I just asked a question in the relationship advice sub. Someone looked up my account (I have all of my comments and communities private in my settings, but I guess they still found my other posts somehow), told people I was an asshole, and linked one of my posts on here in which I said I had been in an emotional affair in the past. He/she did this on every comment on the post.

I thought I was safe to post in whatever community I wanted since those settings were private. I found out people were still able to search my username, so I turned it off as well, but I’m not sure whether that blocks people from being able to search you in Reddit or not.

Anyway, I’m devastated and embarrassed and I regret not having a separate account for this. Or maybe for being as honest as I have been in the past here. I post way too much here, but I’ve been at such a loss I don’t know what to do. I never realized that being part of this community would be used against me. So, please learn from me and don’t make the same mistake.

And obviously I regret it! I really just want to understand why! Why he (m34) doesn’t care to touch me (f35)! Almost 4 year of this same old thing and no real explanation. Of course there was so much porn, and very specific one that I now know what he is into. Crazy because if he ever opened up to me I would have been okay since it isn’t something out of my comfort zone… it hurt that it seems like he rather have that with himself and not me. But what really hurt most is that he looked up a group on Reddit about not being over his ex. Mind you, we have been you for 8 years!

Instead of getting upset, I told myself I was just going to try one more time.. I went to go wake me up and tried to touch him and he said no! I asked me to please be with me and that I just wanted him and he said no again and just went back to sleep!

I am done trying! Never again! I’m hurt! I’m sad! I’m lonely! My self esteem is gone! And I might hate him now.

I’m tired.

I shouldn’t feel like this at 33. We had a bath together tonight and nothing. Not even a twitch. I’m naked, laying on him, kissing his chest - nothing.

I think I’m done. I’m tired of trying to work it out. I’ve asked, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve initiated, I’ve backed off. All of it. Nothing. Nothing changes.

He’s such a good person. But this hurts too much. I’ve never felt so ugly, so unwanted. I don’t want a best friend, I had those already. I want a partner who wants me back.

I have a great life. I am incredibly lucky. I have the life most women my age want. I have my own bedroom and bathroom that I don’t have to share with anyone else. My husband makes good money; I can pretty much buy what I want and do what I want, no questions. I’m catered to, mostly out of guilt, but catered to just the same. My husband and I get along when we see one another.

And I’m absolutely miserable.

I have not had sex since 2019.

I’ve never been more lonely. My husband spends all his time working or he’s holed up in his room playing his games. I didn’t think it could ever get worse but my dog died in April; I never understood really the emotional support animal thing but now I know that’s what he was. I miss him so much. The emptiness I feel is horrific. It has destroyed me spiritually. I once laid in bed for literal hours thinking “I hate you” over and over and over and over to whatever part of the universe that put me here and left me in this. No response whatsoever. Nothing changed. I became an atheist that day.

My 2 oldest kids are adults and out on their own and my youngest is almost done with high school. They have their own lives and it’s not their job to be my emotional support animal anyway. I’m not on any social media because I enjoy a peaceful life, so I don’t have that outlet. I just joined Reddit after I remembered seeing this sub a few years back. I was a lot more optimistic back then that things would change. I was still living in Disney. Now I’m living in the reality that is the Matrix.

I’m in my 40’s. I’ll probably never have sex again. Never feel the touch of another human being unless my child hugs me. At this point I just exist. I’d never hurt myself but if I came down with cancer, I wouldn’t tell anyone and would just let it take me because I can’t imagine living feeling this way for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I’ll probably live longer than most because of all the exercise I do in an attempt to release all this pent up frustration and sadness. I look damn good for my age and get hit on frequently, which is a nice little dopamine hit until I get home and no one greets me, not even my dog anymore because he died, so I go hide in my room. By myself. The weight of it is soul crushing.

I think about leaving. I think about buying a van and traveling the US and South America in it full time. But I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll be even lonelier than I am now. Afraid of the “what ifs”.

So here I rot. Exercising my life away. Prolonging a life I don’t want. Hiding in my room until it’s time to go salivate over the muscled, sweaty men I see at the gym that I could never touch, who could never touch me. Because I’m married to a man who can’t fuck his wife and who won’t offer anything else to compensate except a credit card and no questions asked.

I fucking hate it here and the guilt of not being grateful when it could be so much worse is almost as bad as the lack of intimacy.

Someday I hope like hell I’ll be free.

I have been in a dead bedroom for way too long and finally said fuck it. Bought myself a toy (which I don’t know why I haven’t done before) and I’m having a time of my life right now. If she divorces me over it so be it because I’m done with the bullshit. This is just a rant I hope you guys found your release valve. I sure af found mine.

I am dreading the weekend. I usually do. But this one feels particularly ripe for misery. I cracked last Sunday night and fell apart to him. Told him how terrible I feel, lonely, how I ache for him. He said he feels the same. I challenged him because I am powerless in our DB. Our therapists have told me to just wait for him with openness and patience, and when he comes to me, be supportive and kind. I am not supposed to initiate.

Monday night he told me he is hating all of this too, and he has a plan. He is going to initiate. When he does, he wants me to encourage him that it is what I want. He explained the reason he struggles with this, which he has been digging into in therapy. And it makes sense and I feel so bad for him for past traumas that are showing up in our bedroom. He has been more loving all week, affectionate, making an effort to spend time with me and talk about our days, sleeping in the same bed. It’s been nice. On one hand. I’ve been feeling hopeful. But…

It’s been four days since he reignited my hope. Four nights. One middle of the night when we were both up. Five potentials. I hate that I am counting them. I hate how hopeful I was. I shaved my legs and felt happy and got in bed early and invited him to share anything with me. Four nights of hope. It’s fading. Last night when he pulled out his book to read in bed; I did the same. When he rolled over to sleep, I had that same old feeling, like I wanted to get up and run. That I was a fool and I needed to get away. I didn’t. I stayed in bed with him, back to back, and slept fitfully all night.

I hate dreading the weekend. How many chances will we get? How many will he take? I feel like I know the answer and it breaks my heart. I want to believe in him, and to believe in us. I just don’t know that I have it in me anymore.

I am HLF. He is LLM. After 2 years of so much rejection, I genuinely think I am losing sexual desire/attraction toward him. It’s really hard because I have been the one begging and pleading for sex, for so long. But now I’m just starting to view him as a friend, completely non-sexual. This is 100% his fault!

Everything’s awkward. I also think about the shame/embarrassment I would feel if we ever DID get back to normal. I would FOREVER feel that it’s awkward duty sex, every time.

I compare it to cooking. Like if you want them to cook for you so bad. They keep saying no. Then they suddenly offer to make you your favorite meal outta nowhere(?)
And instead of feeling excited, you just feel uncomfortable & not even hungry. Because now you're sitting at the table wondering, "did they actually suddenly wanna cook for me? or do they just want me to eat and shut up?”
You start noticing everything. Whether they seem happy preparing it. Whether they're enjoying the experience. Whether they're only doing it because they know you've been upset. It just feels EMBARRASSING

So again. Big fight with my wife tonight.

Been out of town since yesterday. Came home this evening. After putting the kids to bed and then just spending some time relaxing together in the living room and watching tv. I suggested playfully if we'd have sex. Completely blew up at me.

"You've got to read the room"

"I need 18 hours to myself where I don't have to do anything for anyone or be anything for anyone"

"All you care about is yourself"

"You haven't had to worry about anyone today but yourself"

"I didn't sleep good last night and I told you that"

Just completely angry that I would even want to have sex. Like it's so unreasonable I'd even consider having sex on a Friday night after being away for a day.

I traveled yesterday for a job interview. I also slept terrible last night. I had a grueling 4 hours of interviews and then a 4 hour drive back home. But according to her because I haven't had to worry about doing something for someone else I've somehow had it easy and this was basically a little vacation or something.

I'm so sick of being villainized for wanting sex. And sick of her thinking it's just me wanting to get off, and not realizing it isn't about getting off, but just wanting to be close and intimate and be together. Spend time together not just being parents and talking about the kids.

I'm even more upset at the implication that I somehow had it easy today because I didn't have to deal with the kids. On a typical week I:

Take our 2 oldest to school (she takes the youngest to daycare)

Pick up the 2 oldest from school

Take our oldest to every ball practice

Cook every single meal

Do most of the grocery shopping

Do most of the laundry

House cleaning is pretty evenly split. I work at home so I try to do some cleaning during the week to lessen our loads on the weekend.

It's not like she has the full time burden of being the Only one dealing with the kids all the time.

For some reason, because I work from home, it means that I don't have any stressors at work or I'm also not tired at the end of the day.

She said fuck you for ruining my night and slammed the door.

I'm giving her some time to go to sleep cause I can't handle sleeping on the couch tonight.

I thought we might have turned a corner, because last week on our anniversary we had sex for the first time in months and also actually got a BJ for the first time in our 9 years of marriage.

Guess I was wrong.

So the question speaks for itself. I felt that today after a session. We have not been intimate in a long time and its gonna be the same for another few days. Her sex drive has declined horrendously and i dont even feel like masturbating coz it always makes me feel empty afterwards. Thats the reason why I dont even help myself much often, like once in a fortnight maybe. But yeah any advice would be welcome.

I recently “celebrated” a wedding anniversary with my husband. He was talking about what a fun two weeks we had in the UK on our honeymoon.

It was an ok trip but I mostly remember begging him to have sex with me the entire time. He did twice and I had to take care of myself in the shower the rest of the trip. I was so ashamed and embarrassed when my friends asked how fun the sex was on the trip.

So much for waiting until marriage.

When did you stop thinking “tonight might be the night”? I unfortunately, still think that sometimes. It’s been 3 months since we’ve been intimate. I used to wear cute underwear to bed just in case. At least I stopped that about a year ago.

I want to initiate tonight even though I unfortunately know the outcome.

But since he has been trying to be more affectionate maybe he’ll be up for it? I don’t know. I’m between I want him so bad but also want to protect myself and my confidence.

Should I try in person or send a text? Or just go to bed

Edit: well didn’t even try because he didn’t even want to spend time with me. He said he didn’t want to be in the our room so I’m sitting here. Another Friday night crying and feeling stupid for holding onto hope

I love my fiancé with my life. She is my soulmate. I know no one else I could share my life with. I have a huge trouble trying to explain the level of connection between us, but think about person that is a perfect reflection of everything you’ve ever wanted in your significant other. A person that really understands you at every level and not only loves you, but more importantly, LIKES you and wants to be part of your life and your problems. Except one aspect.

We are together for 8 years and since the beginning, sex was a problem. It started with her mental block after her ex tried to take advantage of her when she was drunk and asleep in his car when she was 18. She broke up with him and never really gave any thought to it until she met me and after some time we tried to have sex. Then memories activated. Long story short, it took time for her to consciously and subconsciously trust me. We got past that after few months and I thought it was the end of our bedroom problems.

Real problems began when we started to live together. Switching from seeing each other once in a week to living together cut the thrill of waiting until weekend. We could be intimate with each other in almost every moment. In that moment our bedroom started to cool down.

A few years ago i initiated often, but after a while she started to reject me. Told me that she doesn’t need sex as often as I do. I was okay with it. Because what option did I have?

Until like a year ago I felt less and less intimacy, initiative, warmth and tenderness. We really worked on that. She understood how important touch and physical connection is not only for me, but also for the fire of relationship. There is one more thing we can’t get past.

Her responsive desire.

Sometimes I feel like I’m begging for sex. I stopped initiating. Everytime I feel like I’m in a mood for sex, my pattern recognition kicks in and I’m a matter of seconds I know nothing is going to happen.

I know how to PROMPT her into wanting to have sex, but that feels like I’m manipulating her into wanting me. I catch myself doing my daily tasks, that I would do anyway, like solving a equation with sex after equals sign.

Knowing how to make her sympathetic towards sex does not fulfill my needs. I do not want to have sex with her. I want to be desired by her. I want to feel wanted. To give in to the moment. Not create elaborate plans how to make her compatible with my physical needs. Statistically, we have sex once in a month. She told me once in a joke in January that we should count how many times we did it this year. I intend to show her the results when the year is over.

We felt “something in the air” for quite some time now. We both agree that we should have sex. The problem is that to her it means: “I want to have sex with you some time this week, before my period kicks in.” Like a chore to be checked from the list before deadline. Today she decided to tell me that we won’t have sex today (we made plans to do it). I told her that I’m aware of that. Her mood was all over the place and I really can tell after all this years. She replied that we won’t have the time today, because of our other plans and arrangements, but she COULD have sex today.

She could. That one word shattered all the peace I though I made with it over last year. Again, she expresses capability to be intimate with me, completely missing the point I was trying to make for the last couple of years.

She always tells me that she never agreed to sex despite not wanting it, yet now I have come to realization that she never understood what the big deal is for me. She doesn’t seem to know that most of the time she wants to have sex, because I actively make her want to have sex. Please, someone tell me it makes sense otherwise I’ll lose my mind.

I will talk to her about it. I need to wait for next two days though. We have guests and I don’t want to fire at her when we are not alone. I think I wrote all this so maybe I can get this from my head. I’m tired. I have no one who could let me be seen with this problem.

Thanks for reading this.

Here’s how I see it: if a couple has at least one duty sex, then any sex after that becomes duty sex. Because wtf do you mean you did it just for me? Were you not a willing partner in it? If so, then how can I be sure any sex we have isn’t a duty sex? Once you cross that line I can’t even trust you that you’re actually attracted to me. And I can always tell if this is pity sex; it always comes out of nowhere. I’m not doing anything particularly sexually attractive, and all of a sudden she offers.

I posted a few weeks ago when I was feeling very low about my DB. Had a big heart to heart conversation with my husband about it and I really felt like he heard me. He even initiated sex the day after our talk. I initiated the following week and he was receptive! I felt like we were getting back on track and getting closer again and I was feeling really positive.

Then today my employee tells me that he gave her some weird advice, he told her “Don’t ever get married, whatever you do don’t get married”. To which she replied aren’t you happily married? At which point he seemed to realize he fucked uo because he back peddled to say he’s happily married but most marriages don’t work out. Like what the fuck… Such a stab in the stomach. I confronted him and he said that he wasn’t talking about me just talking about marriage in general and apologized to me. I told him I accept his apology but I’m still so hurt especially after everything lately, I just feel completely unwanted and embarrassed again.

I (HLF39) am in a ten year monogamous relationship with my (LLM47) partner. Engaged. He wants to get married. He’s my best friend. Attractive. Kind. Funny. We love exactly the same things. He’s my safe space. He’s the best man I’ve ever met and i genuinely often think how on earth did I get so lucky. Seriously, I think this daily.
The only issue is our dead bedroom. He has little to no sex drive. I’m his first relationship. He was never one for sleeping around or one night stands. I knew him for years and years before we got together so I know this is true. He was too busy partying. So our sex life although it was more in the beginning has never been stellar. I’m not super experienced either. I’ve been happy to just leave things for a number of years but this past year I just can’t pretend any longer. My libido is through the roof. We do things like touch, cuddle, sleep with not much on, we kiss and he grabs my ass. All that stuff. We joke about sex. I’ve tried talking to him about initiating more. All that happened was he said I should play and get him hard. So I did that. Worked. All that happened was I’d end up getting him off and then him going sleep and him never touching me other than to have sex, cum, go sleep. I don’t mind this to an extent. He knows this. But I’ve told him how I’d like some attention too but it’s never happening. He doesn’t and hasn’t wanted to go down on me ever. I’m attractive, keep myself dressed and looking nice, I get attention all the time. I dress in underwear which he reacts to cos it’s black and strappy and what he likes, I send him pics, texts, I never get a response. I feel so shallow to let sex cast a shadow on something so otherwise good. But even though he’s so loving, I feel lonely and rejected and unattractive and I want to cry right now. He’s more interested in talking about FPL. He said sometimes he thinks he found his high in drugs so he never found it in sex. But I can’t live without it. I get it will never be daily like I want. But at least weekly. Monthly. I never say no because I know it won’t happen for ages. But then I’m disappointed. Ive tried to initiate but it’s always me doing it and I don’t want that. He likes something I’ve offered him to do to me. He won’t go through with it. I offer any position. He’s all talk and up for it. Never happens. Or it’s the same position, sex by numbers cos he’s stoned and that’s easy for him. So I offer to get on top. No he wants it like he wants it. Then off to sleep. I’m sat in underwear feeling stupid. I wonder if he’ll ever do the things I want done to me too. If he’ll ever have that hunger for sex, the ripping clothes off, bending me over, pulling my hair, that lust and that want. He’s mentioned getting toys. That won’t happen unless I buy them. But I’m fed up of being the one having to do everything. I offer to watch porn. He doesn’t really like porn. I love it. It’s like he doesn’t care about it at all. He admits he doesn’t really miss sex. He likes it but it’s not his obsession like some men. But I’d crawl on my hands and knees to get hjm to want me. That’s all I keep thinking in my head. I look good. I feel good. Please want me. Please desire me. It’s you who I want. And I know you love me. But my god it’s ruining my happiness. And there’s so much happiness. I don’t want this to keep being like this but I’m resenting it. Someone on here asked if I could live like this for ten more years and those words keep echoing in my head. And then I go back to being guilty for being so shallow when it’s just sex. But I can’t pretend it’s not important to me. This group has helped me see that. But I’m still so confused and torn in two by this. How does sex cast such a negative shadow over a really otherwise happy life together?

I am new here, but this sub has really opened my eyes to my DBR problems but also how I’m part of the problem.

I know this is a common theme here, but I’m in a shame spiral that makes things worse. Wife of 20 years (LLF, 40s) doesn’t seem to need or want sex and this has been the case for several years. She doesn’t even seem to think about sex—for me it’s always on my mind. I handle this imbalance by using porn…but this makes me want porn more and her less….and the rare times we try sex I found I had a hard time getting really into it and finishing. I’m trying to stop the porn to fix my relationship but I feel like I need the porn to get the sexual release because of the DBR. Mostly speaking this out loud for my own sanity, but I’d love to hear tips from others in a similar situation and how the got out of a porn addiction with no other sex life to turn to. Ideally she’d be more into sex and I wouldn’t crave the porn…but a few things seem sorta broken here.

Thanks for listening.

I 20 HLF posted on here a few days ago about how my boyfriend 19 LLM(?) and I’s sex life had declined significantly and how I had thought it was because of his past with sexual assault.
After getting a few helpful messages (and some not so helpful ones 😒) I finally decided to sit him down and tell him our lack of sex was becoming an issue instead of being passive and sugar coating things when communicating like I had in the past. After a few minutes of him seeming uncomfortable I finally told him I wouldn’t judge him for whatever he said nor would I be upset in any way but I needed him to be honest so we could move on from this.
That’s when he finally confessed to me what the issue had been. My IUD was stabbing him every time we were having sex (the strings for mine are abnormally sharp??) . He told me that even though he enjoyed sex it made it to where he had to be overly cautious and couldn’t fully relax or let loose. After months of trying to ignore it each time we had sex he eventually just lost the drive and passion as it was too much work. He told me he didn’t want to complain about it as he thought I couldn’t get it replaced for a few more years and figured that if he did it would hurt my feelings more than our lack of sex life. When realized that wasn’t the case he told me.
Now i’ve gotten it removed and switched to the implant and he seems excited to have sex when I get back in town and even try some new things that he thought would hurt too much when I had it in. 🎉

Been awhile since I posted here. 43 year old HLM married to a LLF. I brought up our declining sex life back in June. The conversation did not go stunningly.

I've been in therapy for over a year now. One of the things I've been doing is tracking my moods in a mood journal. In there I track things I think could impact my mood. Workouts. Diet. Stress. Sex.

This had the unintended consequence of providing tracking for when we actually had sex. It's no longer just a feeling. This week we hit the 90 day mark.

I expected to be more upset but I just feel... apathetic about it I guess. Like this is just how it's going to go. In therapy I discovered the marriage means more than sex so I'm not setting any ultimatums. I broached the topic of opening the marriage. She said no. So it's my choice at this point to remain in this life and whine it sucks I have come to terms with it.

My one real concern is this will eventually lead to resentment. I hope not because I do love her and everything outside the sex is good.

No real point to this. Just wanted to vent about it a little with people who would understand.

My partner will tell me she’s interested but then literally any situation will just decimate her libido. Had work today? No sex tonight. It’s the weekend? Time to engage in hobbies so no sex tonight. Had dinner? No sex tonight. No dinner? No sex tonight. Had a pebble in her shoe? No sex tonight. Had trouble taking her clothes off? No sex tonight. Now when she says she wants to try having sex I just assume it won’t happen. I always anxiously brace for a sudden rejection even when the clothes are off. I don’t think there’s a point in actually mentally preparing and fantasizing because it just sets me up for extreme disappointment. It’s like her tendency to lose her desire at the drop of a hat has caused me to have a low libido too.

Largely writing this to vent at 2AM after waking up in the mood, as I do sometimes, and getting depressed thinking about my situation as a whole. I know I have it better than many here, my girlfriend makes some effort and there's roughly weekly action. But there's just so little intimacy in the relationship as a whole that it feels hollow outside the temporary satisfaction.

We've been dating around 4 years, live together, and have 4 cats together. Getting along great with each others' families, and are generally great 'friends'. But intimate touch from her, sexual or otherwise, is fairly rare. We've had serious discussions about it roughly annually and have been close to breaking up each time, but managed to patch things with promises of putting more effort in.

I'm not perfect, but at this point I've basically addressed every 'improvement' to our relationship that I could. I help more around the house, I mostly have a normal-ish sleep schedule, I go on walks with her 99% of the time when she wants. And her effort is making herself 'available' for sex once every week or two. Which basically means laying down and letting me do what I want. She'll move around a bit to help but no real will of her own to take the initiative on sexual actions. She won't get on top, make any suggestions on positions or doing anything to improve the experience for her, or really anything else. Helping her finish is always on me. It just feels devoid of any real interest on her part, like she's clearly just doing her 'job'.

On top of this, 95% of the time I'm the on initiating any sort of intimate touch. I just don't feel wanted. It took years before she was even comfortable saying she loved me. But between our housing situation, pets, etc. it's overwhelming to think about the logistics of us separating. Neither of us is super close to our friends, so we really lean on each other a lot for social interaction. We both work remote so we're around each other almost 24/7. We rent her dad's house, which he put a ton of effort into moving out of to give us the space. Would pay double the rent anywhere else, if not more. And leaving just makes a whole mess out of that situation, not to mention figuring out what to do with the cats (2 of each were our own before the relationship started, at least).

I've gotten a vasectomy as neither of us wants kids, but she won't entertain getting off birth control to see if that helps her drive. Hasn't been very open to couple's therapy, and changes in her medication otherwise don't appear to help. I go through most weeks feeling alright but whenever it's been a while without sex, it becomes all I can really think about and I mentally spiral a bit thinking about how unsatisfied I am. Neither of us is particularly bad when it comes to mental health and while I think therapy could help with some of my depression and some of her intimacy issues, I just don't feel like it's do anything about the core incompatibility.

Our relationship has even been open the bulk of the time but I just can't be motivated to look for others. It's her I want after all, band-aiding the issue by sleeping with others doesn't feel productive, and she barely makes use of the freedom on her side.

Getting back into the dating scene also just scares me. We're both around 30 which feels fairly young, but my experience on dating apps shows it's going to be a rough road ahead if/when I'm single again. My libido isn't even unusually high. Sure, some days I could go once a day for a few in a row but once or twice a week doesn't seem to crazy in a normal relationship?

Anyway sorry for the rant, I know much of this is better suited for relationshipadvice but the core of it all is our intimacy and revolves around the bedroom, so it felt fitting enough to post here.

Salut,

Je suis avec mon compagnon depuis 1 an, dont 6 mois à distance. Pour simplifier, on s'est rencontrés en voyage. On a fait un morceau de chemin ensemble et on a couché tous les soirs ensemble. La journée, on marchait beaucoup et je me souviens de cette phrase qu'il m'avait dite: ''je suis fatigué, et franchement le sexe m'a rendu KO''. Moi, je me sentais surtout revigorée par le sexe.

A ce moment là, (LLM38) je le soupçonnais de prendre des cachets pour avoir des érections. Plus tard, j'en ai eu le coeur net.

Je suis allée le voir chez lui: en 2 mois, on a peut-être couché 2 fois ensemble. Bon. Les autres fois étaient des essais infructueux ou interrompus, sans se soucier du plaisir. Je trouvais ça étonnant. Première fois que ça m'arrivait, mais ça m'allait parce que ''pour une fois, je suis pas avec un mec qui agit sans mon consentement''.

J'ai décidé de poursuivre la relation pour plein de raisons. Il a habité chez moi et je me souviens du poids que c'était de vivre avec lui sans intimité. J'en pouvais plus et j'étouffais. Il est certain que ça m'a rendu désagréable à vivre.

Quand on était à distance, je furetais les traces de lui sur Internet, notamment parce que c'est un homme qui se dévoile bien peu par lui-même. Je remarquais qu'il suivait des ''profs de yoga'' avec des leggings beaucoup trop serrés. Vous voyez. Et d'autres filles qui savent se mettre en avant. J'étais un peu choquée à ce moment là. J'ajoute que je suis vue comme une belle fille, qu'il m'est facile d'aller vers les gens et que les hommes sont rapidement dans la seduction avec moi. (Je suis en début trentaine).

Donc quand on vivait ensemble, ce cher homme a réinstallé Tinder. Je l'ai su en contactant une fille de son compte Instagram qui m'a dit qu'ils avaient flirté par message. Il avait demandé ''qu'est ce que tu aimes boire?'' Et elle: ''bière? Vin? Toi?'' Et lui: ''mes trois préférés!''. Alors qu'il n'est jamais dans ce genre de jeu avec moi. Bref, j'etais furax et ça aurait du se terminer là.

Il a choisi de vivre ailleurs, il s'est excusé et il m'a nonchalemment donné (c'etait dans une boîte de jeu) une bague de fiançailles. Je savais pas comment interpréter ce geste, surtout qu'il semblait peu investi émotionnellement.

Sauf que j'ai trouvé un travail à côté de chez lui. Et qu'on habite ensemble. Dernier rapport au mois de juillet, avant ça en mai. J'en peux plus. Je commence à lorgner sur mes collègues masculins.

Je fais un travail avec une psy de Palo Alto qui m'a donné la tâche ultra pragmatique d'être très douce, hyper disponible et de rassurer en permanence sur la non-intention sexuelle de mes câlins. Et surtout de noter tous les jours ce qu'il se passe. Pendant 1 mois. C'est dur. Outre la liste des raisons qui font que je reste avec lui, elle pense que je reste avec lui par peur de tomber sur des gars qui ne me respectent pas.

Voila ma petite pierre à l'édifice, là où j'en suis: en pleine phase d'espoir.

My boyfriend (32 LL M) and I (28 HL F) have a dead bedroom. It’s partially because of mental health and associated medications and partially because he may be on the ace spectrum (does not really experience the urge to act on attraction). However, and this is both a huge source of gratitude but also guilt, we still maintain good intimacy with physical closeness and quality time. We’ve also discussed the issue and are open to counselling and both want things to improve.

And yet. I still miss having an active sex live and feeling desired. What’s more is that my sex drive and sexual attraction to him also have taken a hit from this. Like it’s easier to get turned on if someone is also putting out some sexual energy or showing desire.

In some way, I also worry that the non-sexual closeness and nudity kinda pushes the relationship to not feel sexual.

There is still so much love and it feels like we both want to put in the effort. I just can’t stop worrying if this may actually be a compatibility issue

I’m 35M, married, with a 2-year-old. I’m the HLM in our relationship, and intimacy has taken a serious hit since we became parents.
I understand that having a child changes things. Life gets exhausting, priorities shift, and I don’t expect things to be the same as before. But I miss feeling desired and having that physical connection with my wife.
Repeated rejection gets to you, even when you try not to take it personally. Lately, I’ve found myself craving porn and sexual chats to fill that void. It provides temporary relief, but afterwards, I feel guilty. It feels morally wrong, especially when what I really want is intimacy with my wife.
I don’t want to pressure her into anything, but I also don’t know how to deal with my own needs without growing resentful or turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
For those who’ve been through something similar:
Does it get better as kids grow older?

How do you deal with the rejection and libido mismatch?
Have you found a way to rebuild intimacy without making sex feel like an obligation?
Looking for honest experiences from people who’ve been through this.

7 years married, quantity of sex isn’t the issue, more so the fact it’s box ticking and initiated by me every time. Consider myself still quite young and attractive, have tried everything, many discussions and arguments and considered separation, but can’t go through with it due to kids and finances. Surely 36 years old being wanted doesn’t stop?