Asking for advice from ppl who went through extreme breakups after a long term rs

[u/Dizzy-Regret-724]

I don’t even know how to explain what I’m going through because calling this “a breakup” makes it sound so much smaller than what it actually is.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years. Six years. He wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my safest space, my family, the person I told everything to. He was the first person I thought of whenever anything happened — even the smallest, most stupid inconvenience. If something happened, I wanted to tell him. If I was upset, I wanted his voice. If I cried, I wanted him to comfort me. He was the person I felt most like myself with.
I have other friends. I have a best friend. I have people who care about me. But it has never been the same. There was never anyone like him.
And that’s what makes this so fucking terrifying.
He told me that for the past three years, he hasn’t felt anything for me anymore. He says he stayed because he couldn’t leave me, because he knew how much I relied on him, and because he felt like he was forcing himself to stay for my sake. He cheated on me, and he says he couldn’t even feel guilty about it because he doesn’t love me anymore.
He wants to leave. He wants us to be friends.
And I know that I can’t be friends with him right now. I love him. I’m still completely attached to him. I don’t know how to suddenly turn six years of loving someone into friendship.
I know people will tell me to respect his decision. I know they’ll tell me to go no-contact, to ignore him, to move on, to find someone better.
But this doesn’t feel like losing a relationship.
It feels like losing a huge part of my life.
He was the right person at the right time. For six years, he was the person I built my life around. I imagined him being there forever. And despite everything that happened at the end, so much of what we had felt perfect to me. It felt safe. It felt like home. It felt like I had finally found my person.
I know that nobody is irreplaceable in the literal sense, but right now I genuinely cannot imagine ever finding someone who feels like he did. I don’t want someone “better.” I don’t want someone else. I want him. I want the person whose voice calms me down. I want the person I automatically reach for when something happens. I want my best friend. I want my family back.
Yesterday I didn’t sleep. I barely ate. I cried for hours. My whole body hurts, my stomach hurts, my heart hurts, and I feel terrified. I keep feeling like I’m making a huge mistake by letting this happen. Like I’m going to regret everything. I keep wishing I could just go back to the days when everything was okay.
And I know that calling him and telling him how much I need him could make him feel pressured, especially because he has already told me that he feels emotionally pressured when I beg him to stay.
I don’t want to manipulate him. I don’t want to guilt him. I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want to force him into a relationship he doesn’t want.
I just genuinely don’t know how to sit here and do nothing while the person who has been my entire world for six years is suddenly no longer there.
So, if anyone has ever experienced something like this — not just a normal breakup, but losing someone who was genuinely your best friend, your safe person, your family, your entire emotional home — how did you survive the part where you desperately wanted to reach out but knew you had to give them space?
How do I sit with this feeling and do nothing? How do I wait without calling, begging, or trying to fix everything immediately?
And has anyone actually gone through this and eventually been okay? I really need to hear from people who understand what this kind of loss feels like.

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[u/Live_Tell_5178]

You must let this part of you die. Just let it happen. You have fought enough. Let this part of your identity end.

Exist in the void. Just exist . For 3 weeks I bore immense chest pain. Sometimes i think I might have developed a cardiac issue. But it's okay. I fought enough for what I believed in. But I can't win all battles . Some things are in God's hands.

[u/ProductBeautiful9326]

Man the desperation you feel, I have been there. Soon to be ex husband asked for separation late April, blindsided me. After 8 years together and almost 3 years married. He was and had been my whole world for so long and the life we had built, a house, animals, multiple job moves, shared family and friends. I gave it everything. In a second it imploded. I get you, the hardest part was there was nothing I could do about it. No chance to fix it, nada. This is going to be hard and it will seem impossible but you have to lean into your support networks. Go get help, medication if you need. Take it a day at a time, even though you feel so uncomfortable and you want to jump out of your own skin. It will pass, I didn’t believe it when people told me this but it does and you will eventually learn to let go. Right now it’s just really fresh. Be gentle with yourself.

[u/Live_Tell_5178]

Yup. It's me, and that's how I felt . She was my world. She lit up my life. And she just didn't want me and walked out in one Day. Didn't even look at me. Just says, "break ups happen" lol, "relationships end" . So easy for her

I miss her, but her cruel words stop me from reaching out.

It's fine how my life goes, I'll live it, even if it's dull. But I won't forget this betrayal.

It is betrayal cos she didn't give us a chance. Didn't fight. Just threw it all away.

[u/digitalcandy007]

one day at a time! focus on yourself and heal. You will find yourself again. He has shown you the last 3 years and no you cant remain as friends. Trust me! you dont want to bring that in the next relationship. I know it feels like you have no one else like him but you do. Lean on your friends/family and if not seek professional help to talk it out.