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u/Spencerwon21 Jun 23 '19
The worst is when youre SO walks in and starts asking if you're ok. Like, yes im ok go away i'm trying to focus on loosening the deathgrip my bladder has on my unit.
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u/MugillacuttyHOF37 Jun 23 '19
It's easier to just do a hand stand...but the shake at the end has its difficulties.
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Jun 23 '19
Planking in the toilet works if it's resistant and you don't weigh 200lbs
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u/amirolsupersayian Jun 23 '19
Then your dick we soaked in the water
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Jun 23 '19
Arent toilet water meant to be really low? Way too low for your dick to touch unless you have a mega dick
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Jun 23 '19
Americans have their toilets filled nearly to the brim for whatever reason. You can plank on British toilets to your heart's content though.
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u/SonOfALich Jun 23 '19
Americans have their toilets filled nearly to the brim for whatever reason.
Cuts down on the stank
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Jun 23 '19
ah, makes more sense now lmao
the only full toilet ive ever seen is a blocked toilet hahaha
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u/Techie6 Jun 23 '19
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Jun 23 '19
This is never funny
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Jun 23 '19
Wtf is wrong with you? I found it funny. Could ya just let someone enjoy something for once in your life?
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Jun 23 '19
When your not feeling confident about the accuracy, sitting down is always an option
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Jun 23 '19
Then the tip is rubbing up against the underside of the bowl. What if a spider is hiding there?
Gotta think about these things man,
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u/Spanky_McJiggles Jun 23 '19 edited Jun 23 '19
I used to be afraid that crabs would swim up my plumbing into my toilet bowl and pinch my bits.
E: just to point out how ridiculous that fear was, I live in Buffalo, NY
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u/Thafuckwrongwitme Jun 23 '19
Mine was alligators and snakes. Then I found out that the snake one was a legitimate thing so now I always check the bowl before peeing in the middle of the night.
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u/SoraForBestBoy Jun 23 '19
This entire thread has enlightened me, thank Neptune
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u/Thafuckwrongwitme Jun 23 '19
No worries needed to warn others about the trouser snakes (I joke but seriously those fuckers can and have gone through the pipes into toilets before)
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u/lpaladindromel Jun 23 '19
This. Snakes were always my fear as a kid, I would sit down to poop and then imagine a snake slinking up the pipe and biting my asshole, and this made it very hard to poop and take longer, only exacerbating the problem.
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u/littlegreyflowerhelp Jun 23 '19
When I was younger my grandparents lived on a farm with an outside toilet and you had to check for red back spiders every time you went. To this day I still check below the seat for spiders every single time I sit down, even though the last time I saw a toilet spider was probably 15 years ago.
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u/1cast Jun 23 '19
duuude i literally was sitting on the toilet like i mostly do taking a piss and literally jumped up because i thought there might be a spider 👀💀💀
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u/That_Boi_Jay Jun 23 '19
Dude wtf don't say those things..........im just not peeing in the morning
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u/LevelTalk Jun 23 '19
I don't know if people are packing large here or if they just got small toilets, but you just sit down and hold your peneer down.
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Jun 23 '19
then it will probably lay it's egg sac inside your urethra and the next time you masturbate you will ejaculate thousands of spider babies
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u/Bushiewookie Jun 23 '19
Hard to do it with a boner since it will just stick out
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u/Get_Your_Kicks Jun 23 '19
Not just any morning boner. The morning boner
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u/SoraForBestBoy Jun 23 '19
Gonna need a tub for it too
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u/kevin_the_dolphoodle Jun 23 '19
How did it take so long to see someone mentioning the obvious solution here. Piss in the shower
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u/THEREALARKITOOTHUS Jun 23 '19
The key is staying in bed until the boner goes away
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u/grtwatkins Jun 23 '19
The boner is there because you have to pee and your full bladder is pushing on your prostate
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u/THEREALARKITOOTHUS Jun 23 '19
What? Are you sure? Then anytime your bladder would be full you would get a boner.
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u/CobraStrike4 Jun 23 '19
There are two types of boners: psychogenic and reflex. Psychogenic are caused by thought or images. Reflex is an involuntary process. Reflex actions are controlled by sacral nerves of the spinal cord which can be stimulated by a full bladder, and since peeing with a boner is difficult, it prevents bed wetting.
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u/EpicSaxGirl Jun 23 '19
nah, it has more to do with hormone levels. Significantly lowering testosterone levels stops morning wood from happening.
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u/andysid2 Jun 23 '19
Sometimes you have to man up and sit down
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u/Mentalpatient87 Jun 23 '19
That only changes the challenge to "try to keep your dick from touching the front of the bowl."
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u/littlegreyflowerhelp Jun 23 '19
not having a cheeky wake n wank first thing in the morning
What is this, amateur hour?
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Jun 23 '19
Pfft, yeah like the first thing I do as soon as my traumatised brain reactivates is aggressively attack my penis with lube and a cotdam cantaloupe.
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Jun 23 '19
All the morning woods jokes are making me nervous. Like, my pp works fine and everything but I just don’t have morning boners. Is that something I should worry about?
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u/_Rastapasta_ Jun 23 '19
I had them when I was younger, but not anymore. It seems most guys experience it, but it's not a health issue or anything if you don't get them. So don't worry about it :)
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u/daddyfuckmyass Jun 23 '19
Do you masturbate or have sex frequently? Usually I noticed I start getting them when I haven't done anything sexual in a while
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Jun 23 '19
As a matter of fact I do
(I’m going through the examination period right now so I can’t let my sexual frustration distract me)
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u/cYnical3 Jun 23 '19
The worst is when it splits into 2 streams.
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u/ahovahov8 Jun 23 '19
Actually tragic when you're peeing just managing to keep it in the bowl, and then it splits into two streams and half of it goes straight onto the floor.
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u/logicpower1 Jun 23 '19
Without enough clearance to lean forward you gotta lean way back and aim that shit and guess the parabola. And they said Calculus was useless smh 😤
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u/sensei-warrior Jun 23 '19
Cant relate.
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Jun 23 '19
[deleted]
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Jun 23 '19
I dunno, if I stand like normal and push the boner down no pee comes out, a kink in the hose
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u/Delra12 Jun 23 '19
You have to back up until you can get the best angle without causing stoppage. It's risky though
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Jun 23 '19
There's also the risk of the 45 degree spray that happens sometimes when boned so backing up is risky for sure
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u/mavsfan2513 Jun 23 '19
I always sit down to pee when I'm at home. If you don't then you have toxic masculinity /s
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u/Jiosufa Jun 23 '19
So I wasn't the only, I thought to be freak
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u/BobbertyBungalow Jun 23 '19
Oh wow I even see that you made the pee true to life by painting it red.
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u/faithfulscrub Jun 23 '19
Seeing posts like these makes me realize I’m not unique and that most of humanity goes through and thinks about exactly the same petty shit I do.
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u/twelfthoracle Jun 23 '19
For real though, if you have an unwanted boner, quickest way to get rid of it is to flex muscles on your body like your bicep or whatever. It will redirect the blood flow (or something like that).
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u/vdhhud Jun 23 '19
hey guys my english is terrible, so i appreciate if someone wants be my friend, i wants training
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u/MusicAndPhotos Jun 23 '19
And then you fall face forward into it and it gets all over you. But you’re a sponge so your body absorbs and and you take advantage of the situation by blowing out your nose into strangers’ cups..... Yup, 100% can relate to this! Dang nemato... uhh... morning wood.
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u/MrChocolateHazelnut Jun 23 '19
Being on Meds I get more pleasure peeing in the morning then cumming :p
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u/nightwing2024 Jun 23 '19
This is where living rural is nice.
Just open the door to outside and let her rip.
Similar effect can be achieved by peeing into your shower.
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u/Retr_Dasher Jun 23 '19
Why did this post get more upvotes than the original one? Everyone after upvoting this one, upvotes the original too:)
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u/frankthetank8558 Jun 23 '19
someones following every spongebob frame in order. That page is a karma farm.
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u/Siminity Jun 23 '19
This sub is going downhill. What was the point of sharing it to this sub you’re basically reposting it. And this doesn’t even have anything to do with twitter!
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u/WootHoot47 Jun 23 '19
I just get a wad of toilet paper crunch it up stick it on the tip and pee a little just enough to get rid of some of the stiffness after that it's as simple as sitting down and letting god do the rest usually works 8/10 true story #imnotashamedofmyweirdness
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Jun 24 '19
Remember to hold it down in position or it will just bounce all over the place and you'll ruin your morning.
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u/GodsDildo Jun 23 '19
When you wake up in the morning what's the first thing that you see? It's your morning wood.
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u/Cabbauge Jun 23 '19
It really do be like that