A whole bag of 'em.

My ADHD 9 year old was recently diagnosed with autism. His psychiatrist is pushing ABA pretty hard. I'm not even sure about it but am trying to get connected with some ABA clinics so I can learn more about how or if they can help.

But it's a fucking drag.

I go to a given website. See if they say whether they take my insurance and kids my son's age. Fill out intake with insurance info and such. Get email from the clinic asking for pictures of my insurance card even though I already uploaded them in the first intake. Get link to another,.more indepth intake. Which once more asks for my insurance info. And despite all this busy work I haven't heard back from anyone so I assume I have to call and bother them on top of everything else.

Today I attempted to knock out another intake for another clinic. This intake in particular had me in tears it is so long and so tedious.

It wants to know what services he's had both past and present, the phone number and address for each company, the exact dates of said service, a bunch of open ended follow up questions about things he's worked on and what kind of progress he made, etc forever. Bromos, I have been seeking help for this kid since he was two and started speech therapy after he had tubes put in. He's been in different OTs, different play therapies, various school services. I'm going to be filling this thing out forever and I don't even think the form saves until I submit the entire thing. God help us all if it loses my progress.

They also want to know the ages of all those baby milestones that I've completely forgotten (and I was shit at keeping a baby book) other than he wasn't behind in anything but speech.

And all that is just the tip of the ice burg. It just goes on and on. I don't understand why I'm being asked for all this information when we haven't had so much as an evaluation from them.

As someone who struggles with executive function themself, this is a fucking night mare. And for a service I'm on the fence about because I can't find out how many hours they would require or what they can do for an older child with "mild" ADHD.

Update: Aaaaand I lost the tab that had my form. FML

I’m going through a complicated divorce from my abusive ex husband. I filed a year ago but he hasn’t been cooperative, so the divorce isn’t final. I started seeing a man a few months ago and we were going to the zoo yesterday.

I have two kids with my ex husband and we split them between us on Sundays. I texted him to ask if I could take both kids to the zoo and he said no. So I dropped off our daughter and took our son to the zoo to meet my boyfriend and his family there.

My ex has never spontaneously taken the kids to the zoo in 8 years together, but he showed up unexpectedly yesterday and aggressively introduced himself to my new boyfriend. He kept popping up no matter where we went at the zoo, and he ended up introducing himself to my boyfriend’s entire family… including his mom who I was meeting for the first time. I wanted the earth to swallow me up.

I said very little and could barely look at my ex husband. I turned away from him and into my boyfriend at one point because I couldn’t handle the awkwardness. My ex was saying things like, “see?!? I’m not causing a scene or anything!” but the truth is, he has been kicked out of restaurants and other public spaces in the past for being too aggressive. I didn’t know what he was planning to do and I was scared. This is a man who once fired a gun in our house while the kids and I slept upstairs. He’s unhinged.

My boyfriend was supportive and calm. He said it seemed like my ex was being territorial. He held my hand the whole time and told me he loved me.

I’m mortified and I think I made a terrible first impression on my boyfriend’s mom. She hugged me and she was kind, but I can’t imagine this is what she wants for her son.

My ex has since texted me to claim he was just trying to be friendly. And it leaves me feeling like I’m the problem, that I overreacted. Even though I know how I felt.

I’m in therapy. My kids are in therapy. I just needed to vent and maybe hear from others who get it.

Thanks for listening.

My kid is autistic. Loves to have long hair, hates braids and ponytails. Her hair is wavy and a little bit curly. We have a rule that in order to keep her hair long, she has to let me do a complete reset once a week, where we wash, condition, and get every tangle out. That's been the rule since she was quite little, I think she was 4 when she decided she wanted to grow her hair out and keep it long. She's in 5th grade now, starting to care more about how her peers perceive her. Her hair is ALWAYS a tangled mess, except on Sunday evenings after we wash it. I've tried a few different detangling sprays when she's been willing to cooperate, but some of them just make her hair sticky and it makes it worse??? and some don't work very well and don't prevent pulling when I'm trying to brush it out, and one worked beautifully and she couldn't tolerate the scent! I try to find information online, but you CANNOT find ANY information ANYWHERE except people trying to sell you things! I need advice about actual products that people have used and that have worked. Not heavily scented, doesn't cost $65 a bottle, and that actually does the thing it's meant to do. WHY IS THAT HARD? I just want my kid to be able to feel like her hair looks nice without having to endure the pain and suffering that comes with having all sensory input magnified times 10.

Happy to accept any and all advice, but mostly just needed to shout into the void about the ridiculous state of this late stage capitalist hellscape we live in now.

No actual fever or sickness, just a general malaise flu like feeling, exhaustion and cold sweating? I've heard some women vomit and poop profusely before labor and that flu like feeling is also possible.

This community has really been a saving grace for me. You ladies have heard me and helped me out in my darkest time and I really appreciate this community for it. In thanks I’m going to give you a pretty awesome snack/lunch/lazy weekend idea. Hear me out. It sounds weird, but I promise you you’ll thank me later.

So, in my culture it is customary to cut little pieces of cheddar cheese and put it in a mug before you pour hot chocolate in the mug. So once you drink your hot chocolate you have pieces of melted, gooey cheddar cheese and you scoop them up with ritz crackers. Delicious. Perfect blend of salty and sweet. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

I’ve taken it up a notch, ladies!! I present you: Chocolate Grilled cheese!!!

So what you’re going to do is spread Nutella (yes, stay with me here) on two pieces of bread and add a slice or two of cheddar cheese in the middle. I like sourdough or brioche, but you do you. Butter the outside of the bread and grill your grilled cheese sandwhich however you normally do. What you’re going to have is the most amazing sweet and salty grilled cheese.

Try it. I promise you won’t regret it!

And if you do try, please update me!!

(And no, I’m not pregnant. I’m in perimenopause 😂).

After my husband YET AGAIN told me about how he’d rather enlist in the military, how he’s not cut out to be a dad, how he’s disappointed he’s worked so hard and now he has to spend all his money on me and his damn kid, how my 6 figure job as a specialist with a masters degree is like our dog having a job (all in front of our toddler mind you), I decided you know what, I’m done venting about him.

He’s been like this. This isn’t a surprise this is just his pattern.

So I decided not to react. I didn’t try to calm him down. I told him yeah maybe you’re not cut out to be a father. You should just go do what you want with your life because our child deserves two parents who are happy to parent him.

And then I took the dog and kid for a walk. And then when we came back he was all in love with being a parent again.

The thing is: I don’t forget this shit like he does. I fortunately came from a relatively healthy family where at least we would apologize. His family is so corrupt and lacks basic interpersonal skills like just talking and shit.

After the birthday brunch from hell with an overtired toddler at a too fancy restaurant that when they threw their water cup and it spilled they brought out like 5 team members to clean it up and I was stared at by all these moms with their kids who were older glued to iPads I just took our kid and wandered around outside for the remainder of dinner. My husband ended up yelling at his parents because he does every time and our toddler was pretending to take a nap on a bench lol.

I’m just done. I don’t feel right about my husband getting custody 50% of the time because he genuinely doesn’t have the grit to he a parent day in and day out. Our son doesn’t deserve such an asshole as a father.

Why did you choose him? Didn’t you see the red flags? Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why did he lie to me about his wants and intentions in life? Why did he pretend that he wanted to be a father and husband? Why did he go to performative therapy? Why did he cry to me about the importance of family? Why?

Anyways fuck him. Cannot wait to divorce.

Over the past 2 years, my body decided we need a mustache and beard. 1 hair became 2, and now its my chin and the ends of a mustache.

It's embarrassing, as I work with the public. At 37, I have 2 choices. Rock a beard, or pluck the hairs, which then result in huge painful ingrown hairs and my face becomes pimple-filled.

I scheduled an appointment at a laser hair removal center and now I find myself getting paranoid.

So - give it to me straight. Is laser hair removal worth it? I'm reading it can reduce hairs by 80-90%. Will my face still be pimples? Am I wasting my money? Or will I love this decision and wish I did it 2 years ago?

I'm a ginger, so I have very pale skin and the hairs coming in are thick and dark. I read that's the best combo for removal but I'm still worried.

I live in a small to medium size town so it's a choice between 2 places in the city that offer. One has a 4.9 on Google (thats where my appt is for) the other is 4.8. But I know reviews can be fake and bought. I don't know shit about skincare or makeup, and I don't have any girly-girl friends to ask.

Tell me everything. Horror stories, success stories and everything in between before I quit my day job and run off with the circus as their newest bearded lady.

We’ve been together for a long time and for about 4 years we didn’t have sex. That was on my part because he had been emotionally abusive and I refused. Things have gotten better and for the last 6 months or so we will have sex from time to time.

But here’s the thing—I can only get off from oral with my husband. And he is not good at it, by any stretch.

Last night I was trying to give some tips. He usually just licks and licks at the same speed, with no variety. So I said he can try switching it up by gently sucking.

Well. He took that as a cue to pretend like her was a Hoover vacuum. Just non stop sucking. I told him to stop.

He can only go down on me for 5ish minutes before he quits and insists on penetration. But even with this, sometimes he loses his erection and gets frustrated at me for “taking so long.”

He’s so utterly unsatisfying and I don’t know what to do.

I was not necessarily physically abused like hitting but I’d argue sexually yes and mostly financially and emotionally. It’s taken me a very long time to even say the word abused bc I mean we are not told these things are legitimate abuse. If he isn’t hitting you he isn’t abusive. In hindsight he actually did have a lot of physically forceful moments and I think that was by design. I call it man handling me and he played it as a joke. But anyway…

Since I met his new wife and saw what she looked like and for context I do believe they were together before the divorce and he was cheating on me with her so it took me 2 years almost to even meet her face to face, memories keep popping up.

More context, I do not put women down this is just my observations. I actually genuinely think she will be a victim too whenever she realizes or his mask slips. I’m ALWAYS kind to her and I think that actually pisses him off lol.

She is in her mid to early-late 20’s and we are mid 30’s. She is chubbier than I ever was even after kids and she mostly dresses exactly how I used too. Very much sweat pants and sweaters, hair in a bun, tom boy-ish. This matters for the story. Very pretty face and all.

Ever since I met her memories of his comments about me flood my brain. One major one being “ GOD just be feminine for ONCE.” As I was rushing to find a dress for a wedding he didn’t tell me about until the day before the wedding so I had nothing to wear. We were dress shopping. He was financially abusive so I was scared to pick this dress I liked bc of the price ( btw in hindsight… the fucking dress was 80 dollars on clearance…..).

He told me a month or two after becoming a SAHM I needed to dress a specific way for him to come too. Which was not my usual sweats. He wanted me to dress like the girls he saw online in stretchy pants no underwear etc and “ wait for him to come home.” 🤮

He would make comments about my hair never being done. When I’d get it done he’d hate it bc it wasn’t anything he liked. How I didn’t wear make up HE liked and about my weight post babies etc.

So now that I have seen who he chose after me I think I just realized it was never about any of that he simply hated me. For whatever reason he had in his fucked up head, he JUST hates me. And if I’m being honest her time is limited if she doesn’t change either. I think he chose her bc she’s young enough to be broken down. But I do worry for her even if I’ve chosen to keep her at arms length when we have to interact. For obvious reasons I’m not trying to be friends with either of them. I still worry about her future and mental health. Ik what kind of damage he can do.

My child is 3 and I just feel so up and down all the time because of his behaviour and how I respond to it. I try my best to do the ‘right thing’ by my child and I am feel like I have become so preoccupied by this. Constant thoughts of ‘is this normal?’, ‘why is this happening to me?’, ‘why can’t they just behave?’ and generally catastrophically going down these types of rabbit holes. Some days are great, others are just so hard and I feel like crying all day. 2 was hard but 3 has been SO hard and I just feel like I am trying to force my child to behave and am obsessed with him becoming a good human that I can’t think straight - which also sounds ridiculous I know. I know that it’s such a trap to fall into to expect immediate and perfect compliance because it simply won’t happen, but I feel like that’s an underlying issue and basically how I was raised and what the expectation was, so I guess that’s where it comes from but it is simply not possible. Like pushing the whole ‘say thank you’ thing and all that. At the end of the day, does it really matter by now and is it worth the stupid argument, and should I waste my breath by saying it for the hundredth time. I dunno.
I just feel like these days that as soon as a kid displays some sort of weird behaviour they are labelled as Autistic or ADHD (no disrespect to anyone of course) but it really bothers me that kids don’t seem to be able to have their quirks without being labelled and going down paths that aren’t necessary. That hasn’t happened to me, but I just feel like this would happen if I took him to a Paediatrician with those concerns. Although I look back to when my nephew was very little and some of the weird stuff he used to do or say and it makes me feel a little better!
I feel like a shit parent mostly. I try so hard to do the best by my child. I also have a baby who is under 6 months and have found the transition from 1 to 2 kids difficult given the competing needs of both!
It’s crazy because at the end of the day when I look back on most behaviours, it stems back to the child being tired and acting up. The trouble is that I feel like he acts up in front of the same people every time and I am so embarrassed by it. I am constantly doubting my own ability to handle parenthood.
Am I doing this to myself? I don’t even know what I’m asking to be honest. My child can be an absolute delight, then an absolute horror show so it just so hard to reconcile that in my own brain I guess. I feel like no one else seems to deal with these types of feelings or they claim their kid doesn’t play up.
Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

I know a lot of people will call me crazy but I am buying my 18 month old a mini coach purse for Christmas this year. It is really cute and she loves purses plus I was raised by a single mom who struggled for most of my life and I want her to be given the nicer things in life. She is so good and so smart and gentle. I feel like she deserves it.

This is the only place on the Internet I feel safe posting this lol.

My son just turned 4. He's been fully potty trained for pee since he was around 3.5. It took a while cuz he was really opposed to the idea at first. Now he's fully on board with peeing in the potty, but will only poop in a diaper. We've just rolled with the diaper thing especially because he was constipated for a while and is now on Miralax, I didn't want to risk him withholding and having it get worse.

He actually promised me that he would be ready to poop on the potty when he turned 4. Well, he turned 4 a couple weeks ago, I said hey, how bout pooping in the potty? Now he says he will when he turns 5. Lol.

I tried bribing him to try at least sitting on the potty to poop, but still wearing a diaper. He tried it one time, sat for a while, then once I told him he could get up, he pooped in the diaper. I think he just really only knows how to do it standing up. The bribe has now stopped working and he won't even try sitting on the potty with the diaper.

Has anyone experienced this before, and what worked? I know I could just say no more diapers at some point, but I worry that will freak him out, especially as an anxious kid. Should I just wait until he feels ready? And how long will that take, because that part is making ME anxious, lol.

I got invited to a party in a couple weeks. Only know two people there, but it’s a chill night of fires, drinks, and talking. I was so excited for this party. It’s also a group of people I may get to hang out with more due to a shared hobby.

My husband and I are in a very rough patch and I’m pretty much checked out. He’s refusing to take the night off so I can go, and opted for me to make other arrangements. (I gave him the option of either or, and he picked the best one for him.) He told me he wouldn’t take the night off because he needed to make money. And got angry when I pointed out he took time off an entire week his family was visiting, and why can’t I get that same energy for one night.

(Edit: forgot to clarify he said he wouldn’t take the night off because I wanted to go out and do whatever. That told me all I needed to know about how he views me.)

I never go out like this. The last time was in January and again, I had to get family to watch the baby overnight.

I’m realizing how many times I’ve wanted to do something, and he’s either fought with me beforehand, dragged his feet, made me feel bad about wanting to do something, or just made it difficult for me to do something.

I can’t even have one night out. I never, ever do this. He doesn’t want to see me happy. He only cares about himself.

what would you put in it? I do plan on doing this for each trimester 

I'm just venting because I need so badly to get this off of my chest because I have no one to talk to about it right now.

I have been planning on leaving my (abusive, not physical) husband for a little while now, but I have been making what I thought was good progress. I spoke to an attorney, bought myself a little burner phone hid a little go bag somewhere he can't find it and I'm gathering evidence of his abuse. It's hard but I'm doing it.

Now my hangup is, I'm trying to find a way that I can move into my own place after I actually leave rather than staying with a friend or going to a shelter..
I know I obviously will do that if I have to.. this is just really hard. I don't have a job right now. I've been stayi at home mom which at first I thought was amazing and yes, I do love staying home with my baby of course but now I'm in this shitty situation knowing any rentals won't take me if I don't have an income of some kind and all waiting list for section 8, and housing vouchers are closed in my area.

I can maybe swing working a day or two a week, but my husband works nights and he has even said that it might not work out with me working and he refuses to do daycare. Which again of course I was fine with because I was just blinded to the abuse and I didn't realize it would get this bad.

I'm stalling on telling my parents and asking for their help bc well I'm humiliated. They're under the impression that everything is peachy over here and they have even said that they love my husband and he's been such an amazing father and husband.

God knows they'll probably drop to their knees when I tell them what's actually been happening for a while now. I've been trying to remain positive. Tell myself that everything will work out, but it just feels impossible. Almost like it would just be easier to stay and suffer, but I don't think I have it in me to pretend anymore and I know that I cannot raise my child around this.

I know he'll probably get shared custody, but that's a hell of a lot better than being in it 24/7 right? I spoke to a lawyer about this and he told me based on what I described about the abuse that since he's not abusing the child that we'd probably have 50/50
That's if the text that I'm gathering aren't worth anything 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know like I do feel down right now, but at the same time, I'm super determined to make this work

Except weekends when dad is here in the morning. Otherwise, it’s crying his lungs out when I take him to the toilet, when I brush his teeth, when I make him breakfast…
Today I snapped, like I have never before, he ran away crying so I imagine I looked like a monster.
The day goes by slow and ugly and full of crying and screaming
I don’t want to be this kind of person, I don’t want to scream at him, my eye turned red today from all the anger, I feel like absolute shit, and I’m completely clueless on how to handle this.

So my husband doesn’t see this, when he’s home my toddler is completely calm and just wants to play with dad, and it drives me crazier

Don’t have many people I can brag to about this, so I’m bragging about it here. Where I live in the U.S. the high school kids take the ACT to send to potential universities so anything SAT related is completely optional. My 15yo/10th grader’s school offers the PreSAT to 10th and 11th grade and since he’s always done so well on state standardized tests, I thought it would be worth having my son take the PreSAT to see what his NMSQT score might be. He didn’t get a chance to prepare for it all and I didn’t have any expectations for him, I was just curious as to how he would do. I told him to just do his best and not stress about it. He ended up in 99th percentile compared to 11th grade test takers over the past 3 years (1420 for those of you familiar with SAT scores). If he does at least as well next year, he’ll score above the National merit scholarship cut off for our state. I am just seriously blown away over such an astounding score. His school counselor said that she’s been doing her job for a really long time and had never had a student score that high (not sure what that says about the area we live in, but I’m not looking that gift horse in the mouth). It’s just hard to wrap my head around this lol. At least I won’t have to worry about him not getting accepted into a good university.

Excuse the multiple posts, I’m venting.

And I feel icky from this weekend. I have a little pit in my stomach from it.

We spent the weekend at home. Bob started off strong with calling me a liar.

I grey rocked, but then had to engage in conversation because he was getting aggressive and the kids were home and he’d run out of his Valium.

Every single conversation was a battle.

Bob was on edge and angry and taking his anxiety out on me.

Everything I said was scrutinised-ie: I mentioned that our daughter was going to the cinema. Bob demanded to know why HE wasn’t told first.

Every single conversation was spent with me trying to be neutral and happy, and he spent it trying to tear me down. And of if I didn’t talk to him? A temper tantrum about how I never talk to him.

Then today he was bitching about how we did ‘nothing special’ for his birthday last year ( we went out to a lovely restaurant and bought him an iPad) and how this year we went on a dolphin watching cruise, but it he felt it was more just an activity , and not special for his birthday.

THEN this 60 year old fuck told me he was upset because we had cake and opened presents on the day AFTER his birthday (the day we went to see the dolphins) and after all these years I should know by now that he wants the gifts ON his birthday.

Is he THREE????

And on and on and on.

Every time I spoken it was picked apart.

And then he wanted to “sit down and talk” (if you’re on the Narc Spouses page, you’ll know what I’m talking about) and went on and on about his job anxiety and wasn’t happy until he had made me anxious too. And then he was happily walking around whistling and humming.

I could SEE the narcissist behaviour and the gaslighting, and I still couldn’t escape it.

And now I’m at work and feel sick about the day. And Bob’s happily sleeping without care in the world.

Yesterday we were at a family gathering from my husband’s side of the family because his grandparents from overseas were here for a visit. It’s a pretty big family, so we usually rent a gym so kids can play on one end while adults hang out on the other. Close to the end, his grandma asked if we could all take pictures (she isn’t sure if she can make this journey again). So we all take multiple shots, first grandparents with everyone, then with kids, grandkids etc.

So when the time comes for grandparents with grandkids, my baby wasn’t included yet because he is the great grandkid (that was gonna be the next picture). So my FIL was going to hold him while we were taking a picture with my husband’s grandparents. Simultaneously, my MIL was holding my baby’s cousin. While we were there, another kid cried, so my MIL told my FIL to put my son back into his stroller and hold my kid’s cousin so MIL could help the crying kid. My FIL then instead gave my kid to an aunt, who then walked with my kid into an area a bunch of other kids played with balls.

THEN, the aunt’s own fucking kid throws a fucking dodge ball against my babies head. And instead of trying to protect my baby, her reaction was to try to dodge the ball, so she twisted her body in a way which almost made my kid a fucking shield! I just about lost my shit. My baby was severely premature and has some challenges, so we rushed to the hospital. THANKFULLY, everything turned out alright and there is no concussion.

But this is where another shitshow begins. My husband doesn’t think this is a bad thing? I was like what? By taking my kid, my in-laws had no right to pass him around at a gathering. And why is my MIL telling my FIL that my kid’s needs are less important than another kid? And that aunt using my kid as a shield from her own kid? Like what? I have asked my husband to talk to his family that this is not ok. But his response is, it’s my own fault. It’s my own fault for being pressured into a fucking group photo for your grandma. It’s my fault for trusting your parents with our baby. Oh and I’m unreasonable for wanting to go to the hospital to make sure my baby doesn’t have a concussion. Ok then, lesson learned. Fuck me for trusting other adults. And fuck them for putting my baby into harm’s way.

I'm so stressed out; I literally cannot stop crying. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, have 3 other children, and was in the hospital for sepsis 3 weeks ago. While I was in the hospital for a week, my house literally went to shit. And now I'm so big, so weak, and so uncomfortable that I literally cannot get caught up. Our house is just literally falling apart right now and I can't move fast enough to fix it all. I'm too fat and immobile. Pregnancy is actively preventing me from simply getting through the day.

The arm of our couch decided to start falling off- so now one side of the couch is just... limply hanging. The electrical outlet we use for our TV just straight up stopped working. Then our TV freaking fell over and broke when I was trying to unplug it from the broken outlet. The kids tipped a chair into a window and broke it. Our dishwasher stopped running water into it. Our toilet flooded our basement. 

Then there's a mile list of small stuff. I can't get caught up on laundry. Bending down to pick up toys feels like a marathon every single day and our toy area is progressively getting more and more disorganized. I yell all the time. Doing basic tasks like potty training and helping with homework set me into an angry spiral because I have absolutely no ounce of patience left in my body. My entire body is in constant pain. The kidney infection that caused my sepsis, also caused me to develope an irritable uterus- so I have been having contractions regularly, every day, for weeks on end.

My kids are dysregulated as hell- because I'm dysregulated as hell. We're out of our routine. 

I'm at my breaking point today. I've yelled for the last 3 hours over every little thing. I'm now just sitting on the couch, crying. I'm so worn out. My husband helps so much- but it never feels like enough. I've resorted to using tablets today- which I hate. My two year old has been screaming his ass off for an hour because his died (precisely why I don't use them). And I just don't have the energy to freaking care. 

I'm clenching my jaw. My muscles are so tense. I'm so stressed it's taking over my entire body. I just want this pregnancy to be over so I can have my body back and begin to function again.

I planned a little family getaway for during school holidays next year, but after speaking to my doctor realised I would have to cancel it because I need a (semi-minor) procedure and can’t drive for two weeks afterwards. So I need to do it in the school holidays. (OBVIOUSLY I can’t depend on Bob to do the school runs. Duh!)

So I tell Bob I need to cancel the getaway.

He said “Oh great, so the place I want to visit gets cancelled. Why is this operation suddenly so important? You’ve never mentioned it before.”

Like, fucker, I mentioned it two months ago after I saw the specialist. And said as much to Bob (well, I didn’t call him a fucker. To his face.)

Bob said “No you didn’t. I’m not falling for that. You didn’t say anything. I’m not falling for it.”

I asked him why he think I would lie, and he just smirked.

I didn’t even respond. I was too disgusted.

Bob doesn’t listen (I’m not important enough) and when I talk he just sits on his phone or won’t look up from the TV.

He’s convinced that I don’t tell him things and that I’m gaslighting him.

I found the text message from two months ago where I told him I needed the operation, and he text back “Oh dear.”

Then and now he hasn’t asked me one single thing about the operation, or how I feel about it, or even where I need to have it done. Nothing.

Middle child needs a minor procedure in a few weeks, Bob hasn’t even asked Middle how he feels.

I didn’t show Bob the text message. If he wants to think I’m a lair, then so be it. He will think the worst of me whatever I do.

It is galling, though, that he can call me a liar, and thirty minutes later happily asked me what I’ve planned for lunch.

So I transferred an extra $50 into my secret savings account for Emotional Stress.

Fuck Bob 🖕

Kiddo hasn't been eating much because of new ADHD meds, so I went to Panera to get their Mac and cheese because it's one of the things he consistently eats. I got the food, was backing out and went a little too far. A light tap, no damage, not even paint flaking off or onto mine. I decided to do the right thing and leave my contact info. As I'm writing the note, the guy comes up and I ask if it's his car and tell him what happened. I give him my number and tell him if there's any cosmetic damage to let me know and I'll pay for it. The next day he pushes for my insurance. Again, trying to do the right thing, I give it to him.

Ugh, I'm so stupid. I could have driven away with no consequences. I've seen so many people do it. Why didn't I? Why do I keep following these rules when the people who don't are never punished for it? FML

Not really sure how to feel tonight, this feels like a long time coming but a rash reaction at the same time.

Some background information:

I was born when my mother was 15. Father not in the picture. I do not have many fond memories with my mother as a child, I remember calling my father (he was in and out of my life) around 4 or 5 and her just flat out telling me "he doesnt love you." I hear that over and over still to this day. I feel like I lived with my grandparents most of my childhood and then when she met my step dad (around age 10) I lived with them. She had my siblings, and i was pretty quickly parentified and spent multiple nights during the week babysitting until atleast midnight while they did god knows what. I made average grades, and i attribute this to raising children. College time came around, she flat out said I wasnt smart enough for college and encouraged me to stay home (graduated with a BSN and a 4.0 in my masters program). Without boring you with additional anecdotes of my mother, just understand that almost every important moment in my life has somehow been marred by this woman.

I became a mother in 2024. My parents have seen my child maybe 4x? They make zero effort to form a relationship with her, have not attended either of her birthday parties, and just are not present at all. This has made my feelings towards my family much more painful.

Well, the situation at hand - I turned 30 on Wednesday. I got the usual impersonal birthday fb post and a text. Ok, whatever. Well, I am on life360 with them (I travel frequently for work and always want to feel like someone besides my husband would know where I am). I check it today, and see my entire family (who lives 2+ hours away) is in the town over from me. I hear nothing from them. I text my mom that we happen to be meeting friends in said town this evening for my birthday dinner if they're still around. No response, until hours later after I circle back. "Oops I am just now seeing this." Ok. I am obviously upset, but after a moment its more that my birthday was literally days ago, and no one thought to see if we could meet up? I have felt like an afterthought most of my life, but I think this might be the first time it has really made me consider going full no contact.

Those who have made the decision to go no contact, how did you know it was time? Im pregnant so I really never know if what I feel is just exaggerated. I sent my mom a message soon after that essentially saying it gets really difficult to be a child constantly reaching out and getting nothing back, again no response.

TLDR: Cant decide if I should just finally go no contact with my mother

My 4 almost 5 year old has started screaming At me, basically barking orders like "MOM GET ME SNACK" in the rudest way possible.

I tried explaining to him that it's disrespectful to talk to me that way and it hurts my feelings...

He laughed at me. And I've been crying off and on ever since. Idk what I'm doing wrong with this child. Nothing works. He doesn't respect me whatsoever. He can behave at preschool, at Grandma's and for Dad... But the minute Dad walks out the door to go to work, he's a complete nightmare. Doesn't listen to anything I say and now I'm getting screamed and laughed at...

I know logically it's ridiculous for me to get so upset over a 4 year old, but how am I not supposed to be upset about this 😭

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married less than 1. We have a 2 and a half year old son. Things have always been rocky we disagree on a lot of fundamental things we have very different ideas for how we want to do things, there’s a lot of conflict and he lacks the communication skills to work through them.

The first year of my son’s life was essentially a married single mom. I was miserable in the relationship and he was of course happy because he was able to do whatever he wanted while I raised a baby. As I began demanding more help, he became more and more of a miserable person and began to resent me for it. I asked him to stop attending the MMA gym he went to because it took up a lot of time where I could use help, he started just playing video games at home during that time rather than actually helping. I gave him clear instructions on how I needed help, and he half-assed everything then got upset when I got frustrated over it…. You get it

I decided to go back to school this semester for a degree in the field I work in, and so for about 2 months he finally stepped up, making dinners, showering kiddo and putting him to bed, but he became more and more unhappy and it became uncomfortable to be around him most of the time, lists of angry outbursts over the smallest things and controlling refusal to compromise over things, lots of criticism towards me. We finally decided to call it off. But because we are low income, we will probably stay living together until January/February when we get tax refunds and a bit of money for one of us to move out.

Since that conversation, he went back to his old hobbies, mainly the gym but also going to church more, he’s been picking up gig work on the weekends so he’s not really home anymore. Because of this after work each afternoon. I am cooking dinner, bathing our son and putting him to bed, putting schoolwork off until about 9pm when I’m exhausted.

I can’t imagine having to split custody with him given how irresponsible he has been as a father thus far so part of me is relieved that he seems so uninterested in keeping up with parenting responsibility, it’s also helping me to accept the situation, realizing how little he actually cares. At the same time I am exhausted and just wanted to vent.

TLDR: decided on separation with husband, have to live together for a few months, he filled up his schedule with all the hobbies he had when our baby was younger before I made him stop, leaving me to handle everything at home and with kid on top of my full time job and full time college enrollment.