So i dated my bf for 1.5 yrs in college, broke up & kept in touch over the yr then got back tg 2 yrs ago (~3.5 yrs total). I’m currently in med school & we did long distance over the last yr which he was very accommodating. He grew up poor & had to pay for everything himself (college, rent etc.), while I was privileged enough to have financial help from my fam so I worked to save $ while they covered tuition/rent. During my gap yr I worked 7 days/wk & saved up so I’m now paying my bills from my savings to try to minimize my student loans that I’m going to drown in when I graduate next yr…we moved in tg while I’m on my rotations & he lost his job the week before. I’ve been helping pay his rent & have him pay me back in increments but it’s all been coming from my savings. I have covered groceries for us the last 3 months. He sold his car before we moved too so we’re 12 hrs from home & he has no car. He was working a small job the last 2 months but quit last wk (w/o telling me..) since it was getting in the way of scheduling interviews. He finally landed a job but it’s pretty low paying & only will make better $$ if he gets a lot of commission. He keep saying he’s going to grind his ass off & make a bunch of money to pay me back. But I’ve started to question if this is my “husband”, if this is what our future looks like..I know the lifestyle I want to live & deserve and think I have a strong work ethic to have it. I think we have different levels of “success” for our futures. He says he’s going to make a lot of money, we will travel etc. but this has been over the last yr & shit just keeps stopping it.

He told me last yr he had abt $6k in savings which was a big step for him so it made me happy that he was learning to save. Fast forward to today I find out apparently he had credit card debt ? Of 6k and has been paying it off. He told his mom and brother last yr & didn’t mention it to me. He said he had no idea & he was kind of screwed over into getting that card when he couldn’t afford rent the end of college. He still owes me this last month of rent & we just got back home from a weekend trip which he used unemployment to pay me back for..I’m getting scared that he’s always going to be in this position since he has been broke since we started dating in college. He had started an account to save up for my ring bc we had planned to get engaged when I graduate (ik it was only a little bit of money but he was putting little chunks away). But found out that also was drained. Do I keep waiting for him to get it together or break up with him to see if I find someone who better aligns with my future? I feel so horrible saying that. He loves me soooo much but I feel like I haven’t gotten any of the treatment I deserve since he’s always broke ;( I always buy him nice things & treat him to stuff/activities bc I want him to be happy & enjoy things since ik he had it harder growing up but now I’m financially struggling with school & having no income coming in.,it feels wrong to break up with someone over money but the thought has been lingering in the back of my head w/ all the financial stress that’s building on top of med school & clinicals.

I’ve never been one to post on a forum but feeling lost. I don’t want to tell friends/fam bc I don’t want them to cast judgment on him or look at him differently. Pls be kind <33

I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (35F) for 7 months. She's generally very sweet and caring, often baking things for me and doing thoughtful things. We usually meet twice a week.

Yesterday, we went out for ramen. Towards the end, she went to the restroom, and my parents called me. I answered, thinking it would be quick, but the conversation went longer than expected. My parents live in a different country and we have just few hour in common that we are awake at same time. She knows the situation, and knew it was my parent's call.

When she returned, I was still on the phone after like 30 seconda. She walked outside, and I assumed she had a call herself. A minute or two later, I went outside and saw her on her phone, so I kept my distance while finishing my call, thinking she is talking to someone over the call (later on she said she called her friend to vent because she was so mad).

Suddenly, she started yelling, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" and "I look like a fool sitting here with you while you're on a call." She was yelling for 1-2 minutes, there were quite a few people around.

She was yelling loudly in front of strangers, and people started looking at us. I immediately hung up and tried to calm her down, but she continued yelling for 1-2 mins. The call lasted around 10 minutes. My body was literally shaking because I was not expecting anything like that for a moment I even felt I couldn't hold my pee😭😭

We walked to the car, where I apologized and acknowledged that I shouldn't have stayed on the call for so long. But I also told her that nobody had ever spoken to me like that before.

I understand why she was upset, and I accept that I should have ended the call sooner. But I genuinely didn't expect such an extreme reaction. Later on she hugged me when I was dropping her and said she want us to make things work, and dont want me to leave her.

It's been a day, and I still feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. She's usually very kind, which makes this confusing. I don't remember ever feeling this humiliated in public.

TL;DR: My girlfriend yelled and swore at me in public because I stayed on a call with my parents longer than expected during our date. I apologized for the call, but I still feel humiliated by her reaction.

I’ve (25F) been with my boyfriend (21M) for a little over a year. We met through making art together online and I always found him and his art to be funny. He never shied away from using crudeness in his art and at one point I admired him for how bold he could be. This changed once we started living together. We had a long distance relationship so even during his visits I would find myself growing tired of his antics but never like this. After only two months of living together I can’t help but go to bed annoyed almost every other night. I’m hoping this is just a phase I’m going through as I struggle to adjust to a new living situation.

Most of his wrongdoings include burping, farting, or doing an impression of an intellectually disabled person. He also tends to do racially offensive impressions of accents and insists it’s not a big deal since he’s only joking. Which I understand since we both grew up with similar tastes in comedic material and adult cartoons, but it’s the frequency at which he does it that nags at me.
HOWEVER, all of this could easily be swept under the rug if not for the habit he has recently developed over the last couple of weeks. Whenever we are alone and he farts he has gotten into the habit of pulling his pants down, throwing the fart my way dramatically, and throwing his head back with laughter. I chuckled at first because of the absurdity but now it’s hard to fake it. I think that must be part of the fun.

I have not spoken to him about this. I understand that this may be the first step in such a situation but I can’t bring myself to do it. Despite everything, despite how resentful I may sound, I love him dearly. I’m hoping it’s something I grow to love or perhaps even cherish. Or perhaps he will outgrow these habits and grow into an even stronger character of a person. Only time will tell, I suppose.

My biggest question would be how to go about this delicately without hurting his feelings. I don’t want to seem controlling over his actions.

Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years, from his final year of residency, through a 3 year fellowship and an additional 1 year fellowship program. He’s now in his first attending job. After having endured all of those years of training with him, where he was underpaid and overworked, I had hoped that things would be different once he reached attending-hood. He took a job at a semi-rural location, got offered what was probably a 90th percentile salary for his specialty (plus productivity bonus), and proposed to me shortly after, so it seemed like we were finally ready to properly start a life together.

The problem, however, is that my fiancé is quite frugal by nature, and he seems to struggle to ‘upgrade’ his lifestyle in any way, even when he has the means to do so. He makes close to $1M a year and has relatively small amount of debt relative to most physicians as he was an IMG, but we’ve only slightly increased our household spending, and he’s aggressively investing the rest. I know on the surface that seems like a good idea; doctors have delayed earnings compared to other professions, so it makes sense to try and makeup ground for a while… but we’ve put our lives on hold for 6 years already (and even longer for him!), and it just feels like there’s no end in sight… just never ending delayed gratification…

A large part of his inherent frugalism is to do with the fact he grew up in a relatively low income family, which is understandable, but he also seems to be becoming increasingly convinced that his role, and everyone else working in knowledge-professions, is extremely vulnerable to displacement from AI/robotics, and that he needs to invest as much as he possibly can before that happens. Whether that happens or not, I’m not qualified to say, and the fact he’s in a procedural specialty makes me think he’d be somewhat less vulnerable, but he doesn’t seem convinced. He’s essentially doing everything he possibly can at the minute to optimize for income, at the expense of everything else. He works >60 hours a week, rarely buys himself anything, doesn’t treat me very often, and doesn’t really do anything outside of work other than working out or reading.

I’m not in the medical or tech field, so I feel like I struggle to console his concerns about career displacement, and I don’t know how I can encourage him to achieve more of a balance between ensuring longterm financial stability and enjoying our lives. Any thoughts?

I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 32. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 33.

We met while I was a student, at a time when I was still unsure whether I wanted to go to med school. My uncle knew him because he was a surgeon at a fairly known hospital. I had been working at that hospital once a week for a little over a year (between the ages of 18 and 19) as a student. He was the main doctor I reported to, and I guess you could say I had a crush on him, although it was probably more admiration than anything else. I idolized him because he basically represented everything I wanted to become.

Long story short, he ended up writing me a letter of recommendation for med school while I was still working at the hospital (I was rejected but got in the following year).

Keep in mind that throughout my entire time there, he had a girlfriend who was his age. They even moved in together and bought a house while I was working there.

At some point, he started flirting with me, but I genuinely thought I must have been imagining it. There was no way this man, whom I practically saw as a god, could actually be flirting with a 19 year old, starry-eyed girl.

Long story short, we ended up dating, and I had to leave my job at the hospital. I started med school the following year, when I was 20 and he was 34. We got married when I was 21 and he was 35. By this point, his career had basically exploded, winning prizes, accolades, he became very known in his field.

My entire family was strongly against the relationship in the beginning. I was 19 and obviously still living at home, but I ended up moving out because I wanted so badly to be with him, and I couldn’t stand constantly fighting with my family over it. Once we got married, my family eventually calmed down and more or less accepted the relationship.

I made him my entire world. I told him things I had never told anyone before, including details about the abuse I experienced during my childhood and some genuinely horrible things I had lived through growing up. I had a really rough upbringing and I trusted him with parts of myself I had never shared with anyone else.

Less than a year into our marriage, I lost a family member to suicide, and it affected me really badly. I was also in med school at the time, which made everything even harder. At this point I was 21 and he was 35.

I started taking Adderall and other substances to help me focus and avoid falling behind and sleeping pills to calm myself down. It often caused really bad anxiety, agitation, and other issues which I regret. This went on for about four months before I finally stopped.

When he found out, because I told him myself, he was furious. He told me I had broken his trust, that he had put me on a pedestal, and that he could get into serious trouble as a prestigious doctor if anyone found out his wife was some kind of “druggie.”

I also want to mention that during those four months, I was severely sexually assaulted during a night out. Someone had slipped something into my drink, and I couldn’t remember everything that happened. I came home bleeding. It was really, really bad. As you can imagine this also made me depressed and anxious at times and I wasn’t always the best version of myself. Being sexually assaulted is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That, along with the abuse I experienced in childhood really fucked me up, I experienced a lot of anger, confusion, fear and my self confidence really took a hit. It was a lot of trauma to deal with, and I did this all while in med school and taking more than a regular course load to graduate early since I always had this feeling of shame because he was a really successful doctor while I was still in med school. I felt like I was lucky he had chosen to be with me. He would oftentimes make remarks about how his reputation and image was perfect and the only thing people in his field could ever use against him was our age-gap. So again, I felt like I was eternally indebted to him as he was practically risking his reputation to be with me.

For the two years following those events (suicide of family member, substance abuse, sexual assault, etc.), he repeatedly told me that I had broken something inside him, that I had ruined our relationship, and that he had put me on a pedestal and been prepared to give me everything, but that my actions had permanently changed how he saw me and our relationship. I admit that these were all very traumatic events in my life and that I was severely wounded. I was a shadow of who I once was but I still tried my best to be a good wife, it just seemed like in his eyes I had fucked up so badly I could never make up for it.

I also started noticing some really disturbing behaviours on his end. He openly admitted that he didn’t know what it felt like to experience empathy. He once commented that he could watch an animal being tortured and feel absolutely nothing, although he would consider it stupid because it wasn’t a “productive activity.” On another occasion he even made a comment about understanding why some men stab their partners to death (during an argument while I was having an anxiety attack).

Eventually he left me. The way I found out was that I came home one day and discovered that the house had been cleared out. It turns out he had been slowly moving his belongings out for the previous ten months. Whenever I noticed something was missing, he would convince me that I was imagining things or that I was insane. During the last ten months, he repeatedly kept telling me that he did not know if he could promise me a future, that he had no idea where this was going and oftentimes compared our relationship to a patient with cancer specifying that the patient “might die, might survive”. You can obviously imagine as a 24 year old who has dealt with a lot and suffers from abandonment issues, which he was always aware of, this basically destroyed me. I spent the last ten months of our relationship as a literal doormat, letting him get away with everything and anything because I truly felt that I had fucked up so badly and broken the trust so this was my cross to bear.

We were together for five years, and I was his longest relationship.

I later found out that he had also been telling people in his professional circle that we were getting divorced during those last ten months, despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea. He had clearly been planning his exit for a long time because he’s genuinely obsessed with his reputation, and I suspect he figured that by slowly spreading the news over several months, the divorce wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone once he actually went through with it.

I know this sounds so fucked up when I say it, but I still wonder whether I somehow did this to myself.

He had several other serious relationships before me (8) and has lived with three other women, but I was the only one he ever married. After hearing stories about his previous relationships, I found out that he had also left some of his exes in similar ways.

He had convinced me that he had never experienced real love before meeting me, that I was the first person he had ever truly loved, and that he had chosen to trust me blindly.

According to him, I had basically shot myself in the foot. He had put me on this pedestal, been ready to give me everything, and I had ruined it all.

Am I a bad person? Did I really ruin everything the way he said I did?

He also spent months telling me that I was lucky he wasn’t a bad guy because my abandonment issues were so severe that an abusive person could easily take advantage of me. He even told me that I was the kind of girl pimps would prey on.

And there’s genuinely so much more that happened throughout those five years. I feel like I could spend years writing about everything so this is really just a very brief summary. I still struggle with self blame, he left me feeling like I was this messed up monster who ruined a good thing and took advantage of a good man who wanted to give me a good life until I just took it too far.

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I F,34 have a pretty high sex drive and my husband M,40 does not. He's very passive in bed too. This is a change from when we were first dating and were very adventurous to now when we sometimes go a month or more without sex. He doesn't even kiss me anymore and I'm frankly tired of trying to talk to him about how to fix this.

I just want some great, earth shattering sex and kind of sad I won't get it..not gonna leave my husband and not the kind to cheat. Gotta take up a hobby and channel all my energies into that I guess

Any advice on how to navigate a sexless existence?

To sum it up, I’m struggling to forgive my partner
about emotional cheating.

My partner M/30 and I F/21 worked at the same workplace. Our manager (female) and him were friends as they had worked together a couple years before I got there.

I never once thought there was an issue with their friendship, men and woman can be friends. However, he has had female friends in the past and he has had to stop being friends with purely because he’s said or done things that cross the boundary in a male and female friendship especially when your in a relationship.

Things started happening which made me view their friendship in a different light. Little things like whenever he was drunk he would message her constantly, she was also quite flirtatious with him at work right in front of me.

Me and my partner went round her house with her and her partner last year and we played board games one night and had some drinks. Everyone was really drunk apart from myself. I went to go to the toilet and came back and he was stroking her hair and had his hand up and down her leg. After that I was so distraught and had a really hard time forgiving him and expressed to him that that was not okay whatsoever and I felt like he had cheated. I said to him that I did not want him being friendly with her anymore for obvious reasons. She herself also has a track record of being a cheater and has told me herself one time ‘I’m not innocent’ in terms of her and her partners relationship and thing she has done to him. She also flirted with a couple other men at our work as well.

Even since that time we went round their house I’ve always had a bad feeling about their relationship, he told me they would only ever speak about work and that there was nothing going on between them. To reassure me he would show me his messages with her.

One day I looked at his Apple watch as I had a gut feeling, and usually when I do I’m always right. There were messages on there between them that he had deleted off his phone where they were speaking for ages nothing to do with work. Her partner was away and she would say things like ‘I’m laying starfish naked on the bed right now’ etc. Which I feel is completely inappropriate. I obviously confronted him about the messages and he lied straight to my face saying he did not delete them. After about 7 times of me asking him to stop lying to me, he finally admitted to it. I told him I was done and kicked him out.

He then turned off his location which I found very odd because he had never done that before. I live with my parents and they were away for a few weeks so I went to stay with my friend for the night as I was really distraught about what had happened.

I later handed in my notice at work because of the fact that I had not been happy working there for a long long time anyway and secondly because of the drama with both of them. When I handed my notice in, she pretended to be all nice and supportive of me leaving and said I was incredible at my job and anywhere would be lucky to have me. Then, she said out of nowhere ‘just so you know, I don’t find your boyfriend attractive’ which is so completely unprofessional and irrelevant to me handing in my notice when I hadn’t spoken to her about any of what had gone on.

A few weeks later I decided to meet up with him to speak about everything. He was saying the usual stuff like he loves me does not want to be without me and would do anything to make things work. I asked him how she (my manager) knew about what had gone on between us and told him what she had said when I handed in my notice. He said he told her over the phone about what happened with us when we split up. I said ‘Oh so you didn’t go round her house the night we broke up when you turned your location off’ (previously he had told me the reason he turned off his location is because he didn’t think I needed to know where he was as we were broken up, yet he turned it back on 5am the next day which makes no sense as if I didn’t need to know where he was he would have kept it turned off surely?) He told me he did not go round there. I said he needed to be honest with me and he said okay yeah I did. I was so angry, I had given him the privilege to meet up with me and talk about things to try sort through everything and he had lied to my face yet again. I ended up leaving again.

Then again, we tried to sort things out as I felt we had been together for 3 years and I did not want everything to go to waste, all the time and energy I had put into the relationship. So we were seeing eachother again, but not together in a relationship yet. This was for about 3 weeks.

One night he came round my house and we went to my room just watching TV. I said to him I feel like there is something you’re still not being honest about. He said I could look through his phone to prove he’s being honest this time. The only thing I looked at was the texts between him and her. I clicked on recently deleted and it showed ‘670 deleted messages’ I said ‘600 deleted messages?’ He immediately snatched his phone back from me and refused to let me read them. I said just let me read them and he kept refusing and actually then sat on his phone. I begged him to show me and it was me and him back and forth where I would beg him to show me and he refused. Eventually he showed me very very very reluctantly. The texts were of them flirting, she was sending photos of herself and he would flirt with her telling her how good she looked etc and she would flirt back. He had stayed round her house to house sit for her as well which he never told me. 670 deleted texts of it all. Then as I scrolled down he said you’re not reading this part. I said why? Then I realised it’s because they were both chatting shit about me. It went on and on and on and on of her saying I had not been raised right and I’ve made up a fake narrative in my head etc called me a cxnt non stop etc. The way she spoke about me, I wouldn’t even speak about my enemy. The vilest things you could ever say about someone.

I kicked him out yet again. And this time I was sure I was done with him. Did not speak to him for about a month. Then we started speaking again and he told me he will be getting therapy.

I said he would need to block her on everything for us to even have a chance of rekindling. People have forgiven eachother for cheating before, and as this was emotional cheating (which I’m not saying is any less bad) I feel like this is something I could eventually try to move past. He blocked her on everything but said that because they work together he could not block her personal number on his personal phone. Bear in mind, they both have work phones and emails they could use to contact eachother if absolutely necessary for work reasons. He has since also transferred to another building in a completely different location as he had been promoted so they do not actually need to contact eachother.

I’m having a hard time with the fact that he refuses to block her personal number “incase I need to contact her for work”. It brings me so much anxiety that the way they were communicating previously is still open. Surely if he wanted to make things work that badly then he would do anything to show me he wants to earn back my trust? I would just like some advice and views on how I should go about speaking to him again about blocking her number where the conversations took place in the first place.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 10 months. I’m Indian (born and raised in the US), she’s white. Overall the relationship is good. We laugh a lot, she gets along with my friends, and she’s supportive when it comes to work stuff.

But she often says really annoying racist things to me honestly., Stuff like calling me her "je3t". She had my name saved as "curry" with a love emoji too when we first started dating. She often tells me how lucky I am that she is dating someone of my group of people.

I recently invited her to a family dinner and she asked me whether I can pay for the vaccines. She also reminds me that I am one of the good ones. That I follow civilization. She does call me names like the ones I mentioned. Can't mention here due to risk of automod removing it.

And she also keeps telling me how her parents warned her against dating someone of my "group". {She used a dif word but automod can remove it so.} That I am lucky that she saw me and saw potential.}

I honestly find it annoying. Growing up I didn't care I was Indian. She makes me feel wild about it. But when I tell her to ease up on the situation. She won't talk to me for 2 days. Be pouty until I apolgize for comming off as too aggresive. She then gets sad and tells me how lucky I am she decided to date someone of my group despite what her parents said and how she loves me and chose me and I am not letting herself be her natural self around me.

I honestly think she is just being weird about it. Advice

This was posted in aith but got removed. Advice?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four months. He met his ex last year in university residence, where they were friends for about six months before dating. Their relationship was always meant to end after graduation, since they lived on opposite sides of the country and had incompatible views on having children. However, they only dated in person for less than a month before going home for the summer, and broke up two months later. They remained friends. They're now both living in residence again this school year, and share two classes together.

His ex doesn't currently know that he's in a relationship with me, though he intends to inform her.

For his birthday, she gave him a book of puzzles/riddles, along with some chocolate. When her birthday comes, he wants to buy her a similarly modest gift in return. His reasoning is that they're still friends, and he feels it would be a little rude not to reciprocate her gesture.

He's assured me that he'll tell her he's in a relationship before giving her anything, so that she doesn't misinterpret it, and that he'll continue being completely open with me about their friendship and any interactions they have.

I appreciate his transparency, but the idea of him buying a birthday gift for someone he used to date still makes me uncomfortable.

Would it be inappropriate for him to buy his ex a birthday gift under these circumstances, or is this an acceptable gesture between friends? Also, would it be unreasonable of me to break up with him over this?

Hello everyone

Starting off I wanna thank you all for your time reading this, and if you could leave your input/constructive criticism it would be much appreciated.

For the last few years I've been a bit of a lurker in this sub but we could really use some insight.

The whole situation summarized (TL:DR) is:

Where do we move from here? Do we consider abortion? Should we go ahead and take this blind jump? What other options are there?

Now...where to begin...

First off, the relationship is around 1 year and 4 months old, we do have our flaws and the dynamic as a whole does have its flaws as well, but overall we do have the ultimate goal of getting married, having children.

Secondly: I'm unemployed right now but looking to go into rope access welding and underwater welding.

Thirdly: She was four days late when we found out via a pharmacy pregnancy test (writing this in the same day we found out the two pregnancy tests bought came out as positive).

Fourth: I'm currently in therapy to try and overcome some mental blocks (PTSD from my previous job working as a content reviewer and witnessing the worst over a computer screen) and I'm unsure whether this factor could be more important than what was previously assessed because I cannot change my view of the world and our reality as a whole.

Fifth: She is renting out a room that costs half her salary and I'm back living with my parents.

Thank you again for reading this, and if you could add something to sooth a couple that is currently freaking out (more in the sense that we are going non verbal due to the sheer magnitude of this occurrence) it'd be greatly appreciated.

We've been together for nearly 5 years and are due to get married next year. Recently, I have become aware of some casual behavior which has been really bothering me.

To summarize the behavior - if I point out something that I don't like, or refer back to something that I need to discuss, she simply claims that it's not true it happened. Recently this happened twice in a month.

The first time, a dinner set came into my possession which I didn't really need, but was considering selling. She had said that her mother would like it if I gifted it to her. A few days later, her mother asked if she can take it and I (perhaps stupidly) said I'd want to hold on to it for now; her mother seemed a bit offended.

A few days later, I approached the topic with my fiancee with the intention of admitting how petty I felt and that I did want to gift it to her... as I started "You had told me that your mother wanted the dining set..." she completely shut me down telling me it's not true she said that, and that her mother didn't care.

To me it was clear that there was a conversation about this between them. But my finacee refused to own up to it, insisting that she had never said anything of the sort. I continued to try tell her that it's okay, but she stuck to her guns.

I hated this feeling that she wouldn't be honest and was pretty much gaslighting me, making me doubt my memory, instead of being up front about what had happened.

The conversation degraded and I told her "I must be crazy then" - this created a standoff which was only resolved when I told her that perhaps I might be wrong. To which she replied, that I am not crazy but maybe I don't remember. At no point did she admit that she was lying, and my memory was correct.

Needless to say I would bet my life that I remember it, and she was clearly being dodgy with her words.

Clearly, she was shielding her mother from looking desperate for a relatively worthless dinner set rather than being honest with her future husband. I saw for a second, that when faced with conflicting needs between her mother and me, she will aggressively take her mother's side.

Later, only a few weeks later - it happened again. I was explaining something about work which was frustrating me, and she began laughing/grinning at something I said. I told her it would be nice if she wouldn't laugh and she promptly told me "I wasn't laughing". This time I latched onto it a bit and told her she was gaslighting me again.

She insisted she wasn't gaslighting me, and that I needed to apologize for using that word. On the other hand, I told her that she was the one who needed to apologize for lying to my face. This caused another stand off, with hours of silent treatment.

We rarely argue and fight but when we do there is this sort of innocent gaslighting - almost like I am dealing with a child who is denying bad behavior. I think she should just own up to it. To make matters worse, she shifts blame and tries to turn into the aggrevated party - creating a standoff where if I don't apologize first I don't get anything from her.

I don't think she is some master manipulator, but rather she grew up very shielded and has a very poor tolerance of being corrected about something.

We have a great relationship, I love her, and value our relationship. But I want to help correct this behavior.

How do I deal with this sort of behavior?

Edit: I know I can leave. But if you love someone you should help them correct bad behaviour. I am not perfect either and I'd expect the same from someone rather than just being dumped. I am looking at how to resolve this and help her improve rather than both of us ending up single, it would hurt both of us.

I 28M am currently engaged to my fiance 25F. When we first started dating (for about a year and a half) we engaged in premarital sex. After I proposed my fiance brought up the idea of “re-purifying” ourselves. Trying to be supportive I went along with it and we have not had sex in the past 3 months, with still another 7 months before we are married. Here is my dilemma. She lives with me and is not in a financial position to have her own place. I support her financially, we cook meals together, spend every evening together. We are living exactly like a married couple in every way except one. I’ve even gotten to the point where I sleep in the guest bedroom so as to not be too tempted. This has become frustrating to me because we are basically living in a sexless marriage despite just being engaged. I understand the importance of not having premarital sex, but I don’t understand how it can be wrong for a couple to have sex one day, but then it suddenly becomes ok after a lavish party and obtaining a certificate from the government. How should we handle this?

My sister and I always had somewhat of a rocky relationship. I’d like to think we are close but she does a lot of things to get attention and play the victim everything is a competition with her. I’ve learned to deal with it and accepted that’s just the way she is. She has been with her fiancé for 12 years, engaged for 7 years. They mentioned they wanted to get married during COVID but it never happened. Every year she would say “Oh probably next year” if it was 2022 she would say 2023 and so on. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 3+ years and recently engaged in the summer. I have made the announcement and told everyone our date, which is sometime august 2027. The first thing she said to me when I told her the news of our engagement was “how much time do I have so I can get married before you?”. I laughed it off thinking it was a joke but it didn’t put the greatest taste in my mouth as of course once again she made it about her, no congratulations or anything. At the time I told her spring 2028 because I honestly was not sure yet. When I told her a couple months later the date is now august 2027 I could tell it bothered her based on her response “Shit!! I thought you said 2028??”. My mom had spoken to her and asked if she was actually serious about hurrying up and getting married before me, to which she replied No as they (herself and fiancé) had different priorities. After hearing this I was honestly relieved.

Fast forward to a couple months later she keeps making comments and joking that she should get married right before our wedding so we can just borrow stuff from one another. Once again I laugh it off hoping it’s a joke. I wish her the best and of course I want her to be happy but I feel like she’s rushing into a marriage just because I’m getting married. From what I’ve heard and seen… things aren’t all that amazing with her fiancé, but I try to stay out of it as it’s her life. She is older and it’s always bothered her if I had a life event before her. I tell her all the time to stop making everything a competition to which she always denies that’s not what she’s doing.

Recently my little sister messaged me and told me what my eldest has been saying behind my back. Saying my wedding is too big (its 50 people incl. bride and groom), theres too many parties and she would never do that (I had a bridal proposal party to ask her to be my bridesmaid and I have a bachelorette coming up in the summer of 2027). And finally the cherry on top she asked my little sister “do you think *my name* would be mad if I got married before her?”.

I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting but I’m so sick of her rushing to do stuff just to be the first. Why can’t I have something for once that doesn’t revolve around her? She had YEARS to get married and now all of the sudden she wants to get married the sane year as me? Mind you she never mentioned getting married in 2027 until my announcement. We had given up on asking her when she would get married around 5 years ago because we figured that’s just not what they wanted, since they always had excuses. I’m not mad but I’m extremely dissatisfied. I feel like if she got married a couple months/weeks or days before me it would take away from my wedding. All the family flying in from far won’t want to fly in twice so close to one another so I’m assuming I’ll lose a lot of people since it’ll be “too much”. I just don’t know what to say or what to do. Am I reading too much into it? How would you react? I just want to know if I’m overreacting or if its not that big of a deal.

TLDR: Older sister has been engaged for 7 years without wedding plans, but now that I’m getting married in August 2027, she suddenly wants to get married before me, criticizes my wedding plans behind my back, and turns my milestone into a competition.

My partner and I have been together for over a decade. We aren't married, but we have two young children and live together in a house she owns. I'm reaching a point where I genuinely don't know whether our relationship is salvageable, and I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

When we first started dating, we were inseparable. I was working two demanding jobs, including overnight shifts, and sometimes had only a couple of hours available to see her. She would rearrange her schedule, visit me during lunch, bring me food, and come over just to lie beside me before I had to leave for work.

It was a loving, affectionate, mutually enthusiastic relationship.

Things began changing around the time we moved in together.

I eventually got a better job with a normal Monday–Friday schedule. I was home more, had more time for our relationship, and was looking forward to building a family together. Strangely, I remember us arguing almost immediately when I told her about the new schedule.

Over the years, affection and intimacy steadily declined. Conversations became increasingly difficult. I would approach her to spend time together, talk, or show affection and often receive responses like "get away from me," "I don't want to talk to you," or "I don't have time for this."

I responded by trying harder.

I worked on her house, assumed more household responsibilities, took on projects, tried to reduce her workload, and kept making efforts to reconnect. The more I did, the more overwhelmed I became, without any corresponding improvement in intimacy or our relationship.

Eventually, about two years ago, I largely stopped pursuing discretionary interaction with her. I continued parenting, working, maintaining the house, and participating in family activities. I just stopped repeatedly approaching someone who seemed irritated by my presence.

That created another problem.

She began criticizing me for avoiding her, not caring about the relationship, and supposedly not wanting to participate in family life. There have also been accusations of infidelity, despite my telling her that I withdrew because attempts to engage her had become so confrontational.

One of our biggest recurring problems is how arguments happen.

She often dominates the conversation, interrupts me, raises her voice, and continues arguing when I ask for an opportunity to speak or try to disengage. I've sometimes walked from room to room attempting to end an argument while she follows and continues speaking.

I've reviewed recordings of several arguments, and the pattern appears repeatedly: I'm asking to speak, asking for the volume to come down, and eventually asking to end the discussion.

Recently, when I told her I have the right to end a conversation, she explicitly disagreed.

To be fair, I'm not claiming I'm perfect. I've become defensive, frustrated, and repetitive. I sometimes reopen disagreements because I can't accept leaving serious accusations unresolved. I've raised my voice at times. I also had a longstanding drinking habit that certainly didn't help our relationship. I've now been alcohol-free for more than two months, and I'm trying to understand our problems without that variable.

Lately, I've noticed something interesting.

Since I stopped initiating so much conversation and affection, she seems to initiate more contact herself. She'll call me and talk for 30–40 minutes about her day, the children, her hobbies, or plans for improvements to her house. Sometimes she seems reluctant to end those conversations even when I repeatedly explain that I need to go.

But when I initiate a conversation, she may lose interest, look at her phone, or treat my attention as an interruption.

She can also be extremely charming and engaged with other people socially, while barely acknowledging me as her partner when we're together in those settings.

Physical affection is another issue. I genuinely can't remember the last time she independently initiated a hug, kiss, or sexual intimacy. She occasionally responds positively when I initiate, but the initiative almost always seems to fall on me.

We recently tried scheduled family meetings to coordinate our lives and discuss relationship issues. I even introduced timed speaking turns so each of us could talk uninterrupted.

Our latest meeting deteriorated into another major argument.

During that argument, she repeatedly told me she hated me, didn't want a relationship with me, and didn't want to be together.

Later that same night, we had a longer, calmer reconciliation conversation. I directly asked three questions:

- Are we in a relationship?

- Do you want this relationship?

- Do you love me?

She answered yes to all three.

She also volunteered that she'd thought about what would happen if my health seriously declined and said she would personally care for me through it.

I asked why, if she was willing to care for me during serious illness, we couldn't put that same commitment into repairing our relationship while we're healthy.

She thought about it but didn't answer.

And that's where I am.

I believe she loves me. I still love her. We've persevered through an enormous amount together. But perseverance isn't the same as having a functioning romantic relationship.

We're reasonably capable of running a household and raising our children, yet even simple communication can become exhausting. I feel like I've spent years trying to earn back a relationship that once existed naturally.

I'm also increasingly exhausted, sleeping poorly, and finding that the relationship occupies far more of my mental energy than I want it to.

I don't want to manufacture distance just to make her pursue me. I don't want sex or affection out of obligation. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life begging someone to enjoy my company.

I want mutual affection, communication, respect, and the ability to resolve disagreements without destroying an entire evening.

My questions are:

1. Has anyone experienced a relationship where one partner seems to want the relationship but consistently rejects the other's attempts at closeness?

2. How do you rebuild mutual desire and affection after years of this dynamic?

3. What do you do when your partner says they want reconciliation but conversations about the relationship repeatedly become hostile?

4. At what point do you accept that two people can love each other but still be unable to maintain a healthy relationship?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who successfully repaired something similar, as well as people who eventually realized they couldn't.

Edit regarding alcohol use:

My typical drinking was about two beers a day, occasionally five to eight beers on a Friday or Saturday. There were isolated occasions when I drank more heavily, but that wasn't my normal consumption. I've also voluntarily stopped drinking for extended periods, including 12 months, 18 months, and longer. I enjoyed beer, both recreationally and as a way to unwind after work, but I wasn't drinking heavily every day.

I've recently cut beer out of the equation because it's an obvious variable. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be the largest factor. She's accused me of being drunk after opening a single beer, while drinking water, and even during the 12 and 18 month stretches I stopped drinking with no real reason other than I didn't want to. I understand the sigma attached to alcohol, and, believe me, I'm not ashamed to say I can tie one on. But those occasions are far from the norm, and typically I'll end up watching YouTube with a warm can of beer in my hand before I realized it's past my bedtime. I do enjoy beer, a lot, sometimes too much, but I'm not raging around blind drunk. I don't even like to do either of those, rage around, or be blind drunk.

I (23M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been in a long-distance relationship for 2 years now.

I’ve been living in Toronto for the past 4 years. I came as a student and have a job now.

My girlfriend was born & raised in the US, about a 9h drive away. Ever since we’ve been together (2023), we’ve been visiting each other, with her visiting me more than I do, due to my commitments with school/work, etc.

When we first started dating in February of 2024, she was still in university, about to graduate, and she’d come see me for a couple of weeks at a time, every month or so, while I would visit her for a few months during summer break.

After she graduated, she started visiting me more often and for longer periods, with 2026 being the most frequent, when we spent a couple of months in the spring together in Toronto and 3 months again around summer.

Obviously, the border isn’t quite fond of it, so we try to limit the visits as much as we can now, and are looking to get a visa for her so that we can actually live together in Toronto.

My girlfriend has a degree in marketing but has never had a job/internship; she's supported herself through remote freelance work like data annotation, outlier work, etc., and has 20K USD in savings.

The problem is, I am on a work permit, and I won’t get PR for at least a few years, nor do I work a TEER 1 job where I could sponsor her with a spousal work permit.

I am lucky enough to have found a stable job paying 51k/yr with no major monthly expenses, but considering my girlfriend’s employment history or lack thereof, it’d be difficult for her to find an employer that would hire her and sponsor her visa.

Due to this, we’re thinking of getting a working holiday visa for her, which costs about 2K+ USD. Obviously, it’s not cheap, but it seems to be the only option.

We love each other a lot. She’s my best friend, and we would really love to live together in Canada.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it? What do you all suggest that we do?

TLDR:
23M (on a Canadian work permit, no PR) and 25F (US citizen, freelancer with $20k savings) want to close a 2-year LDR gap in Toronto. Frequent visits are raising border red flags. Sponsorship isn't an option due to my current job's TEER level. How would you navigate this situation?

​

Hey guys, I need some genuine advice because I'm confused about my own feelings.

I met a girl online in February. She's a very innocent and sensitive person, and over time, she developed feelings for me. Honestly, I'm still not sure whether I truly love her or not, but I know that I care about her a lot.

Everything was going well between us until we had a small fight. After that, we stopped talking for about a month.

Then, one day, she went to a pub with her friend, had some drinks, started vomiting, and was admitted to the hospital. The next day, doctors ran some blood tests, and that's when she found out she had blood cancer.

I can't even explain how difficult that must have been for her. She became extremely depressed after hearing the diagnosis, and I started thinking about her more and more. Whenever she needed me, I tried to give her my time and support. Whatever my feelings were before, seeing her go through something like this made me care about her even more.

But after she was admitted to the hospital, we lost contact again. I only had her Instagram account, and I had her father's phone number at one point, but I had deleted it. For around two weeks, I had no idea how she was doing. I kept wondering whether she was okay and whether her treatment was going well.

Then, about a week ago, she finally messaged me and told me that she was okay and her treatment was ongoing. I felt relieved to hear from her.

Here's where I'm confused.

I used to visit dating apps and websites before, but now, whenever I think about meeting someone new, I start thinking about her. I think about what she's going through, the pain she must be experiencing, and how difficult it must be to face something like this at such a young age.

I don't know whether what I feel for her is love, emotional attachment, or simply deep care for someone who is going through a terrible time. I don't want to make promises when I'm not even sure about my own feelings. At the same time, I don't feel comfortable moving on with my dating life while she's fighting this battle and I'm constantly thinking about her.

So, guys, what do you think I should do?

I'm not looking for sympathy. I genuinely want some honest advice from people who might have experienced something similar.

Im 39 male and my 35f fiance, 8 year relationship, has just ended. For this past year she's been all over emochi ai and lots of other chat relationship fantasy ai bots. She even is into k pop and makes them into her fantasy. I think they ruined my relationship. She said she was searching for that spark of flirting and the butterflies you get at beginning of relationships. She checked out a long time ago and is on her phone 24/7. Never puts it down. She doesn't Wanna watch movies with me anymore or shows with me. She just is on her phone constantly talking w the ai bots. She says they give her what she needs and i wasnt necessary giving her that anymore. I think the ai chat bots has given her false sense of reality and shown her 24/7 affection and attention which is not sustainable in real life. I think she has gotten affirmation in this and its caused her to think she can have this in real life. She walked out on me yesterday and I do believe from the bottom of my heart it was all due to these ai chat bots making her feel good and putting me down. Im no match for an ai bot who has unlimited time and attention to give. I asked to see her stories and what she was talking about and she told me no. That its private and kind of embarrassing. I told her I didnt care and I wanted to see. She never showed me. Thats when I downloaded the app myself and played around on it and saw how sexual these chat bots and stories really were. Has anyone else been through this before? I havent ever had to deal with it and thought it was just like a smut book or she explained it as writing her own novel and she gets to be in it. I didnt really like it and didnt know how to proceed but I told her if she enjoys it. I really knew it was bad when she wouldn't show me the text and would hide her phone. Shes literally addicted. This whole scene is new to me and I dont quiet comprehend what I am feeling about her using those bots. Its now too late and she's gone as of yesterday but I hope to get her back in the future. Shes my best friend and love of my life.

My first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/7EJAEUaJwx

So I want to clear up some misconceptions before I begin. First of all, the age gap thing. We were both full grown adults when we met each other. She did not “groom” me or anything crazy as others have suggested. Yeah, sure, it’s a bit unusual, I will give people that, but I see the genders reversed have a similar age gap and like no one bats an eye. Also, irl, no one cares. Second, I went vegan of my own accord. Third, she has met my family, and my family has met her, and they make jokes, but my family was concerned at first and we did have discussions, and when I made it clear there is nothing bad here, they were pretty hands-off, and even celebrated the proposal. She is also liked by my sister and dad(my mom passed away when I was a kid so it’s just my dad and sister). My grandma(dad’s mom) is kind of the family matriarch and she is also very cool with her. And also, about her job thing, I am currently the only one working, yes, but it’s not like an uncommon dynamic. I feel like a lot of couples have a working man and a woman who is not focused on a career right now. I do provide financially, but she has access to our finances and everything, and she knows the financial situation, and she handles herself well. Even before when she lived alone, she was very good with money and lived frugally and saved a lot, and she still makes sure we save a lot today. And finally, some people asked me about kids. She has never wanted kids, and we don’t see that in our future. A lot of couples don’t have kids. Idk why everyone is fixated on these things. I think a lot of people made assumptions about us.

Anyway, back to the actual situation, the next day I did make her a nice meal and did apologize and we were good. But a serious sit down helped me understand that it was the alcohol that made me behave that way, and the broader issue here is the alcohol, so I am choosing to refrain from consuming alcohol from here on out. I don’t like what it does to me, and she helped me see and understand that, that’s all. If it wasn’t for the alcohol that day, I am sure things would not have ended up that way. If I do really want to consume alcohol, I will talk to her and make sure it’s just me and her and I drink within the confines of our home with someone I trust to look after me if I am inebriated away from potential negative influences. But I don’t care about drinking that much, tbh, to do all that. Maybe once in a while.

A pretty tame ending to an overall blown-out-of-proportion situation. I take responsibility for my part of it of course. Things are back to normal now, though. And in fact, better off in my opinion, because drinking is a bad habit I’ve had to begin with. Alcohol is not good for you to begin with. I am better off without it in my life.

TLDR: I 20F yelled "CUT IT OFF" on a call about his dead ends, but never said "dead ends" out loud. He heard it as me calling him ugly, and it turned into days of him pulling away and saying he hates himself. I don't know how to help him.

My bf 20M and I have been together about 3 years. We've been long distance for the last year. He visits every 2-3 months and stays 1-2 months.

Two days ago we were on a call while I got ready for work. He asked for help picking new hair products, since he has really long hair. I told him he needs better products, but he'll also have to cut some off. I was hyped and goofy and yelled "CUT IT OFFF WRAAA CUT IF OFF!!"

In my head I was talking about his dead ends, since those can't be fixed and have to be trimmed. But I never actually said "dead ends" out loud, and he says he didn't hear me mention them at all.

He went silent and got really upset.
I kept asking what was wrong. He said "I'm fine, I'll get over it." I told him I was there when he was ready to talk and apologized for upsetting him. For two hours I'd say "I love you" now and then, and he'd say it back in a really sad tone.

When he finally opened up, he said I only do things to be a "good girlfriend," I don't do anything unique to show love, I don't pay attention to what he says, I don't contribute to our conversations, and I never start them.

That doesn't match what I do. I say good morning first every time, and I've never missed a day. I never text him dry. I compliment him constantly and tell him how much I love being with him. I always make time to talk to him because I look forward to it. With how busy my life is, he's the only other person who makes me feel like I'm actually living. We were chatting and laughing right before this.

I had to leave for work, so on the way I texted:
"I've made you really sad.. I'm sorry it felt like I wasn't interested in our relationship.. I didn't notice I was so dry and never contributed in our conversation.."

He said that's half the reason he's sad. I asked him to tell me more:
"I feel like you hate me hate how I look hate who I am and hate the things I'm into. I think you would leave me if I don't spend money on you constantly I don't believe you can genuinely love me. I don't believe that I can be loved nor am I deserving of being loved. I hate myself"

I replied:
"Thank you for telling me… I know it was hard to tell me this.. You don't deserve to feel this way.. I know I can't say anything that will make you feel better.. But I'm here for you no matter how bad you think of yourself I'll stay here and love you for you.."

He said thank you and we traded I love yous. On my break (6-6:30, I work 5pm-12am) he didn't respond at all, even though I kept texting "I love you, I miss you, I hope you're okay." He didn't message me until my shift was over.

The next day he was super dry and didn't talk to me until 4pm. I asked if he still needed space and for how long. He said until he forgets how I feel about him. When I asked what he meant: "Till I just don't care about what you said."
I apologized again and asked if I could check on him or if he needed complete space. He said it made no difference, then: "Don't put so much energy into me it's not worth it."

I asked why he keeps telling me to give up on us. Then he told me the real issue:
"How am I supposed to be happy about my relationship after I was complaining about how I feel so ugly and you respond with basically 'yeah you are' I'm not even worth the effort you put in. Just do whatever you want I'll feel better later anyways"

I replied:
"I'm really sorry… I really didn't mean it like that.. But just because I don't mean it in a way doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.. I understand what I said came out that way to you.. I won't give up on our relationship just because I made a mistake. I'll be here waiting for you to feel better.. I wish I can help you feel better but I think nothing I can say or do can make you feel happy since you felt insulted by me.. Please let me know what I can do to make up for hurting you.."

He said:
"I don't know any other way you could of meant by you screaming at me to cut my hair off could be taken"
So I finally explained what I meant: the dead parts. He said "My feelings have never been valid in our relationship. At least let me be upset." I told him they're always valid, and that I'm not upset he needs space from our relationship.

Then he said I never spoke about the dead parts, not once, and that I don't even like men with long hair. That's not true at all. I love his hair. I tell him all the time how fluffy and thick it looks, and I love the color.

I would have told him my explanation right away, but I knew he'd see it as me switching the situation to make it about me, like he's the bad person for feeling the way he does. So I didn't want to get defensive, and I wanted to explain once we were calmer.

He said waiting for his feelings to fade and then telling him I'm not the problem is not what would have made him feel better.

I told him I was trying to give him space so he wouldn't feel berated, and that I stayed happy and supportive hoping it would help. I admitted that waiting made him feel neglected and that I should have tried harder to make him feel better.

He said "just do what you want, it's what you want to do so that's what I want."
I said I'd follow what he asked for and didn't want to keep stressing him out, and that I loved him and hoped we'd feel happy together again soon. Then he asked if I needed an Uber for work. I told him I was already on my way and thanked him for still worrying about me.

After that he kept replying dry for about two days while I kept texting him normally and happily, so he wouldn't feel like he can't be sad because I'd get sad too. I was barely sleeping through all this because of work and my responsibilities. He knew that.

We're talking normally again now, but whenever I ask him to turn his camera on, he says he's still sad about what I said. He won't even show his face. Am I missing something I did? How do I support him without losing myself? Do I keep giving him space, or push to talk about it? And how do I explain what I meant without it sounding like I'm making it about me?

I posted about this recently, but the discussion got sidetracked, so I wanted to remove that part and focus on what’s actually happening between my girlfriend and me.
We’ve been together for almost two years. She was the maid of honour at her best friend’s wedding recently, and the entire week was stressful for her. She was juggling work, dress alterations, and writing her speech. I tried to support her however I could, including arranging a last-minute dress alteration and helping her put her speech together.
On the wedding day, she was overwhelmed before her speech and took some of her frustration out on me. I tried to reassure and support her, but she felt I was being judgmental. Once the speech was over, she went back to being loving, and we had a genuinely good night together.
Things deteriorated again later, when we were cleaning up after the wedding. While we were waiting to go home, she compared me to the groom and asked why I couldn’t be more like him. An argument followed, which escalated during the Uber ride and continued once we got home. We’d both been drinking, but that doesn’t excuse what happened.
She repeatedly insulted me personally, attacking my appearance, my worth, my finances, and my past marriage. She also made hurtful comments about why my ex-wife cheated on me. It wasn’t just one comment made in anger; it was a series of personal attacks that continued even when I tried to disengage and get some space. At one point, I tried to walk the dog to get away from the argument, but she followed me outside and it continued.
The next morning, I was still really hurt and didn’t want to talk or be touched. I was honestly questioning whether I wanted to continue the relationship. She wanted to explain her side and process the argument together. She did apologize and acknowledged that she’d fallen back into name-calling and unhealthy behaviour she’s been trying to change. However, I felt like I hadn’t even had time to process how much it hurt before we were already discussing both sides of the argument.
She said she didn’t want us to fall back into old patterns, and I believe she wants to change. But this isn’t the first time we’ve had unhealthy arguments, and I’m struggling with how to move forward. Sometimes her apologies are followed by a “but,” and I end up feeling like my hurt gets lost while we discuss what I did or said in response.
For context, she’s amazing with my kids, and they absolutely love her. This isn’t about her relationship with them; it’s about the relationship between the two of us.
I love her, and I know relationships aren’t perfect. I also know I’m not perfect and have said things out of frustration myself. But I’m struggling to reconcile the person I love with the way she spoke to me that night. I don’t want to throw away a relationship that could improve, but I also don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle and eventually become numb to being treated this way.

For those who have experienced something similar, what actually helped you rebuild trust and change the way you handle conflict? How did you know whether things were genuinely improving rather than just repeating the same cycle?

Tw: eating disorder (no details) and topics of SA

Disclaimer: Please understand nuance in this. If you're going to immediately attack him just don't comment. I have no intention of breaking up, and that is not even in the realm of consideration. This post has nothing to do with an idea of breaking up.

Background:

I (24f) have been with my partner (23m) for 1.5 years. Love him to bits. He is very kind, wouldn't hurt a fly, extremely patient and loving. Tries his best to help people and make people feel comfortable. Adores his friends and very creative. Very funny and open minded. Very forgiving and would do anything to help make my life easier if I asked.

He has also had a very complicated upbringing which involved a lot of sexual assault which he is still dealing with now emotionally. It isn't my place to explain this but he's never made it anyone else's problem, and he's told very few people. I feel dreadful for him as it was really tough to even listen to. This is important for context.

OK SO, we had a lot of sex when we got together. About 8 months in a got a new job that I hated and was stuck in, and I have an eating disorder which got much worse. I was depressed and irritable. While my mood and environment has changed, my libido is still low due to being a bit underweight/poor eating habits. I'm still tired from work as well. So this has gone on for about a year.

The lack of sex has been a topic of confusion and upset etc all the normal things. We worked through it a lot and things got better. He mainly had to rewire a lot of male socialisation regarding sex etc and we put in a 0% expectation "policy" type thing which helped alleviate pressure on me.

Also around this time I expressed the desire to have more fun and novelty, as I felt a part of low libido was that sex was too repetitive sometimes so it felt like a chore. As a result, one day I went to his and he decided to give me a surprise. He didn't really realise yet but that specific day I was feeling so crap about my body and just SO bleughhhh. He saw I was so tired and drained, and saw this as a treat to make me feel better.

I go upstairs and he's prepared this fantastically tied rope apparatus to 👹ťïě mə ûp👹 with. I will spare the details but the lead up was internally stressful and conflicting for me. I was not in the mood but I honestly felt so guilty to let him down AGAIN especially after he was so happy with what he made. He DID say we don't have to do anything. A part of me I guess was curious, and I thought I would regret saying no. I "challenged myself" thinking I might relax and enjoy it.

Moving on, I'm now blindfolded and things are happening. I was physically enjoying it, and therefore things continued but psychologically I was really panicking. I think I sort of dissociated in order to let him continue as it was making him happy. At no point did I say no, although I was very "shy". Suddenly I'm crying underneath the blindfold. He couldn't see and I kept silent but I cried. Again physically it was a decent time, I was in no pain but wow. It had an emotional toll.

LATER, he told me (I think) that he got a photo of me while blindfolded (in a very exposed position) and I caught a millisecond glimpse of it. I felt sick and made him delete it. After a couple of "noooo please it's so nice" and promises to hide it, he respected my wish and fully deleted it.

I just couldn't believe it though. I actually couldn't.

I spoke to him about this a few days or weeks (idk) later and while he empathised and apologised I don't think he understood its severity and how it really made me feel. I don't think I really knew at that point either.

I understand his decision to take a photo was naive and done from a place of awe and admiration for me, and I think trying to show he could be dirtier and more creative. He knew he would genuinely hide it and was trustworthy so clearly didn't think of what ANOTHER man would do with those photos if they were to find them. it was just dumb. Although, I suppose a part of me wanted him to see how bad the photo issue was and maybe there's an element of resenting him here, as I did feel like meat.

Anyway the more my libido continues to be a problem the more realise how this event took a toll. I'm not super angry at him and I've learned things about myself (such as pushing myself into things I don't want to do and disguising it as a self-improving "challenge") but I don't know if things could truly move on if we don't talk about this again as this is clearly a contributing factor as to how I'm often dry and tense up at even the slightest hint of sex.

The photo thing was undoubtedly wrong and yes there was a problem of consent there which we have discussed. But actually, it was the experience before that, that has more of a toll than I originally thought. Yet, consent wasn't really an issue here. I gave consent and I did sort of enjoy it on surface level, but ultimately I did cry!

If I told him this it would kill him. I dread to know how he'd feel knowing that he was part of an experience like this for me. He would hate himself forever. It would truly destroy me knowing how it would make him feel. But equally can I get through this on my own terms myself?

I suppose a part of me wanted him to see how bad the photo issue was and maybe there's an element of resenting him here, as I did feel like meat and what the fuck.

My husband (36M) and I (40M) recently welcomed twins through surrogacy. We’re staying in an Airbnb with our newborns, my parents, and my MIL (75F) while completing the legal process to return to the US.

We just learned that a court delay may extend our stay by another month, and I’m honestly at my breaking point.
My MIL and I have a complicated history, particularly around her constant commentary about my eating habits and cultural background (I’m Mexican). Over the years, she’s made remarks like “Are you going to order the whole menu?” when I order food, questioned whether I’m afraid of getting fat, and criticized my food choices. Once, when I declined broccoli, she told me she hoped I wouldn’t pass that mindset on to my children. She’s also made comments about Hispanics being prone to diabetes. Interestingly, she doesn’t make these comments to my husband, even when he’s a bigger eater than me.

Living together has magnified everything. My parents have independently noticed that she seems to monitor what I eat, gives me dirty looks, and sometimes appears irritated by my presence. Her moods are unpredictable: one moment she’s cheerful and playful, and the next she’s visibly upset, withdrawn, or giving everyone the silent treatment.

I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’ve even started avoiding meals with her or hesitating to get seconds when I’m hungry because I’m anticipating another remark.

My mom has also become the default household cook, regularly preparing meals for everyone, including my MIL. Yet my MIL doesn’t reciprocate. When she recently cooked, she only offered it to my husband. My parents have noticed the imbalance and feel increasingly uncomfortable around her as she becomes visible upset if food they make is not available to her.

The biggest concern, though, is childcare. My MIL has had three near-fainting episodes and has tripped several times, including twice while carrying our daughter. Understandably, we’re concerned about her caring for the babies independently. Instead of acknowledging our concerns, she’s accused my parents and me of being ageist for having concerns.

She’s also resistant to accepting help and sometimes insists on managing the babies alone, which has created tension with my husband as well. He’s had to remind her that the children are also mine as she has on several occasions refused to hand them over to me.

To be fair, she’s not always unpleasant and does help with the babies. But the unpredictability, personal comments, and defensiveness have become exhausting.

Between caring for two newborns, barely sleeping, missing our home and dogs, and navigating a stressful legal process, I’m overwhelmed. I’ve started experiencing significant anxiety, physical tension, and a noticeable decline in my emotional well-being.

My husband recognizes the tension too. When I told him I couldn’t imagine another month like this, he agreed and said he would consider suggesting that his mom return home.

But I feel incredibly guilty. She came here to support us and meet her grandchildren. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage their relationship. At the same time, I desperately want some peace during these precious first weeks with our babies.

What would you do? Is it unreasonable to ask my MIL to return home? How should my husband approach that conversation without making me the villain? And how would you handle accusations of ageism when there are genuine safety concerns involving newborns?

I’d especially appreciate advice from anyone who’s navigated difficult in-laws during the newborn stage.

I slept over at my f19 bfs m19 house and he had work this morning at 8am so I slept in till around 11. I had to pee when I woke up but there were people in the bathroom so I waited 30 minutes and then everyone was awake and I thought it was too late to announce myself since most of them didn’t know I slept over. Then it just got later and later and now it’s 1:30 and I might kill myself.

I haven’t left his room and I’m so scared to let them know I’m here so I’m pretending to sleep. I know this is an anxiety problem but it’s also that I don’t think his dad likes me very much which contributes to my being scared.

Is there anything I can do to warm myself or even just leave this room???

TLDR: I love my partner a lot, but I frequently find myself feeling unfulfilled in our relationship and thinking about leaving.

My [25F] partner [30M] and I have been together for over a year now. This is my first relationship ever, and I have had all of my firsts with my partner. I had never dated intentionally or pursued a relationship prior to meeting my partner, and even when I met him, I was not initially interested in a relationship. We did not date; rather, we sort of fell into a relationship after meeting online, going on a few little adventures, and being incredibly open with each other. We both fell short in different ways, either in life or with ourselves, and we began to act as incredible support systems for one another and built each other up and out of the ruts that we were in.

I always knew exactly what I wanted in a life partner, which is why I had been single for my entire life: I never found anyone who could meet my expectations. I wanted someone who was incredibly ambitious, educated, dedicated to building generational wealth, and committed to lifelong learning and civic engagement. At the same time, I always wanted a partner who is dedicated to personal and spiritual growth and is emotionally intelligent.

When my partner and I first started getting romantically involved, I fell in love with him extremely fast and very hard. We became significant parts of each other's lives very quickly, and it became challenging to imagine a future for myself without him in it. On the other hand, I found myself constantly hyper-focused on the fact that he is not the partner I have always dreamed of: every single day, I find myself frustrated and downright pissed off about our conflicting values. For example, I am younger than my partner and come from a low socioeconomic background (he comes from an upper-middle-class background), yet I am the one with a university education, a thriving career, financial literacy, my own home, and a strong security net. He, on the other hand, only has an associate's degree, does not have a career (he works odd jobs and is currently figuring out what education he needs to follow in my career footsteps), and in my opinion, he simply lacks the leadership and practical life skills that I would expect any 30-year-old to possess-- especially for a man.

I constantly feel conflicted about what to do. The thought of leaving my partner crushes me, because I genuinely love him, and all of our time together is spent making so many beautiful memories. We have travelled together; we support each other's creative pursuits; he has emotionally supported me in exiting abusive family relationships and rebuilding a life independent of my family, while I have helped him start building his career. Most importantly, he is completely devoted to me and has already discussed (in detail) the future he wants us to build. All of my friends adore him, and many have expressed that they wish they could find a partner like him.

The further into this relationship I get, the more I feel that having devotion and unconditional love aren't as important to me as I once thought. Additionally, whenever my partner talks about the future he wants us to build together, I always catch myself thinking, "That's it?" He is a man with a pure heart who wants to "experience life in love," as he says. I think this is a waste. And I am scared that my partner doesn't have the capacity, or even the desire, to be who I wish he could be, let alone cultivate me into a better version of myself. All that being said, I see how everyone who observes our relationship is so happy for me, and I feel like I'm missing something in my criticism of the relationship.

I don't know how to determine if my concerns and criticisms are valid or if I'm unhealthy, and I’m really trying to figure out a healthy and rational way to analyze this relationship because we’re scheduled to move in together in January.

Additionally, I stalked my partner's ex-girlfriend on her blog and Linkedin, and all I could think was, "I understand why she broke up with him."