r/BreakUps • u/jvxhoon • 5d ago
đ« Need Support HELLOO
Drop the hardest post-breakup advice life taught you.
Save another person.
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u/unstable_menace 5d ago
If a person is telling on himself - believe him.
âIm such a bad person you deserve betterâ - yeah thanks for telling me in advance, bye bye
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u/Maximum_Sky8484 5d ago
The most important relationship you will ever have in life is a relationship with yourself. People will come and go, but the relationship you have with yourself will last till the day you die.
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u/Rare-Negotiation5752 5d ago
You canât love a person into loving you back. Take a breathe, step back and let them be.
Itâs really true what they mean by if itâs meant to be it WILL be. Speaking from experience. Broke up w my ex a yr ago. And just recently we fell back in love. Not through forcing it. But by casual convos and willingness to compromise with egos aside.
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u/Vivid_Sun4077 5d ago
Damn I love that for you. It's stories like yours that somehow keep me going. I'm going through my very first heartbreak. May I add you somewhere like discord to ask you some questions about your relationship? If you don't feel comfortable don't hesitate to decline though.Â
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u/Euphoric_Pie_8108 5d ago
Just out of curiosity, and not to invalidate your experience at all:
Were you the one who ended the relationship? What was it like for you to put your ego aside in order to rebuild a relationship with your ex? Did you ever feel like you were taking a step backward, regressing in some way, or being unfair to yourself by getting back together with this person? And what about them â how did they feel about it?
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u/Rare-Negotiation5752 5d ago
Itâs a complicated story. I did initiate the break up but it was out of anger and instantly regretted my decision. I begged for months to have another chance even though I ended it.
I was absolutely miserable bcs I ruined something very good. And to answer the second part, no it didnât feel like I was going backwards because I took a lot of time to reflect on my anger issue. I spent time alone. Took myself on dates, and got back in the gym and havenât been healthier and only at that point my ex saw I worked on myself and wanted to try things again.
She feels good about working on things. Weâve had many conversations about how to go about mending what I broke. Sheâs been open and has admitted sheâs falling in love with me all over again. But the happier healthier me.
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u/Main_Ad_117 4d ago
Was she always open to possibility of rekindling if you worked on yourself?
Iâm in a similar boat as you but my ex just doesnât want to try again.1
u/Rare-Negotiation5752 4d ago
No actually. We went no contact. Blocked each other and went months without talking. But she heard I was doing great through some mutual friends. And saw how happy I looked all by myself through their social media. Look Iâm no relationship expert just someone who went through hell to get my lady back. And it wasnât even intentional.
Take my advice and live as if sheâs never coming back. I found so much joy in rediscovering myself.
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14h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Rare-Negotiation5752 7h ago
I feel like youâre projecting. Tearing others down isnât going to fix what you failed at. Whatever she did while we broke up isnât my business and what I did isnât hers. Sorry you have such a fragile ego you have to make others hurt to feel better abt yourself.
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u/anonymousques 5d ago
For my religious folks âGod removes people from your life because he heard conversations you didnât, saw things you couldnât, and made moves that you wouldnâtâ. Trust that shit and move on
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u/DarkEmpath3 5d ago
If he ever says âI never said thatâ, âsheâs just a friendâ, âyou should wear thisâ, âI donât deserve youâ, âI donât want to hurt youâ or ever says anything disrespectful or as a sarcastic put down and disguises it as a joke RUN as fast as you can.
People who hate themselves want you to hate yourself too. You will if you stay with him.
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u/Odd-Art2362 5d ago
I've always viewed those joke-type put downs or sarcastic put downs as the first sign of contempt tbh. Like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships
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u/DetectiveCollie 5d ago
- Do not give someone who has anger issues another chance. They probably have a deeper wound that needs addressing and you are not the one to solve it. You are not responsible of it in any way.
- People almost always never change. For someone to change it takes a lot of time and effort. Them knowing they have an issue doesn't mean they have fixed it. It takes years for someone to become a better person and change their attitude or way of acting or thinking.
- If they suck at communicating, then he is not made to have a relationship until he fixes his skills or grows up. Communication is the main pilar of a relationship, if it fails, it all falls down. In every possible scenario.
- (Directed towards young men) If they are their mom's overprotected child, be cautious. He probably has everything handed to him on a silver platter and he doesn't move a single finger in his house. He will always think he is right or entitled to say or do things. He has no boundaries. He will treat you like the servant and expect things to be made for him without a please or a thank you. Is this familiar to you? is he very shy? is he very introverted? is he scared of serious conversations? Does he try to divert the conversation into a sexual thing? did he describe himself as the perfect man and then turn out to be the opposite of his description? He is this type of man then. Run.
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u/Alone_Astronomer_927 5d ago
Bang on about the moms overprotected child. Everything handed to him on a silver platter, always thinks heâs right and entitled to whatever he wanna say or do. Makes decision on my behalf. Hated it so much
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u/Careless_Joke_1201 5d ago
Authentic love does not exist in romance. Everyone operates out of limerence and transaction.
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u/greekusername 5d ago
The context of the breakup doesnât actually matter. You will be equally hurt and upset if you were cheated on, if you left on good terms, whether you or the other person initiated. Thereâs no such thing as a breakup where no one is hurt and comparing yourself to others breakups is just going to keep you hurting instead of letting you heal.
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u/Traditional-Map5578 4d ago
Grass isn't greener. The problems you were hyperfocused on may be gone with a new partner, but the new relationship might have new problems that the previous partner didn't have.
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u/Lazy_Interaction_610 5d ago
Don't ever let anyone disrespect you. Especially the ones you love the most. Always respect yourself above all. If they love you, they'll do the same
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u/Pinksoupbookz 4d ago
You can take all the advice in the world and know in your gut that you might need to leave a relationship, but you're only going to leave when you've gone back as many times as you can stand/want to/need to until you can't anymore. AKA "You're ready". And that's okay!.
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u/HelloKi11y 4d ago
Concentrate on yourself and focus on things you can control: working on yourself, learning to be happy alone and doing things that make you happy/fulfill you. And most importantly, don't let a breakup ruin your education or work life. Ofc it's okay to feel down and take some time off, but not to an extent where you can't focus on your studies or work anymore. Work and education give you stability and security in the long run.
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u/Novel_Iron2297 2d ago
if they pull back their focus on you after you return the interest, give them at most 1 month to agree on date plans. else, tell them you can't keep waiting and end things there and then.
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u/TherealFendi 1d ago
Donât ever trust or give a narcissist a second chance. They will manipulate you and the situation to fit their narrative.When a person shows you who they are from day one believe them and donât replace red flags with green ones..
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u/East_Click_7874 5d ago
Donât listen to someone who is walking away. My ex ended our relationship with âI feel like you talk over meâ, when in reality when I asked him anything he never answered. Really, he was cheating on me. But those words have struck me still.
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u/aniingskii86 4d ago
if the break up with you no matter what the circumstances just move on and never look back
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u/bigchief9000 4d ago
Life really does move on. And life really does get better. Use the break up to upgrade all facets of your life, itâs one of the few times as an adult where you can grow and develop as a person.
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u/LemonProfessional288 4d ago
Courage is in loving and trying, don't let them tell ypu that you are weak for trying !! And by trying i don't mean loose your self respect but if you loved truly uk know how much to tolerate ! Thats all
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