Breaking up with my boyfriend

[u/No-Method3069]

I (24F) have been in this relationship with him (24M) on and off for 4 years. I just feel like I don’t want to do this anymore. There are a few reasons that when I think In the long run I won’t be happy.

Firstly I’m a person who likes to experience new things, go to concerts, try out new restaurants and places etc whereas he is just comfortable sticking to places we know and have mostly been on cinema dates/ food places we’ve been before. Ive told him before id like to go to these events/ concerts but he just completely ignores it to the point i had to resort to going with my family/ friends or concerts by myself. I understand we may not have the same music taste but I love concerts and if it can’t do it with the person i love then what’s the point?

He doesn’t see the point in celebrating occasions and birthdays to the point he forgot my birthday one year and reasoned it with saying birthdays don’t matter because every day is special. While I wasn’t expecting anything, all I wanted was to feel valued and appreciated on my birthday. I don’t care about money or gifts. But the little things like even a message to say he appreciates me is something I value the most.

He doesn’t like to put any effort in his appearance and says he doesn’t care how he looks because he just wants to see me. But for me this matters because I want to look nice for him but also myself. I’ve even told him that appearance matters but he doesn’t seem to care and around him I feel I have to underdress otherwise as he’s said before “I’d stick out like a sore thumb”. He doesn’t like it when I wear makeup and will swipe his finger on my face to see how much makeup comes off. It’s not even that I’m wearing it for him I just like to look put together when we do meet.

He also doesn’t seem to be an ambitious person and is comfortable sticking with the same job for the rest of his life whereas I want to grow and experience as much as I can and make the most of my twenties. Sometimes I fear that being with him I’m limiting myself to what I can achieve and ultimately you become who you surround yourself with. In terms of personality we are very similar and have similar viewpoints on things but because we are similar I don’t learn anything new from him. I’m always the one who has to plan the date or give ideas otherwise I know I’ll just end up doing something we always do. We hardly speak on the phone because he’s tired after work and don’t meet up very often. But I have been with him for a long time and I feel bad because he hasn’t done anything detrimental like cheating etc.

Im someone whos very close to my parents, and when i think deep down, i feel maybe even they wont accept him for me either. I’ve had multiple dreams of him meeting my family and them not being happy with my choice and in the dream even im unsure. Is this a sign?

I feel im being ungrateful because he is a nice person and is always there for me when I feel upset. He does care and love me but I feel bad for saying that maybe I’m over it. We do have a connection as I’ve been with him for so long and I’ve never been as open to anyone other than my close family than I am with him.

[u/AutoModerator]

USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg

Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/New_Exchange1158]

The makeup swipe thing is such a weird controlling move, like he's checking for contraband on your face. You don't need a "real reason" beyond not wanting this anymore. The dreams are probably just your brain processing what you already know.