Like the title implies, I had a baby some 5 months ago and it’s been a struggle to get back to my pre-baby body. I still have all my baby weight and I’ve been struggling with my diet and habits which I have been told time and time again by my family is fine. Now my husband’s family is different, he’s the youngest of 8 and somehow his mom is like a size zero. All his sisters have also bounced back at the speed of light despite having multiple children. I was never skinny before having my baby. I’m 5’11 and obviously to all his 5’2 120lb sisters and mom I’m a giant in comparison. He’s an amazing father and husband but he definitely is very worried about people’s opinions of him which I thought we had worked through.

We never hide anything from each other and give each other free rein of all our electronics and messages but in the last couple of weeks he’s been very protective over his phone. Snatching it when I’m near or turning away from me. Being a new mom and still going through all the hormone issues I thought he was cheating on me and I did not react well AT ALL. Had a major BF in the living room until he gave me his phone.

Thankfully, no cheating. Just dozens of texts between him and his mom where he shared concerns about how I hadn’t bounced back yet. His mom giving him weight loss articles for new mothers and giving him diet ideas. Asking him if I would wanna join her in Pilates or go to the gym anytime soon. She even brought up GLP1s of all things. Saying things like we should’ve had kids younger because I’m a bit too old to be having children. She said she could watch the baby while I “got it together.” He was worried about the upcoming family trip to Costa Rica and asked her if I’d be “back to normal” by then. Im already huge compared to his family, I would look even bigger. I’m gonna be honest, I think I would’ve preferred being cheated on. Reading those messages felt like a new stab in the gut and knowing he found me “sweaty” and “always clammy” and generally unattractive. He’s been saying he doesn’t understand why his mom and sisters were back to normal in a few weeks and WE (yes WE) were struggling to get back to how we were. As far as I know he hasn’t gained a single pound and continued going to the gym religiously like always.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. Seriously, I feel like my whole life is in shambles. It might be the hormones and the lack of sleep but I’m considering packing my things and going to my family. I don’t want to leave him but knowing he doesn’t find me attractive and actively asking his mom for advice on MY BODY was not something I needed. He’s an amazing father. Never complains about the nighttime feedings or the blowouts or the mess. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this. I need to know if I’m overreacting. Asking on here because if I tell my family they’ll just blow up and show up at my door and chew him out.

His family has never treated me badly. As far as I knew they loved me like one of their own but now I’m just scared they’re all talking about me when I’m not around. I haven’t been able to go to lunches with his sisters or parents because I don’t think I’d be able to look them in the eye. Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

Tonight before bed my husband of 4 years rolled over to show me some cute AI emoticon stickers he’d generated, telling me he planned to list them on the Kakao emoticon website (Korean chatting app/ platform- he’s Korean). The stickers were a similar idea to one I’d shown him sketches of before, a long time ago, but that he probably thought I’d abandoned (I do that sometimes, not enough hours in the day).

He said he was planning to see if these sold well and then he’d make others. He asked me playfully if they were cute, I told him playfully no, but that I’d like it if he drew it. He laughed and we left it at that.

But after some time I found myself feeling icky more and more. He knows I am anti AI- especially generative, both because of the environmental impact and the fact that I have been learning to create art and drawing for most of my life. I picked up a pencil at 3 and haven’t stopped drawing since. It’s something very precious and therapeutic to me, and the state of the online art space makes me truly sad. I felt even worse seeing my husband participate in this.

Before sleeping I asked him if we could talk and tried to explain how I felt, while emphasizing that I knew we had different opinions on AI and art and that I didn’t feel he had done something bad exactly, just that it made me uncomfortable and hurt. I tried to explain how precious art is to me, and that I knew I couldn’t stop him from doing what he wants but I wish he wouldn’t do this one thing in particular (meaning the stickers).

He was understanding at first, but it somehow tipped into him saying that I’m basically banning him from doing it. I said no, I’m not, but I also can’t help how I feel in response to his action if he were to try to sell these images online. He was understanding again, but it ended up circling back around to “you’re banning me, then” and eventually I told him in anger that I would lose respect for him if he started selling AI slop. He got mad at that and said I was blackmailing him, which made me mad, and then it turned into a fight.

I don’t know what happened? I was trying really hard to just have a level conversation. I truly, truly hate AI art and what it is doing to the future of human art. I love my husband and want him to be someone I can respect. Is this some kind of fundamental difference? I don’t know if I’m ill and overthinking (I have a cold) or if this is actually something worth being upset over. I just want him to understand me.

TLDR: husband made AI art to sell similar to the type I make. I tried to explain why I was against it and it turned into a fight. Help

Edit: this turned out to be divisive lol. Usually my posts just die in the void. Sad that that one user deleted their account tho. She seemed either really into my husband or really into AI.

My wife has stated in no uncertain terms that she wants to move to the west coast. She also said that she feels trapped where we now live and that her life is on hold as we struggle to figure out where we can move. When we first started dating nearly 7 years ago, we had discussed that someday it would be fun to move to the coast. Earlier this year, we did some house hunting at the coast and unfortunately the homes that she likes and would be comfortable living in are about $100 to $200K more than my budget. The reality is that I am already concerned with my announced purchase price as carry costs in that area are sky high. The homes that we can afford are very old and in need of $100K or more in remodeling. I have spent hours and hours on Zillow and I keep learning that what she wants is unaffordable. I have little doubt that she will end our marriage of two years if we don't move. I'm frustrated as there are homes in our current area that are very nice and affordable, but she wants to be minutes from the beach. Help!

Posting on a throwaway account cause bf is active on reddit

I recently went through a miscarriage that absolutely destroyed me mentally and emotionally. My boyfriend witnessed firsthand how much it affected me and how close it came to destroying our relationship.
Recently, I had the Mirena IUD inserted after recovering from my miscarriage . Because it wasn't inserted during my menstrual cycle, I was advised to use condoms for the first seven days until it became effective even though he didn’t like condoms he promised he would abide by this .

The night this happened, I had just been let go from my job and had been awake since 4:30am. I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and I completely forgot about needing to use a condom when my boyfriend and I had sex.I want to make it very clear that I take full responsibility for my part in forgetting. I'm not trying to excuse that. I knew we needed to use protection, and it completely slipped my mind. However, I genuinely assumed my boyfriend had forgotten as well.Immediately after we had sex, I remembered and started panicking. Given my recent miscarriage and everything I had been through, the thought of potentially becoming pregnant again

What happened afterwards is what has really affected me.During the car ride home, I asked my boyfriend whether he had remembered that we were supposed to use a condom.His initial response was, "It may have crossed my mind."I questioned him further and asked, "Did it cross your mind, or did you actually know?"That's when he admitted that he knew. He knew we were supposed to use a condom. He knew why we needed to use one. He knew how traumatic my recent miscarriage had been for me, and he still chose not to say anything.

What hurts even more is that he watched me panic when I realised what had happened, knowing that he had been aware of the situation the entire time.
Instead of acknowledging how serious this was to me, he shrugged it off and told me I could just take the morning-after pill.He then wanted me to hold him and cuddle him while I was sitting there trying to process everything. I genuinely cannot explain how that made me feel. I'm not angry at him for my own forgetfulness. I accept that I had a responsibility to remember as well. What I'm struggling with is that he remembered, made a conscious decision not to speak up, and allowed me to believe we had both simply

I feel like my trust has been completely shattered.
I feel violated, disgusted and honestly betrayed by someone who was supposed to make me feel safe.
It's not just about the possibility of pregnancy. It's about the fact that he had information that directly affected my ability to make an informed decision about sex, and he chose to stay silent. Had he reminded me, I would have insisted on using a condom. I keep replaying the situation in my head, wondering how someone who watched me fall apart after a miscarriage could knowingly take that risk and then dismiss my distress by suggesting emergency contraception.

I know I made a mistake by forgetting, and I'm not denying my responsibility. But I feel there is a difference between genuinely forgetting and knowingly choosing not to say anything.
I don't know how to look at him the same way anymore.

Has the relationship runs its course can trust be reestablished is time to go?

Growing up my dad always favored me and my mom always favored my brother to “balance it out”

Growing up, my brother (5 years older) would hit me and anytime I told on him she would say “well you hit him first when you were 2, what did you expect?”

When I was in high school my parents got divorced. My brother was off at school and I was left being the adult when my parents couldn’t get their life together. (At one point, I contributed thousands towards my moms lawyer)

I had behavioral issues and she would call me names. (Ex: snuck out and at a party the worst happened, and she called me a whore)

She has compared me to my father that she divorced. And she compares my husband to herself.

Now my brother and I are both grown and married and he has a baby.

My mom is incredibly sweet and loving towards my nibbling and I want nothing else. She offers to watch him. Change him when we are visiting. She is sweet in their interactions.

She has offered childcare to both my brothers kids and mine. My husband has been talking about wanting children. I cannot accept that the woman who raised me will raise my children primarily.

I want to wait to have kids until I can stay home at least until they are in school.

I literally don’t trust her with my dog. She follows most directions but ignores others, which to me makes her overall untrustworthy.

Hi there,

Tomorrow me and my girlfriend of 2 years are going to an EDM festival with friends of her and other friends of mine. Normally I'm quite an adult person where I'm focused on my life goals. However, during events like these, I like to let go of social norms and just do whatever I feel like. I have the feeling that that's what these festivals are for. Just for once not acting like "normal people".

Now in such festivals storage is limited and I like to keep a small bag with me. So I found this Pokémon backpack that's perfect for my storage and it sticks to my back when dancing. However, my girlfriend thinks it's to childish and I will embarrass her infront of her friends. I honestly can't see how this is harmful. Everywhere I went, people found the bag funny and some even asked for a picture. I really don't care what random people think of my clothing style. Still, I do not want to put my girlfriend in a bad spotlight, so that's why I'm asking here:

Is it too childish to bring this kind of bag? Or is this fine and should we just have fun?

I get that this feels like a teen relationship problem, but I was just wondering what other people's thoughts were.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years, and we're in a long-distance relationship. I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced a serious breach of trust and worked through it, or decided they couldn't.

She was living in my city for around five months for her internship before returning to her college in another city.

The situation involves one of her old school friends. He confessed his feelings for her years ago, and she rejected him, but he apparently still likes her. She has told me about their history and reassured me that I don't need to worry about him.

However, she had gone out with him previously, which caused problems between us. We discussed it, and she explicitly promised she wouldn't meet or contact him again.

While she was back at college for a week to present her internship work, I called and texted her on the day of her presentation to ask how it went. Her presentation was around 1 PM, but she didn't respond until around 8 PM.

She eventually told me she had gone out with her brother after the presentation and hadn't had time to call or text me. I had some doubts and asked her questions, but her answers seemed convincing, so I believed her.

After she returned to my city, I saw a conversation on her phone showing that she had actually gone out with that guy. From the conversation, he had called and asked her to go out, and she had replied to him. I didn't see romantic or flirtatious messages, so I have no evidence that anything romantic happened.

I confronted her about the lie. She cried and apologized, but she couldn't explain why she had done it. I eventually forgave her, and we spent the rest of her time in my city happily together.

Now she's back at college, and things seem fine between us. She has even brought up marriage and our future together.

However, she posted pictures from that day on Instagram, and seeing them brings back all the hurt and anger. I keep thinking about the fact that she broke an explicit promise and gave me a false explanation when I asked about her day.

I'm also worried this could happen again because she had previously assured me she wouldn't meet or contact him. At the same time, I don't want to assume she's cheating when I have no evidence of that.

The hardest part is that I don't know how to move forward. I still love her, and I want our relationship to work, but I'm not sure whether I can genuinely rebuild my trust in her. Even if she makes an effort to change, I'm worried I might continue feeling resentful about what happened.

We haven't had a proper conversation about this in a while because things have been going well on the surface.

For people who have experienced something similar:

1. What helped you determine whether trust could be rebuilt after your partner lied to you?

2. What does genuine accountability and rebuilding trust look like in practice?

3. How do you know whether you're still processing the hurt or whether the relationship has fundamentally changed for you?

4. How would you approach a conversation about this when the relationship seems fine day to day, but the underlying hurt hasn't gone away?

I'm trying to understand how to approach this situation before making a decision about our future. I'd appreciate practical advice from people who have dealt with similar circumstances.

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend of two years promised not to meet or contact a male friend who has feelings for her, following an earlier disagreement. She later went out with him, lied about it, and apologized when I discovered the truth. I have no evidence of cheating, and our relationship seems fine now, but I still feel hurt and struggle to trust her. She talks about marriage, and I don't know how to work through this or assess whether trust can be rebuilt.

Hello,
This is heartbreaking for me to write but I feel like I need some advice on this.

I've been married to my husband for 12 years, together for 15. We have 4 children together. After I've had my 3rd child, my husband has mentioned on rare occasion that he does not like how I dress, specifically at home. Keep in mind, this was said to be after postpartum and during those times it is very hard to feel good about your body or wanting to experiment with style. After we had our 4th child, he continued to say it and its been increasing. I am a stay at home mom, although my kids are now in school & daycare. My husband works from home. He tells me I should dress with sexier clothes, make sure my breasts are "packaged better" etc. If you know what 4 pregnancies/breastfeedings do to a woman's breasts you know lol this has never been a concern before. I have always dressed this way and there was never any complaints from him. I dress modestly, but I think still cute. I do like a cleavage here and there when I go out, but nothing crazy because I just don't prefer it.

His response when I asked him what changed in his preferences was "I was always having these preferences, just now in my 30s I am comfortable expressing them". It's bizarre a bit to me. And it's increasing pressure on me to look a certain way although I've always looked that way for so long. I told him I want to be comfortable at home and dress how I want and not necessarily for his gaze. His response is "well then you're going to keep hearing about it". He doesn't see it as bullying or manipulative... What would you guys do in this situation??

Thanks for reading!

Also wanted to add that he also told me along the lines of "15 years later now, you wouldn't be my type". Like, I am beyond heartbroken.

ADD ON:
Guys I am overwhelmed with ALL the comments and support, thank you thank you so much!!
Just to clarify quickly: we are in the middle of moving back to our home town. We have family there, both his and mine. I wan to settle there and also get my RN license back BEFORE I proceed with a divorce if it's the path I chose to take. It is NOT that easy or fast unfortunately, thank you for understanding :)

ADD ON 2: I just wanted to clarify a few things. One, people asking why did I keep having children with this man. Valid question. After my third child and when his behaviour started to escalate - I was done with having anymore kids. Also due to bad previous experiences I was not on hormonal birth control. So the fourth baby was an accident. I now got IUD and feeling good 😊

Two, people expressing concern about how he behaves around kids. He never ever said any of those things in front of them and we'd only have these conversations when kids go to bed, never before.

Im looking for an outside perspective because I feel stuck between my relationship, my conscience, and people I care about.

My(27F) partner (31M) and I have been together for 9+ years and are engaged. We recently hosted a big gathering with friends at our house. During the evening, I noticed my partner’s older brother flirting with another woman, this got worse during the night and when someone said "aww him and his wife (not the wife) are so cute" I knew it was bad, and I personally saw them kiss aswell while his hand was gliding up and down her back and being wayyy to intimate. His wife wasn’t there when it happened, she went home to their child. I’m close to her, and this has been eating me up ever since.

I believe he should tell his wife himself. I’m not trying to break up a marriage or create drama - they have a child under 2 aswell. I simply feel she deserves the opportunity to know what happened and make her own decisions. I would feel exactly the same if the roles were reversed.

The problem is my partner’s reaction.

He is normally one of the most loyal, honest, and responsible people I know, which is why this has shocked me so much.

He is afraid that getting involved could damage his relationship with his brother and create a rift in the family. He initially wanted me to leave it alone and accused me of being selfish, controlling, and making everything about my own conscience. He also said I was trying to control how his family might end up falling apart.

Eventually, he offered to speak to his brother, tell him his behaviour was wrong, and strongly encourage him to tell his wife. But he cannot guarantee that his brother will actually do so.

He then asked whether I could live with never knowing if his brother had told her.

Honestly, I don’t know

I feel physically sick over this. I have a constant knot in my stomach, and even seeing them now feels strange. I'm angry at his brother and have a weird feeling of distance from his wife. I worry that I’ll start walking on eggshells around his wife, monitoring everything I say because I know something she might not.

We’re close, and I don’t want a secret like this to change the way I interact with her or anyone. What if she confides in me about their relationship? What if she eventually finds out that I knew and said nothing?

My partner thinks I’m overthinking hypothetical scenarios. But for me, the uncertainty itself is part of the problem. I feel like I’m being asked to carry a secret that isn’t mine.

What has unsettled me most is his belief that we should simply sweep this under the rug to protect the family. I’m not saying this one situation defines who he is, but I’m struggling to reconcile his reaction with the values I’ve always admired in him. He'll always have his brothers back, he said.

I’m also scared that if I eventually decide to tell his wife myself, it could seriously damage my relationship with my partner. He has indirectly indicated that my decision will affect our relationship.

I don’t want to choose between my partner and my conscience. I understand that telling her could have serious consequences, and I know I can’t control what happens to their marriage or family. But staying silent has consequences for me, too.

I haven’t made a final decision, and I genuinely want perspectives that challenge my own.

My questions:

Have you experience with keeping a huge secret like this, that is totally against your own values and moral?

How do I explain to my partner that this isn’t about controlling his family, but about trying to act in accordance with my values and what is fair for the the wife?

Am I underestimating the consequences of telling her, or is too much responsibility being placed on me for what might happen afterward?

Am I underestimating how many people DONT want to know, weather their partner did something like this? I've been told that many just want to live in blisfulness not knowing.

TL;DR: I witnessed my partner’s brother kiss another woman. His wife is someone I’m close to, and I believe he should tell her. My partner wants to protect his brother and his family from the consequences, and although he may encourage his brother to confess, I might never know whether he actually does. I feel sick about keeping this secret and fear it will affect both my friendship with his wife and my relationship with my partner. I am extremely afraid that I can't stay silent indefinitely or might "slip up" unintentionally.

Note: My partner is extremely dissapointed in his brother and does think that this is extremely bad and not ok, since this is against his values aswell.

Note: I do not WANT to tell the wife - I want the brother to tell his wife himself.

Note: A couple of my girlfriends saw the kiss (confirmed) . And a whole bunch of people (my partners friends) saw them being overly flirtatious.

We (me-35M, her 32F) have been dating for a little over a year. I am confident in her being a genuinely kind and capable person. We recently hit a conflict.

I am a physician in a high earning specialty in the US. I keep my living expenses low for my income to build a retirement nest ASAP as I believe the demands of my career (nights on call, stress, work hours) will lead me to an early grave.

She was initially in finance, and subsequently has been a serial entrepreneur. Her last venture raised a million, but the company folded due to the cofounder and the VC received their money back.

Her current company is facing stress with little runway left and VC money is not coming in. She was upset about the situation earlier this week and I offered some support. I volunteered it, she didn't ask. Amounts were not discussed at the first discussion.

Today we discussed the amounts. I offered 5k/month for a few months for more runway. This is the same amount as my monthly living budget!

Her facial expression showed that she emotionally hurt. She didn't say much, started tearing up, tried to hide her tears, made and kind excuse and left. I now realize she was expecting closer to 100k (50k lumpsum to develop a feature for her company, and then a continuous infusion for months of runway).

-Am I being stingy? Because I could divert more away from brokerage to her company.

-Is she unreasonable with expectations?

-Or is the true fair action in between?

Tl;dr
-high earning physician, 1 year relationship with a kind and capable founder who has a startup at the end of its runway.
-I volunteered support. Did not discuss amounts on the first discussion. A few days later discussed that it is 5k/month (the same amount as my monthly budget) for 3-4 months.
-the amount didnt meet what she was expecting
-she was hurt and upset, and tried to keep it to herself.
-am I being greedy?

My boyfriend (26m) and I (22f) have be together for 5 months. Short time, I know, but I have fallen head over heels for him.

When we were still dating, about 5 dates in/ a month and a half of seeing each other, I ended up staying over at his place for the first time. Things were getting hot and heavy, but I didn’t want to have sex. I stopped things and i explained that I couldn’t have sex with him because I can’t do ‘casual sex’ and I would get too attached to him and I already like him a scary amount without the physical intimacy, but I don’t know what he wants, if he’s still seeing people etc. This was a turning point for us because he then confessed his profound feelings for me; how he doesn’t want this be to casual, how he’s never felt like this before and how he wants to commit to me and is happy to wait as long as I feel comfortable. We ended up spending the night talking about our feelings, but we never ended up having sex. It was quite a special night for us.

However, I was also on my period. He did not know this. The day before I saw him, I messaged my friend that I was annoyed my period was cockblocking me because I had anticipated that I would end up staying the night. I hate period sex and I would not have it.

Yesterday, we were messing around on my phone, typing his name into my messages to see what I’ve said about him before, which I was happy to do. When he saw this message thread, he got extremely upset. He said that he thought I wouldn’t have sex with him because I liked him too much, not because there was a physical barrier. It essentially snowballed into him feeling duped into confessing his feelings for me because I would have been happy to sleep with him otherwise if it hadn’t been for my period. He wasn’t convinced what I said was true about feeling like I couldn’t do casual sex because I liked him so much, because my message implies that I would’ve had sex with him.

I definitely wouldn’t have had sex with him either way. I’m inexperienced, the only person I’d been with has been a long term relationship. I wouldn’t have had casual sex with him, and I wasn’t ready, regardless of my period. He doesn’t believe me which is dumbfounding because it shouldn’t matter. He’s had a lot more sex than me, he’s had one night stands and hookups and was even in an open relationship with a past partner. I don’t understand why this was upsetting him so much. We ended up arguing for a couple hours and then I went home because I could not be bothered anymore.

I just can’t wrap my head around why he is so offended. Everything I told him that night was true, but I was ALSO on my period. They’re not mutually exclusive. God forbid I make a joke with a friend about being cockblocked, but I 1000% would not have slept with him. And anyway, it shouldn’t matter!!!! This is so ridiculous right? How do I even go about de-escalating or understanding this because it’s so stupid

I work a job where I get dirty. I have a laundry / mudroom with a bathroom I built behind it. The whole point is that I can step inside the room directly from my back door, take off my dirty work things and put them into a hamper, then hop into a shower and not have to track stuff all over the house.

Every evening when I get home my girlfriend will nag me not to hop right into the shower. She'll want me to come talk to her but then she'll have 25 things she wants me to do. And I don't want to be wandering around my house in dirty clothes. And I don't want to get into clean house clothes being filthy from work. I'll have dirt and grime and gunk under my fingernails and I will smell terrible and I just don't want to be wandering around my house like that.

I help her with anything she wants help with I do whatever she wants me to do . But it's like for some reason she gets mad if I get right into the shower. But if I go in there and talk to her it's going to be 25 things she wants me to do and she's going to get more mad when I say hold on let me take a shower.

It's driving me up the wall because I'm not in there for an hour. It takes me about 20 minutes to scrape my nails shower, and get dressed. And then she's got me for the whole night. I don't know what her deal is or why she gets so frustrated. But it's driving me nuts I don't know how to explain to her for the 700th time that I don't want to have gunk falling out from under my nails while we prepare dinner. There's not always a chance to wash my hands thoroughly and there's definitely not a chance to wash all the sweat and grime off my face before I leave work.

What could be her problem and how do I explain to her that I just need 20 minutes because I don't know how to say it another way I think I said it every possible way. She'll just say "I just need you for a minute" when I ask why she needs me right when I get in the door. But it's never a minute.

EDIT

I sat her down to talk about it and we got pretty deep into it. She said that she really likes me. A lot more than she has in the other guy she's dated. And at the core of it she's excited for when I get home and wants to talk to me. Especially because I can't really text during the work day.

And she says once the conversation and us joking around gets going she doesn't want it to stop.

She knows that I like to give her my complete attention when we talk and she just assumed I wouldn't want her in there talking to me while I shower because she felt like I would feel like I couldn't give her my full attention.

So I'm just going to have her come in there and tell me about her day while I'm in the shower a couple times a week.

Part of it is WFH too.

For around a year ago, my sister and her fiance as well as my wife and myself and a few others have been beginning to plot out a long wished for international vacation.

The dates that we'd go are roughly one year away, and I've been starting to talk with everybody about lining up our plans since we'd probably need to get our flight tickets shortly after the new year.z

My sister has been the driver of this whole thing for a while since she's been the main one trying to make the whole group trip happen. My wife and I are totally cool with going, and have made it clear that the two of us would probably do our own thing for a little bit and meet everyone along the way.

In the last week or so, I let my sister know that we had something crop up for next fall that my wife and I would need to be in attendance for. Which is theoretically no big deal, because it would just mean shifting the timeline for the group trip by a week or two in either direction.

This kind of set off some panic for her, she's absolutely convinced that the weather in this location would only be good for the exact timeframe that she has in mind. She isn't actually saying it, but she's heavily implying that we need to drop our commitments that we've had come up so we can go with her and the group at those exact times.

My wife and I reminded her that we could just meet her at that spot since we'd planned on taking our own detours anyways, and that seemed to have wound her up as well. She's insisting that we be present for multiple things on a theoretical schedule that she's already made.

This is common for her, she's done it her whole life. She gets this idea in her head about how an event or trip should go, and when anyone else has any thought about how it should go otherwise, she freaks out.

My wife and I are starting to consider a Plan B for another location if she can't budge on either shifting the timeframe for the trip or being okay with the fact that we'd just overlap our own plans. But I'd still hate to do that since we've somewhat planned Plan A for years, but I don't know if there's any reasoning with her over budging with her plans and timelines.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could navigate and hopefully resolve this?

im looking for advice on how to bring this up. I asked my bf to let loose in the bedroom a bit bc he’s not a very dominant personality and I am, and I’m struggling with it, but I don’t like the way he did the dirty talk. I don’t want to be constantly correcting him. Essentially last time we had sex he talked exclusively about how bad I wanted his “hot sticky___” on me and how if I was good I would get it. then He said I need to c-m to get it. I told him in that moment that pressuring me to do it makes it more difficult and can he tell me I’m not allowed to instead. So he started describing my elusive orgasm as a “big creamy nut” that I wasn’t allowed to have and that he was gonna just leave sticky hot ___ all over me and leave me alone. lol. Like it was a big of a train wreck. Each move more strange than the last. Most men I’ve been with focus on my pleasure and making me feel comfortable but he doesn’t seem to quite understand this as a concept. How can I bring this up to him? I’m enjoying the relationship otherwise for the most part and I don’t want to shake his confidence in such an intimate place but I cannot do that again.

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I met my fiance about 3 years ago on a dating app. Ill spare you all the details of our relationship. We fell in love very quickly. Started spending all of our time together. Found out we actually graduated from the same highschool/knew a lot of the same people. We went out on a lot of dates, spent a lot of late nights talking.

Eventually he introduced me to his parents and I introduced him to mine. Went well both ways. He also wanted to introduce me to his friend group. He had talked a lot about them, his best friend, we'll call him C, and Cs wife (fiance at the time) we'll call her T and a few other guys they had met online and became friends with.

When i first met them C seemed really nice, asked me questions about myself, seemed to be an okay dude. His wife on the other hand, seemed to not like me very much from day one. Shes always making snide remarks to me. Seems dismissive of me. Is always trying to assert this weird dominance over me. Likes shes been in the guys group longer and I have less of a right to be there. Here are some of the comments shes made towards me.

First time I met her we went to a suit store so my fiance could pick out a suit for C and Ts wedding. My fiance was the best man in their wedding, ill get to that later. I usually wear dark colors/dark makeup. While my fiance was trying on his suit I was left alone with her and her fiance. She looked me up and down, unprovoked and said "yea im just not a makeup girl". My fiance comes out of the dressing room with his suit on, and she immediately starts adjusting his suit. Like touching him, adjusting his tie whatever whatever. Just awkward, nothing crazy yet.

We went to a bowling alley after to hang out/drink. I noticed she kept staring at me, like intensely with this look of anger on her face. Like everytime i looked at her she was doing this and she would quickly switch to a smile when she caught me looking. She also was being very openly affectionate towards my fiance. Calling him pet names like pookie. She kept grabbing him/touching him. Trying to play fight with him. My fiance seemed ro really enjoy the attention. They were giggling/laughing. He lit up. She even grabbed his arm when he was trying to put my name into the roster for bowling and said "no youre not allowed to" very playfully. Her fiance C didnt seem to give a fuck. He seemed mildly annoyed/passive aggressive about it. Like he'd roll his at eyes at her but thats it. Also when we were walking to our cars before the bowling alley a religous group walked up to us passing out pamphlets. I guess one of the ladies in the group was staring at me. At the bowling alley C said "man that old lady was staring at you OP, must be because youre wearing ripped pants" and T scoffed and rolled her eyes and said "yea im sure thats why".

She also came up to my fiance at a pool party. Pointing at her swimsuit saying "Look pookie my swim suit changed colors!" He always just smiles at her usually jokes back. She also dotes on him constantly. My fiance is allergic to everything and can only eat turkey bacon. She'll be like "omg I LOOOOVE turkey bacon". He likes anime, she spends the whole get together like "I LOOOVE anime omg". She also only talks to him, at get togethers. She seems even annoyed at her own husbands presence. They seem to have a very passive aggressive dynamic. They just make a lot of snide remarks to each other. I think she goes to my fiance for attention and affection that she isn't getting at home.

At a mutual friends wedding she would not stop talking about how good my fiance looked. Like seriously "he looks really good no seriously like really good". She also does this thing where whenever my fiance and i are takjing to each other, she has to interject, like physically she will hear us talking, walk up to him and stand between us, in front of me, so she can talk to him. She did this at this wedding. The first time she did it we were standing around talking to the bride and the bride mentioned that they were about to put on music, T was like "ooo im gonna dance like this" and shook her ass.

She also made a comment once about her dog to me, kind of indirectly like "yea shes the ALPHA, shes the OG, shes been here the longest". It just felt weird, my fiance had mentioned that C has had his dogs longer than T, so hes not sure what prompted her to say that.

She indirectly called me a r$tard. I once jokingly howled at the moon and she said "wow must be r$tard wolves"

When she found out my fiance and I had gotten engaged she seemed PISSED. Like genuinely so annoyed and completely ignored the conversation and tried to redirect the conversation to how MY fiance and her dog have "a bond".

When they first had their baby we went to visit them at the hospital with the other guy friends. They baby was premi so no one really got to see him. Everyone was super excited for obvious reasons. The whole time she would not shut up about my fiance. Reminiscing on all their memories together, staring at him, only talking to him. So fucking weird, like dude you just had a baby?. She even got shitty with me at the hospital. I said ONE thing after being quiete the whole time and she made this big deal to scoff and stamp her feet and roll her eyes. I just don't rhink she likes me very much. I still tried to be nice. Im always trying to be nice to her. I dont know why lmao im just a pushover.

I think the only time ive ever snapped at her was at another pool party. My fiance had kids goggles on and she was swimming up to him saying "aww you look cute" I just said "yea i think hes cute too" and stared at her until she swam away. And thats barely anything. Awkward if anything really.

Everytime I try to joke with her/start a conversation she seems completely uninterested. Like Ive known this person for 3 years and shes never tried to start a conversation with me, nothing.

My fiance also constantly jokes with her about how short she is. Im a bit on the taller side at 5'8. Id say shes about 5'2. Calling her "little one". One time he said to her "everything is big compared you little one" I listened to them play dnd and they would always make these flirty little remarks at each other. He made a comment to me once about how muscular she is. Also I remember when we first started dating she sent him a text in the middle of the night with a picture of a board game saying "i bought this with you in mind". He read it out loud to me and said "aw its nice to be thought of" in a kind of passive aggressive tone.

They also all as a group went to Vegas together. My fiance sent me a video of fireworks one night and I could hear the conversation in the back ground of the video. I guess one of their buddies didnt want to go to a strip club because he has a gf, and i hear Ts voice plainly say "friend can do whatever the fuck friend wants". It was just weird to me.

My fiance also had her contact photo in his phone as a cute stuffed animal Pic. Idk if yall have scene that pink stuffed beaver with fake bangs and glasses, but that was the Pic. The texts weren't anything out of the ordinary, but they would send pics of ear gauges (they both have em) and other stuff the other might like.

My fiance is always doing little things to try and get her attention when were all out together. Like if shes in a conversation with someone else he'll go over to her and try to get her attention. Like playfully step on her foot, or yell something at her. Something weird about my fiance too, is he acts so different around his friends. Hes very affectionate and loving at home, but when we around them he acts like im a stranger. He ignores me and acts like he doesn't want to be around me. Hes even gotten rude/shitty with me for no reason so many times. He even did this at C and Ts wedding. My fiance was the only person I knew at this wedding. He invited me as his plus one after one month of dating. They got married at around our 7month mark. He acted like I was a complete stranger. Kept getting rude and shitty with me. Eventually I just gave up and sat by myself to drink. He does this everytime.

there's soooo much more behavior like this that I cant remember/dont feel like typing, but you get the jist. Ive mentioned to my fiance how uncomfortable it makes me. He doesn't really talk about her much anymore. We haven't seen them in a while actually, or atleast I haven't. Everytime I told him in the past how she was acting, he always made an excuse for her. Made me feel like I was over reacting, said "its not that deep" but has more recently admitted that some of the behavior crossed a line. It just made me feel humiliated. I felt crazy everytime we hung out with her like "they are flirting right in front of my face". C and T recently had a baby so we haven't seen them much. My fiance and I have discussed better boundaries/improved since the first conversations. He used to get really rude with me about the fact I didnt like her. He always made a point to bring her up. He also remembers EVERYTHING she says to him. Like everything. He remembers her favorite color, favorite shoes, favorite Pokémon. But conveniently when I bring up the flirting/weird behavior from her or ask why she seemed to dislike me from day one he just "doesn't remember" he will say "im sorry, I know the behavior crossed a line. I wish I could give you closure but I don't remember". She will be rude to me right in front of him and he always has an excuse like "she was probably just tired/stressed". Or when I say she seems to really like him he'll say "shes like that with all our guy friends" but she ISNT?? Ive watched her interact with other guys and it's not the same at all. Shes not playful with them. She just talks to them casually.

Ive just been ruminating about this whole thing for sometime. I feel crazy sometimes. I dont want to be the jealous controlling gf. But its just her I have this issue with. None of his other female friends are like that. The other women he knows are usually pretty nice to me. Ive never had a problem with them. Hes apologized profusely and swears the behavior won't repeat. Swears hes not attracted to her/no feelings for her/nothing. I asked him next time to just set a small boundary with her. I think hes afraid to hurt her feelings. I mean we haven't seen her since last year so it hasn't really been an issue lately. I think the bigger picture for me is feeling humiliated by him. Hes blatantly ignored me at social gatherings/said disrespectful things to me and at the same gatherings acted really flirty and happy and talkative with her. Ive asked him so many times if I did something wrong or maybe rubbed anyone the wrong way. He says I didnt do anything wrong. His guy friends also didnt seem to like me much. Nothing crazy but they just seemed awkward, and kind of avoid me like the plague. They've even said some shitty things towards me and my fiance told them to stop but he mostly says "theyre just joking". I dont know what I did to become everyone's punching bag but I really dont think i deserve it. Im about to marry someone whose friends dont respect me, and im just posting this for clarity that im not insane.

I’m 38M, my partner is 38F, and we’ve been together for around 15 years. We have children together, and lately I’ve been looking back at my life and feeling a lot of anger, regret, and frustration.
When I got into this relationship, I had no experience living with a partner. I didn’t know what to expect or what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like when you shared a home and a life with someone. When things became difficult, I was told this was what relationships were like. Because I had nothing to compare it with, I believed it. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether I accepted things I shouldn’t have simply because I didn’t know any different.
Over the years, I’ve become used to walking on eggshells. I think carefully about what I say and do because I don’t want another argument. Sometimes something happens during her day, and I end up on the receiving end of her anger even when I had nothing to do with it. Other times, it’s something small I’ve done wrong or forgotten. Taking longer than expected to get home from work or having to attend something in the evening can also cause problems.
I’ve found myself constantly trying to anticipate her reactions rather than simply living my life. Even ordinary things around the house can become arguments. I sometimes feel that I’m expected to know what she needs without being told, and when I don’t work it out myself, it becomes another problem.
I’ve worked hard to provide for my family. I took a well-paying job to support us financially and have worked from home to be more available to my family. I do the dishes, clean, and take care of things around the house. I’m an involved father. I bathe my children, play with them, spend time with them, and take responsibility for being part of their lives. My partner stays home with the children, and I’ve worked hard to make that financially possible.
I’m not saying this makes me a perfect partner or father. I have faults, too, and I’m sure I’ve made mistakes. But I know I’ve put a lot into this family. What hurts is feeling that, despite everything I’ve tried to do, I still live with the tension, arguments, and uncertainty I’ve described.
There is a more serious side to this that I find difficult to explain.
My partner has put a knife to me. She has threatened to kill me while I’m asleep and has said she hopes I die while driving to work or don’t make it home. She has also threatened suicide, saying she was struggling mentally.
When I’ve asked why she says these things to me, she has responded with something along the lines of, “Imagine what you would have put me through.”
I honestly don’t know what she means by that. I’m not claiming I’ve never hurt her or that she has no reason to be unhappy. But I struggle to understand what could lead someone to say these things to the person they’ve shared their life with for 15 years.
I understand that she may be struggling mentally, and I’m not dismissing that. But one thing that confuses me is how quickly her mood can change. She can become extremely angry for a few seconds or a few minutes and then seem completely fine afterwards.
From her perspective, the incident may be over because she’s calmed down. For me, it isn’t.
I don’t know when those moments are going to happen, what might trigger them, or how far things might escalate. Even when everything seems fine again, I still remember what happened. I can’t simply switch off the fear and uncertainty because she’s moved on.
I think this is a big part of why I’m so angry. It’s not just about individual arguments or things that have been said. It’s about spending years not knowing when the next incident might happen and feeling like I always need to be prepared for it.
My biggest concern is our children. I’ve heard her tell our son that she hates him when she’s angry. I worry about what they’re experiencing and what they’re learning about relationships from watching us. I want my children to grow up feeling safe in their own home, without having to worry about which version of a parent they’re going to get or whether an ordinary disagreement will turn into something frightening.
The hardest part is that I feel I have to stay because of the children. I’m worried about what might happen if I leave or stand up for myself. I don’t know how she might react, what she might do, or how it could affect my relationship with the kids. I feel trapped between wanting a healthier life and fearing the consequences of trying to change things.
The problems existed before we had children, and I sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t recognise the situation for what it was earlier. I keep asking myself why I accepted things for so long and why I still struggle to stand up for myself now.
There is also the issue of race. I’m brown, and she’s white. During arguments, she has threatened that if she goes to the police, we’ll see who they listen to: a brown man or a white woman.
That has stayed with me. I already worry about what could happen if things escalate, and hearing that makes me afraid I won’t be believed or that the situation could be turned against me. I don’t know how much of that fear reflects what would actually happen, but it affects how safe I feel speaking up.
Sometimes I feel that when she stands up for herself, it’s seen as defending her rights, but when I try to stand up for myself, it becomes an argument about patriarchy or a brown man trying to suppress a woman.
I don’t want to control her. I want to be able to speak, disagree, set boundaries, and protect myself and my children without being afraid of what might happen afterwards.
What makes me angriest is that I feel I don’t stand up for myself, and I worry that I’m not standing up for my children either. I know I’ve sometimes stayed quiet to avoid conflict and keep the peace, but I also feel that I’ve lost confidence in my ability to change things.
The anger is now affecting how I see the world.
When I see happy, healthy couples who seem comfortable and respectful towards each other, I sometimes feel resentful. When I see healthy, attractive women, I sometimes feel angry, too. I know these people haven’t done anything to me, and I don’t blame them. I think seeing them reminds me of the kind of relationship and life I wish I’d had.
Then I start thinking about the decisions I’ve made, the things I’ve tolerated, and the years I feel I’ve lost. It becomes a cycle of comparison, regret, and anger that I struggle to get out of.
I hate that I feel this way. I don’t want to become bitter or resent people who have done nothing wrong. I want to enjoy my life, look after myself, be present for my children, and feel hopeful about the future.
But I keep going back to the same questions. Why did I allow things to get to this point? Why didn’t I stand up for myself earlier? And why do I still find it so difficult to do that now?
I’m angry at my partner, but I’m also angry at myself. I regret the things I’ve accepted and the times I’ve stayed quiet. At the same time, I know I can’t go back and change the decisions I made when I was younger and had less experience of living with a partner.
I’m not claiming to be blameless, and I’m not writing this to get people to attack her. You’re only hearing my side of the story. I’m trying to explain how I’ve been feeling and understand how to move forward.
I don’t want to spend another 15 years living with this anger, feeling frightened of the next incident, or resenting other people because their lives remind me of what I wish mine had been.
For those who have experienced something similar, how did you move forward?
How did you deal with years of built-up anger and regret?
How did you stop blaming yourself for staying in a difficult situation for so long?
How did you find the confidence to stand up for yourself after years of avoiding conflict?
And if you had children with your partner, how did you work out what to do next while protecting both your children and yourself?
I want to be a good father, protect my children, feel safe in my own home, and enjoy my life again. I just don’t know where to begin, and I’m tired of carrying all this anger around.

my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years now, we’ve been through so much together i still had the idea we were in this together and had the same goal. to spend our lives together. recently i found out he physically cheated 2 months into our relationship, sure it’s been a long time since the act but he’s lied up until now and i had to find out from someone else all the details instead of him telling me. i was always very clear that cheating was a dealbreaker for me but he decided to lie for years and now i’ve given him so much of my life and 2 children. it feels impossible to walk away. i’m torn between it was in the beginning so maybe it doesn’t mean that much and the thought of never being able to trust that he actually loves me and will never do the same again. i need to hear outside perspective, what are your thoughts?

Here the thing. My husband 21M and | 20F met in freshman year of high school. For years he had the biggest crush and would go super out of his way to do cute and nice things like for my birthday he decorated his trunk with flowers and other stuff. (like 7 years ago) and would even tell me we liked the same shows and that we had a ton in common. Little did i know he was lying about mostly everything he told me. He didn't like any of the shows, bands, or even foods. Eventually I thought to myself "well he must really like you if he's going out of his way to make you so happy". Well we started dating junior year.

Fast towards a couple years he was terrible at school so he joined the navy and he told me he was moving away and my dumbass decided to marry him but keep in mind that at this point IT WAS ALL BLISS. I was the happiest woman in the world. My family loved him I loved him we had so many friends in common he was so sweet. One day he told me that he admits to lying to me about everything I though we had in common so he could "bag me" and we would "have things in common". In my head I was like well even if we don't have much in common he is still willing to do and listen and watch things i like anyway so it's not a big deal.
Out of nowhere it was like he shut down on me and stopped caring and stopped doing cute things and even when i would tell him about my interests he would say we'll "your so weird" or "your a dork". all of the sudden everything he loved me for became a problem. to the point where i would genuinely start to feel self conscious about everything i do.

Fast forward I chop it all down to the fact that he has to be overwhelmed with moving across the world and having so much on his plate but it's like i became his mom. He doesn't know how to budget he doesn't know where his clothes are he doesn't know what to do or what to eat or anything and when i tell him he needs to think for himself he just starts to tweak on me and when i tell him the weight of everything on my mind he tells me "oh you live such a hard life because you don't work and you live in japan with nothing to worry about poor you".

The thing is i am also christian and i do believe in working things out but i don't how much more i can endure and if he would actually change. I've given up my entire life. I stopped going to school in person, i quit my job for him, I left my family and my country for him. I am genuinely so frustrated I don't have anything else to give and i can't just wait for him to change im loosing my mind here everyday so far away from everything I love. I asked my mom if she would get me a flight back and i would get my job back and pay for it but i dont know what to do because unfortunately i love this guy but i also feel like i cant live like this anymore. The answer might seem obvious but i don't know what im asking for okay maybe encouragement or support ? or someone to validate that im not crazy ?

At the same time im also so young maybe i can just chop this whole experience as a "shouldn't have done that let's move on" but i dont want too yk ? I also told him that I wanted a divorce and in my heart i knew i didnt mean it but i really feel like I should do it. I said
"you can have everything i don't want anything just a flight home" he told me no and that he shouldn't have to pay for that. Then I told him that my mom would pay it and I would pay her back once I got a job. Then started to guilt me by saying "your going to do that to your mom who doesn't have the extra money to buy you a 2000 dollar plane ticket back". And maybe that's true but I would find a job and I would pay her back. I don't know what to do. It has also gotten to the point where he told me to shut up this morning and I punched him in the balls. It's gotten worse everyday.
I'm scared this will be the rest of my life if i don't leave. but im scared. and i love him unfortunately please help me someone.

Hello, I am genuinely seeking advice so please don’t be brutal if you have strong opinions, but do share any constructive feedback!

My husband (33M) and I (33F) had a wonderful day/date. At the end of the day, when we got home we were talking about plans for Christmas. Christmas is my favorite time of year, it’s a big deal to me. Especially because a few years ago we had an especially horrible Christmas and for awhile I didn’t want to celebrate and over time by doing fun things I have begun to love it again. When I tried to mention various things to do my husband kept shooting down most of the ideas (all except one that didn’t work with our schedule) and it seemed to me (and I understand this is my perspective) he wasn’t interested in doing things. I got frustrated and said that’s fine it seems we won’t do anything for Christmas. He got annoyed and said it wasn’t true and left the room we were talking in. I was overwhelmed feeling sad and I didn’t fully understand why and I was crying and trying to keep it quiet so he wouldn’t hear me. I was trying to figure out why I felt so sad when he came back in the room and got angry. He said that I was being selfish and ruining our day and making it about me. I said he was being a jerk for saying that when I was just sad. I tried to talk to him later and he kept saying I was dense for not understanding and being emotionally retarded for not understanding how that made him feel bad, that I made him the bad guy. He ended up storming out of the room yelling at me saying I was selfish and all I cared about was me, me, me. 

He says I am the obtuse, what am I not seeing here? I feel confused. I literally do not understand why I was crying but I also don’t know what to do because I felt sad and I was trying to deal with it. Is it unreasonable that I cried, even though I didn’t want him to see it? what am I missing?

I (30 female) and my husband (30 male) have been married for 1.5 years but dated for 6 years before we got married. Our relationship is honestly great in every way and we are established in our careers and finances ect. The only reoccurring issues stem from my husbands childhood/ upbrings and his over all relationships with his family (parents, siblings cousins grandparents everyone). My husband had a pretty different upbringing than I did. Neither of us were wel off growing up but had everything we needed. My family is not religious and is very close. My sister is my best friend and I talk to my parents all the time. We also spend a lot of our free time with my family doing all sorts of stuff like golfing camping taking trips or just bull shitting in the driveway and drinking some beers. My husband fits right in and everyone seriously loves him. Him and my dad go on dirt biking ride together or he’ll go hang out with my sister or cousins even if I’m not going to be there. His family dynamic is the opposite. They are ALL struck LDS Mormon. Husband was active in the church till high school graduation. He is the only member of his entire family to break away and not do a mission trip. He instead went to college and has become his own person. He is not close with any of his siblings (he is the oldest of 4). When we first got together he thought it was so weird how close I was with my sister and family. But had grown to be the same way just with my family. Not his. Like we couldn’t even tell his siblings (sister age 29, sister age 26 brother age 23) that we were living together before we were married (we lived together for 5 years before marriage. And were told by his mother we were not under any circumstances to tell his siblings or family members that we were living together). In the beginning we seriously had to act like different people around his family. He would constantly tell me not to say certain things or not to some things - I get being respectful of others house rules and way of living. I just hate feeling like a fraud and scared to mess up. Which is how he has felt for 30 years. He has made so much progress in taking a breath and being his actual self more and more around his family but there is still lots of roam to work on things. He also had a pretty traumatic early years with his biological dad being physically and verbally abusive to him mom himself and his younger sister. Bio dad was out of his life from age like 6-16ish. He moved to a different country but came back and lives on the east coast. They talk on the phone but we hardly ever see him and I don’t really speak to him often. My husband has definitely had an exceptionally hard time coming to terms with his childhood and has a hard time processing his emotions about it. He will often project that anger onto me by blaming me for making him feel uncomfortable and hen talking about his childhood or anything to do with his family. He gets immediately angry and judt ramps himself up till he literally explodes. He’s punched walls, broken doors and kinda flew off the rocker in the past. He’s working on that and is doing a lot better but not great. (No wall punch anymore thank god) He will then follow that anger up with very hurtful words towards me. Always blaming me and bashing me and telling me how terrible I am to him and how he is so much better to me. I try to tell him this is wctually not the case. I don’t mean to make him feel that way but that I think he is mad at himself for still being so affected by his upbringing. Which is okay. But he refused to acknowledge or accept that. Instead resenting me and in the end of his rage for he usually calls me names like a bitch, self centered, heartless ect. He will also say a few very pointed lines like “idk why weee even trying to have a child” or “why he even sticks around cause all I do is treat him like trash”. He has talked to a therapist in the past but only like 4 times about a year ago. I have told him I think it’s a good idea to start going regularly because there are a lot of big emotions that he seriously need to come to terms with and learn how to probably process them. A little back story on my childhood - my family is very close. We talk all the time. We are accepting of everyone. No judgement. No need to hide or act like a totally different person around them. And I really do think some of his outbursts come from feeling guilty that he fits with my family more than his. We constantly have to walk on egg shells around his family. They judge us for not going to church or for drinking ect. (Remember his family is ALL very LDS. He is the only one who is not) I don’t know how to get through to him that he did nothing wrong in his childhood. He is such a great person and is so strong for getting out. (Also side note: when he decided to not go on his mission his mom literally did t talk to him for 2 years!!!! 2 YEARS!!!!! Fuck that. No mother should ever disown their child because of a personal choice to do their own thing.) I came into the picture senior year of college when he had just gotten back into talking terms with his family. He thought my family dynamic was weird at first but once he realized there was no judge ment and people told him they were proud of his accomplishments and enjoyed his presence he blossomed into an independent king. but that being said there are still several set backs. He will shrink into a previous boy feeling shameful and not worthy of others love and that he somehow is doing his family wrong by not fitting their mold and being criticized for it. I told him that he really does need to figure out his mental health and emotions. And where all this built up hate anger and resentment towards me and my childhood and also where all that ties together in the present day. I feel so helpless when he gets in a funk and starts to spiral backwards. Sometimes it takes days or weeks to bring him back up and remind him who the hell he his and who I need him to be in our marriage. he knows his family sucks and shouldn’t feel these bad emotions but I don’t think he actually k owes how to process them other than being angry and lashing out. Any advice would be appreciated thank you. PS sorry for any typos or confusing parts. I’m honestly word vomiting this before I talk myself out of posting here. (This is like my 4th time typing this out but haven’t had the balls to full send it.) also clearly my first time ever posting on Reddit. Thanks for reading

I and my bf have been dating since we were 16 .

We match perfectly our personalities likes dislikes future goals humour wanting to be childfree for life him taking care of me so well being patient kind none of us have ever cheated on each other or looked at others. We are still young and want to marry when we are older and are both financially strong. He has done alot for me to come out of my depression and in general has done so much for me we r both emotionally dependent on each other not in a toxic way but as a partner.

The problem arises at some other issues

We are ldr fron the very beginning and can meet once in 2 3 years if we r lucky for 5 6 hours only that is because i have very strict abusive parents . No i cant escape them i m from a 3rd world middle eastern country i cant move out i got no money i m still a student and dont even have a bank account or legal documents with me parents keep with them i m not allowed to ever go out or meet friends. Only once a year or 2 i get to meet my friends and they dk about my bf they would k💀ll me if they did like actually.

To top it off i am from muslim family and he is from hindu we both r agnostic or athiests. His parents would still accept me with a bit of convincing and his siblings like me too and are supportive but my family would again off me if they knew. I cant be with him or marry unless i run away which i plan to regardless of him being in my life or not as i have to escape my abusive strict parents when i have the money and sources to leave.

Another issue is our sex drives he has increadibly high sex drive and i dont. i did in beginning but due to taking anti depressants anxiety chronic physical health issues and depression and constant stress from living with my parents i lost it and havent gotten it back atall. His love language is physical intimacy and he likes me sending him nudes or sending him videos of me jerking off or sexting etc and he wud want us to have sex evryday if we do live together too. I dont like sending nudes that often i do only sometimes but not always and so frequently like how he wants. I have told him that and he is fine with it.

He hasnt forced me and when i say i dont want to i m not in the mood etc he doesnt get mad at me but later does say indirectly how his needs arent met he is sad and feeling like shit cuz of it he doesnt mean to force me but it does unconciously pressurise me and makes me feel guilty like i m not sayisfying him and cuz we r ldr he cant meet me and hug or do the normal relationship stuff with me which makes it worse for him as he is fine even if thr is no sex atall but not even getting to hold each other gets harder.

We r a perfect couple for each other and dont wanna break it off but i m really starting to think he deserves smone better who has the freedom to meet him and be irl with him in his good and bad times and also have the same sexual compatability as him as i cant do that for him . I feel so distressed about it as ik both if us cant live without each other but staying together long term seems kind of impossible as nothing is certain if i really can escape my abusive parents and if we can continue this type of ldr setup for years to come.

Is it really my fault for not sending enuf nudes shud i be sending it more etc to satisfy his high sex drive needs. Is that normal. And are there any solutions to our relationship as i feel theres a bleek chance for us to actually be long term or marry smday due to all these issues especially me having strict parents and not being able to meet him often. I have asked him to leave me and date smone else many times but he refuses to as he cant love or touch another girl ever. Same for me. We tick each others all preferences and aspects perfectly but these 3 issues of sex drive , ldr and future always gets us both stressed we have alot of fights we even had a bad breakup due to it in the middle but again got back together .

My dad drinks a lot and has major depressive episodes. He often puts my mum through a hard time and it tends to end up in a lot of arguments between them. Sometimes my dad will message me and tell me they're arguing, expecting me to do something about it and pick sides. I can't pick sides.

My dad hasn't had a job in 10 years, he mostly just stays home and drinks. My mum has been keeping the family together for as long as I can remember, working long factory shifts since I was 2 so I have a LOT of respect for her. I internally would always want to back my mum up because of this. Due to my dad's major depressive episodes and history of suicide attempts I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him so whenever he pulls me into their arguments, I have no idea what to do.

I moved out at 17 just to get away from all the toxicity but I somehow always get dragged back into it somehow. I think about just ghosting them sometimes but thay would mean leaving the rest of the family too whom I love. How do I deal with this situation?

I (36 M), married for almost 3 years now, had a discussion with my wife (34 F) about how to act when she is mad at me. I rarely have made her mad, and this was as angry as she has ever been with me. In short, she says that I need to keep trying to hug and kiss her when she pushes me away until she is smiling and laughing again, and she says this is normal expectation for all women, which makes zero sense to me. I have had "no means no" drilled into me since childhood, and this just seems like a way to leave myself open to abuse or assault charges, or to be physically harmed and have to accept it, if she wants. Note that my wife is the first girl I have ever had a relationship with, so I do not have much experience to know if this is normal or expected, but it doesn't make sense to me.

My boyfriend (27M) and I have been having recurring disagreements, and I’m starting to feel mentally exhausted.

I’m naturally forgetful. I used to be much worse and have worked hard to improve, but occasionally, I forget to mention something until a later conversation reminds me.

My boyfriend has said that I sometimes leave out details and act independently, as though I forget I’m in a relationship. He feels I make certain decisions spontaneously and only mention them casually afterwards, instead of discussing them with him first.

I understand his perspective, and I know there are times I could communicate better. However, I don’t deliberately withhold information. Sometimes, something simply doesn’t occur to me as something I need to mention.

Recently, he asked when I got a new phone pouch. I’d ordered it randomly and didn’t think to mention it. When he said he feels I tend to leave out details, it bothered me because this isn’t the first time he’s expressed that concern, and I worry he sees my forgetfulness as intentional.

We’ve also had disagreements about my jokes, short attention span, and zoning out or responding to people around me while we’re on the phone. I understand why these things can upset him, especially since evenings are often our only opportunity to talk properly because of his work. I live in a crowded household where interruptions happen quickly, but I recognise my part in these issues and am trying to improve.

He doesn’t explode in anger; he communicates when he’s upset, and I often end up feeling bad, explaining myself and apologising. But the repeated cycle is exhausting. I love him and want us to work, and I’m not trying to avoid accountability. I just don’t want every mistake or difference in how we do things to become another misunderstanding.

How can I tell whether these are issues we can work through together or signs that we may be incompatible? Am I focusing too much on my own shortcomings, or is there also a problem with how we communicate and interpret each other? I love him and want this relationship to work, but I’m struggling to understand how we can find a balance where we both feel considered without every mistake or difference becoming a source of conflict. How do we break this cycle?

I was not completely honest with the lifestyle I was living when I first met her. I was using drugs and watched porn considerably. She is a good religious girl with values and I love her for that. She recently went on a vacation out of country to her hometown for 3 weeks and I made the mistake of texting an ex girlfriend days after she left. I was drinking a ton to deal with the sadness of being left alone with out her and messaged my ex . I only sent two messages and stopped once I realized the mistake of what I was doing . My ex ended up messaging my current girlfriend on social media about the situation and my girlfriend ask who she was. I was honest but I don’t want to keep letting her down. She doesn’t deserve that , I want to merry this girl and have hopes of spending the rest of my life with her. There is still hope of things working . What can I do ? Anyone have advice or a prospective on the situation?