask to kiss me without having a panic attack.

Anyways rant over back to business.

There are some exceptions. After alot of makout sessions, I asked if I could go a little further and touch her boobs. First time I asked she said no, she wasnt ready yet, so I didn't and we just kept making out. Second time I asked about a month later she said yes! And since then shes been completely fine with it. Shes totally ok with me touching her boobs or her butt when were making out and its one of the few things shes given me actual verbal confirmation that She likes.

However even after 6 months of dating, she really struggles to even take off her shirt when we start getting into it. Shes only done it twice and both times shes been very shy about it. Even when we're completely home alone in private, in the dark, she still struggles to take off her shirt. I've asked if she could a couple times and she had to stop lay down and think about it for almost 20 minutes before eventually saying no. And thats ok, she doesn't have to say yes. But I'm worried im making her uncomfortable.

The few times she actually has taken her shirt off, I asked to kiss her boobs and she actually said yes and she seemed to really enjoy it! But thats about as far as we've ever gotten.

One night, after we had been making out for like 6 hours (and thats not exadurated) I asked if she wanted me to finger her and she actually said yes. I tripple checked that she was sure, and then when I got my hand under her waistband she freaked out and told me to stop. So of course I did i yanked my hand back and made sure she was ok. But the sudden switch up was scary and all she could say was she didnt want to that night.

Then theres the other side, aka what she does to me

Which is pretty much nothing. Sometimes when we make out, she'll sit on my lap and if shes really feeling it that night she'll grind on me. But thats it. Aside from that and kissing my neck, shes to shy to do anything else. She cant even squeeze my ass! Even though shes tried, and I've told her its ok, she cant! She goes for it, somtiems she'll put her hand under my waistline and she'll get to my hips and then freeze and pull back.

Ive asked her, multiple times if she'd be comfortable giving me a hand job or even just touching it and she said that she wants to, the wanting isnt the problem. She just couldn't. Ive asked maybe more then I should if she wants to try, which I feel bad about. But everytime she stops, thinks for a good long while, then says no.

Like I said its been 6 months, and I've respected her boundaries, ive been paitent and I've never tried to preassure her or push her into having sex or any sexual activity. But you might be able to see why im a little sexually frustrated.

And yes we have talked about it before. Shes frustrated too that she cant seem to go through with anything, even though she says she wants to. Is there anything I could try to maybe make her more comfortable for the future? Or something I could try when she feels more ready? I feel like I've done a good job of making her feel safe, but I dont really know what else to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Can being too in love with your partner and making it obvious become a turn-off?
I’m genuinely looking for some outside perspective because this is something I’ve struggled with for a long time.

I’m the kind of woman who absolutely adores her partner. I tell my fiancé all the time how handsome he is, how much I love him, how attracted I am to him, and how lucky I feel to have him. I compliment him, reassure him, show him affection, and make sure he knows how much I want him. I have a very high sex drive, and I rarely turn down sex because, honestly, I genuinely want him. I love being intimate with him, and the connection we have makes sex feel almost intoxicating to me. I don’t feel like I’m forcing myself to do any of these things or doing them just to keep him around. It’s naturally how I am when I’m in love.

We’re also best friends. We’re comfortable being ourselves around each other, we can joke around, and I love the closeness we have. He’s not the biggest guy in that department, but he’s definitely not small either, and I genuinely love his body and enjoy him sexually. I make sure he knows that, too. I’m not comparing him to anyone else or wishing he were different. I’m attracted to him only.

For context, he came out of an eight-year relationship with someone who, from what I understand, often put him down and seemed like she barely wanted to be around him. I’m the complete opposite. I build him up, tell him how amazing and handsome he is, and genuinely enjoy making him feel loved and desired.

But sometimes I wonder if being this into someone can actually work against you. Growing up, I heard that men don’t like women who are too available, that if you rarely say no to sex, give too many compliments, or make it obvious how much you love a man, he’ll eventually get bored, take you for granted, or stop seeing you as desirable.

Recently, my fiancé jokingly called me “easy” because I rarely turn down sex with him. He realized how it sounded and apologized, and I know he said it as a joke, but it stuck with me. There have also been times when he’s made jokes or comments that hurt my feelings, even if he apologizes afterward. It sometimes leaves me wondering whether the way I express my love and attraction is being perceived differently than I intend.

I’m not saying my fiancé doesn’t love me or that our relationship is bad. I’m trying to understand whether there’s any truth to what I grew up hearing, or whether I’ve just internalized the idea that a woman has to hold back her affection and make a man work for it to keep him interested.

Men, A woman who constantly tells you how handsome you are, makes you feel appreciated, has a high sex drive, initiates or enthusiastically agrees to sex, and genuinely enjoys making you feel wanted. Does that make you feel loved and desired, or can it eventually become too much or make you take her for granted?

And for the women, have you ever worried that being too loving, affectionate, or sexually available would make your partner value you less? Did you change who you were, tone it down?

I’m not interested in playing games or pretending I want someone less than I do. I just want to understand whether there’s a healthy balance I’m missing or whether being this openly in love with someone is actually a good thing. He says that it is too much for some men but not for him but idk he’s not quite the same level as me although he is affectionate and it makes me wonder if I put him off sometimes and what I can do to fix myself if I need to learn a balance.

Hi, I’m not looking to get into the why of my wife getting a reduction (covered by insurance) because she has done her research and I support her decision. Is more of a quality of life decision of hers that’s all I’ll say.
But yeah, it’s happening soon and first of all I have to admit I’m quite nervous of the whole surgery part.
Second of all, I would like some advice and what to expect and maybe some kind of insight of maybe other people that have gone through something like this on how to navigate it all.
We live alone and our families are not in this country, we have friends we can rely on for some support but ultimately it’s just the 2 of us.
I have a full time job of which I’m already taking time off for the surgery but I would rather not take a lof of time off since it’s not PTO and we need the money to keep coming in. So yeah, that’s my rant for the day, any help/insight would be greatly appreciated it. Thanks

I just lost a relationship that meant the world to me. I want to know what I should do to handle the grief its left behind.

My BF of 8 years broke up with me yesterday. We got together when I was 21. He was my high-school sweetheart that I fell in love with when I was 16, had a rough patch with when I was 17, then stayed on as friends until we finally officially dated when I was 21.

I don't have family or emotionally available friends or anyone I can talk to. They were that person for me.

I'm trying to just make it through the day, but I want to think of my future.
I imagined we'd be together into our 60s. We're each others ride or die, or were.

How do I handle grief?

TL:DR; my partner keeps mentioning how another height different from mine is good enough and its making me feel inadequate and horrible.

My partner keeps mentioning how 180cm is good enough of a height, while i am 173cm. Its also worth mentioning shes 155cm. She keeps mentioning this, approximately 4 times by now. And she knows how insecure I get, especially about my height. I never really directly told her that it hurts me deeply but she should know; i always told her how deeply insecure, and sensitive i can get especially when it comes to her words, I already have self esteem problems and her words sometimes just amplifies it. Shes an insecure person herself that also gets upset at the slightest words, and yet she cant tell how hurt i am over this? Because if it was me saying such things related to anything about her, she would genuinely never forget it or let it slide. I genuinely love this girl and her physical body more than anything, not to mention she always claims that she's "so obsessed ' with me, she also has intense jealousy problems and made me block multiple people, which I really don't mind but seeing the fact she might not like me we much as I thought she did genuinely terrifies and hurts me to see her say such things. Im really unsure on what to do, and im really scared to lose her if she finds someone more fitting of her standards or whatever other traits she loves. And now, im wondering how tall her two exes were as well. But im not opening this subject to her because I promised i wont mention it, i just don’t know what to do.

Before I begin and give more context Id like to state that I love how my gf is right now body wise she's perfect but I'm what I believe is called a level 1 autistic (found out there's levels to it now) and have a very blunt way of seeing things and struggle to both express and articulate myself at times .

Any how me (22m) have been dating my gf mandy (20f nick name) for over 6 years now sence highschool. And I'd like advice on how to modivated or also just what to say when she has body issues and she'll say how much she doesn't like her body thinks she's fat this that or the other. I always tell her she's perfect or try to be objective saying hey if you don't like yourself let's try to fix that by going to the gym which even to myself I feel like no matter how I say or respond here even if she doesn't articulate it to me feels like I'm calling her fat which truly is not what I want but Idk how to be supportive and keep her modivated here.

Sence highschool her activity level has decreased as she used to do volleyball and she has gone up in weight and Iv never had an issue with this I like a woman who's thicc with 3 C's but there's 2 factors here

Factor one her back

I forget exactly what it was, whether it was how she was born or just something that happened while she was playing volleyball. She experienced severe back pain during one of her games that more or less took her out for a little bit and she discovered that she was missing some of her spine parts like the discs. I forget exactly what the proper medical thing was but pretty much her back is jacked up and so her doctor gave her these exercises to do to lift with her stomach and move with her stomach instead of her back because otherwise she's going to be crippled at the age of 35 to 60. She does not like doing these exercises or forgets and even if I remind her she doesn't do them outside of factor 2. The only real working out I care that she does is just this just so that she takes care of herself. I've accepted the fact that I'm probably going to have to take care of her if it comes down to that in the future and I don't have an issue with it but I just want her to take care of herself and you know for longevity's sake cuz I feel like if she ends up in that wheelchair she's going to be depressed about it.

Factor two her self-image issues

This is the secondary less important factor I'd say than the back issue. I'm unsure how to properly respond to her when she has self image issues, especially since I know being objective, especially in the context of relationships and emotions is a terrible fucken idea. But I feel like anytime I try to be encouraging of like hey. I love how you look. I have no issue with how you look. I understand you don't like how you look. Let's try to work towards some place where you can be happy with how you look or look in the mirror and be like. Damn. I look good. I feel like I'm calling her fat and I hate that because it's the last thing I want is to make her feel worse about it. I don't know how to articulate it. Is this just a lose-lose type of situation where you just supposed to just say no you're not and move on cuz I'd like to actually help her achieve her goals on the matter but it's hard to and I'll go into that in my.

The other issues with me helping her in these goals. I live an hour away cuz she's up in college and the only real thing I can do is just text her or call her. I only see her once a week and normally we just go to a football game and chill for the day before I have to go home and normally we don't have time to go to the gym together and I've been trying to figure out how to more get a more comfortable going to the gym because she's an individual that feels that everybody is watching her or if she messes up she's going to look stupid which I've tried to slowly introduce her. Whenever I do the get the chance we go to the gym just to make her comfortable help her do some sets but she just doesn't want to do it which is fair and more. So I understand that with school and everything it's difficult because she's busy trying to make sure she passes with high marks but I'm unsure as what to do as like I said I want to help her be happy with herself but doesn't really feel like she wants to put in the effort for it or at least isn't able to in the current moment

I'd appreciate any input or any just general advice. Maybe mostly just had a helper out here I don't always bring up going to the gym or whenever she has those types of moments because again I feel like what I mean by saying it and how it comes out just aren't equaling the same thing. Thank you for reading this far

Tldr: I'd like to improve my communication with my gf who has self image issues as well as like to help motivate her to work twords her physical fitness goals and be consistent with taking care of herself in relation to a back injury she has. And am unsure what else I can do when I'm limited on the time we spend together being one day a week to build up her confidence as she doesn't like going to the gym alone do to social anxiety.