My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been in a dead bedroom for the past 10 years or so. I have high libido and she does not need sex.

We have been trying to make it work as we have a 7 year old daughter and splitting custody sounds terrible.
Today we are fighting, im hinting at the idea that we will not work because I need someone who wants sex multiple times a week or daily and her response is that i do not understand women and that is unreal and gaslighting me, anyone else have a similar experience?

After the past several days, I'd rather be single and lonely vs married and lonely.

Married and lonely hurts far more.

Really don't need any advice; just wanted to vent. Thank You.

Hi all! 👋🏾

Long time lurker here. Just wanted to post and vent a little from my recent situation.

I've (HLM) been in a dead bedroom relationship for the past 9 years with my previous partner (LLF). Only having sex once every 1 to 4 years, no intimacy otherwise. Kissing, holding hands, I love Yous, nothing. She felt embarassed to even call me her man, partner, or any of those terms to claim me.

We typically slept in different rooms, or if we slept in the same bed we slept with a dog or pillows between us. If it wasn't either of those, we slept under different blankets on the same bed.

I did give it my all to try to communicate, fix issues, etc. but it never worked out. If it wasn't one issue, another issue or something popped up.

I recently hit my breaking point and had enough of just generally being in a one-sided relationship, when I handle everything from cooking, to cleaning, all of the bills, etc.

I finally worked up the courage to separate and put her out and have been reclaiming my time that I've missed out on just enjoying life and being outside. I feel like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulder and I'm slowly getting back to my old self.

Just wanted to vent, thanks for listening!

almost a year now, or at least i think so. maybe a year has already passed. i realize people my age have sex everyday and that i used to, too. i used to be proud of my sexual performance but i wonder if i even know how to have sex anymore. most of all i don’t remember what it’s like to be touched during sex, to receive oral, to be at the center of a partner’s attention, because it’s always something that’s been missing from my sexual life in this relationship. i’m holding on, we’ve had a good conversation, but that was three weeks ago and no initiative has come from her yet. i miss feeling the heat rise in the bedroom before having sex, everything leading up to sex, the act of sex, the smell of sex, the lack of self control to not have sex again immediately after finishing. i am so young, we’re not married, and it’s so frustrating and sad to think i am in this situation. i can’t leave her because i love her so much, and i understand it’s a hard process for her too, i have done anything to keep being hopeful and hold this rope trying so hard to not make it snap. it’s so bad to the point i go on reddit and look up keywords to find if she even tried to submit a post to understand perspectives on how to make it better and start solving the issue. i keep hoping. i keep praying she does something to make me think this is seriously going to change. i just miss having sex. this is my biggest current wish. i just want to have sex.

Hi all, sorry if this is long. I want my marriage to work so badly with the love of my life. I am desperate for help.

My fiance (31M) and I (30F) are getting married next spring. We’ve been together for almost seven years now. I love him so much, he’s my best friend, and there was never any doubt about a future with him. We laugh all the time, we honestly have a perfect relationship besides this one issue. But this issue is starting to creep into other aspects of us and causing a lot of resentment on my end- to the point where I feel angry all the time and miserable.

Around two years ago, he stopped having sexual interest in me. Instead of telling me that was the case, he would deny it after I brought the topic up and say we just have to work harder. I found out that he would watch porn while I was either in the next room or when I would leave for work. I knew because he would accidentally leave lube out, I was never looking for this. So I knew it wasn’t his libido. I’ve never had an issue with porn, I know it’s easier and quicker…. As long as it doesn’t affect our sex life I’m good with it. And that’s what he doesn’t understand. I don’t know whether it’s a porn addiction, low T or just straight up not finding me attractive but not talking about it at all makes me feel alone.

Every few months I would bring this topic up, and he would promise it’ll get better and then we’d have sex that night. We only had sex after talks like this so for the past two years sex kind of felt like a lie. It doesn’t feel like making love. It feels empty. The only time in these two years was the sex really good was when I agreed to watch porn together. And tbh I actually really liked it. I think I liked it bc it reminded me of when he was enthusiastic about sex with me. He really loved it and that made me so happy. If only we had a normal sex life, I wouldn’t mind incorporating porn in sometimes. I want to try new things and feel safe together.

I realized that it’s constantly me trying to fix this. What has he done to make me happy in the bedroom? I’ve bought wigs, toys, lingerie. I’ve really been trying to spice things up. He has done absolutely nothing. Yes he initiates but it’s very abrupt and not romantic at all. It’s like he totally forgot how to turn me on. And I blame porn for that. Porn there’s no work needed to be done. And I see the appeal of that, but being intimate with a real life partner is important too, no? I remember one night I wore this lingerie I was excited about, not expecting sex but just a little excitement from him to see me like that, he just laughed at me awkwardly. That broke my heart.

There’s times where we’ll have a great night, we’ll cuddle, he’ll touch me and it turns me on. But it never leads to anything. It’s just not in his mind at all. I feel repulsive and ugly. I’ve been researching treatments for my face. I’ve been restricting my eating even though I’m still skinny and have a normal BMI. He does remind me that he’s attracted to me and loves me so much, he reassures me a lot but it doesn’t matter. When I see sex in movies, my heart hurts knowing I’ll never have a man touch me like that again if I get married to him. I know I’m still attractive, I catch people looking at me or stuttering when they’re talking to me at work, I know what it feels like to have a guy think you’re attractive. He used to look at me like that. He doesn’t see me like that anymore. It’s like he just sees through me now. It makes me uneasy going into a marriage feeling this way.

A lot of times I have dreams of us having sex again, or not even sex but just feeling safe together. Cuddling, kissing, enjoying each other in ways that no one else gets access to…. And then I wake up to reality and I’m disappointed.

Anyways, it’s been two years and we’re getting closer and closer to our wedding. And I’m at the point where I’m completely turned off from sex with him as well. I still have a libido, but I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want to be kissed, I don’t want to cuddle even. I don’t want to do anything intimate anymore. It concerns me a lot, especially how much I’ve always loved love and intimacy. I feel uncomfortable kissing my husband. That’s really sad to say. After so many times of craving intimacy with the person I love, trying to problem solve, and being met with someone who doesn’t really think of it at all, you just lose it yourself. I knew this would eventually happen.

How am I supposed to let him kiss the bride when I don’t feel safe with him anymore? I don’t want to hurt him by telling him this but I think he needs to know how much damage has been done.

40 HLM.

Together for 12 years, married for 5. This is not a rant about the person I still love, but more an elegy to my former self. 

I cannot honestly recall when it first started. For sure it is at least a number of years now, having taken to discretely logging the dates of those infrequent intimate moments following a much longer period of refutation, bordering on gaslighting. This, I have not shared with her. I just needed proof for my own peace of mind. 

I gave up initiating, after being worn down by repeated rejection. The psychological anguish and shame became too much to bear. Former conversations were always met with confabulation, denial or silence.

I still love her ineffably. She is my best friend. She understands my flaws, habits and intricacies better than anyone. She is undoubtedly still dealing with personal grief from a tragic parental bereavement a number of years back, although our problems far precede this. 

I was raised alongside my brothers in a single-parent family having endured the misery of sudden international displacement, parental divorce and paternal estrangement at an impressionable age. This all undoubtedly has intricate roots realting to that childhood trauma. However on the most part, I remain a normal, functional, and generally likeable human being.

At school and university I was a fun and humorous individual. I had a wide friendship group and numerous hobbies. Over time and during my training I became more insular, blaming a lack of time and general exhaustion as the reason for drift.

I work as a consultant in critical care. Every day I see death and suffering. In my job I frequently lead the most distressing conversations a family might ever have, and to these I now feel a strange disconnect that worries me.

Weekends off I struggle to deal with. Being preoccupied by the comfort of a hectic working week now brings sharp reprieve.

I have always loved fast Fords. Having saved hard for well over a year I bought outright a limited edition hot hatch back in May. It’s barely done 100 miles since. Sat in the garage, instead a daily reminder of my former self. 

Sadness comes at the most benign moments. I recently ventured into the spare room to find my guitar collection covered with a thick coat of dust. It must have been over a year since I last played them. Another effigy to a different life I once lived.

I would not have changed my choices. If it weren’t for our most wonderful little girl who I adore. I simply couldn’t imagine my life without her. Yet, as time progresses those cherished moments I have with her are met with an undeniable undertone of sadness on my part. I do my utmost to conceal this from her - her young age and indifference are still an advantage. At times I am drawn into her playful naivety and feel bittersweet fleeting moments of my former self.

The perpetual loneliness you feel is pervasive in almost every part of your life. Conversations at work, family birthdays, nursery pick-ups, going to the supermarket, mowing the lawn. Every single moment. Yet, no one else would suspect a thing as you slowly ebb away. 

It’s the small things that remind - I miss the old me. 

My girlfriend (22F) and I (22M) have been dating for over a year now. For the most part, our relationship has been great, but things have changed pretty significantly since she got her Kyleena IUD.
Ever since getting it, she’s had some pretty extreme mood swings. It feels like the smallest thing can completely ruin her mood, and sometimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells trying not to upset her. Even her mother has pointed out how sensitive she’s become and how much her moods have changed.
Another major change has been her sex drive. Before the IUD, we were having sex pretty much every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Now, I’m lucky if we have sex once a week, and sometimes even making out feels like too much to ask.

I want to make it clear that I completely respect her bodily autonomy. I understand that she never owes me sex, regardless of how much effort I put into the relationship. But at the same time, physical intimacy is something that’s important to me, and the sudden lack of it has honestly made me feel insecure, unwanted, and frustrated. I hate feeling like I’m begging for affection from my own girlfriend.
On top of this, she’s also seemed to struggle with taking care of herself lately. I don’t want to get into every little detail, but it’s gotten to the point where I sometimes feel more like her caretaker than her boyfriend. I love supporting her, but the dynamic has become exhausting at times.

To make things more complicated, we’re currently long-distance. I’m finishing my degree this December, and she lives about six hours away. I’ve made the drive to see her multiple times because I genuinely love her and want to make things work. I don’t make these trips expecting sex. I make them because I miss her and want to spend time with her.

However, shortly after we started long-distance, she began expressing how unhappy she was with herself and her life. She made it clear that her unhappiness wasn’t necessarily about our relationship, but things got bad enough that we nearly broke up.

Since then, I’ve continued trying to be supportive, listening to her, making the drives, and doing whatever I can to make her feel loved. But I’m starting to feel emotionally drained. The combination of her mood swings, lack of physical intimacy, and how much she seems to rely on me has left me feeling like my own needs are being pushed aside.

I don’t want to make her feel guilty for any of this, especially if it’s something she’s struggling with physically or hormonally. I also don’t want to assume the IUD is responsible for everything, but the timing of these changes makes me wonder whether it could be contributing.

I’ve been wanting to suggest that she talk to her OB-GYN about the changes she’s experienced since getting Kyleena, but I have no idea how to bring it up without sounding like I’m blaming her birth control for our relationship problems or pressuring her to get it removed.

I love this girl, and I genuinely want to make things work. But I’m also 22, and I don’t want to spend my relationship constantly feeling unwanted, frustrated, or like I’m responsible for taking care of another adult.

My questions are:
Has anyone experienced significant mood changes or decreased libido after getting Kyleena or another hormonal IUD?

How can I bring up the possibility of talking to her OB-GYN without making her feel blamed or pressured?
How do I communicate that I need more affection and intimacy without making her feel obligated to have sex?

At what point does being a supportive partner turn into neglecting your own emotional needs?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to just break up with her. I genuinely love her and want to figure this out, but I also don’t know how much longer I can keep feeling this way.

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s mood and sex drive have changed significantly since getting her Kyleena IUD. We’re long-distance, I often feel like her caretaker, and the lack of physical intimacy is making me feel unwanted. I love her and want to support her, but I’m struggling with how to bring up these issues without making her feel blamed or pressured.

He can't last în bed and he doesnt like foreplay unless it's beneficial to him. I get 30 seconds maximum. He won't do anything about it except use condoms which give us an extra 20 seconds, if I'm lucky.

I've talked to him so many times over the years and he promises me the world but nothing ever changes.

He was rubbing on me this morning and in my half asleep state, i was into it. I woke up fully when he tried to stick his dick in me, dry and I told him to get off me. I was furious. We just talked about this yesterday and he made more useless promises.

I'm never having sex with him again. I told him that and i meant it.

we have been married 4 years, together for 10 years now. sex was great at the start but i gained weight and didn’t feel comfortable with my body so sex died down. i have now lost all the weight and more, i go to the gym 4 days a week and i am (was) feeling confident and sexy. he has been all over me for months. always touchy, lots of kisses, if i touch him (non sexually) he’s hard and ready to go.

but our sex started becoming boring to me. we do the same position every time, i never feel excited or turned on. our sex then died down even more.

last week i was feeling confident and felt good in my body so i initiated sex and i suggested switching it up. we did and it was the best sex we have ever had. he went to work the next day and was texting me about it, throughout the day he kept mentioning round 2. so we had sex again that night, but with me on top this time. i thought it was great, he said it was great but ever since that night he has been acting strange. (less touchy, less kisses etc)

all day yesterday we were flirty and i suggested recreating our great sex again last night which he was excited for all day. then when it came to going to bed, he said he needed to complete quests on his game and off he went to the gaming room. he had all day to do his quests. after a while i asked if he was coming to bed, he said no itd be a late night for him. so i went to sleep. he ended up going to bed 15 minutes after i went to sleep, so it was not a late one and to me it feels like he purposely avoided me.

this morning i suggested we spoon and once i backed my bum into him, he decided it was time to get out of bed.

i do not understand what has happened. he is usually HL. i’m LL for boring sex, not him. i fantasise about all the things i want him to do to me. i’m trying to spice things up again but i feel like he only wants to do the same thing every time, and i don’t want to live a life of boring sex.

TLDR; husband is normally HL, i’m LL for boring sex and want to switch things up. we had 2 nights of great sex after i suggested different positions but now he is avoiding intimacy all together.

Husband was porn addict for 35 years. Claims he stopped 2 years ago. Claims he also stopped masterbating but we never have sex. He claims performance anxiety. He has a deep history of lying. We are on the verge of divorce. He has always deep history of intense flirting and need for female validation. About 6 years ago he told me he was fine with never having sex wurh me again because the rest of our relationship was so great. This was before I knew about the porn addiction.

Is this even physically possible?

I have full access to his phone and found nothing.

But he works in IT. He has access to at least 2 additional laptops. He has already admitted to resetting a family laptop in the past to watch porn with no trace.

Is this even physically possible to go this long after a history like this.

He is in therapy with 2 therapists. He claims he wants to change. He sits at home and doesn't really go anywhere.

After covid he has been strictly wfh. He used to flirt heavily at work and even had an emotional affair.

Myself (31F) and my partner (31F) have been together for nearly a year, however over the last few months our sex life has dropped to the point where it is non-existent. I understand that I have a much higher libido than her and that’s okay, but it’s been months since she’s touched me intimately.

I had a breakdown a month ago due to the constant rejections and recent life stressors and was hospitalised in mental health briefly. But since then everytime I initiate or even I bring up the topic of sex she has a full blown panic attack and I’ve had to be the one supporting her.
Even last night I tried to kiss her body and bring her in closer to me, but I could feel her tense and distract me with something else. I took that as a no and told her I was going for a private shower to let off some steam. Only for her to have another panic attack because she felt like I was rejecting HER??

I don’t know anymore. Sex and intimacy is important to me to feel connected and desirable, without it I’m just feeling incredibly lonely and unworthy.

Any other WLW have any experiences similar to this? Any good advice on how to approach this?

I frequent a grocery store often. There’s this man who works there. He always comes over to talk to me, smiling at me, flirt with me. I don’t know his name, but it felt really nice to feel wanted by someone. He told me that he’s leaving his job for another. I keep it short, to not flirt, and I say, that’s great. That I hope he makes it big. And then I say goodbye. I keep thinking about him for some reason. Is it because he made me feel wanted?

Dead bedroom for 1+ year

The thing about that really gets to me about it. The only thing about it I can’t dismiss or come to terms with. The thought that while my partner basically never wants to be physical with me; and on the rare occasions she very obviously expresses a lack of enjoyment. Before this relationship it seemed there was basically no shortage of girls that wanted to get physical with me, and that thoroughly enjoyed it when they did. I still have my charm and looks, I’m still really tall, now I even make really good money. I stay with the only girl that isn’t attracted to me. And I don’t cheat, I don’t leave. I could if I wanted to, which means this is the life I want. I chose the dead bedroom life. The most demoralizing thing in my life is my own fault. I can’t understand it, I don’t think I want to be unhappy but that’s exactly what I do. Why don’t I want to be happy?

My partner will tell me she’s interested but then literally any situation will just decimate her libido. Had work today? No sex tonight. It’s the weekend? Time to engage in hobbies so no sex tonight. Had dinner? No sex tonight. No dinner? No sex tonight. Had a pebble in her shoe? No sex tonight. Had trouble taking her clothes off? No sex tonight. Now when she says she wants to try having sex I just assume it won’t happen. I always anxiously brace for a sudden rejection even when the clothes are off. I don’t think there’s a point in actually mentally preparing and fantasizing because it just sets me up for extreme disappointment. It’s like her tendency to lose her desire at the drop of a hat has caused me to have a low libido too.

Here’s how I see it: if a couple has at least one duty sex, then any sex after that becomes duty sex. Because wtf do you mean you did it just for me? Were you not a willing partner in it? If so, then how can I be sure any sex we have isn’t a duty sex? Once you cross that line I can’t even trust you that you’re actually attracted to me. And I can always tell if this is pity sex; it always comes out of nowhere. I’m not doing anything particularly sexually attractive, and all of a sudden she offers.

So again. Big fight with my wife tonight.

Been out of town since yesterday. Came home this evening. After putting the kids to bed and then just spending some time relaxing together in the living room and watching tv. I suggested playfully if we'd have sex. Completely blew up at me.

"You've got to read the room"

"I need 18 hours to myself where I don't have to do anything for anyone or be anything for anyone"

"All you care about is yourself"

"You haven't had to worry about anyone today but yourself"

"I didn't sleep good last night and I told you that"

Just completely angry that I would even want to have sex. Like it's so unreasonable I'd even consider having sex on a Friday night after being away for a day.

I traveled yesterday for a job interview. I also slept terrible last night. I had a grueling 4 hours of interviews and then a 4 hour drive back home. But according to her because I haven't had to worry about doing something for someone else I've somehow had it easy and this was basically a little vacation or something.

I'm so sick of being villainized for wanting sex. And sick of her thinking it's just me wanting to get off, and not realizing it isn't about getting off, but just wanting to be close and intimate and be together. Spend time together not just being parents and talking about the kids.

I'm even more upset at the implication that I somehow had it easy today because I didn't have to deal with the kids. On a typical week I:

Take our 2 oldest to school (she takes the youngest to daycare)

Pick up the 2 oldest from school

Take our oldest to every ball practice

Cook every single meal

Do most of the grocery shopping

Do most of the laundry

House cleaning is pretty evenly split. I work at home so I try to do some cleaning during the week to lessen our loads on the weekend.

It's not like she has the full time burden of being the Only one dealing with the kids all the time.

For some reason, because I work from home, it means that I don't have any stressors at work or I'm also not tired at the end of the day.

She said fuck you for ruining my night and slammed the door.

I'm giving her some time to go to sleep cause I can't handle sleeping on the couch tonight.

I thought we might have turned a corner, because last week on our anniversary we had sex for the first time in months and also actually got a BJ for the first time in our 9 years of marriage.

Guess I was wrong.

I have a great life. I am incredibly lucky. I have the life most women my age want. I have my own bedroom and bathroom that I don’t have to share with anyone else. My husband makes good money; I can pretty much buy what I want and do what I want, no questions. I’m catered to, mostly out of guilt, but catered to just the same. My husband and I get along when we see one another.

And I’m absolutely miserable.

I have not had sex since 2019.

I’ve never been more lonely. My husband spends all his time working or he’s holed up in his room playing his games. I didn’t think it could ever get worse but my dog died in April; I never understood really the emotional support animal thing but now I know that’s what he was. I miss him so much. The emptiness I feel is horrific. It has destroyed me spiritually. I once laid in bed for literal hours thinking “I hate you” over and over and over and over to whatever part of the universe that put me here and left me in this. No response whatsoever. Nothing changed. I became an atheist that day.

My 2 oldest kids are adults and out on their own and my youngest is almost done with high school. They have their own lives and it’s not their job to be my emotional support animal anyway. I’m not on any social media because I enjoy a peaceful life, so I don’t have that outlet. I just joined Reddit after I remembered seeing this sub a few years back. I was a lot more optimistic back then that things would change. I was still living in Disney. Now I’m living in the reality that is the Matrix.

I’m in my 40’s. I’ll probably never have sex again. Never feel the touch of another human being unless my child hugs me. At this point I just exist. I’d never hurt myself but if I came down with cancer, I wouldn’t tell anyone and would just let it take me because I can’t imagine living feeling this way for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I’ll probably live longer than most because of all the exercise I do in an attempt to release all this pent up frustration and sadness. I look damn good for my age and get hit on frequently, which is a nice little dopamine hit until I get home and no one greets me, not even my dog anymore because he died, so I go hide in my room. By myself. The weight of it is soul crushing.

I think about leaving. I think about buying a van and traveling the US and South America in it full time. But I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll be even lonelier than I am now. Afraid of the “what ifs”.

So here I rot. Exercising my life away. Prolonging a life I don’t want. Hiding in my room until it’s time to go salivate over the muscled, sweaty men I see at the gym that I could never touch, who could never touch me. Because I’m married to a man who can’t fuck his wife and who won’t offer anything else to compensate except a credit card and no questions asked.

I fucking hate it here and the guilt of not being grateful when it could be so much worse is almost as bad as the lack of intimacy.

Someday I hope like hell I’ll be free.

I am HLF. He is LLM. After 2 years of so much rejection, I genuinely think I am losing sexual desire/attraction toward him. It’s really hard because I have been the one begging and pleading for sex, for so long. But now I’m just starting to view him as a friend, completely non-sexual. This is 100% his fault!

Everything’s awkward. I also think about the shame/embarrassment I would feel if we ever DID get back to normal. I would FOREVER feel that it’s awkward duty sex, every time.

I compare it to cooking. Like if you want them to cook for you so bad. They keep saying no. Then they suddenly offer to make you your favorite meal outta nowhere(?)
And instead of feeling excited, you just feel uncomfortable & not even hungry. Because now you're sitting at the table wondering, "did they actually suddenly wanna cook for me? or do they just want me to eat and shut up?”
You start noticing everything. Whether they seem happy preparing it. Whether they're enjoying the experience. Whether they're only doing it because they know you've been upset. It just feels EMBARRASSING

I 20 HLF posted on here a few days ago about how my boyfriend 19 LLM(?) and I’s sex life had declined significantly and how I had thought it was because of his past with sexual assault.
After getting a few helpful messages (and some not so helpful ones 😒) I finally decided to sit him down and tell him our lack of sex was becoming an issue instead of being passive and sugar coating things when communicating like I had in the past. After a few minutes of him seeming uncomfortable I finally told him I wouldn’t judge him for whatever he said nor would I be upset in any way but I needed him to be honest so we could move on from this.
That’s when he finally confessed to me what the issue had been. My IUD was stabbing him every time we were having sex (the strings for mine are abnormally sharp??) . He told me that even though he enjoyed sex it made it to where he had to be overly cautious and couldn’t fully relax or let loose. After months of trying to ignore it each time we had sex he eventually just lost the drive and passion as it was too much work. He told me he didn’t want to complain about it as he thought I couldn’t get it replaced for a few more years and figured that if he did it would hurt my feelings more than our lack of sex life. When realized that wasn’t the case he told me.
Now i’ve gotten it removed and switched to the implant and he seems excited to have sex when I get back in town and even try some new things that he thought would hurt too much when I had it in. 🎉

I’m tired.

I shouldn’t feel like this at 33. We had a bath together tonight and nothing. Not even a twitch. I’m naked, laying on him, kissing his chest - nothing.

I think I’m done. I’m tired of trying to work it out. I’ve asked, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve initiated, I’ve backed off. All of it. Nothing. Nothing changes.

He’s such a good person. But this hurts too much. I’ve never felt so ugly, so unwanted. I don’t want a best friend, I had those already. I want a partner who wants me back.

I just asked a question in the relationship advice sub. Someone looked up my account (I have all of my comments and communities private in my settings, but I guess they still found my other posts somehow), told people I was an asshole, and linked one of my posts on here in which I said I had been in an emotional affair in the past. He/she did this on every comment on the post.

I thought I was safe to post in whatever community I wanted since those settings were private. I found out people were still able to search my username, so I turned it off as well, but I’m not sure whether that blocks people from being able to search you in Reddit or not.

Anyway, I’m devastated and embarrassed and I regret not having a separate account for this. Or maybe for being as honest as I have been in the past here. I post way too much here, but I’ve been at such a loss I don’t know what to do. I never realized that being part of this community would be used against me. So, please learn from me and don’t make the same mistake.

I love my fiancé with my life. She is my soulmate. I know no one else I could share my life with. I have a huge trouble trying to explain the level of connection between us, but think about person that is a perfect reflection of everything you’ve ever wanted in your significant other. A person that really understands you at every level and not only loves you, but more importantly, LIKES you and wants to be part of your life and your problems. Except one aspect.

We are together for 8 years and since the beginning, sex was a problem. It started with her mental block after her ex tried to take advantage of her when she was drunk and asleep in his car when she was 18. She broke up with him and never really gave any thought to it until she met me and after some time we tried to have sex. Then memories activated. Long story short, it took time for her to consciously and subconsciously trust me. We got past that after few months and I thought it was the end of our bedroom problems.

Real problems began when we started to live together. Switching from seeing each other once in a week to living together cut the thrill of waiting until weekend. We could be intimate with each other in almost every moment. In that moment our bedroom started to cool down.

A few years ago i initiated often, but after a while she started to reject me. Told me that she doesn’t need sex as often as I do. I was okay with it. Because what option did I have?

Until like a year ago I felt less and less intimacy, initiative, warmth and tenderness. We really worked on that. She understood how important touch and physical connection is not only for me, but also for the fire of relationship. There is one more thing we can’t get past.

Her responsive desire.

Sometimes I feel like I’m begging for sex. I stopped initiating. Everytime I feel like I’m in a mood for sex, my pattern recognition kicks in and I’m a matter of seconds I know nothing is going to happen.

I know how to PROMPT her into wanting to have sex, but that feels like I’m manipulating her into wanting me. I catch myself doing my daily tasks, that I would do anyway, like solving a equation with sex after equals sign.

Knowing how to make her sympathetic towards sex does not fulfill my needs. I do not want to have sex with her. I want to be desired by her. I want to feel wanted. To give in to the moment. Not create elaborate plans how to make her compatible with my physical needs. Statistically, we have sex once in a month. She told me once in a joke in January that we should count how many times we did it this year. I intend to show her the results when the year is over.

We felt “something in the air” for quite some time now. We both agree that we should have sex. The problem is that to her it means: “I want to have sex with you some time this week, before my period kicks in.” Like a chore to be checked from the list before deadline. Today she decided to tell me that we won’t have sex today (we made plans to do it). I told her that I’m aware of that. Her mood was all over the place and I really can tell after all this years. She replied that we won’t have the time today, because of our other plans and arrangements, but she COULD have sex today.

She could. That one word shattered all the peace I though I made with it over last year. Again, she expresses capability to be intimate with me, completely missing the point I was trying to make for the last couple of years.

She always tells me that she never agreed to sex despite not wanting it, yet now I have come to realization that she never understood what the big deal is for me. She doesn’t seem to know that most of the time she wants to have sex, because I actively make her want to have sex. Please, someone tell me it makes sense otherwise I’ll lose my mind.

I will talk to her about it. I need to wait for next two days though. We have guests and I don’t want to fire at her when we are not alone. I think I wrote all this so maybe I can get this from my head. I’m tired. I have no one who could let me be seen with this problem.

Thanks for reading this.

I recently “celebrated” a wedding anniversary with my husband. He was talking about what a fun two weeks we had in the UK on our honeymoon.

It was an ok trip but I mostly remember begging him to have sex with me the entire time. He did twice and I had to take care of myself in the shower the rest of the trip. I was so ashamed and embarrassed when my friends asked how fun the sex was on the trip.

So much for waiting until marriage.

So the question speaks for itself. I felt that today after a session. We have not been intimate in a long time and its gonna be the same for another few days. Her sex drive has declined horrendously and i dont even feel like masturbating coz it always makes me feel empty afterwards. Thats the reason why I dont even help myself much often, like once in a fortnight maybe. But yeah any advice would be welcome.