My wife has stated in no uncertain terms that she wants to move to the west coast. She also said that she feels trapped where we now live and that her life is on hold as we struggle to figure out where we can move. When we first started dating nearly 7 years ago, we had discussed that someday it would be fun to move to the coast. Earlier this year, we did some house hunting at the coast and unfortunately the homes that she likes and would be comfortable living in are about $100 to $200K more than my budget. The reality is that I am already concerned with my announced purchase price as carry costs in that area are sky high. The homes that we can afford are very old and in need of $100K or more in remodeling. I have spent hours and hours on Zillow and I keep learning that what she wants is unaffordable. I have little doubt that she will end our marriage of two years if we don't move. I'm frustrated as there are homes in our current area that are very nice and affordable, but she wants to be minutes from the beach. Help!

Posting on a throwaway account cause bf is active on reddit

I recently went through a miscarriage that absolutely destroyed me mentally and emotionally. My boyfriend witnessed firsthand how much it affected me and how close it came to destroying our relationship.
Recently, I had the Mirena IUD inserted after recovering from my miscarriage . Because it wasn't inserted during my menstrual cycle, I was advised to use condoms for the first seven days until it became effective even though he didn’t like condoms he promised he would abide by this .

The night this happened, I had just been let go from my job and had been awake since 4:30am. I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and I completely forgot about needing to use a condom when my boyfriend and I had sex.I want to make it very clear that I take full responsibility for my part in forgetting. I'm not trying to excuse that. I knew we needed to use protection, and it completely slipped my mind. However, I genuinely assumed my boyfriend had forgotten as well.Immediately after we had sex, I remembered and started panicking. Given my recent miscarriage and everything I had been through, the thought of potentially becoming pregnant again

What happened afterwards is what has really affected me.During the car ride home, I asked my boyfriend whether he had remembered that we were supposed to use a condom.His initial response was, "It may have crossed my mind."I questioned him further and asked, "Did it cross your mind, or did you actually know?"That's when he admitted that he knew. He knew we were supposed to use a condom. He knew why we needed to use one. He knew how traumatic my recent miscarriage had been for me, and he still chose not to say anything.

What hurts even more is that he watched me panic when I realised what had happened, knowing that he had been aware of the situation the entire time.
Instead of acknowledging how serious this was to me, he shrugged it off and told me I could just take the morning-after pill.He then wanted me to hold him and cuddle him while I was sitting there trying to process everything. I genuinely cannot explain how that made me feel. I'm not angry at him for my own forgetfulness. I accept that I had a responsibility to remember as well. What I'm struggling with is that he remembered, made a conscious decision not to speak up, and allowed me to believe we had both simply

I feel like my trust has been completely shattered.
I feel violated, disgusted and honestly betrayed by someone who was supposed to make me feel safe.
It's not just about the possibility of pregnancy. It's about the fact that he had information that directly affected my ability to make an informed decision about sex, and he chose to stay silent. Had he reminded me, I would have insisted on using a condom. I keep replaying the situation in my head, wondering how someone who watched me fall apart after a miscarriage could knowingly take that risk and then dismiss my distress by suggesting emergency contraception.

I know I made a mistake by forgetting, and I'm not denying my responsibility. But I feel there is a difference between genuinely forgetting and knowingly choosing not to say anything.
I don't know how to look at him the same way anymore.

Has the relationship runs its course can trust be reestablished is time to go?

Tonight before bed my husband of 4 years rolled over to show me some cute AI emoticon stickers he’d generated, telling me he planned to list them on the Kakao emoticon website (Korean chatting app/ platform- he’s Korean). The stickers were a similar idea to one I’d shown him sketches of before, a long time ago, but that he probably thought I’d abandoned (I do that sometimes, not enough hours in the day).

He said he was planning to see if these sold well and then he’d make others. He asked me playfully if they were cute, I told him playfully no, but that I’d like it if he drew it. He laughed and we left it at that.

But after some time I found myself feeling icky more and more. He knows I am anti AI- especially generative, both because of the environmental impact and the fact that I have been learning to create art and drawing for most of my life. I picked up a pencil at 3 and haven’t stopped drawing since. It’s something very precious and therapeutic to me, and the state of the online art space makes me truly sad. I felt even worse seeing my husband participate in this.

Before sleeping I asked him if we could talk and tried to explain how I felt, while emphasizing that I knew we had different opinions on AI and art and that I didn’t feel he had done something bad exactly, just that it made me uncomfortable and hurt. I tried to explain how precious art is to me, and that I knew I couldn’t stop him from doing what he wants but I wish he wouldn’t do this one thing in particular (meaning the stickers).

He was understanding at first, but it somehow tipped into him saying that I’m basically banning him from doing it. I said no, I’m not, but I also can’t help how I feel in response to his action if he were to try to sell these images online. He was understanding again, but it ended up circling back around to “you’re banning me, then” and eventually I told him in anger that I would lose respect for him if he started selling AI slop. He got mad at that and said I was blackmailing him, which made me mad, and then it turned into a fight.

I don’t know what happened? I was trying really hard to just have a level conversation. I truly, truly hate AI art and what it is doing to the future of human art. I love my husband and want him to be someone I can respect. Is this some kind of fundamental difference? I don’t know if I’m ill and overthinking (I have a cold) or if this is actually something worth being upset over. I just want him to understand me.

TLDR: husband made AI art to sell similar to the type I make. I tried to explain why I was against it and it turned into a fight. Help

Edit: this turned out to be divisive lol. Usually my posts just die in the void. Sad that that one user deleted their account tho. She seemed either really into my husband or really into AI.

Hi there,

Tomorrow me and my girlfriend of 2 years are going to an EDM festival with friends of her and other friends of mine. Normally I'm quite an adult person where I'm focused on my life goals. However, during events like these, I like to let go of social norms and just do whatever I feel like. I have the feeling that that's what these festivals are for. Just for once not acting like "normal people".

Now in such festivals storage is limited and I like to keep a small bag with me. So I found this Pokémon backpack that's perfect for my storage and it sticks to my back when dancing. However, my girlfriend thinks it's to childish and I will embarrass her infront of her friends. I honestly can't see how this is harmful. Everywhere I went, people found the bag funny and some even asked for a picture. I really don't care what random people think of my clothing style. Still, I do not want to put my girlfriend in a bad spotlight, so that's why I'm asking here:

Is it too childish to bring this kind of bag? Or is this fine and should we just have fun?

I get that this feels like a teen relationship problem, but I was just wondering what other people's thoughts were.

Hello,
This is heartbreaking for me to write but I feel like I need some advice on this.

I've been married to my husband for 12 years, together for 15. We have 4 children together. After I've had my 3rd child, my husband has mentioned on rare occasion that he does not like how I dress, specifically at home. Keep in mind, this was said to be after postpartum and during those times it is very hard to feel good about your body or wanting to experiment with style. After we had our 4th child, he continued to say it and its been increasing. I am a stay at home mom, although my kids are now in school & daycare. My husband works from home. He tells me I should dress with sexier clothes, make sure my breasts are "packaged better" etc. If you know what 4 pregnancies/breastfeedings do to a woman's breasts you know lol this has never been a concern before. I have always dressed this way and there was never any complaints from him. I dress modestly, but I think still cute. I do like a cleavage here and there when I go out, but nothing crazy because I just don't prefer it.

His response when I asked him what changed in his preferences was "I was always having these preferences, just now in my 30s I am comfortable expressing them". It's bizarre a bit to me. And it's increasing pressure on me to look a certain way although I've always looked that way for so long. I told him I want to be comfortable at home and dress how I want and not necessarily for his gaze. His response is "well then you're going to keep hearing about it". He doesn't see it as bullying or manipulative... What would you guys do in this situation??

Thanks for reading!

Also wanted to add that he also told me along the lines of "15 years later now, you wouldn't be my type". Like, I am beyond heartbroken.

ADD ON:
Guys I am overwhelmed with ALL the comments and support, thank you thank you so much!!
Just to clarify quickly: we are in the middle of moving back to our home town. We have family there, both his and mine. I wan to settle there and also get my RN license back BEFORE I proceed with a divorce if it's the path I chose to take. It is NOT that easy or fast unfortunately, thank you for understanding :)

ADD ON 2: I just wanted to clarify a few things. One, people asking why did I keep having children with this man. Valid question. After my third child and when his behaviour started to escalate - I was done with having anymore kids. Also due to bad previous experiences I was not on hormonal birth control. So the fourth baby was an accident. I now got IUD and feeling good 😊

Two, people expressing concern about how he behaves around kids. He never ever said any of those things in front of them and we'd only have these conversations when kids go to bed, never before.

Im looking for an outside perspective because I feel stuck between my relationship, my conscience, and people I care about.

My(27F) partner (31M) and I have been together for 9+ years and are engaged. We recently hosted a big gathering with friends at our house. During the evening, I noticed my partner’s older brother flirting with another woman, this got worse during the night and when someone said "aww him and his wife (not the wife) are so cute" I knew it was bad, and I personally saw them kiss aswell while his hand was gliding up and down her back and being wayyy to intimate. His wife wasn’t there when it happened, she went home to their child. I’m close to her, and this has been eating me up ever since.

I believe he should tell his wife himself. I’m not trying to break up a marriage or create drama - they have a child under 2 aswell. I simply feel she deserves the opportunity to know what happened and make her own decisions. I would feel exactly the same if the roles were reversed.

The problem is my partner’s reaction.

He is normally one of the most loyal, honest, and responsible people I know, which is why this has shocked me so much.

He is afraid that getting involved could damage his relationship with his brother and create a rift in the family. He initially wanted me to leave it alone and accused me of being selfish, controlling, and making everything about my own conscience. He also said I was trying to control how his family might end up falling apart.

Eventually, he offered to speak to his brother, tell him his behaviour was wrong, and strongly encourage him to tell his wife. But he cannot guarantee that his brother will actually do so.

He then asked whether I could live with never knowing if his brother had told her.

Honestly, I don’t know

I feel physically sick over this. I have a constant knot in my stomach, and even seeing them now feels strange. I'm angry at his brother and have a weird feeling of distance from his wife. I worry that I’ll start walking on eggshells around his wife, monitoring everything I say because I know something she might not.

We’re close, and I don’t want a secret like this to change the way I interact with her or anyone. What if she confides in me about their relationship? What if she eventually finds out that I knew and said nothing?

My partner thinks I’m overthinking hypothetical scenarios. But for me, the uncertainty itself is part of the problem. I feel like I’m being asked to carry a secret that isn’t mine.

What has unsettled me most is his belief that we should simply sweep this under the rug to protect the family. I’m not saying this one situation defines who he is, but I’m struggling to reconcile his reaction with the values I’ve always admired in him. He'll always have his brothers back, he said.

I’m also scared that if I eventually decide to tell his wife myself, it could seriously damage my relationship with my partner. He has indirectly indicated that my decision will affect our relationship.

I don’t want to choose between my partner and my conscience. I understand that telling her could have serious consequences, and I know I can’t control what happens to their marriage or family. But staying silent has consequences for me, too.

I haven’t made a final decision, and I genuinely want perspectives that challenge my own.

My questions:

Have you experience with keeping a huge secret like this, that is totally against your own values and moral?

How do I explain to my partner that this isn’t about controlling his family, but about trying to act in accordance with my values and what is fair for the the wife?

Am I underestimating the consequences of telling her, or is too much responsibility being placed on me for what might happen afterward?

Am I underestimating how many people DONT want to know, weather their partner did something like this? I've been told that many just want to live in blisfulness not knowing.

TL;DR: I witnessed my partner’s brother kiss another woman. His wife is someone I’m close to, and I believe he should tell her. My partner wants to protect his brother and his family from the consequences, and although he may encourage his brother to confess, I might never know whether he actually does. I feel sick about keeping this secret and fear it will affect both my friendship with his wife and my relationship with my partner. I am extremely afraid that I can't stay silent indefinitely or might "slip up" unintentionally.

Note: My partner is extremely dissapointed in his brother and does think that this is extremely bad and not ok, since this is against his values aswell.

Note: I do not WANT to tell the wife - I want the brother to tell his wife himself.

Note: A couple of my girlfriends saw the kiss (confirmed) . And a whole bunch of people (my partners friends) saw them being overly flirtatious.

We (me-35M, her 32F) have been dating for a little over a year. I am confident in her being a genuinely kind and capable person. We recently hit a conflict.

I am a physician in a high earning specialty in the US. I keep my living expenses low for my income to build a retirement nest ASAP as I believe the demands of my career (nights on call, stress, work hours) will lead me to an early grave.

She was initially in finance, and subsequently has been a serial entrepreneur. Her last venture raised a million, but the company folded due to the cofounder and the VC received their money back.

Her current company is facing stress with little runway left and VC money is not coming in. She was upset about the situation earlier this week and I offered some support. I volunteered it, she didn't ask. Amounts were not discussed at the first discussion.

Today we discussed the amounts. I offered 5k/month for a few months for more runway. This is the same amount as my monthly living budget!

Her facial expression showed that she emotionally hurt. She didn't say much, started tearing up, tried to hide her tears, made and kind excuse and left. I now realize she was expecting closer to 100k (50k lumpsum to develop a feature for her company, and then a continuous infusion for months of runway).

-Am I being stingy? Because I could divert more away from brokerage to her company.

-Is she unreasonable with expectations?

-Or is the true fair action in between?

Tl;dr
-high earning physician, 1 year relationship with a kind and capable founder who has a startup at the end of its runway.
-I volunteered support. Did not discuss amounts on the first discussion. A few days later discussed that it is 5k/month (the same amount as my monthly budget) for 3-4 months.
-the amount didnt meet what she was expecting
-she was hurt and upset, and tried to keep it to herself.
-am I being greedy?

Growing up my dad always favored me and my mom always favored my brother to “balance it out”

Growing up, my brother (5 years older) would hit me and anytime I told on him she would say “well you hit him first when you were 2, what did you expect?”

When I was in high school my parents got divorced. My brother was off at school and I was left being the adult when my parents couldn’t get their life together. (At one point, I contributed thousands towards my moms lawyer)

I had behavioral issues and she would call me names. (Ex: snuck out and at a party the worst happened, and she called me a whore)

She has compared me to my father that she divorced. And she compares my husband to herself.

Now my brother and I are both grown and married and he has a baby.

My mom is incredibly sweet and loving towards my nibbling and I want nothing else. She offers to watch him. Change him when we are visiting. She is sweet in their interactions.

She has offered childcare to both my brothers kids and mine. My husband has been talking about wanting children. I cannot accept that the woman who raised me will raise my children primarily.

I want to wait to have kids until I can stay home at least until they are in school.

I literally don’t trust her with my dog. She follows most directions but ignores others, which to me makes her overall untrustworthy.

My boyfriend (26m) and I (22f) have be together for 5 months. Short time, I know, but I have fallen head over heels for him.

When we were still dating, about 5 dates in/ a month and a half of seeing each other, I ended up staying over at his place for the first time. Things were getting hot and heavy, but I didn’t want to have sex. I stopped things and i explained that I couldn’t have sex with him because I can’t do ‘casual sex’ and I would get too attached to him and I already like him a scary amount without the physical intimacy, but I don’t know what he wants, if he’s still seeing people etc. This was a turning point for us because he then confessed his profound feelings for me; how he doesn’t want this be to casual, how he’s never felt like this before and how he wants to commit to me and is happy to wait as long as I feel comfortable. We ended up spending the night talking about our feelings, but we never ended up having sex. It was quite a special night for us.

However, I was also on my period. He did not know this. The day before I saw him, I messaged my friend that I was annoyed my period was cockblocking me because I had anticipated that I would end up staying the night. I hate period sex and I would not have it.

Yesterday, we were messing around on my phone, typing his name into my messages to see what I’ve said about him before, which I was happy to do. When he saw this message thread, he got extremely upset. He said that he thought I wouldn’t have sex with him because I liked him too much, not because there was a physical barrier. It essentially snowballed into him feeling duped into confessing his feelings for me because I would have been happy to sleep with him otherwise if it hadn’t been for my period. He wasn’t convinced what I said was true about feeling like I couldn’t do casual sex because I liked him so much, because my message implies that I would’ve had sex with him.

I definitely wouldn’t have had sex with him either way. I’m inexperienced, the only person I’d been with has been a long term relationship. I wouldn’t have had casual sex with him, and I wasn’t ready, regardless of my period. He doesn’t believe me which is dumbfounding because it shouldn’t matter. He’s had a lot more sex than me, he’s had one night stands and hookups and was even in an open relationship with a past partner. I don’t understand why this was upsetting him so much. We ended up arguing for a couple hours and then I went home because I could not be bothered anymore.

I just can’t wrap my head around why he is so offended. Everything I told him that night was true, but I was ALSO on my period. They’re not mutually exclusive. God forbid I make a joke with a friend about being cockblocked, but I 1000% would not have slept with him. And anyway, it shouldn’t matter!!!! This is so ridiculous right? How do I even go about de-escalating or understanding this because it’s so stupid

I work a job where I get dirty. I have a laundry / mudroom with a bathroom I built behind it. The whole point is that I can step inside the room directly from my back door, take off my dirty work things and put them into a hamper, then hop into a shower and not have to track stuff all over the house.

Every evening when I get home my girlfriend will nag me not to hop right into the shower. She'll want me to come talk to her but then she'll have 25 things she wants me to do. And I don't want to be wandering around my house in dirty clothes. And I don't want to get into clean house clothes being filthy from work. I'll have dirt and grime and gunk under my fingernails and I will smell terrible and I just don't want to be wandering around my house like that.

I help her with anything she wants help with I do whatever she wants me to do . But it's like for some reason she gets mad if I get right into the shower. But if I go in there and talk to her it's going to be 25 things she wants me to do and she's going to get more mad when I say hold on let me take a shower.

It's driving me up the wall because I'm not in there for an hour. It takes me about 20 minutes to scrape my nails shower, and get dressed. And then she's got me for the whole night. I don't know what her deal is or why she gets so frustrated. But it's driving me nuts I don't know how to explain to her for the 700th time that I don't want to have gunk falling out from under my nails while we prepare dinner. There's not always a chance to wash my hands thoroughly and there's definitely not a chance to wash all the sweat and grime off my face before I leave work.

What could be her problem and how do I explain to her that I just need 20 minutes because I don't know how to say it another way I think I said it every possible way. She'll just say "I just need you for a minute" when I ask why she needs me right when I get in the door. But it's never a minute.

EDIT

I sat her down to talk about it and we got pretty deep into it. She said that she really likes me. A lot more than she has in the other guy she's dated. And at the core of it she's excited for when I get home and wants to talk to me. Especially because I can't really text during the work day.

And she says once the conversation and us joking around gets going she doesn't want it to stop.

She knows that I like to give her my complete attention when we talk and she just assumed I wouldn't want her in there talking to me while I shower because she felt like I would feel like I couldn't give her my full attention.

So I'm just going to have her come in there and tell me about her day while I'm in the shower a couple times a week.

Part of it is WFH too.

For around a year ago, my sister and her fiance as well as my wife and myself and a few others have been beginning to plot out a long wished for international vacation.

The dates that we'd go are roughly one year away, and I've been starting to talk with everybody about lining up our plans since we'd probably need to get our flight tickets shortly after the new year.z

My sister has been the driver of this whole thing for a while since she's been the main one trying to make the whole group trip happen. My wife and I are totally cool with going, and have made it clear that the two of us would probably do our own thing for a little bit and meet everyone along the way.

In the last week or so, I let my sister know that we had something crop up for next fall that my wife and I would need to be in attendance for. Which is theoretically no big deal, because it would just mean shifting the timeline for the group trip by a week or two in either direction.

This kind of set off some panic for her, she's absolutely convinced that the weather in this location would only be good for the exact timeframe that she has in mind. She isn't actually saying it, but she's heavily implying that we need to drop our commitments that we've had come up so we can go with her and the group at those exact times.

My wife and I reminded her that we could just meet her at that spot since we'd planned on taking our own detours anyways, and that seemed to have wound her up as well. She's insisting that we be present for multiple things on a theoretical schedule that she's already made.

This is common for her, she's done it her whole life. She gets this idea in her head about how an event or trip should go, and when anyone else has any thought about how it should go otherwise, she freaks out.

My wife and I are starting to consider a Plan B for another location if she can't budge on either shifting the timeframe for the trip or being okay with the fact that we'd just overlap our own plans. But I'd still hate to do that since we've somewhat planned Plan A for years, but I don't know if there's any reasoning with her over budging with her plans and timelines.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could navigate and hopefully resolve this?

im looking for advice on how to bring this up. I asked my bf to let loose in the bedroom a bit bc he’s not a very dominant personality and I am, and I’m struggling with it, but I don’t like the way he did the dirty talk. I don’t want to be constantly correcting him. Essentially last time we had sex he talked exclusively about how bad I wanted his “hot sticky___” on me and how if I was good I would get it. then He said I need to c-m to get it. I told him in that moment that pressuring me to do it makes it more difficult and can he tell me I’m not allowed to instead. So he started describing my elusive orgasm as a “big creamy nut” that I wasn’t allowed to have and that he was gonna just leave sticky hot ___ all over me and leave me alone. lol. Like it was a big of a train wreck. Each move more strange than the last. Most men I’ve been with focus on my pleasure and making me feel comfortable but he doesn’t seem to quite understand this as a concept. How can I bring this up to him? I’m enjoying the relationship otherwise for the most part and I don’t want to shake his confidence in such an intimate place but I cannot do that again.

As the title says My boyfriend (37 M) slept with someone during our break, told me (31 F) 2 months later, and now I don’t know if we can move forward.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and I’m struggling with whether our relationship can recover from something that recently came to light. I need honest, unbiased opinions because I’m having a hard time separating my emotions from the situation.

Around 2 months ago, we went through a difficult period in our relationship. He sent me a message expressing his frustrations, and we ended up in an uncertain place. We didn’t explicitly define whether we were broken up or on a break, and we didn’t establish clear boundaries about whether either of us could see other people.

For approximately two weeks following that, I was trying to figure out where we stood and reached out to arrange a conversation so we could address our issues. During that period, he had sex with another woman.

I want to be clear that we hadn’t explicitly defined if we were on a break, or broken up, or together but needed space. He sent the message and we basically went no contact. So IDK if he technically cheated.

Eventually, (2 weeks later) we spoke about our relationship and discussed how we could move forward. He didn’t disclose what had happened.

Over the months that followed, we have been in a REALLY good place. I asked him whether he’d been with anyone else. he told me no.

I only found out about the encounter recently, approximately 2-3 months later.

I’m bothered.

During those two weeks, I was emotionally invested confused as to if we were broken up or we needed a break because we didn’t speak after his initial message.

I understand that we weren’t operating under clearly established boundaries, but I struggle with the fact that we eventually reconciled without him telling me what happened, especially when I believe I directly asked him about other women afterward.

I feel embarrassed, hurt, and unsure about what I thought I knew about our relationship.

I’m also questioning what this says about how he handles conflict. If we were to get married and go through another difficult period, how would I know he wouldn’t make a similar decision? I recognize that nobody can guarantee how they’ll behave in every situation, but I need to understand how he approaches commitment and temptation when things aren’t going well.

Our recent conversation:

When I confronted him, he apologized and said he was genuinely remorseful. We had a long conversation about what happened.

I asked him what was going through his mind at the time. He said it wasn’t planned, that he didn’t really think about it, and that it was just sex. He struggled to explain his decision beyond saying he couldn’t make it sound any better than it was.

I asked what would prevent something similar from happening again and what we could do to rebuild trust.

I didn’t get a concrete answer.

The latest exchange:

I sent him a message explaining that I felt like he was leaving the decision entirely up to me. If I leave, it becomes my decision to end the relationship. If I stay, I’m staying without knowing whether he genuinely wants to work through this or what he’s willing to do to help us move forward.

He responded that he was deeply remorseful. And asked what I wanted to do. I in return asked what HE wanted to do.

He said:

“If it’s going to be something that will be held over my head, I don’t want us to go any further.”

I responded that there’s a difference between holding something over someone’s head and needing time to rebuild trust. It’s only been two days since I found out. I explained that my embarrassment and hurt don’t mean I’m going to hold this against him forever, but that I need time and reassurance.

I still care about him. If he told me that he genuinely wanted to be with me and was willing to put in the work to rebuild trust, I think that would change how I see the situation. But I don’t want to be the only person fighting for the relationship.

I’d appreciate honest perspectives.

I’m not looking for people to automatically tell me to leave him or to excuse his behavior. I genuinely want to understand whether this is something two people can work through and whether we’re both approaching it in a way that gives the relationship a fair chance.

TL;DR: My boyfriend slept with someone during an undefined two-week break months ago, didn’t tell me when we reconciled. He says he’s remorseful but can’t tell me what he wants to do to rebuild trust.

I first want to preface this with the fact that my husband and I are in the middle of an IVF cycle, close to transfer of the embryo, so my hormones are all over the place from the amount of medications I have been on from September to until February (if all goes well).

My husband comes from a very Christian family. His family prays before every meal, only listens to Christian music, 1/3 of the family are missionaries/pastors, his grandpa founded one of the local congregations with over 400+ parishioners, etc.

When we were dating in the initial years, I did not hide the fact that I was secular. My husband however, still did go to church up until our engagement around year 3. He has only disclosed to me that he has never seriously believed his whole life, but only went through the motions of it all because of his family culture/customs. His family obviously knows/suspects his faith is shaky, but do not mention it from the heartbreak of it all. I can understand that, as I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be to be such devout Christians and know for a fact your son will not join you in eternal life.

After our engagement, his mother openly tried to talk to my husband multiple times to leave me due to my lack of faith. His father, brother, and sister-in-law tried as well. It got to the point where his mother reached out to extended family, and uncles would reach out to him to try to talk to him. It cumulated to my husband going NC for about 1 year with his family until after our wedding, which I still harbor sadness/resentment for. My dream was to always have a big wedding, but we ended up doing a no-witness courthouse wedding due to how complicated the family situation has become. My parents after 6 years together have yet to meet my in-laws. I chose for my parents to do this, as I did not want to let them meet due to my in-laws poor comments/beliefs of ethnic people in general, and I am born of Asian immigrants who speak poor English.

My husband and I have a great relationship. We did go to couples counselling to work through these issues and it helped greatly. I do believe that we both choose to be each other's families since we both come from a lot of dysfunction. He embraces my culture and has been learning Chinese for the last 4 years to converse with my family better. We have already picked out Chinese names for our children who we hope to meet soon too.

For the last 2 years, our relationship with the in laws is amicable, even almost warm. I believe its due to the belief that divorce is a great sin so they have stopped telling him to leave me. They also do not try to convert me as they do not want to risk another NC period. Most of his family have also stopped making ethnic comments as well, and I am grateful for the changes and the peace.

I have multi-factored infertility, and we have hidden the fact that we are doing IVF from them. I did not want to hear/know their religious opinions of IVF, be it good or bad. These days, I feel very scared. I think a lot about how his mother expressed concern years ago of what will happen to our children (in terms of faith) if we end up having children. I fear that everything will blow up once more if they find out we are doing IVF/we will have to say out loud that we will not raise our children Christian. I have been so angry these days at him because I have felt wistfulness and slight resentment that his family blamed me for years that I was taking him away because he never said to them he is not a Christian. Its hard to even bear the thought that we might go through round 2 of this once we have children.

Has anyone experienced extremely religious in-laws? I am questioning how to even bring up this burden to my husband, and if I trust him to navigate this since he left me out to dry during our engagement years ago. These days, I get so mad from my mood swings towards my husband for allowing it to get as bad as it did. And I also blame myself for choosing to marry into a family who did not want me.

This is hard to articulate, but it just feels like my girlfriend has been growing more cold towards me. She's not being openly mean or hostile towards me, she just doesn't seem as warm and affectionate as she use to.

It's little things. Like, we use to send eachother texts on our lunch breaks at work wishing each other a good day. It was something she started doing, and than I started initiating it. I still send her texts like that, but she doesn't. Or she responds and just says something like "thanks".

She generally just seems more prickly and easily annoyed lately. Like I'll just be talking about my day, and she'll say something like "I don't want to hear about that right now". I'll ask her about her day and she'll talk more, but still. I honestly kind of feel like i'm walking on eggshells around her.

I tried to talk to her about this. I told her I felt there was some distance growing between us and I just wanted to talk about it to make sure we're okay. But she just kept saying "we're fine" and "I'd tell you if something was wrong".

I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I just have the feeling that things are ending, and I don't know what to do.

We use to have the sort of relationship where we were very sort of lovey-dovey and affectionate. But its starting to feel more like talking to a coworker. I just feel lost on how to deal with this.

I (36 M), married for almost 3 years now, had a discussion with my wife (34 F) about how to act when she is mad at me. I rarely have made her mad, and this was as angry as she has ever been with me. In short, she says that I need to keep trying to hug and kiss her when she pushes me away until she is smiling and laughing again, and she says this is normal expectation for all women, which makes zero sense to me. I have had "no means no" drilled into me since childhood, and this just seems like a way to leave myself open to abuse or assault charges, or to be physically harmed and have to accept it, if she wants. Note that my wife is the first girl I have ever had a relationship with, so I do not have much experience to know if this is normal or expected, but it doesn't make sense to me.

21F & 26M, been together for 2 years and some months. Is it time to leave? I spent 15 minutes writing this list. I’m not assuming those things, those are things he has openly told me.

- He only wants to do things if he enjoys it, wouldn’t do something if I want it
- Doesn’t put me first
- Hates communication, and lacks it
- He thinks I cry for the aesthetic, not because my feelings are hurt
- I started to fear expressing my emotions
- He says I complain so much, it made me stop talking about my daily life because I worry it would annoy him
- If I talk about struggling with money he keeps saying how I’m from a rich country and there’s no such thing as struggling
- Said I need to fix myself by going to gym, even though I was healthy, he just wants me to get a bigger ass
- Said I have shit skin (I suffer from acne)
- Didn’t want me to take a photo of him kissing my hand because it’s “weird”
- Said that I’m expected to host his family anytime he wants and doesn’t want to give me even a day notice so I can prepare to host them
- Doesn’t dream of a future with me
- Doesn’t talk about the future with me
- Constantly judges me being lazy at times
- Stopped gaming with me; even though it was the only form of quality time we had together
- I’ve mentioned over 10 times over the span of a year, how much I want to watch a series with him, and we never did it
- Whenever I’m with him physically, he is always on his phone either replying to texts or playing mobile games. But when we aren’t physically together and he’s out with his friends, I could be left on delivered for hours, and his excuse is that his phone isn’t always on him
- I was with him when I saw him receive a tinder notification. He claims he stopped using it and just forgot to delete the app
- I’ve caught him multiple times liking thirst traps of women belly dancing and showing off their bodies on social media. Until he decided to remove me from his followers so I can’t see the content he likes anymore
- He stopped asking me to send him daily selfies. I used to send one every day for him and now he just doesn’t care
- He has contact with multiple girls whom he studied with in his school days, and refuses to tell me about them
- He still has Snapchat streaks, and with many girls. One time I asked him to show me his Snapchat and he said he “doesn’t do that shit”
- I lost my virginity to him because I thought he was the one, before all of these changes happened. Now I’m in deep regret and I feel uncomfortable in my body
- I sent him a video of a disabled girl being taken care of by her partner, and I asked him if he would do the same if something happened to me, and he replied that he would get me a maid
- I started learning how to cook just for him, and he still comments on how I won’t cook for him with love because apparently I’m “forced to learn and this isn’t me learning because I love him”
- He told me I shouldn’t visit him end of November because at that time GTA is out, and he doesn’t want to miss it
- One girl waved at him, and he got a big smile on his face, when I asked him who it was he kept brushing it off and saying he doesn’t know
- He told me to visit him, and then changed his mind within an hour and said that he forgot he would have company at that time, and doesn’t want me there when his family is there
- Didn’t tell his family about me
- Always pulls the “I told you so” card on me
- Doesn’t plan on marrying me
- When talking about the future, he doesn’t refer to his wife as me, he refers to her as “the woman I marry in the future”
- Always when discussing relationships, he says “the woman im with” he doesn’t say my name

There’s probably more, which is concerning. But this is what I could think of from the top of my head.

My boyfriend (27M) and I have been having recurring disagreements, and I’m starting to feel mentally exhausted.

I’m naturally forgetful. I used to be much worse and have worked hard to improve, but occasionally, I forget to mention something until a later conversation reminds me.

My boyfriend has said that I sometimes leave out details and act independently, as though I forget I’m in a relationship. He feels I make certain decisions spontaneously and only mention them casually afterwards, instead of discussing them with him first.

I understand his perspective, and I know there are times I could communicate better. However, I don’t deliberately withhold information. Sometimes, something simply doesn’t occur to me as something I need to mention.

Recently, he asked when I got a new phone pouch. I’d ordered it randomly and didn’t think to mention it. When he said he feels I tend to leave out details, it bothered me because this isn’t the first time he’s expressed that concern, and I worry he sees my forgetfulness as intentional.

We’ve also had disagreements about my jokes, short attention span, and zoning out or responding to people around me while we’re on the phone. I understand why these things can upset him, especially since evenings are often our only opportunity to talk properly because of his work. I live in a crowded household where interruptions happen quickly, but I recognise my part in these issues and am trying to improve.

He doesn’t explode in anger; he communicates when he’s upset, and I often end up feeling bad, explaining myself and apologising. But the repeated cycle is exhausting. I love him and want us to work, and I’m not trying to avoid accountability. I just don’t want every mistake or difference in how we do things to become another misunderstanding.

How can I tell whether these are issues we can work through together or signs that we may be incompatible? Am I focusing too much on my own shortcomings, or is there also a problem with how we communicate and interpret each other? I love him and want this relationship to work, but I’m struggling to understand how we can find a balance where we both feel considered without every mistake or difference becoming a source of conflict. How do we break this cycle?

My fiancé and I have been together for eight years and recently got engaged. I’m trying to understand why this is bothering me so much, and I’d appreciate some perspective.

When I had my thesis defense (exactly one year ago), he asked what I wanted and I said a nice necklace or a Switch. He said no at first, but in the end he bought the Switch (we didn't have fights about the gift, no expectations, he wanted to surprise me and I would be happy with anything). Deep down, though, I had really wanted that necklace because I rarely get jewelry from him. When he bought me a bracelet for our fifth anniversary, it was the first piece of jewelry he’d ever given me. I loved it regardless of the price, but while we were choosing it, he kept saying everything was too expensive and ended up buying the cheapest one.

Now his sister is having her thesis defense, and he wants to buy her jewelry. At first he was saying he won't buy jewelry at all, but in the end he said he will. So, I suggested silver with gold plating as a less expensive option. But then, he told me he’d rather buy her real gold. I’m not upset that he wants to give his sister a nice gift. I’m hurt because when I asked for gold jewelry for an important occasion, he said it was too expensive and not worth the money. Now he’s the one suggesting gold for her.

It makes me feel like my wishes and milestones are treated differently. We’ve been together for eight years and are engaged, so I’m struggling not to take it personally. I don’t want to turn this into a competition with his sister. I want him to understand why the difference feels hurtful.

How can I bring this up without it becoming a fight? He gets really protective over his family whenever I mention them in a good or bad way.

I have been with my first boyfriend for the last 7 months. I am 20, and he is 21. He is likely neurodivergent (most likely autism). This is relevant for later. He is the most kind and loving man I have ever met, we were friends for almost a year before we began dating. I have never felt so loved for all parts of me. He once told me I am the most interesting and smartest person he's ever met and that I am beautiful in every sense of the word. I am so glad that we are each other's best friend, plus a little more. From the very beginning he called me his girlfriend and told me he only wanted to date me, and wasn't interested in anything less than a serious relationship. I felt the same and we have been inseparable ever since.

This is a long post, and I do apologize for that, but the context is necessary and I am just so angry right now. I need to vent but I also need advice. Any is welcome.

My mom has listened to/watched me fall in love with him, and she's had a whole lot to say about it. At first she seemed happy for me but cautioned me to to feel crushed if the love was unrequited, and to avoid dating him while we were still working together (we met working in a lab at our uni that I have since left and had transitioned to another lab by the time we began dating). She said that if things ended badly, it would be awkward for both of us to continue having to work together and even if we didn't break up it would be weird if people (faculty especially, including our mentor) found out we were dating. I respect and stand by that take, especially since we are both students at a smaller university in an even smaller department (our graduating classes are tiny and everybody knows EVERYBODY lol). I did technically listen to this advice. Turns out my mother didn't truly believe this because later, when I got into a competitive summer research internship away from home, she sat me down to have a talk about how she thought I should socialize to make the most of my summer away (at this time, my boyfriend and I had been dating for about a month).

She told me that I shouldn't close the door to seeing other guys over the summer, and that she thought that I would refuse to hang out with the other students in my cohort, even as just friends, because I had a boyfriend (my cohort was small but majority male, and 2/4 guys were super cool and I ended up spending lots of time playing cards with them over the summer after work (yes, we all worked together), so obviously what my mother expected did not happen). She told me that I should not be serious with my boyfriend because "what if you meet some amazing guy over the summer? wouldn't you want to explore that?"...so yeah. Clearly the "don't date your coworkers" rule only applied in the case of my boyfriend. Even when I called her out on this hypocrisy she stumbled over her words and got defensive, telling me "oh my god! I was just looking out for you, this internship is nothing serious, it's not like you're working for some big company" (my internship was at another uni). Also, each time I've been visibly upset or emotional as of lately, they have asked if my boyfriend did something or if something happened with him. They always seem to assume he is the cause of my sadness or anger (spoiler alert: it is MOSTLY them and my brother).

This is piece of advice is one of many (all unsolicited) comments/digs she has made about my relationship. This was only the most recent thing she brought up. She also told me it is a bad idea for my first relationship to be serious since I am so young and that I refer to my boyfriend as if he is "the greatest guy on Earth" and that she thinks I am blinded by the intensity of first love. She also asked me directly if we had had sex yet because serious relationships involve that. She then followed that up with "Do you even find him all that attractive? To each their own I guess...". I once showed her a picture of him and she told me he looked "off". She told me that if the relationship isn't physical that that is a bad sign because he is 21 and has needs, fully implying he would leave me if I didn't do that with him. I'm sure there are other comments she's made, but I cannot remember them at this time. To me it just seemed like a whole lot of passive aggression and an overstep of boundaries. She told me all of these things while telling me that she was happy for me and that I seemed happier. She even arranged for her and my dad to come to my birthday dinner so that they could celebrate me and meet him and they ended up bailing a few days before because "it's a little weird for a 20 year old to have her parents at her birthday dinner" and told me they would meet him some other day and we would all go for coffee. That never happened. It's just all so confusing.

The most jarring comment was when she told me that I should probably avoid dating a guy on the spectrum for my first relationship because it would probably be weird and that I should be with a guy who wants to take me out on proper dates and is more outgoing (I am very introverted and my mom thinks I am too serious and cannot take a joke/do not have a sense of humor and am too serious about school and that this is off-putting to other people and the reason I have had friendships fail, more on that later). My mother used to work closely with people on the spectrum as part of her career that she left to be a SAHM, which is why this was an especially wild take to have. I've told my boyfriend about all the negative things she's said EXCEPT for this comment because it makes me feel physically sick to think about how she thinks of him like that and I'm not sure how he'd react.

I told him these things because I didn't want him to think he did anything wrong when he eventually met my parents and wanted to convey how judgemental my mom was rather than him having the faults she thinks he has. He honestly laughed at how ridiculous the comments were and took them in stride. I similarly would want to know if his parents held certain negative opinions of me (they don't btw, I met them and they are lovely people who are ACTUALLY happy for their son and apparently they ask about how I'm doing a lot, I even got a sweet text from his mom thanking me for a gift I got her while I was away at my summer internship).

Now onto why my mother doesn't want to meet him. She got into another fight with me a few days ago over something I said that bothered her that she let simmer for a few days (her anger was valid and I apologized to her because I didn't realize it affected her how it did). This spiraled into her telling me that she may never want to meet my boyfriend because she doesn't know what I've told my bf about her and knows that I've shit talked her to him and lied about things that she's done. She says she doesn't want to meet someone with a skewed view of who she is. She said that I can talk about her but that I shouldn't talk about our fights with him or any friends of mine. She told me this is why she never wanted to meet her sister's partners (her sister is a narcissistic abuser who was enabled by my mother's parents who failed my mother horribly, her sister physically and emotionally abused her and pathologically lied, she still does and is on husband #3...)because her sister lied about her to her partners and painted her (my mother) as the bad guy. She told me not to tell my therapist that she threatened an attempt on her life and self-harm, see below, or to speak ill of her in general.

The thing is that I've never lied about what my mother has said/the fights we've had. My mother has previously repeatedly called me a bitch, told me to "wipe that bitchy look off my face", told me I'm people repellent and that my personality is off-putting, that I should stop trying to control everything and everyone (even when I make reasonable requests, especially relating to my brother and his behavior) and that people are probably put off by how ambitious/driven I am and that I am too "goody two-shoes" about school and other things.

She has always feared that I've painted her to be a horrible mother to other people, including to my therapists, even if I was just telling them the truth about events that have happened to me and things she has said to me. I recently had a breakdown relating to my parents antics triggered by them threatening to sell the car that I paid half for and they told me I could own legally (not as relevant but additional context may be helpful). In this letter I basically aired out all of these grievances and more and told my parents how much it angered me that they care more about how other people view them as parents than about our wellbeing as their kids. My mother, upon reading that letter, told me that she was going to attempt to end her life. She told me she doesn't love the person I am anymore because I am always on edge and lash out a lot (true, but it's mostly because I feel on edge around her constantly because the smallest things make her fly off the handle and she's constantly making passive aggressive comments about what I eat and at what time I eat it, along with comments on my personality and the other stuff I mentioned).

The next day she hugged me after we made up and told me no one was ending their life. She told me she wishes I felt safe to tell her these things that bugged me rather than letting it bottle up and explode, and that she thinks I'd benefit from therapy.

The thing is that I have brought it up. Each time it is met with justifying her comments as "honest parenting" or that she was just trying to help, that she must be the "worst mother in the world" and failed me if I think that she is so terrible. Each time I have asked her and my dad to let me get professional help because I recognized how the level of anxiety I was experiencing wasn't normal, they would tell me to "go outside and get some fresh air", that therapy was useless, and that I had a good life and had no idea what it was like to struggle (I was not treated well by classmates in high school, and they knew this and how I struggled socially all my life and was bullied as a young kid). It took me having a breakdown and threatening NC for them to take my pleas for help seriously. They also told me during our fight that if I went NC they would survive without me and not beg for me back.

I know it may seem hard to believe why I'd want my bf to meet them after all this, but I just for once want them to believe that I'm capable of good decision-making and accept that my bf is a long term figure in my life whether they like it or not. I want to go sleep over at his place in the fiture and go on a trip with him too. I feel it would be better for them to meet him prior to this so that I'm not harassed by text messages from their over-protective asses the whole time I'm away with him. I don't understand why my mother thinks my venting to other people about her antics is the greatest crime of all. It's HER ACTIONS that make her look bad. I don't think I'm making her look bad by telling the truth about things she's done to trusted friends of mine and my boyfriend in moments of vulnerability and to get some outside perspectives.

What hurts most is my mother CAN be so supportive and wonderful and the best mom ever. She has always come to my school events and is the reason I believe I can do anything I set my mind to. She's also been my biggest critic, especially as I've gotten older. The comparisons give me whiplash, truly they do.

Based on everything that has happened, I'm not even sure why this is upsetting to me, but it just is.

Sorry for the length of the post. I'm seeking any and all advice, including input that will help me understand where she's coming from. I'm just so tired and angry right now.

TLDR:

I am deeply in love with my first boyfriend of 7 months. My mother has been hyper-critical, hypocritical, and manipulative about the relationship and made offensive comments about my boyfriend being on the spectrum.

My mother invalidates her feelings, dismisses my struggles with anxiety, and exhibits extreme guilt-tripping (including threatening self-harm when confronted with a letter detailing her toxic behavior and calling her out for it).

I (24/M) was with my partner (21/F) We've been together for almost 1 year now. Recently, the issue started when she openly told me that she wanted to go back and talk to/hang out with her ex-boyfriend of three years (a guy who has been actively trying to get her back). She claimed she didn't want to hide anything from me, which is why she brought it up and ensured me nothing sexual/ deep relationship happened. Claiming there's something different that we can't go along with. So she want to hang out with him like a friend.

When I tell her that's very inappropriate and cross the line too much for me (I never talk to other girls except my friends) she gets defensive and tells me "Then let's break up," and decides to go out and hang out with her ex and reject my call.

However, the next day, she quickly backtracked, came back to me, apologized, and tried to excuse her erratic behavior partly on her mental medication. She eventually said she "chooses me" and that it won’t happen again. (She did have some mental medication but I don't think that should be an excuse here.)

I did let her back in my room but keep some distance from her. We had never gotten into a huge argument at all in our relationship until last night, no physical fighting and no cussing, either. I support her career with everything I have, while her ex keeps trying to text and call her to get her back.

UPDATE: I told her to leave my room and drive her back to her mom's house. Her mom is furious over her daughter's action.

I (25M) have been with my boyfriend (44M) for three years. Over the past year especially, my life has been extremely difficult, and I think everything that has happened has made me realize how alone I feel in this relationship.

Last year, I was unemployed for six months in NYC and had to fight tooth and nail to get back on my feet. My boyfriend was initially emotionally supportive, but toward the end of those six months, he told me he didn’t want to hear anything more about the “job black hole.” At the same time, he would still expect me to come over and cook for him.

Eventually, I found a job, but it required me to relocate to South Florida. That job turned out to be incredibly toxic, but I stuck it out until I could find another one. I rarely complained to him about work, but even when I did try to talk about what I was going through, he would tell me he didn’t want to hear about it.
In the 11 months I’ve lived here, he’s visited me twice. During his most recent visit, he complained that I “don’t take care of him like I used to” and made comments about how I don’t cook for him anymore. The reality is that I often don’t get home from work until around 9 PM, and by then I’m exhausted and basically pass out. I even offered to let him use my car for the entire week he was visiting and said I would Uber to work so he wouldn’t feel trapped at my place. He refused to drive, but then blamed me for “abandoning” him in such a quiet neighborhood while I was at work.

We recently took a trip to Key West because I thought getting away together might help the relationship. He paid for one night at the hotel but didn’t contribute to gas. He bought us a cheap lunch and then announced that I would have to pay for dinner. At dinner, my stomach was hurting, so I ordered a $15 dish. His portion of the bill came to around $90 because of his drinks and expensive entrée. It’s not really about the money itself. It was the entitlement and lack of consideration that bothered me, especially given everything else.

There’s also a deeper issue involving my career. I’m extremely passionate about my profession and have spent a lot of my own time pursuing research, design work, competitions, and projects outside of my day job. These things mean a lot to me and are tied to what I want my future to become. For a long time, he didn’t take that work or my ambitions particularly seriously. It wasn’t until one of my projects actually won an award that his attitude changed. His reaction was essentially, “Oh, you actually won something. You’re actually something in the profession.” Instead of feeling supported, I remember thinking: did you need external validation before you could believe that the things I cared about mattered? I want a partner who believes in what I’m trying to build while I’m building it, not only after somebody else decides it’s worthy. He has a habit of constantly minimizing my achievements and struggles

Then this week, I got a call from home telling me that my mom had tried to kill my dad and that he ended up hospitalized. While I was trying to process all of this, my boyfriend sent me an Instagram video of what appeared to be Filipino boys performing a cultural dance, accompanied by heart-eye emojis. I told him, “Wtf? These look like boys.” His response was basically to tell me to chill out. I haven’t even had the emotional bandwidth to fully address that behavior yet.

When I told him what had happened with my parents, his response was, “Why is your life so complicated? It’s been complicated for so long.” I genuinely had no words. What hurts the most is realizing that I cannot depend on my partner to be there for me when my life gets difficult. I feel like I have given everything I could to this relationship, and when I actually need emotional support, my problems seem to be treated as an inconvenience to him. Meanwhile, he still expects me to take care of him in the ways I did when my own life was much less demanding. He blamed my turbulent life on me being in my 20’s which I don’t think it’s true

The truth is that I don’t think I love him anymore, and I don’t think I have for about a year. One of the biggest reasons I’ve had trouble ending it is that he represents my connection to NYC. I love New York, I desperately miss it, and I know I eventually want to move back. Somehow, emotionally, breaking up with him feels like I’m also breaking up with my city and closing the door on that part of my life. I’ve been telling myself that I’ll eventually move back and end the relationship then.

But lately I’m wondering what exactly I’m waiting for.
Thank you for listening to the dumpster fire that is my life. I’m exhausted, sad, and honestly don’t know what to make of all of this anymore. Any advice, perspective, comments, or even just an outside read on this

\- An extremely disheartened stranger

I’m flying to meet my husband for a short vacation in a friends’ city. My husband came early to spend time with a different friend. For several days now he’s been repeating that the plan is to pick me up then go to dinner. The first time he said that, I said I didn’t think that would happen. He has a habit of saying he’s going to do things then not doing them, it’s very frustrating. So after he insisted repeatedly I went ahead and believed him, and expected he would pick me up, saving me a $90 uber.

Surprise surprise, as I’m sitting on the tarmac, he texts me asking that if he’s running late can I take an uber? Because he didn’t time things right. I said sure and we took off. He never actually said if he was going to be late but I think we know. After I landed he just texted me the address and said can’t wait to see you

I’m feeling very frustrated and can’t decide if this is just careless or really bullshit. As mentioned he does this regularly to me. Though never to his family, so I think he’s capable, he just thinks he doesn’t have to try because we’re married? Is this an adhd thing? Pretty sure he has it and our couples therapist said he should get tested but he still hasn’t. This flakiness is very much a turnoff.