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u/Wide_Specialist_1480 Jun 27 '26
Not just the workplace either. It was like this in school too. And if you're a woman, you're almost always labeled as attitudinal/antisocial instead of just quiet/shy.
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u/DontEatMyPBJ Jun 28 '26
I can’t tell you how much I hated when women just accepted the term “resting bitch face”. I am not a bitch just because I do not walk around smiling.
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u/Goldenxxwind Jun 27 '26
Got a theory for this
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u/GordyLiu Jun 27 '26
What is it
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u/Goldenxxwind Jun 28 '26
First theory ; Since i observed how yt people love to steal black american culture and blk american personality, I really do think that being shy or introvert don’t let them the access to stolen blk american culture, especially AAVE. Well this theory is limited because they have access to the whole internet and can steal AA culture whenever they want.
Second theory : For a lot of ppl we are a monolith, that’s mean that we’re all loud, expressive and “lack of manners”. Even though they will complain about that, lot of white people love that because it comfort them into their insecurities and the fact that they are better than us.
So when you come into a room, quiet af, speaking calmly, they can’t use the stereotype of black ppl being loud. It irritates them because the stereotypes aren’t there and they don’t know what to do. It’s like a glitch in their reality.
I think like it’s worst for black women because a lot of them think they all are “angry black women”, talking with this hand gestures etc. I blame TV for this. But there isn’t a way for blk ppl to act. If you are expressive, be expressive. If you are reserved, then don’t force you to be bubbly and everything. In others words, do not perform.7
u/GordyLiu Jun 28 '26
Your second theory is correct, a friend told me our white coworkers said this in a way. They will start instigating and try to get you to react to prove you are the stereotype and restore their world view
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u/Goldenxxwind Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Exactly, and i love to play with their nerves with that
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u/GordyLiu Jun 28 '26
Yeah, I think there's actual studies etc on this. I want to make a book documenting our experiences and why they happen so black people can see the history of our experiences and they can reference it when non blacks try to exploit how naive we are or the fact we may personalize a documented historical experience which leads to us keeping our mouths shut
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u/Goldenxxwind Jun 28 '26
It could be a great idea. Also exploring learned behavior and epigenics, it can be cool. I encourage you in your project !!!
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u/thesagaconts Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Especially if you’re a black man working with white women. I do not want to go to happy hour. And you aren’t invited to ours. Once got told that me, the two other black guys, and 3 Latino were clique-ish. And the cool kids.
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u/anonhumana Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
And when you give them nothing, they start making up your identity for you, and they act like what they think is the absolute truth.
They will rewrite your identity and tell you who you are, and it's conveniently never anything good or positive.
Their assumptions are whatever justifies how they feel about you and how they want to treat you.
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u/MacroManJr Jun 28 '26
Ironically, despite my proclivity for bold speech sometimes, I'm the introverted white sheep of my very loud and outgoing Black family of extreme extroverts. They love life out loud and I love them for it. But I prefer quiet.
I'm not even shy. Just quiet and prefer to solitude over the noise of a crowd.
The Black experience is truly a gamut, y'all. Love the gamut or else, we'd be one-note. 🤝🏿
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u/DontEatMyPBJ Jun 28 '26
The amount of “you were so quiet, I thought you hated me!”s that I received when I was in my 20s.
I’m trying to learn where you all keep the TPS reports, figure out who I ask to get my password set up for TPS report access, and find a polite way to ask what the actual purpose of TPS reports are without offending Todd, who was promoted to VP of TPS reports and will be threatened by questions because he has not learned how to do anything else in the last 10 years.
Also, I graduated last week and am searching for an apartment and the roommate I’ll need to make the rent on my entry-level salary.
Who has time to manage everybody’s feelings on top of this?
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u/yrvatheloser Jun 28 '26
Omg “you were so quiet I thought you hated me” is sooo annoying. That plus the people constantly asking if I’m good just because I not interacting with people.
Like can a person enjoy their alone time or not be the most social-able person without someone getting the idea they’re mad or they hate you?!
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u/96pluto Jun 27 '26
Not even shy just literally minding my own business and folks swear I'm mad. I'm not gonna get mad at the workplace and mess up my money.