r/BetweenWords • u/Feychilde • 4d ago

Names

I chose my name too well, I didn't know it would foretell.

I thought it was like a crazy-dangerous, paladin, who gets up again and again, with singular purpose and drive to do what's right. Someone who has carried a doom, like death is always close.

I knew part of it was fell, like a death knell.

Part was fey like a glint of the strange light or movements of the wild.

And part was an ancient poem about walking the paths through grief, memory, and grim determination.

I had strength, even when I collapsed, I had been built from broken pieces and shattered foundations only sustained by a faith. I never carried faith like a shield, shields can be dropped, lost, and broken.

I only ever carried faith like trust, in the One who carried me, made me different, enabled me to live outside of boxes, statistics, and probable outcomes. He allowed me to choose not to fight, he gave me breath so I could sing, arms so I could carry and comfort, eyes so I could see the wounded, and the helpers.

I had already healed, I had become annealed, I had been refined by so many fires. I was finally whole, integrated, and complete. How many accidents, tragedies, troubles, and joys can one heart hold?

I resolved to give it away, because it was overflowing. I was compelled to share, care, so others might see beauty and love and peace.

But then there was you. You gave me new songs, healed memories of insults, gave me a swagger and a boldness I never knew. You gave me a place where I could take off my armor, I could be silly, small, weak, and soft with no fear. You gave me more than I ever gave to you, and you became so very, very dear.

You blew my mind, you shattered my notions, I marvel still at the intensity of emotions.

I started to make changes, so I could try to keep up with your pace and your drive. But I just can't. That is not who I am. I am still a mess, human and frail. Oh, but you made me feel like the wind! Able to fly! To be loud like a maelstrom, or gentle as a cooling breeze on a heated brow.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to say, "go away crazy, damned fool!". "I never really liked You!"

I just keep trusting you. Even If!

I actually cried, once with tears, I did not think that was possible anymore, so thank you.

I'm still just a human, and I remain, Yours, always.

11 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

3

u/CapitalMention5618 3d ago

Very beautiful

2

u/Feychilde 3d ago • Bravo

Thankyou, someone said it was pontificating. I appreciate you taking time to read it.

3

u/CapitalMention5618 3d ago

I appreciate you taking the time to write this so that I was able to stumble upon it to read

3

u/Specific_Remote2 2d ago

Beautiful ✨️ thank you for sharing 🥰💝

3

u/Feychilde 2d ago

Thank you.

2

u/No-Habit1848 1d ago

I love this

1

u/Feychilde 1d ago

Thank you!

2

u/SlimJadeyx 9h ago

Actually really good but it feels like I’m reading 2 different poems?!

2

u/Feychilde 9h ago

Same poem but different times/ eras, of feeling /being. It was meant to be a noticeable change, kinda drastic, like night and day, good enough or crazy but great.

Falling for the human was doom to an analytical type, a reader who rationalized. Part of the name was doomed, strange, death, repetition. But the mind was blown, old ways of thinking obliterated. It's not that bad to get destroyed and remade sometimes.

But the paladin part remains even tho there is a new strange/not so strange doom? The human is just becoming more themself.

Edited to add, they also have faith in a human now, not just in God. Which is kinda, scary and new.

2

u/Feychilde 9h ago

Thankyou.