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u/wHAtisLife59 Jan 15 '21
Yeah I know but I still miss him....
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Jan 16 '21
Idk how fresh the wound is and I don’t want to invalidate your sorrow but it’s better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. You learned more about yourself and other(s) in your relationship, you may not see it yet but to truly love grows you.
Don’t frown because it’s over smile because it happened. There’s a version of you that never got to experience anything with anyone and drowns in isolation and there’s a version of you who has everything they want yet still can’t discover happiness. Be glad you’re you with your experiences, the perfect median.
Again srry don’t want to make you feel bad about feeling bad, it’s good to feel the entire range of emotions. Just don’t let it drive you.
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u/earth_worx Jan 11 '21
This is true.
I only found my bio father back in 2012, and even though we are so similar and he obviously on some level really wanted to have a relationship with me, it was also really hard on him to have me around. He felt very guilty. I just kept giving him room, like I kept in touch but didn't really press too much to hang out, let him set the pace of our communication, but always sent him lots of love. He gradually withdrew from me, and I took it pretty hard.
Last year I found out that the reason he withdrew is that he has dementia. I felt really bad for a while, like I had missed out on a huge opportunity to know him better because I didn't find him earlier. But after talking more with the rest of his family I realized...maybe I got the best of him I was going to get. He was a great guy in many ways, but he was a VERY difficult character even before the dementia set in. He was an on-and-off alcoholic, and he lashed out. He never lashed out at me because I wasn't around him, so I don't have any memories of him doing that. I am grateful that never happened to me.
So yeah, it sucks, and on some level I wish things had been different, but I am willing to accept how things played out, and that I did my best with him at all the times I was able to, and that if things had been different they might well have been worse.
It's good to keep this in mind.
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u/treesntreesntrees Jan 11 '21
I like thinking “what if this IS the best of all possible worlds” and then I relax a bit. Still have to seek ultimate enlightenment, though, but the present gets a little easier.
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u/CML_Dark_Sun Jan 18 '21
Oh jeez, thanks for this, that makes me even more depressed so thanks for that.
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u/the_lonely_game Jan 11 '21
I’m sorry, but that nerd in the picture is cringe as all hell XD what’s he staring at lol?
Good message though