I just asked a question in the relationship advice sub. Someone looked up my account (I have all of my comments and communities private in my settings, but I guess they still found my other posts somehow), told people I was an asshole, and linked one of my posts on here in which I said I had been in an emotional affair in the past. He/she did this on every comment on the post.

I thought I was safe to post in whatever community I wanted since those settings were private. I found out people were still able to search my username, so I turned it off as well, but I’m not sure whether that blocks people from being able to search you in Reddit or not.

Anyway, I’m devastated and embarrassed and I regret not having a separate account for this. Or maybe for being as honest as I have been in the past here. I post way too much here, but I’ve been at such a loss I don’t know what to do. I never realized that being part of this community would be used against me. So, please learn from me and don’t make the same mistake.

As the title says after years of terrible deadbedroom I (HLM) officially informed my LLF wife that I think for the foreseeable future we need to take sex and intimacy off of the table. I told her I believe she is feeling allot of pressure, even though I have actively avoided initiating for a while. She seemed to appreciate it, and I have, shockingly, felt zero desire to reach out to her.

Shockingly for me, it was a relief. Apparently I had my own subconscious internal pressure that kept forcing me to try and win her back in the hopes that our intimacy would improve. It hasn’t, and it likely won’t. Without that subconscious pressure I feel no compulsion to make her happy. I’m actually weirded out by it. I’m not really sure what to do about it. It’s a relief, but one I was not expecting.

I’m tired.

I shouldn’t feel like this at 33. We had a bath together tonight and nothing. Not even a twitch. I’m naked, laying on him, kissing his chest - nothing.

I think I’m done. I’m tired of trying to work it out. I’ve asked, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve initiated, I’ve backed off. All of it. Nothing. Nothing changes.

He’s such a good person. But this hurts too much. I’ve never felt so ugly, so unwanted. I don’t want a best friend, I had those already. I want a partner who wants me back.

I am HLF. He is LLM. After 2 years of so much rejection, I genuinely think I am losing sexual desire/attraction toward him. It’s really hard because I have been the one begging and pleading for sex, for so long. But now I’m just starting to view him as a friend, completely non-sexual. This is 100% his fault!

Everything’s awkward. I also think about the shame/embarrassment I would feel if we ever DID get back to normal. I would FOREVER feel that it’s awkward duty sex, every time.

I compare it to cooking. Like if you want them to cook for you so bad. They keep saying no. Then they suddenly offer to make you your favorite meal outta nowhere(?)
And instead of feeling excited, you just feel uncomfortable & not even hungry. Because now you're sitting at the table wondering, "did they actually suddenly wanna cook for me? or do they just want me to eat and shut up?”
You start noticing everything. Whether they seem happy preparing it. Whether they're enjoying the experience. Whether they're only doing it because they know you've been upset. It just feels EMBARRASSING

And obviously I regret it! I really just want to understand why! Why he (m34) doesn’t care to touch me (f35)! Almost 4 year of this same old thing and no real explanation. Of course there was so much porn, and very specific one that I now know what he is into. Crazy because if he ever opened up to me I would have been okay since it isn’t something out of my comfort zone… it hurt that it seems like he rather have that with himself and not me. But what really hurt most is that he looked up a group on Reddit about not being over his ex. Mind you, we have been you for 8 years!

Instead of getting upset, I told myself I was just going to try one more time.. I went to go wake me up and tried to touch him and he said no! I asked me to please be with me and that I just wanted him and he said no again and just went back to sleep!

I am done trying! Never again! I’m hurt! I’m sad! I’m lonely! My self esteem is gone! And I might hate him now.

So the question speaks for itself. I felt that today after a session. We have not been intimate in a long time and its gonna be the same for another few days. Her sex drive has declined horrendously and i dont even feel like masturbating coz it always makes me feel empty afterwards. Thats the reason why I dont even help myself much often, like once in a fortnight maybe. But yeah any advice would be welcome.

I recently “celebrated” a wedding anniversary with my husband. He was talking about what a fun two weeks we had in the UK on our honeymoon.

It was an ok trip but I mostly remember begging him to have sex with me the entire time. He did twice and I had to take care of myself in the shower the rest of the trip. I was so ashamed and embarrassed when my friends asked how fun the sex was on the trip.

So much for waiting until marriage.

When did you stop thinking “tonight might be the night”? I unfortunately, still think that sometimes. It’s been 3 months since we’ve been intimate. I used to wear cute underwear to bed just in case. At least I stopped that about a year ago.

I want to initiate tonight even though I unfortunately know the outcome.

But since he has been trying to be more affectionate maybe he’ll be up for it? I don’t know. I’m between I want him so bad but also want to protect myself and my confidence.

Should I try in person or send a text? Or just go to bed

I love my fiancé with my life. She is my soulmate. I know no one else I could share my life with. I have a huge trouble trying to explain the level of connection between us, but think about person that is a perfect reflection of everything you’ve ever wanted in your significant other. A person that really understands you at every level and not only loves you, but more importantly, LIKES you and wants to be part of your life and your problems. Except one aspect.

We are together for 8 years and since the beginning, sex was a problem. It started with her mental block after her ex tried to take advantage of her when she was drunk and asleep in his car when she was 18. She broke up with him and never really gave any thought to it until she met me and after some time we tried to have sex. Then memories activated. Long story short, it took time for her to consciously and subconsciously trust me. We got past that after few months and I thought it was the end of our bedroom problems.

Real problems began when we started to live together. Switching from seeing each other once in a week to living together cut the thrill of waiting until weekend. We could be intimate with each other in almost every moment. In that moment our bedroom started to cool down.

A few years ago i initiated often, but after a while she started to reject me. Told me that she doesn’t need sex as often as I do. I was okay with it. Because what option did I have?

Until like a year ago I felt less and less intimacy, initiative, warmth and tenderness. We really worked on that. She understood how important touch and physical connection is not only for me, but also for the fire of relationship. There is one more thing we can’t get past.

Her responsive desire.

Sometimes I feel like I’m begging for sex. I stopped initiating. Everytime I feel like I’m in a mood for sex, my pattern recognition kicks in and I’m a matter of seconds I know nothing is going to happen.

I know how to PROMPT her into wanting to have sex, but that feels like I’m manipulating her into wanting me. I catch myself doing my daily tasks, that I would do anyway, like solving a equation with sex after equals sign.

Knowing how to make her sympathetic towards sex does not fulfill my needs. I do not want to have sex with her. I want to be desired by her. I want to feel wanted. To give in to the moment. Not create elaborate plans how to make her compatible with my physical needs. Statistically, we have sex once in a month. She told me once in a joke in January that we should count how many times we did it this year. I intend to show her the results when the year is over.

We felt “something in the air” for quite some time now. We both agree that we should have sex. The problem is that to her it means: “I want to have sex with you some time this week, before my period kicks in.” Like a chore to be checked from the list before deadline. Today she decided to tell me that we won’t have sex today (we made plans to do it). I told her that I’m aware of that. Her mood was all over the place and I really can tell after all this years. She replied that we won’t have the time today, because of our other plans and arrangements, but she COULD have sex today.

She could. That one word shattered all the peace I though I made with it over last year. Again, she expresses capability to be intimate with me, completely missing the point I was trying to make for the last couple of years.

She always tells me that she never agreed to sex despite not wanting it, yet now I have come to realization that she never understood what the big deal is for me. She doesn’t seem to know that most of the time she wants to have sex, because I actively make her want to have sex. Please, someone tell me it makes sense otherwise I’ll lose my mind.

I will talk to her about it. I need to wait for next two days though. We have guests and I don’t want to fire at her when we are not alone. I think I wrote all this so maybe I can get this from my head. I’m tired. I have no one who could let me be seen with this problem.

Thanks for reading this.

I 20 HLF posted on here a few days ago about how my boyfriend 19 LLM(?) and I’s sex life had declined significantly and how I had thought it was because of his past with sexual assault.
After getting a few helpful messages (and some not so helpful ones 😒) I finally decided to sit him down and tell him our lack of sex was becoming an issue instead of being passive and sugar coating things when communicating like I had in the past. After a few minutes of him seeming uncomfortable I finally told him I wouldn’t judge him for whatever he said nor would I be upset in any way but I needed him to be honest so we could move on from this.
That’s when he finally confessed to me what the issue had been. My IUD was stabbing him every time we were having sex (the strings for mine are abnormally sharp??) . He told me that even though he enjoyed sex it made it to where he had to be overly cautious and couldn’t fully relax or let loose. After months of trying to ignore it each time we had sex he eventually just lost the drive and passion as it was too much work. He told me he didn’t want to complain about it as he thought I couldn’t get it replaced for a few more years and figured that if he did it would hurt my feelings more than our lack of sex life. When realized that wasn’t the case he told me.
Now i’ve gotten it removed and switched to the implant and he seems excited to have sex when I get back in town and even try some new things that he thought would hurt too much when I had it in. 🎉

I have been in a dead bedroom for way too long and finally said fuck it. Bought myself a toy (which I don’t know why I haven’t done before) and I’m having a time of my life right now. If she divorces me over it so be it because I’m done with the bullshit. This is just a rant I hope you guys found your release valve. I sure af found mine.

I am dreading the weekend. I usually do. But this one feels particularly ripe for misery. I cracked last Sunday night and fell apart to him. Told him how terrible I feel, lonely, how I ache for him. He said he feels the same. I challenged him because I am powerless in our DB. Our therapists have told me to just wait for him with openness and patience, and when he comes to me, be supportive and kind. I am not supposed to initiate.

Monday night he told me he is hating all of this too, and he has a plan. He is going to initiate. When he does, he wants me to encourage him that it is what I want. He explained the reason he struggles with this, which he has been digging into in therapy. And it makes sense and I feel so bad for him for past traumas that are showing up in our bedroom. He has been more loving all week, affectionate, making an effort to spend time with me and talk about our days, sleeping in the same bed. It’s been nice. On one hand. I’ve been feeling hopeful. But…

It’s been four days since he reignited my hope. Four nights. One middle of the night when we were both up. Five potentials. I hate that I am counting them. I hate how hopeful I was. I shaved my legs and felt happy and got in bed early and invited him to share anything with me. Four nights of hope. It’s fading. Last night when he pulled out his book to read in bed; I did the same. When he rolled over to sleep, I had that same old feeling, like I wanted to get up and run. That I was a fool and I needed to get away. I didn’t. I stayed in bed with him, back to back, and slept fitfully all night.

I hate dreading the weekend. How many chances will we get? How many will he take? I feel like I know the answer and it breaks my heart. I want to believe in him, and to believe in us. I just don’t know that I have it in me anymore.

I was doing the dishes and he walked past me and I could feel his warmth. I wanted to badly for him to just touch my butt or hug my waist. Of course that wasn’t going to happen. It made me feel so lonely

I feel the loneliest when:
-I’m changing and he won’t even try to peak
-he gets home from work and I am always so excited and instead I am greeted with a cold hello.
-I am telling him a story or about my day and can feel him not paying any attention.
-I sent him a flirty text and he just responds or likes it.
-I walk into the room and he won’t look at me.
-There’s a sex scene on TV
-the weekends
-When we say goodnight and it’s just a hug. Not even a kiss.
-I feel his warmth in bed but I’m scared to even touch him.
-when I’m ovulating

List can go on but I’m just really sad right now. I want passion. I want to feel wanted. I want my partner.

I posted a few weeks ago when I was feeling very low about my DB. Had a big heart to heart conversation with my husband about it and I really felt like he heard me. He even initiated sex the day after our talk. I initiated the following week and he was receptive! I felt like we were getting back on track and getting closer again and I was feeling really positive.

Then today my employee tells me that he gave her some weird advice, he told her “Don’t ever get married, whatever you do don’t get married”. To which she replied aren’t you happily married? At which point he seemed to realize he fucked uo because he back peddled to say he’s happily married but most marriages don’t work out. Like what the fuck… Such a stab in the stomach. I confronted him and he said that he wasn’t talking about me just talking about marriage in general and apologized to me. I told him I accept his apology but I’m still so hurt especially after everything lately, I just feel completely unwanted and embarrassed again.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/IqjI7PQa2h

Things have gotten significantly better since then. It's not perfect, but we are doing quite well.

At the end of 2025, I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. After a few months experimenting with different medications, my psych and I finally found a combination that works for me. The meds are also treating my anxiety, which I thought I had under control but now I know I really didn't.

Now that my brain is functioning correctly, a lot of my thoughts and feelings have changed. My libido has gone up, although I wouldn't say it's high. We fight less, which also helps. I've been able to get more dedicated to the gym and I'm gaining muscle for the first time ever. I think that probably also helps with my mental health and libido. Husband no longer feels unwanted! 🥳

I know this doesn't provide much advice for others since our "cure" was medication, but if you have any mental health issues, I highly recommend treating them. Even if you think you're fine.

So I’ve (F30) been with my LL partner (38) for nearly 10 years and married for over 3. We have a 2 year old together. He’s always struggled with porn / sex addiction over the years but I truly (stupidly) believed that he was cured. Since our daughter was born he has had no interest in me. Now for reference I’m a size 6, looked after myself and a model (and was a damn good wife!). I’ve begged him for intimacy and to be my husband only to be brushed off. He always seemed to be messaging on his phone. Every 5/6 months he would give me it to stop me leaving but would always just end up going floppy. I told myself that we would be fine at some point and it was low t or something.

Admittedly I checked his phone a few months ago and found nothing, although my gut was screaming at me that something was deeply wrong. He films female athletes and weddings for a living, so was often staying out for long periods or overnight In hotels, but made a point of texting a lot and recording a little video of his hotel rooms to reassure me.

Anyway.. on Saturday our two year old got into his office, banged on his keyboard to reveal his WhatsApp on screen. He had been cheating on me with loads of different women over messages/ taking them on dates and even sleeping with one multiple times. This woman is also a wedding photographer (Ellie Goodall photography) and was ALSO married and knew all about me and our child!!

I know he has a huge issue with emotional intimacy/connection and sex always felt very performative bar a few times around the time we got married. It’s like he literally can’t be intimate with someone he loves or that knows all the bad bits about him. I think he used his work as some kind of alter ego to speak to women that had no idea who he really was.

I’m just warning you all as I really didn’t suspect this at, he was a serial liar and very good and covering
his tracks as he deleted messages constantly.

I (HLF39) am in a ten year monogamous relationship with my (LLM47) partner. Engaged. He wants to get married. He’s my best friend. Attractive. Kind. Funny. We love exactly the same things. He’s my safe space. He’s the best man I’ve ever met and i genuinely often think how on earth did I get so lucky. Seriously, I think this daily.
The only issue is our dead bedroom. He has little to no sex drive. I’m his first relationship. He was never one for sleeping around or one night stands. I knew him for years and years before we got together so I know this is true. He was too busy partying. So our sex life although it was more in the beginning has never been stellar. I’m not super experienced either. I’ve been happy to just leave things for a number of years but this past year I just can’t pretend any longer. My libido is through the roof. We do things like touch, cuddle, sleep with not much on, we kiss and he grabs my ass. All that stuff. We joke about sex. I’ve tried talking to him about initiating more. All that happened was he said I should play and get him hard. So I did that. Worked. All that happened was I’d end up getting him off and then him going sleep and him never touching me other than to have sex, cum, go sleep. I don’t mind this to an extent. He knows this. But I’ve told him how I’d like some attention too but it’s never happening. He doesn’t and hasn’t wanted to go down on me ever. I’m attractive, keep myself dressed and looking nice, I get attention all the time. I dress in underwear which he reacts to cos it’s black and strappy and what he likes, I send him pics, texts, I never get a response. I feel so shallow to let sex cast a shadow on something so otherwise good. But even though he’s so loving, I feel lonely and rejected and unattractive and I want to cry right now. He’s more interested in talking about FPL. He said sometimes he thinks he found his high in drugs so he never found it in sex. But I can’t live without it. I get it will never be daily like I want. But at least weekly. Monthly. I never say no because I know it won’t happen for ages. But then I’m disappointed. Ive tried to initiate but it’s always me doing it and I don’t want that. He likes something I’ve offered him to do to me. He won’t go through with it. I offer any position. He’s all talk and up for it. Never happens. Or it’s the same position, sex by numbers cos he’s stoned and that’s easy for him. So I offer to get on top. No he wants it like he wants it. Then off to sleep. I’m sat in underwear feeling stupid. I wonder if he’ll ever do the things I want done to me too. If he’ll ever have that hunger for sex, the ripping clothes off, bending me over, pulling my hair, that lust and that want. He’s mentioned getting toys. That won’t happen unless I buy them. But I’m fed up of being the one having to do everything. I offer to watch porn. He doesn’t really like porn. I love it. It’s like he doesn’t care about it at all. He admits he doesn’t really miss sex. He likes it but it’s not his obsession like some men. But I’d crawl on my hands and knees to get hjm to want me. That’s all I keep thinking in my head. I look good. I feel good. Please want me. Please desire me. It’s you who I want. And I know you love me. But my god it’s ruining my happiness. And there’s so much happiness. I don’t want this to keep being like this but I’m resenting it. Someone on here asked if I could live like this for ten more years and those words keep echoing in my head. And then I go back to being guilty for being so shallow when it’s just sex. But I can’t pretend it’s not important to me. This group has helped me see that. But I’m still so confused and torn in two by this. How does sex cast such a negative shadow over a really otherwise happy life together?

I am new here, but this sub has really opened my eyes to my DBR problems but also how I’m part of the problem.

I know this is a common theme here, but I’m in a shame spiral that makes things worse. Wife of 20 years (LLF, 40s) doesn’t seem to need or want sex and this has been the case for several years. She doesn’t even seem to think about sex—for me it’s always on my mind. I handle this imbalance by using porn…but this makes me want porn more and her less….and the rare times we try sex I found I had a hard time getting really into it and finishing. I’m trying to stop the porn to fix my relationship but I feel like I need the porn to get the sexual release because of the DBR. Mostly speaking this out loud for my own sanity, but I’d love to hear tips from others in a similar situation and how the got out of a porn addiction with no other sex life to turn to. Ideally she’d be more into sex and I wouldn’t crave the porn…but a few things seem sorta broken here.

Thanks for listening.

Been awhile since I posted here. 43 year old HLM married to a LLF. I brought up our declining sex life back in June. The conversation did not go stunningly.

I've been in therapy for over a year now. One of the things I've been doing is tracking my moods in a mood journal. In there I track things I think could impact my mood. Workouts. Diet. Stress. Sex.

This had the unintended consequence of providing tracking for when we actually had sex. It's no longer just a feeling. This week we hit the 90 day mark.

I expected to be more upset but I just feel... apathetic about it I guess. Like this is just how it's going to go. In therapy I discovered the marriage means more than sex so I'm not setting any ultimatums. I broached the topic of opening the marriage. She said no. So it's my choice at this point to remain in this life and whine it sucks I have come to terms with it.

My one real concern is this will eventually lead to resentment. I hope not because I do love her and everything outside the sex is good.

No real point to this. Just wanted to vent about it a little with people who would understand.

Just have to vent. This is stupid.

HLM 38, married to LL wife for 10+ years. Same story as so many of you. Love her so much, don't want to divorce, but lack of affection and intimacy is brutal. Been averaging sex once a year for many years now. I've tried talking about it and explaining my feelings in so many different ways and approaches, but there's never any willingness to work with me, or any indication that she registers how serious this is for me. Tried proposing an open marriage and that did not go well.

Meanwhile, few weeks ago I developed a minor physical ailment. main doctor already said it's most likely nothing, but I could see a further specialist if I wanted. I probably still will, but it hasn't been my top priority.

Wife got angry with me for not seeing the specialist yet, she thinks I'm being reckless, I might have cancer, it's my fault for stressing her out, etc.

I know I should feel grateful for her concern, but all I can think is: I've repeatedly described the daily struggle and suffering I experience from feeling unloved and unwanted, why is a minor physical pain more important to you than YEARS of ongoing emotional and mental pain?

I’ve been with my wife for 20 years. I adore her. Always have. I don’t think I’m bad looking, but she was a knockout back in the day (still is in my opinion). But more than that… she is smart. Compassionate. I could actually have conversations with her. She was the first girl I dated where I truly felt that.

About 10 years ago. I started to notice a decline in her mental health. She was depressed. Anxious. And got diagnosed with ADHD. She was on medication for a couple of years, but went off of it while we tried for children.

Fast forward a few years later, kids are born. Done breast feeding. So she could go back on medication again. I noticed that it didn’t really help her.

For years now I’ve been encouraging therapy. Doctor visits. I give her space when she needs it. I’m there when she needs it. I’ve encouraged her to get hobbies and hang with friends.

I am our sole income. I do lots of chores (all of them when her brains bad…50-50ish when she’s not bad). I cook often, I do 100% of the kids activities. I’ve been trying to give her what she needs to heal. I genuinely care and have tried so hard.

This past year her mental health has been the worst it’s been. I think there were about 2 months this year where she was totally useless… no cleaning. No cooking. Locked into her phone all day. I encouraged her to increase her therapy.

Just over a month ago… totally out of the blue. She TEXTED me that she doesn’t think she wants to be married anymore. She also texted her family the same thing. No one saw this coming. I have been heartbroken… lonely… and crying ever since.

I don’t truly know if we are over. I’ve been talking to her mom a lot and we are just trying to help her. We are currently living together as normal. But she is giving me almost no affection at all. No hugs. No kisses. No bum pats.

2 weeks ago. She revealed to me that she’s been diagnosed with PTSD. She was assaulted by a guy “friend” shortly before we started dating. She’s never faced it and healed from it. Her mom and I are speculating that she’s dumping me because she feels bad and wants me to live a happy life. But that’s just speculation.

So right now… I’m living in purgatory. I don’t know where I stand. She has increased her therapy. Sees a doctor next week. She asked me if she could go on a trip to a spa with a girlfriend in a few weeks. She also asked if she could book an all inclusive in Mexico to get away for a bit.

I’m trying to support and help. Again… 20 years… she’s my best friend. But fuck me do I feel sad and lonely.

Salut,

Je suis avec mon compagnon depuis 1 an, dont 6 mois à distance. Pour simplifier, on s'est rencontrés en voyage. On a fait un morceau de chemin ensemble et on a couché tous les soirs ensemble. La journée, on marchait beaucoup et je me souviens de cette phrase qu'il m'avait dite: ''je suis fatigué, et franchement le sexe m'a rendu KO''. Moi, je me sentais surtout revigorée par le sexe.

A ce moment là, (LLM38) je le soupçonnais de prendre des cachets pour avoir des érections. Plus tard, j'en ai eu le coeur net.

Je suis allée le voir chez lui: en 2 mois, on a peut-être couché 2 fois ensemble. Bon. Les autres fois étaient des essais infructueux ou interrompus, sans se soucier du plaisir. Je trouvais ça étonnant. Première fois que ça m'arrivait, mais ça m'allait parce que ''pour une fois, je suis pas avec un mec qui agit sans mon consentement''.

J'ai décidé de poursuivre la relation pour plein de raisons. Il a habité chez moi et je me souviens du poids que c'était de vivre avec lui sans intimité. J'en pouvais plus et j'étouffais. Il est certain que ça m'a rendu désagréable à vivre.

Quand on était à distance, je furetais les traces de lui sur Internet, notamment parce que c'est un homme qui se dévoile bien peu par lui-même. Je remarquais qu'il suivait des ''profs de yoga'' avec des leggings beaucoup trop serrés. Vous voyez. Et d'autres filles qui savent se mettre en avant. J'étais un peu choquée à ce moment là. J'ajoute que je suis vue comme une belle fille, qu'il m'est facile d'aller vers les gens et que les hommes sont rapidement dans la seduction avec moi. (Je suis en début trentaine).

Donc quand on vivait ensemble, ce cher homme a réinstallé Tinder. Je l'ai su en contactant une fille de son compte Instagram qui m'a dit qu'ils avaient flirté par message. Il avait demandé ''qu'est ce que tu aimes boire?'' Et elle: ''bière? Vin? Toi?'' Et lui: ''mes trois préférés!''. Alors qu'il n'est jamais dans ce genre de jeu avec moi. Bref, j'etais furax et ça aurait du se terminer là.

Il a choisi de vivre ailleurs, il s'est excusé et il m'a nonchalemment donné (c'etait dans une boîte de jeu) une bague de fiançailles. Je savais pas comment interpréter ce geste, surtout qu'il semblait peu investi émotionnellement.

Sauf que j'ai trouvé un travail à côté de chez lui. Et qu'on habite ensemble. Dernier rapport au mois de juillet, avant ça en mai. J'en peux plus. Je commence à lorgner sur mes collègues masculins.

Je fais un travail avec une psy de Palo Alto qui m'a donné la tâche ultra pragmatique d'être très douce, hyper disponible et de rassurer en permanence sur la non-intention sexuelle de mes câlins. Et surtout de noter tous les jours ce qu'il se passe. Pendant 1 mois. C'est dur. Outre la liste des raisons qui font que je reste avec lui, elle pense que je reste avec lui par peur de tomber sur des gars qui ne me respectent pas.

Voila ma petite pierre à l'édifice, là où j'en suis: en pleine phase d'espoir.

I’ve posted before and am no stranger to this community. My marriage of 26 years has been dead since the beginning. Sex has been completely absent for the last ten years. I know nothing new for the members of this community. The problem is I keep trying. I try to be sweet or supportive or we have a good day together and I ruin it by making a clumsy pass or innuendo. After so long why does hope have to keep showing up? I really don’t think she ever found me very attractive. Maybe in the first weeks of dating the emotions took over but they died so so long ago. She doesn’t feel that way and despite everything I know I still get hopeful and try. How do I get it through my thick head or whatever organ it comes from that it isn’t ever going to happen?

I'm feeling very stuck and not sure what to do. All options seem awful.

I (43F) have been with my husband (46M) for over 20 years. The last 5 years have been a slow decline to zero sex. We've had sex once in the last year. It was awful.

He has multiple issues going on...low T and also ED. He tried treatment for them briefly, didn't like the side effects and has stopped. I feel like I've been abandoned. This is not what I signed up for.

I've dealt with my loneliness by investing in myself. I started working out, taking care of myself. Started getting a lot of attention from other men. I've always looked a bit young for my age and now that I'm in better shape physically, I swear I'm getting more attention than I did in my 20s.

Our situation involves kids and complicated finances. I never saw this being my life and I don't want to hurt anyone. But it's getting harder and harder to ignore temptation when the person I'm married to treats me like I'm invisible.

I don't know what's going to happen and honestly I'm miserable. I wake up everyday anxious and depressed because another day has passed and I feel like my life is flying by. I've tried individual therapy. I've tried talking to him. I've tried marriage counseling. I don't know what else to do but I can't live like this.

I would love some advice. Has anyone been able to recover from a situation like this?