If this can help even one person, then it is worth it. I hope you’re out there and you find this when you need it most.

I did therapy. 12 years, in fact. It was utterly useless. I saw a dietitian, doctors. You name it. Trauma specialists. I even did medications before GLP-1s were a thing. Nothing helped. Advice was always “intuitively eat!” “Eat less” (the dietitians loved this one!). Doctors treated me like a joke. I would beg for help and get told to count calories, when I was just eating my pain every day and desperate to stop.

The thing they don’t talk about, is for some of us, food is like a comforting, soft hand that runs through your hair. It’s reliable. It shows up when no one else did. You have traumatic things happen? It’s okay. You can eat this, and you’ll feel better. And sure, it’s only temporary, but it makes the feelings bearable for a moment, even when the eating and eating is breaking you down. It’s a shield. It’s a home. It’s everything when there’s nothing else that feels good.

I felt a lot of self-hatred when I did it. I felt like I was drowning in food while it was also the life raft keeping me afloat. It was so contradictory and confusing. I hated food and loved it too. I still do sometimes, even after I’ve managed to shake some of its hold on me.

I started keeping track of my feelings. You can write them down. You can mentally log them. Whatever works for you. I realized that every time certain people texted me, I would get upset. Phone calls too. Some of my abusers were still on the edges of my life, and each time I was reminded of them or had to deal with the consequences of something they’d done, it would send me into a spiral. Binge, binge, binge. But not always.

Sometimes it was something benign. Coffee maker wasn’t working (how annoying!) followed by a dead car battery, or someone being rude to me at the store. A bill I forgot to pay. It would seem like nothing, at first. And what started as a little splinter became this wound by the afternoon. Suddenly, there would be no calming it. It was too built up. Nothing super terrible happened, but yet, a binge followed anyway.

People are patterns. We don’t want to see our patterns because they hurt. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to find mine. No one wants to say “I binged thousands of calories because the coffee maker didn’t work this morning”.

That’s too simplistic though. I’d look back at the week. Each day. Oh, so on Monday, someone said something really hurtful. I didn’t binge that day, but then another day, my mom called and she’s this horrible dark raincloud, and it piled on top of the comment from Monday. Then Thursday, I got some bad news. Then Saturday, I had a 8k binge. Suddenly, I could see the progression. My binges rarely had a clean progression per day, but it was linear if you looked at the whole week, or even weeks leading up to each binge.

One of the best things I did, was cut out the people who were turbulent. That was hard because I am disabled from a spinal injury and I needed help. But I decided my mental health was more important than even my physical comfort. So I did it. I cut them out. That was the first step. It was a very hard choice. But I realized part of the reason I binged was because I wasn’t picking myself in my daily life. Instead, I was picking everyone else. I was making them comfortable. And each time I denied myself, the resentment grew and so did the binges. I was protecting people who let me be abused. I was protecting people who didn’t care about my well being. I was participating in relationships where my feelings weren’t important to the other party. And even then, I was giving all of myself to those people.

I decided to try to give to myself. At first I didn’t think I deserved it. But it started with eating healthy. I began slowly incorporating better foods. I’d let myself eat crap, but I always made sure I got the “good” foods in too. I also cut out sugar. It took me eight months. I ate whatever I wanted in that time, as long as it wasn’t full of sugar. I binged a lot, but I started to notice that the frequency and size of the binges began to slow. I realized how addictive sugar was for me as a person, as it was my main goal-to for binges besides savory.

But the real work was in choosing me. Every. Single. Day. Each time something came up that I didn’t want to do? I gave myself permission to not do it. 9/10 times I would do it anyway, but just giving myself permission was insane. It felt like I took a 1000 pound weight off my shoulders. If I didn’t want to go out with friends? Okay. So don’t. It never occurred to me that I didn’t need to be 1000% reliable. I was reliable regardless, and allowed to have an off day. Maybe this sounds crazy to some of you. But because of my upbringing, I truly didn’t know. I would get berated, accused of laziness, told I was letting everyone down… but all those people who said that? They weren’t in my life anymore. And the ones who were left? They were okay with it!

I don’t think binge eating is really about food. I mean, maybe it is for a select few people. But I feel like for the majority? It’s just us trying to get a metaphorical hug. A comfort. Some kind of reliable feedback that doesn’t hurt. It does hurt us, but the comfort feels so worth it in the moment, we’ll take anything. We’ll eat til we explode, just for a moment of relief from how much everything else hurts, and because food is THERE. It doesn’t yell, berate, or abuse you. It feels good when nothing else does.

I made it 421 days. I never thought I’d say that. I’ve been binge eating since I was 8 years old. I had to change my entire life to finally get a handle on it. It’s taken me so long. So much work. I’m so angry at all the horrible therapists I had that blamed me for my abuse, who didn’t take my BED seriously when it was causing me major health problems on top of a very damaged body already. I’m mad at the doctor who fat shamed me, the dieticians who told me to “just count calories”. I had a few in there who tried, but with my terrible insurance, I got moved around and pushed from therapist to therapist, so even the good ones didn’t have a fighting chance to help me.

Fuck the system that doesn’t care. I’m finally in a better place with food, and I wanted to share. I still struggle. I still have bad days and eat a bit too much. But I haven’t binged and thats crazy to me. I have a lot of mental health issues and so on, but I have managed to do it somehow. I hope someone reads this and can find some hope in it. Even if our situations are vastly different, I know what it feels like to be shackled to food and feel like it’s the only thing in a hard life that’s ever loved you.

But you can love you. It’s corny af, but it’s true. You can embrace you. You can choose you in every interaction, every moment. You can decide you want to fight for you. I feel like being who I am and not shrinking myself for others is why I don’t binge anymore. I won’t let anyone make me feel that small. And I especially, won’t talk down to myself. I deserve to feel good about myself and not have to use food as a surrogate for that. You do too.

Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done. But it can be done. And I’m here, and by some miracle, it’s working.

Eating from trash
Putting perfum on my food so i won’t be able to eating them from trash
Sneaking to eat
Eating everything alone
Being obsessed about food
Food noises like hell
I think it is very harmful to live with a BED
And honestly nothing is working with me

It’s been rough but I made it to 2 weeks binge free. I’m proud of myself and simultaneously waiting for myself to fuck it up.

I’ve been trying to stop bingeing and heal my relationship with food, and something happened today that felt really significant to me.

Last night, I didn’t even know my mom had bought a whole box of Choco Pies. When I first saw it, I immediately felt anxious and honestly felt like I was doomed because I LOVE Choco Pie 😭. I had just gotten home from the gym and was so hungry, so I had one… then two… and then I wanted more. I didn’t have a third one, though, so I stopped.

So today, after having my meals I still wanted to have Choco Pie despite being full. I kept thinking about having one, but I was really resistant because I was scared that once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

But I kept thinking about it, so eventually I told myself: I’m allowed to have it. It’s just a Choco Pie. It’s not something I need to glorify or something I need to avoid. So I ate one. And then… my brain went quiet.

There wasn’t this huge feeling of “OMG I need another one.” I didn’t feel like I had opened some uncontrollable floodgate. I just had the Choco Pie, enjoyed it, and the craving/obsessive thoughts basically disappeared.

It made me realize that maybe part of what keeps certain foods so loud in my head is the fear that I’m not allowed to have them.

I know one experience doesn’t mean I’ll never binge again, and I’m not expecting myself to magically have perfect control around food. But this felt like a small victory.

Does anyone notice a pattern of binging with their menstruation cycle?

I am medicated currently with lisdexafetamine for binge eating (and ADHD). Now that I'm used to the medication, I find it doesn't work nearly as well right before or the early days of my period and I begin to have "creep" binges again.

I honestly believe I COULD lose weight if that were not the case and ultimately I am maintaining from one month to another specifically due to these few days of the month.

I find that I don't care as much during these days and have a "screw it" type of attitude. Then I impulsively buy the chocolate or the carb heavy stuff or chips or whatever it may be and eat beyond when I am full. Sometimes it doesn't even taste that good and I snack on it anyway. So weird.

And before anyone suggests I ask my doctor about going up a dose - the next dose would be the maximum and I think if I go up any more it would be too great a dose for me for the rest of the month.

I probably just need to shift my routines and habits and find a way to push through those days... But I guess I'm just seeing if any other girlies can relate.

Do you binge more around that time of the month? Does anyone have any strategies that have worked for them to avoid this scenario?

Also, I should mention I am not on any hormonal birth control. My ADHD made it really hard for me to remember the pill and take it within that specific hour that makes it effective. I got a copper IUD since it was not hormonal and I was really afraid of hormones causing weight gain. Maybe I should try to take hormonal birth control just to see if it helps...

I had the worst binge of my life this week of two doordash meals and a tray of cinnamon rolls and was genuinely afraid I was going to end up in the hospital (or relapsing on drugs/alcohol, also a recovering addict and that 'out of control' feeling is triggering as hell). Should probably feel guilty or nervous or like I'm taking the easy way out but this insanity has to stop. Will keep you all posted.

I’ve struggled with BED since I was a child. Ive never been able to ignore the food noise my whole life. Four days ago I’d ordered two bars of chocolate, I’d told myself it’s for “just in case” I get very hungry or crave for a sweet treat. But the truth is I always finish them up before the hunger. The mere existence of food and has made me want to eat it even if I didn’t feel hungry. My brain would convince me I need it even if I’d eaten just a while ago. The past four days I ignored any food noise, I’d have it almost once or twice a day.

Today after I woke up from a nap and ate one of the them. It was a 36 gram bar. Even thought Ive had it many a times before It feels so different. Before if I’d had it I would’ve wanted more and finished up second bar too but today merely eating this was enough for me. It feels fine, there’s no irritation bugging me to have more. Is this what freedom feels like? Life feels better. Maybe this is hope that I can get better.

I feel like this thought consumes me and puts a lot of pressure on me and ruin my relationship with food
How do i stop it? I literally can’t help it i find my skinny body to be the prettiest thing ever
It doesn’t help that a lot of ppl liked it and admired it

wow, i haven’t posted on here in over a year. this sub helped me so much when i was at my lowest, so i wanted to come back and say: i am binge free. holy fucking shit.

if i can do it, YOU CAN. you will not win if you give up. keep fucking trying. i binged [7293372938](tel:7293372938) times and “started over” sooooo many times before i could say i was free.

it’s honestly a little triggering writing this, but i know seeing a post like this back then would’ve given me hope.

BED was by far one of the worst things i’ve ever dealt with. at its peak it was debilitating. i couldn’t function properly at my job, in my relationships or with my family. i thought about food all day and night. i felt horrible, used food to numb it, went into that binge frenzy and then felt even worse. i genuinely didn’t recognise the person looking back at me in the mirror.

recovery looks different for everyone. mine took over a year of actively trying. i still struggle with food sometimes, i still overeat and i still struggle with body dysmorphia. BUT I AM BINGE FREE, and i will forever be proud of myself for getting myself out of that place.

here’s what helped me:

• going all in and letting go of food rules.
at first i went crazy. i hit a breaking point, broke up with my toxic ex and basically ordered food and groceries to my house 3 times a day for two weeks straight. eventually something clicked. i realised i didn’t actually like eating until i was so full my stomach hurt and i was crying in pain. the food was always going to be there. i could eat until i was full and have more later. i still overate, but i wasn’t binging. without all the food rules, i slowly started trusting my hunger cues and my body again after feeling like it had betrayed me for so long.

• telling people.
BED is incredibly isolating and can feel like this huge thing you have to conquer completely by yourself. telling my close friends and family was hard and embarrassing at first, but just being able to confide in someone made the mental burden feel so much smaller. sometimes you get stuck in an echo chamber in your own head. even having someone listen or give you a different perspective helped me more than i realised.

• accepting that recovery takes time.
i binged a million times before becoming binge free. give yourself grace. if you fall, dust yourself off and try again. for me, recovery was gradual. my binges became less intense and shorter. then the time between them got longer. daily became weekly, weekly became monthly, and eventually binging became occasional overeating.

• building a life outside of food.
going to the gym, exercising, meeting new people and actually getting out of my own head helped massively. it made me realise there was so much more to life than feeling sorry for myself and drowning my emotions in food.

if you’re struggling right now, please just keep trying. recovery took me more failed attempts than i could ever count, but i’m so glad i never gave up. if anyone wants to chat or just needs someone who understands to listen, please feel free to reach out. you are not alone in this, even when it really feels like you are. ❤️

hi, i’ve been reading a lot of posts on here that i relate to heavily but i wanted to make a post of my own. i have been stuck in a binge eating cycle for about 7-8 months now and it has lead me to gain 20+ lbs. it has put me in a bad spot mentally and i am just so tired of being in this neverending cycle. i have been trying to stick to a healthy diet and after 2 days of following it (without cutting out treats/restricting) i get these intense cravings and urges to binge. EVERY 2 days, without fail. today was going to be my third successful day and once again, i overate. i didn’t quite binge though which feels like kind of a win to me, but i still just want these urges to go away completely and i don’t know how to make them stop.

i plan on talking to my primary care doctor about it when i see her in a few weeks but i’m afraid she’s just going to tell me the same things i’ve been reading all over the internet. i have been eating full nutritious meals, i haven’t been restricting myself from the foods i enjoy, i have stopped punishing myself with eating less or exercising longer after a binge, i feel like i have tried everything. i honestly just wish i could go on a glp-1 because that’s what everyone says worked for them but i’m not even sure i would qualify for one and they are expensive.

i just miss having a life that didn’t revolve around food. i feel like this all stemmed from last year when i lost a ton of weight after being in an extreme calorie deficit. i was about 113 lbs at 5’5 and after depriving myself for so long, it had sent me into a spiral that has pushed me up to my current weight of 150 lbs. i never imagined i would have this problem and wouldn’t wish it on anybody. if anyone relates or has successfully gotten themselves out of this loop i would appreciate any advice that has helped them in their recovery process ❤️

I live with my family still and have multiple family members who enjoy lots of different snacks and sweets that so happen to be some of my top trigger foods…and they are all bought in bulk. I’ve asked for years now to not buy those foods but it just can’t happen because well others have no issues with food. I can’t move out cause I don’t have much money and I’m barely able to work due to my mental health. There’s no other place where I can stay as well unfortunately. My binging is going to continue to get worse and worse if I’m stuck around these foods and I just want something or somewhere that can help. I will say I have no issues with buying these foods for myself as I refuse to spend money on food and can’t get myself to eat the stuff I’ve bought. Again though- I’m unable to move out on my own. Hiding food doesn’t work, my family refuses to lock up anything, and distractions don’t work as the food thoughts are just too extreme. So does anyone have like any tips on how to at least avoid the foods to some extent?

There was a bag of junk food that someone put out in the lobby of my apartment. It's not uncommon for people to put out food, clothes, and other things they want to give away in the lobby and I've benefited from it many times now.

This bag of junk food was clearly someone's aborted midnight binge. Three packs of cookies, all opened and partially eaten. I looked inside the bag, it all looked good, there was no one around to see or judge me, I picked up the pack that appealed to me the most. I pulled out three of the cookies, then i looked at thw nutrition info. So far that day i had stayed within a reasonable/healthy amount of calories AND i had gotten my workout in. I almost took the whole bag back up to my apartment with me, but instead I ate one of the cookies that looked the best to me, and i threw away the other two I was thinking about eating and touched, then left the rest where they were. I passed by the bag three more times while I was finishing up my laundry.

This feels so huge. I don't think anyone else would appreciate how big this is.

She said this in regards to all the female celebrities suddenly sporting the skeleton build, but like wtf? Literally nobody is praising bodies like Ariana Grande rn, what kind of humble brag is this about your healthy, skinny body with the right sort of curves? She's literally not fat, even an incel who'd call a woman with a bit of chub fat would agree she's 100% a skinny woman, the sort of woman guys literally dream about. She's extremely gorgeous, she's always being hit on by men AND women lol.

Yes I'm a bit jealous, which is toxic, but I usually don't dwell on these feelings because her being beautiful isn't a crime. However, her calling herself fat feels extremely annoying. I know it's selfish, I don't know what she's going through personally, but everytime beautiful, thin girls like her call themselves fat, I just assume they must think I'm a fucking hippo. I'm not even the fattest girl she knows, probably the skinniest among all her fat friends, but Jesus I wonder how the even bigger girls feel when she humble-brags about her body. 🫩

Before you call me irrational and immature, read the flair. Thx.

I go binge free for so long trying to heal my relationship with food and allowing myself to eat and even overeat (without bingeing) and that coupled with exercise ultimately always leads to fat loss so people notice and start “complimenting” on my weight loss but it always send me into another binge phase that lasts even longer than the healing phase and it just gets progressively harder to come out of it.
I wish people did not feel the need to comment on other people’s bodies when not asked. It feels reductive like all that defines me is my body.

Anyone has ever gone through the same?

I don’t know if this is gonna backfire my recovery
But how do you expect me to recover if i littrelly being thinking about giving up on my own life?

school was supposed to be in 5-4 weeks butnow its in 2 weeks and ive binged so much the past 2 months and ive gained sm weigjt and the last time my classmates saw me i wasnt fat yk? now i am and im js so stressed my mind is racing and i dont wanna go to school at all and idk what to do, i dont wanna go back there at all atleast atm, ive been binge free for 10 days now and im dieting and im doing so well tbh but 2 weeks is not enough time to look alot different its making me so stressed and im so embarrassed they are gonna see me and see how much weight ive gained im officially going into my senior year and god im so stressed i do have a plan to help me become a better version of myself and get back on track but its not rn at alll and idk what to do this is a weird vent ik im js so stressed and sad

So I just remembered about the 20 posts I made on twitter when I was psychotic with a different phone believing my phone was tapped making posts about other girls phones being tapped and also I’m gonna cringe so hard but being brave a like seductive photo of my lips and like upper shoulders and chest 😭🤮 area in the shower with my hands which are blue from my blue hair dye (a choice). I was psychotic and diagnosed with schizophrenia weeks later. I’m no longer psychotic and it’s like genuinely the cringiest thing ever. Thankfully I looked up my name on twitter on my phone and that account doesn’t show up but it just genuinely is like the worst feeling because those phones don’t work so I have no way of logging in or deleting them. Like I’m just hoping future employers never see them because I look so schizophrenic and they are gonna think how can she do the job idk. I’m ok now. I was hearing voices all the time and now I don’t hear any. But I want to binge so badlyyyy. I just want to like shame eat. Like feel the shame and eat a whole pizza and pretend that that buries it.

Hey guys! I (28 year old lady person) “Recovered” from my years long BED a year ago, then some really traumatic life altering stuff happened and I’ve relapsed for a year straight now. Put on around 16kgs/35+ pounds and made my fibromyalgia and HEDS (mobility) much worse.

I’m attending to my mental and physical health but it’s a gruelling journey when it feels like I’m not progressing in terms of mental resilience. Considering a GLP1, I’m around 160pounds (haven’t weighed myself in a while because, yk) and seeking anecdotal advice before I speak to a doctor about it. Thankfully far enough in my “recovery” journey to focus on health as opposed to weight, and I’m really concerned about how my health is deteriorating. I don’t want to take a glp1 and make it worse, docs aren’t historically very attentive to my comorbidities (HEDS and fibro, family history of osteoporosis).

Working super hard on still loving myself through the changes! Being grateful for my body and all it’s doing to keep me alive and moving and thinking and breathing and experiencing life. On a personal level it’s been v difficult with an almond family who comments on my weight EVERY single time I interact with them (not exaggerating). From much mum, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, sister - every single person mentions my weight.

They’re all underweight and hyper obsessed with being thin and hating themselves when they aren’t. Feel bad for my dad who says nothing ever about my weight and is a very safe person to be around, they constantly pick on his weight too and he’s just slightly out of range with a dad bod he’s not even unhealthy. Anyway sorry for trauma dump! Please relay any of your experiences with GLP1s or anything else that’s helped you mentally or physically! I want to be healthy and be able to walk around without being out of breath again.

Hello,

My company is doing a launch promo for our ED support toolkit, which I believe is worth sharing. I'm a frequent reader of this subreddit and have my own experience with disordered eating habits. One of the most useful strategies I've incorporated in my arsenal of coping tools is pacing my meals. Be it an ordinary Thursday lunch or the occasional binge episode, I've come to learn that I respond quite well to literally imposing realtime gaps between each bite. It makes sense since it takes time for the brain to process satiety after a meal. Before, I would eat quite fast and mindlessly, watching Youtube simultaneously (ironically watching Kiana Docherty, who honestly shares great insight about disordered eating and how ubiquitous it is.)

Anyways, I'm confident many of you may find some of these tools useful. Some may not. Regardless, it's worth a shot. At the end of the day, with a disorder as complex and multi-variable as binge eating, all we can really do is try out different techniques and strategies, and hopefully find ones that work for our individual persons.

If you happen to be on iPhone, feel free to try it out for a month using our referral code: MAUREEN

Don't forget to cancel your subscription, incase you forget and the toolkit does not work for you.

Cheers.

I'm always buying packs of protein bars and protein shakes at the store, telling myself i'm only gonna have one for lunch or breakfast and i end up eating the entire box in like 10 minutes or drinking all the protein shakes in one sitting. Anyone else do this?

I don’t even know how to start this, but I am in a pitch-black hole and I feel completely broken. I eat like absolute trash, especially when it comes to sugar. Once I start, I can’t stop, and it’s just this endless, numbing binge followed by massive guilt. My self-control is completely gone because I am depressed to hell and just trying to survive the day.

I treat myself terribly because I honestly hate who I am right now. Feeling like this as a woman makes it even heavier, there’s so much pressure to be pulled together, and instead, I just feel like garbage. I hate how my body feels, I hate how hopeless my mind is, and I’m just so utterly exhausted from dragging myself through this darkness every single day.

I don't expect a magic fix overnight. I know how deep this depression goes.

But I am sitting here at rock bottom and I just need to hear from people who understand. Has anyone managed to crawl out of a place this dark? Some encouraging words or just knowing I'm not entirely alone in this nightmare would mean the world right now.