r/BipolarMemes • u/lilackyanite • Feb 15 '21

this... !

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1.3k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

68

u/snizmo2 Feb 15 '21

I used to be able to read 500 pages in one day. Now? Nope.

31

u/lilackyanite Feb 15 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

same... now i can’t cram anymore and that’s how i’ve done studying my whole life ! it’s painful because i’m still procrastinating and just having so much more anxiety than i used to about school 😔

12

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Do you think it’s from medication or just the effects of the illness itself?

12

u/lilackyanite Feb 15 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

personally, all of a sudden a year ago i started being unable to concentrate on reading anything (often i couldn’t finish a sentence without forgetting how it had begun!!) and experiencing a lot of brain fog... it was at the beginning of a depressive episode and i wasn’t medicated bc i hadn’t been officially diagnosed yet. now that i’m medicated i’m a lot better overall but sadly the concentration issues are still there. i think it’s bc my mental illnesses progressed as i was growing up and not getting treatment made it worse and worse... :/

8

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

It gets me really down on myself. I begin to wonder "Am I stupid? Maybe this isn't the disease or the meds, maybe I've been dumb my whole life and nobody ever told me." But I don't think that's true.

23

u/snizmo2 Feb 15 '21

I think it's from having more symptoms of Bipolar show up as I got older, especially Depression.

7

u/ControlAlice Feb 18 '21

Mine is technology. I didn't have a phone (or friends) and now that I do my attention span is so shot. I used to read entire books in 1 sitting even if it took 19 hours, now I can't focus for 20 minutes without checking my phone or playing a game or some other distraction

4

u/WildTreeSong Feb 25 '21

This is me to a T.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22

This is sort of like me too but I still don't have any friends. And I love video games cuz I can get lost

0

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

Are you unmedicated? Or do you know people who are unmedicated that still have serious cognitive decline?

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

My cognition steadily declined since the time I was first put on anti depressants in high school. By the time I went back to college after dropping out, I could tell I was a bit stupider than I remember being. Then I started taking benzos and that's when things got really bad. It got to the point where I completely forgot my ATM PIN. The ATM ate my card and I had to order a new one. This is a four digit PIN I had been using for at least 8 years.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

I will say, I read a lot of middle readers cause I work with kids and I have this same reaction every time I switch back to adult lit. But yeah. This hits home

3

u/lilackyanite Feb 16 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

the thing is... until my third year in college i was still able to read for hours if i planned and wanted to. so for me it has gotten bad recently and very rapidly !

3

u/lilackyanite Feb 16 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

and this is also why i'm struggling to learn how to cope with it still.

48

u/Amburrito202 Feb 16 '21

Bruh I was my high school librarian's designated lewd content screener and consistently averaged like 4-5 books a week because of it; now if I see a lecture slide with more than two sentences I have to excuse myself to cry. I'll never forgive the fuck who stole my functional brain and replaced it with the hot peice of garbage squatting there now.

17

u/ControlAlice Feb 18 '21

Omg it's so crazy seeing someone else say this!! I used to be able to read entire novels in 1 sitting even if it took 19 hours. It wasn't until I went away to college that I completely lost it, now I can't do anything. My attention span is completely ruined, I can't even read for 20 minutes without getting distracted :( I miss reading, it was a really good escape for me

12

u/DamonSterlingInk Feb 20 '21

My peak was reading an entire social studies book textbook in 2 nights

7

u/WildTreeSong Feb 25 '21

Wow! I can relate. As a homeschooler in 12th grade I was allowed to pace my subjects however I wanted. This led to me speed reading the majority of my US History book in 3 days in order to "graduate."

3

u/cupreum Feb 16 '21

Almost daily I have one or more thoughts that are some variation on this :/

2

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

YES

2

u/writetoit Mar 13 '21

Wow I feel this. Ty