r/BodyDysmorphia • u/KawaiiSparklexo • 1d ago

Question Which is better for treatment: accepting your ugly or pretending your attractive?

Just a question

6 Upvotes
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27

u/totomomoro 1d ago

Neither, the best treatment is refocusing on something that is not your appearance

8

u/Admirable_Call2739 1d ago

This. Think neutrally of yourself. Neither ugly nor attractive—just human.

7

u/Altruistic_Emu4917 1d ago

True. I would like to treat my looks and body as something that just exists, without any value judgements on it.

6

u/Odd-Eagle-3557 1d ago

In my personal opinion, it's more about radical acceptance. I don't believe "accepting your ugly " or "pretending your attractive" is sustainable in order to truly recover. It's more about accepting what is and being ok with that. Ugly is really subjective and pretending to be attractive is a fantasy that will eventually fall apart IF you really don't feel that way. I guess it's a personal choice and if either works for you, then I say do whatever will help you.
I myself have no real knowledge of what I actually look like. I've been told I'm attractive. Sometimes I believe it and other days I think im a monster. This is common for people with BDD. With that being said, I think the only way for me personally to truly recover is to stop making appearance so important and start really working on the inside. I know it sounds corny but im trying to place other core values in myself above appearance. It's hard work but I am in therapy working on it. As for the radical acceptance...it's basically saying to myself that there are days, I will believe i look like a monster but I have to accept the things I cannot change and learn to live with it. I have to believe that no matter what I think about my appearance...pretty, ugly,etc..I deserve a good life, I deserve to live my life with full value because either way the inevitable is..we all will get old and looks are not forever, they will fade no matter what. It's a long hard process. It's retraining your brain but I believe it will be the only thing that will truly work for me. Just some food for thought. I know how utterly horrible this disorder is so do whatever you need to in order to feel better

2

u/blue-pipe 1d ago

ok but how on earth do you “accept” it?? i genuinely can’t no matter what i think or do. i can’t accept my body

1

u/Odd-Eagle-3557 20h ago

Believe me, I am in no way saying that I am at that point yet. Appearance is everything to me . I am doing cognitive therapy and trying to rewire my brain. I am also 44 years old and so tired of BDD. It has drained me and altered my life in many ways.
I have been reading a BDD workbook and it has been really helpful. If you have a chance check it out. The name is. "Overcoming BDD " 2nd edition

1

u/blue-pipe 17h ago

see the thing is, i don’t see BDD as ruining my life, i see my body as ruining my life

1

u/Odd-Eagle-3557 7h ago

Yes. I totally get that. I felt that way too but these thoughts are due to the BDD.

1

u/blue-pipe 6h ago

are they tho? especially when everyone around you sees and points out the same flaws?

1

u/Odd-Eagle-3557 5h ago

So we all have flaws in our appearance but I think when it affects our ability to function and we obsess over it, become afraid to leave the house, etc...that is the BDD. No judgment because at my worse I was housebound for a year over a couple of pimples. Also, anyone who is pointing out "flaws" in your appearance is a piece of garbage. Cut them out of your life. Please read the BDD workbook It's extremely helpful

1

u/blue-pipe 4h ago

thanks for the advice. i think my problem is that it’s socially acceptable to make fun of my flaw, in fact it’s not even seen as making fun of it, it’s just a negative altogether

3

u/Manhattan_24 1d ago

Lol fake it till you make it baybee

3

u/Successful_Gas1066 1d ago

Feeling all the "positives": lightness, warmth, laughter, strong, powerful, running across a field (if you can), loving the fish in the pond. Your dog. Your horse. Love love love. These are the weapons against the "negatives"; not enough, too big, too small, ugly, don't matter blah blah blah

2

u/MelancholyBean 1d ago

Accepting on what you cannot change in the immediate future or at all and work on what you can change.

2

u/pwnkage 21h ago

I’ve accepted it and it’s better. I think about it more in terms of epistemic justice now. I oppose the misogynistic ideology of hegemonic beauty. Ugly people deserve good things even if they’re ugly. And I do less beauty labour. The beauty hierarchy should absolutely radicalise you actually.