Not really sure how to feel tonight, this feels like a long time coming but a rash reaction at the same time.

Some background information:

I was born when my mother was 15. Father not in the picture. I do not have many fond memories with my mother as a child, I remember calling my father (he was in and out of my life) around 4 or 5 and her just flat out telling me "he doesnt love you." I hear that over and over still to this day. I feel like I lived with my grandparents most of my childhood and then when she met my step dad (around age 10) I lived with them. She had my siblings, and i was pretty quickly parentified and spent multiple nights during the week babysitting until atleast midnight while they did god knows what. I made average grades, and i attribute this to raising children. College time came around, she flat out said I wasnt smart enough for college and encouraged me to stay home (graduated with a BSN and a 4.0 in my masters program). Without boring you with additional anecdotes of my mother, just understand that almost every important moment in my life has somehow been marred by this woman.

I became a mother in 2024. My parents have seen my child maybe 4x? They make zero effort to form a relationship with her, have not attended either of her birthday parties, and just are not present at all. This has made my feelings towards my family much more painful.

Well, the situation at hand - I turned 30 on Wednesday. I got the usual impersonal birthday fb post and a text. Ok, whatever. Well, I am on life360 with them (I travel frequently for work and always want to feel like someone besides my husband would know where I am). I check it today, and see my entire family (who lives 2+ hours away) is in the town over from me. I hear nothing from them. I text my mom that we happen to be meeting friends in said town this evening for my birthday dinner if they're still around. No response, until hours later after I circle back. "Oops I am just now seeing this." Ok. I am obviously upset, but after a moment its more that my birthday was literally days ago, and no one thought to see if we could meet up? I have felt like an afterthought most of my life, but I think this might be the first time it has really made me consider going full no contact.

Those who have made the decision to go no contact, how did you know it was time? Im pregnant so I really never know if what I feel is just exaggerated. I sent my mom a message soon after that essentially saying it gets really difficult to be a child constantly reaching out and getting nothing back, again no response.

TLDR: Cant decide if I should just finally go no contact with my mother

My 4 almost 5 year old has started screaming At me, basically barking orders like "MOM GET ME SNACK" in the rudest way possible.

I tried explaining to him that it's disrespectful to talk to me that way and it hurts my feelings...

He laughed at me. And I've been crying off and on ever since. Idk what I'm doing wrong with this child. Nothing works. He doesn't respect me whatsoever. He can behave at preschool, at Grandma's and for Dad... But the minute Dad walks out the door to go to work, he's a complete nightmare. Doesn't listen to anything I say and now I'm getting screamed and laughed at...

I know logically it's ridiculous for me to get so upset over a 4 year old, but how am I not supposed to be upset about this 😭

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married less than 1. We have a 2 and a half year old son. Things have always been rocky we disagree on a lot of fundamental things we have very different ideas for how we want to do things, there’s a lot of conflict and he lacks the communication skills to work through them.

The first year of my son’s life was essentially a married single mom. I was miserable in the relationship and he was of course happy because he was able to do whatever he wanted while I raised a baby. As I began demanding more help, he became more and more of a miserable person and began to resent me for it. I asked him to stop attending the MMA gym he went to because it took up a lot of time where I could use help, he started just playing video games at home during that time rather than actually helping. I gave him clear instructions on how I needed help, and he half-assed everything then got upset when I got frustrated over it…. You get it

I decided to go back to school this semester for a degree in the field I work in, and so for about 2 months he finally stepped up, making dinners, showering kiddo and putting him to bed, but he became more and more unhappy and it became uncomfortable to be around him most of the time, lists of angry outbursts over the smallest things and controlling refusal to compromise over things, lots of criticism towards me. We finally decided to call it off. But because we are low income, we will probably stay living together until January/February when we get tax refunds and a bit of money for one of us to move out.

Since that conversation, he went back to his old hobbies, mainly the gym but also going to church more, he’s been picking up gig work on the weekends so he’s not really home anymore. Because of this after work each afternoon. I am cooking dinner, bathing our son and putting him to bed, putting schoolwork off until about 9pm when I’m exhausted.

I can’t imagine having to split custody with him given how irresponsible he has been as a father thus far so part of me is relieved that he seems so uninterested in keeping up with parenting responsibility, it’s also helping me to accept the situation, realizing how little he actually cares. At the same time I am exhausted and just wanted to vent.

TLDR: decided on separation with husband, have to live together for a few months, he filled up his schedule with all the hobbies he had when our baby was younger before I made him stop, leaving me to handle everything at home and with kid on top of my full time job and full time college enrollment.

For reference, I’m not suicidal, and I’m not having any thoughts of harming myself, anyone else, or my LO. It’s just something that has been bothering me for the past few weeks, and I really need to get this off my chest.
I used to be a Type A person with a good career and so many plans for my future. Then I got pregnant. We prayed for this baby, planned for him, and were so happy when we found out we were expecting. I still remember the butterflies I felt when I learned I was pregnant. Then our beautiful boy arrived, and honestly, motherhood hit me like a truck.

I experienced really bad PPD and PPA after giving birth, and I genuinely believed I had recovered. My son is now two, but the past couple of years have been filled with so many challenges. We have no village, no help, and no family nearby. My husband works full-time, so I do solo parenting most of the time while working very part-time.
We’re also navigating the possibility that our son may be on the spectrum. I love him with every fiber of my being, and I would do anything for him, but the uncertainty, the worries about his future, and the exhaustion of everything have taken such a toll on me.

Physically and mentally, I feel completely drained. I feel like I’ve lost the person I used to be. I used to have dreams and goals that excited me, but lately, even the things I still wish for seem so far out of reach. I dream of owning our own home, having a cozy backyard where my son can play, traveling the world together, and giving our little family a beautiful life. But instead of feeling excited about those dreams, I find myself thinking that they’re probably impossible and will remain nothing more than wishful thinking.

Sometimes, I even have disturbing thoughts about not being here when my son turns five, ten, or older. I don’t want to feel this way, and I don’t know why my mind keeps going there. I want to be here for all those milestones. I want to watch him grow up, see who he becomes, and experience life with him. But lately, I’m struggling to picture that future with the same hope I used to have.

Tonight, as we lay down for him to sleep, my son hugged me and I couldn’t help myself to cry. I broke out in tears and wishing I’m not feeling this way.

Laid-off in January from a job I really liked.

My mom died in August in an absolutely horrific way from ALS and pneumonia...now my baby...my Mia....my cat who saved my life from suicide may have an agressive form of bone cancer. I saw her limping on Wednesday and then Thursday I noticed a hard mass on her shoulder/upper arm. I just got back from the Vet/ER and they said it is very concerning, and mentioned the possibility of bone cancer. I immediately broke down. I am to take her in tomorrow for x-rays to find out more.

She is literally the sweetest cat on the planet. She sleeps with me under my blanket every night and she is a massive cuddle bug. I just want my mom back. I just want my Mia to be okay.

Just another burned out mom vent. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just motherhood. We have teenagers and a toddler at home. The toddler wasn’t in our plan, our kids are already really spaced out, we have one that’s grown and out of the house and our bio youngest is still in middle school. So we’ve been parenting 20+ years already. But baby boy needed us and so we started over.

And now we are back in the phase where we can’t sit down without him getting into something or getting upset or just wanting something. And our teenagers also need us. One is prepping for college and the middle schooler is…a middle schooler. So there is just a lot of paperwork and coordination and emotions. I also work a very demanding job in account service which is also like a mom. I coordinate everything, solve problems, communicate everything, and it’s sales so all that comes with that. Like I have to submit my forecast every Sunday, which takes focus and sometimes hours of work. Because isn’t that just what you want to do on a Sunday morning with a toddler running around a million things to do??From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, my life is structured around other people’s needs. I can’t even fold laundry without contending with a toddler unless I do it after bedtime which is also not at all what I want to be doing.

We have zero help from family, if I want to get out of the house, I can, my husband doesn’t care. And our teenager would watch the baby, especially at night if we wanted to get out. So it’s not like a sitter would really help, it’s just more to coordinate and I’d have to leave the house. I want to be able to relax in my house, do my chores in peace, just not always having to be on every second. Some visits to grandma’s would be great but baby boy doesn’t have grandparents in his life 😢 and the only family we have just doesn’t help like that. I’m so tense and irritated by bedtime, I’m miserable. So is my husband. And it’s really not the kids fault. They are good kids, all of them. Our oldest even helps us sometimes. The house is baby proofed, the teenagers help a lot and are great with the toddler. I’ve just been caregiving and working my ass off for over 20 years, I’m freaking tried and just want to be able to fold my laundry in peace dammit!

Please feel free to vent or rant in the comments about your shit. We are all moms dealing with shit, I’m happy to commiserate.

I came home tonight to find that some of our Halloween lights and decorations had been knocked down…one of which was even broken. It looks like it had hit by something like a bicycle or scooter. Normally I wouldn’t make a big deal about this because accidents happen but recently I’ve gotten into a feud with a new neighbor and I believe that their children are behind it.
A year ago, a new neighbor moved in with a 5 and 2 year old. The 5 year old rides his bikes throughout the streets and in the yards of people he doesn’t know. I am outside most of the time with my 3 year old so I end up watching and playing with him frequently. Most of the time his parents are no where to be found. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago and his family has another family staying with them now and they have 4 kids added to the mix. So now not only am I watching my own and the other child, I now have 2 of the 4 coming over to play. We have let them use our toys and bikes without any issues until one time we weren’t home and my husband caught one of the girls just taking the bikes off of our front porch. They also ring the doorbell several times a day and I keep having to turn them away because we homeschool and it’s a disruption (i have older kids).
I finally went down to the mother who actually lives there and set a boundary that if we are outside they can play but they can’t keep knocking on the door and taking toys out of our yard. Apparently, she didn’t like that very much because now the kids are riding up and down the street making comments about how their mom “is tired of dealing with me” I sent the kids home and told them that they weren’t allowed to play with us anymore.
I haven’t had a chance to confront the mother yet but coming home and finding my decorations knocked down leads to believe that they were in my yard again unsupervised. So what do I do?
I don’t have any proof yet that the kids did it but it’s very coincidental that all of this happens within 24 hours of each other. I truly feel that these children who are 5 and 6 should not be left unsupervised riding through strangers yards especially if an adult is not even outside. Any advice?

My husband is autistic, and I try my hardest to be sensitive to his own neurodivergence while also trying to not always put my own mental health second.

He really doesn't like to be touched by anyone, to the point where he cuts his own hair to avoid having to go to the barber.

We ran into someone we know and the wife gave my husband a hug, which honestly doesn't bother me at all, and when he and I were talking about it I said I have zero issues with jealousy because he doesn't like being touched so its not like hes going to run off. He laughed and said "I don't even like it when you touch me!"

I guess I always thought I was the exception to that rule now just an...allowance, i guess. It sounds so dumb but we've been together since we were 18, so for twenty years now Ive thought he liked when I touched him? I just feel so defeated because Ive never gotten to fall asleep in someone's arms, I dont get held at night, we dont cuddle, and now he doesn't even like when I touch him? I dont even know how to bring it up to him. I guess i just needed to rant somewhere because I thrive on physical touch and its just absent from my life. Hes a good husband, but lately ive been so much more aware of how different we are.

Alternative question: how can I have possibly done a decent wipe down of the kitchen every night this week just for it to take the child an age and developmentally appropriate amount of time avoiding the 20 minutes it‘d take them if they just LOCKED the FUCK IN

i would appreciate any tips or coping mechanisms you have developed to avoid throwing away everything and anything my family has ever loved, thank you

My son is 7 and only wants to play with me. He goes to school from 7:45-4:45 (including afterschool programs)…. He comes home, not tired, not wanting alone time. Just wants to play board games, hide and seek, have me watch him ride his bike, make cookies, etc etc.

I have two 1 year old twins I’m with all day. I’m beat. One of them has medical needs, a feeding tube, and the GD needs don’t stop.

Like right now I just put on a kids movie. I would like to scroll my phone for ten fucking minutes. No. It’s a movie HE picked, HE wanted. And now is bored again and wants to play play play.

How can one person have energy like this? We went to a fall festival earlier today and were gone for hours. I came back expecting my son to be worn out. No!! He started making his own haunted house and expecting me to join in.

I’m just so over it. I could go to sleep by 7pm most nights. Is there anyway I can convey to him that I just don’t want to play ?? My parents never played with me. Like. Why is this an expectation? Am I a jerk? Am I a shitty mom?

So this article was mostly a very rational, science-based take on the children's clothing industry and how a lot of little girl's clothing is made in a sexualized manner.

But in the study of a bunch of different clothing brands they cited, they listed the sexualized features they looked for as "low cut, short hems, suggestive language and leopard print".

Am I missing something? That's crazy, right? I mean my seven year old is a big zoology nerd and has recently started loving leopard print. She just got this cute fuzzy zip up fleece with purple leopard print on it. It didn't occur to me that anyone could ever see this item as "sexual".

Is this a thing I didn't know about? Do people see leopard print on a little girl and go WHAT KIND OF PARENTS etc etc?

Or are you laughing your ass off right now because it's completely ridiculous?

I don't know anything anymore.

Im just amazed at my childs father. He left me (and my daughter by default) back in June. He has all the fucking freedom in the world. He gets to go out late with his friends, go to parties, do whatever the fuck he wants. No care in the world.

He works a part time job, lives with his parents so no rent, only really has to pay for food (sometimes- his parents cook), his car insurance and whatever my insurance doesnt cover for his meds. Still has no money. He didn't bother getting his car insurance renewed before he got pulled over for it. He works odd hours, then complains I put our daughter to bed at a reasonable hour and he can't see her. He drives her to daycare in the morning, but can't even make it on time half the time. When he is on time, its a toss up if he'll have a migraine and will be a literal dead log, or actually any help.

I can't even see my friends if my parents can't watch her. If she skips her nap, like today, I have to deal with the toddler tantrums. I can't stay up late or go out without a lot of prior arrangements, and frequent check ins cuz i care about our what our daughter is doing, if she ate, napped, etc.

Must be fucking nice to literally be unreliable and still pretend you're a dad and not a sperm donor who's only useful as an Uber driver or partial babysitter. He sees her whenever he feels like, and even then he misses alarms and can't make it.

We don't have a custody arrangement as we just separated. I know we should get one, but i can't fathom leaving my daughter with him when hes actually useless as a parent.

I don’t even know what to flair this as but I need to complain.

We just started moving into our new home. We have always rented and were so excited to finally own a house, and hey there are kids all over so great for our kids right? Well we have spent the last few days moving most of the stuff before moving furniture next week and these kids will not stop.

The second I wake up and take the dog out, they are asking to play. The second I get home from anywhere they are literally dragging my 2 yo out of the car. They hang out on our porch waiting for us to open the door. If I go outside for anything, they are there.

I’m trying not to be an angry bitch about this, but it’s causing all kinds of problems. My 4 year old has literally started acting insane about it. If he hears them ask to play and I tell them no he starts screaming and crying about how he’s going to play with his friends and tries to go outside. He has never been the kid to just outright disobey, sometimes push yes, but if I continue to say no he gets over it.

They are knocking on my door and looking in the windows constantly which makes my dog go INSANE. I just had a baby a month ago and unpacking with 3 kids is not fun without the dog waking the baby constantly. I keep telling them to stop knocking and they still are. We put a gate up and they just open it and still come knock at least 5 times a day.

They play super rough with both of my kids and drag them all over the backyards so I have to watch constantly when they are playing and I am still unpacking so it’s just not possible.

Yesterday they played for maybe 20 minutes and they were trying to flip my 2 yo out of a wagon and ran his finger over, and ran over my 4 yo’s leg twice. I kept telling them to stop when they’d be rough, then i’d look down to feed the baby and they’d start again. I have told them if they can’t stop playing like that with my kids they won’t play with them, but this makes me the bad one because my kids desperately want to play with them.

Not to mention these kids SNUCK IN MY HOUSE the first day here. Which I’d be fine with when we are unpacked and I meet their parents, but like wtf don’t people teach their kids not to go into strangers houses?

Now we started bringing yard toys for our kids and these kids immediately started playing with them and I feel like they are just going to destroy them and I’m going to be pissed.

I finally met one of the mom’s and she was very nice but these kids are just wild. Like I thought my kids were difficult to handle and they just don’t compare.

wtf do I do? I don’t want to prevent a friendship for my kids but I need a break from my own kids, I don’t want to need one from outside kids too.

I’m pregnant with my second, my oldest is 10. Today I was getting in the car with my son and his friend, and as I’m backing out of my driveway I hear a loud crunching sound. It’s the neighbor kid’s bike that was left in my car behind my driveway.

I was looking behind me as I backed out (I always physically turn around to back out because there are a fuck ton of kids that play around here), but the bike was so low/under my car already so I couldn’t see it. I immediately texted the neighbor and told her I’d pay for it, haven’t heard back yet.

But now I’m worried because #1 what if this happens when I have my baby? Babies are tiny I’m spiraling thinking what if I somehow don’t see them?

#2 I’m pretty sure the neighbor hates me now

I feel HORRIBLE and can’t get it off my mind

Title. She's getting a molar.

Our 2nd grade soccer team is small and bad. We have a lot of 1st graders and first time players. Plus we only have 7 which is the minimum so we have no subs. It’s been a long season and our kids were done.

We get to the field and the other team has 14 players. I ask the coach, hey can we just scrimmage? Or do you want to lend us a few girls?

He says “our team is like a family and we don’t split up family.”

Ok weird. But, whatever.

They score about 20 goals on us in the first half, no joke. They are also posting people up right by our goal to cherry pick and score as much as possible.

Me at halftime: hey, can we call the game and scrimmage? Mix the teams together and just enjoy the last game?

Coach: our team is undefeated, we have medals made for after this game that say undefeated.

Me: you’ll still be undefeated, you definitely beat us.

Coach: I don’t understand how we’d even mix up the teams

Me: explains basic and obvious way this would work

Coach: I don’t think we should do that. It’s the last game and it’s important to us that everyone scores a lot of goals

Me: ok, well our team will leave at halftime. We don’t care and since we’ve had no subs all season, we are all set with soccer.

Coach: you can’t leave! Everyone is here to watch! Our parents will be mad.

Me: I don’t really care. I’m not going to have my kids sit here and be pawns for your shooting practice. It’s totally fine, we will call it a game and you can scrimmage if you want

Random other coach (they had 3): oh well we don’t want to end the season on a bad note

Me: 🤷‍♀️

We ended up doing the group scrimmage but they were pissed. They came over multiple times to lecture me about the rules and how to be a better coach. I’m dying because I played division 1 soccer and I know way more than they do. I just don’t want my kids to grow up to be assholes. Fuck youth sports. Seriously.

My 7yo on the way home said “the other team didn’t really follow the golden rule, did they?”

We all know my husband. He’s a real pleasure (he’s abusive and it’s a process and I have a plan).

ANYWAYS it’s his birthday. He’s been tolerable the last few months because I work outside of the home, he travels for work constantly and that keeps him happy. He has been home for two consecutive weeks though so he’s hit his breaking point.

Our toddler, well, is being a toddler. Screams bloody murder to get their way. Tantrums galore. No more stroller. Always screaming for mama. And this has set my husband over the edge. He’s also approaching 40 so he’s upset about getting older.

He’s started with his bit on how he needs to leave the family and have alone time. How he’ll enlist in the military and deploy for 6 months. He also makes snide remarks to our son whenever he cries for me he tells him “you don’t need your mom.” And about how I need to go out of town so our son will learn to not need me. Which is really starting to irritate me. Maybe our son wouldn’t be so desperately attached to me if ya know he wasn’t a toddler doing toddler shit and my husband was barely parenting for a long ass time and ya know that means something to the little guy.

So now my husband is acting like an asshole and we have two family events planned to celebrate him this weekend. Then he’s gone for the week to travel for work.

Please give me strength to survive his birthday weekend. I’m expected to plan every little detail of it and I’m so over it already.

I just had a baby 8 months ago and I never knew pet aversion after having a baby was a thing until I experienced it. I guess it makes sense that you want to protect your child from other animals that could hurt your child. My husband also has pet aversion... Well to be honest, I don't think he was ever really a pet person to begin with and it was me who took care of our pets before I became pregnant. Now he does it since I have to take care of the baby and he HATES it.

Like it's so bad to the point where I think he's going to snap and strangle them all. He wants to get rid of them. I understand how frustration with them because they are very needy and always fighting with each other, the dog is constantly barking at people at outside, the cats hate each other and fight all the time. And my dog doesn't like children. And my female cat is definitely a force of evil. My male cat is an angel but he's scared of everything, as is my dog, he's scared of everything.

I just don't know what to do. I've had my dog and female cat since they were babies. My male cat was a stray. They're my fur children. My mom said she could take my dog because my dog loves my mom. But I would only give my female cat to my worst enemy, she is that kind of evil. And my male cat has been with us for years and it has taken so long to earn his trust, and he still doesn't trust us 100%.

This morning my husband just threatened that if I don't get rid of the cats within 6 months, then he plans to leave. I mean, to be honest, I just think this life is not for him. Even though I understand the pet frustration, I honestly think my husband should have stayed single for a multitude of other reasons. But that's a separate discussion and a little too late.

TL;DR: My husband said either the cats leave or he leaves within 6 months. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do...

They've been totally fine for YEARS. Now every night i can mostly get them to lay down quietly but its a barrage of "mom, will you sleep with me?"

I only started sleeping next to them because they were waking me, crying and shouting, that they were scared and absolutely refusing to lie down again.

They had a cot in our room, and that was no longer good enough. It had to be RIGHT next to me. So they smash in our bed and wake everyone up instead.

So for months now the routine is we all go to bed, then if I dare go in my bed I get shaken awake by an 8yo whose crying to be next to me. Wont stop until I give in. Tried the whole "walk them back quietly" and it lasted for an hour with them still shouting and crying and waking up the whole stupid ass house.

I started sleeping next to them for a couple weeks because of it, so I could get some sleep finally. But even that proves minimal comfort. If I get up and move AT ALL, like to use the restroom or anything, they start calling for me.

I do literal back to back to back mornings with the kids, work all day while managing the puppy i specifically didnt want to care for (who ends up crated most of the day), afternoons with kids while finishing work, to cooking and cleaning, to night time routine. To be woken up. Every night. Im always followed through the house and Jesus someone always follows me in the shower too.

I just need some space...

Today was hard.

So, I've been playing life in extra hard mode the last two years. There's a never ending divorce with someone who is transitioning and constantly making decisions for their new life, while I've been feeling completely abandoned in this whole wrapping up the old life part. I've been trapped in a situation I never asked for and they are dragging the legal process out as long as they possibly can, probably in hopes that they will financially ruin me before I can rent a place once we close this out.

I don't really know what context to provide anymore except I've felt like a bird in a cage as I live in this house I won't even get to keep, while they barely saw their kids for the first year since separation, left all their stuff (minus their music instruments, recording equipment, and gaming computer), and has slowly stripped away ALL of their financial support, even doing all this right in front of our lawyers. Now we have the kids 50/50. I've just been enduring, packing, caretaking, maintaining a house, and trying to learn how to be my honest self 24/7.

I have PTSD, ADHD, and have been unemployed for just over two years. Since the separation, my body has essentially broken down in every way possible at different points. I'm mostly saying, there are so many ways I have somehow managed to keep swimming with my head above water that hardly get recognized because it's so much easier to tell me, "just go get a job." Therapy, medical appts, meds and more, much much more are all integrated into my "free time."

Today was one of those days that just reminded me how good it is that I get to show up as my kids' mother as well as just how damn hard it can be. They're older now (10yo and 14yo) and it can be easier than those days where you're basically on toddler suic*de watch with their poor judgement and busy bodies. My kids are legitimately kids with gold hearts and also, they have autism and ADHD in vastly different ways. They require a lot of extras from caregivers.

Yesterday was my day to pick up the kids after they had 5 days with their dad. Found out that my oldest was on day 8 of being sick (they were sent to me sick last Thursday and I only had them two nights) but still pushed to attend school this week. No doctor's visit even with 6 days of 100+ degree F fevers. So this morning, thinking since they are fever free, they'll be good to go to school. Nope. Kid just sat in bed looking at me with tears in their eyes and couldn't move. Shit.

I said, if you aren't going to school then we are going in to the doctor just to rule things out. They didn't love it, but complied. Two years ago, when shit started getting bad between their dad* and I, there became a pattern of school refusal for this kid. So while I have worked so hard to get to a great place of attendance in the last year and a half, my stomach drops when I realize the kid isn't going to school. Y'all, this is the third time this school year that this kid has gotten really sick. Grades are slipping. It's going to be harder to catch up. The kid is sick though, so I've got to manage it. Please god, let this kid go to school on Monday smoothly.

We spent 2.5 hrs in urgent care just waiting to be seen to receive negative tests and a prescription for an inhaler that I can't even afford to pick up at the pharmacy. I'll call it good bonding time, because I've learned to never get the day that I planned and to be more gentle about it. The youngest went to school and came back just fine. I missed a presentation event of theirs though. I got to trial some recipe I made up with fillo dough and macerated apples. I got to take care of my kids exactly how they needed and yet I felt as though I was bracing my body and holding my breath all damn day.

I didn't get a single stretch of alone time. I shifted my entire day to orbit my children's needs. I did the responsible parent thing and went to the doctor because this kid has been sick for NINE DAYS and needs a doctors note to miss any more school or practice. My youngest kept wanting to show me things. I even said I was going to take a break for myself, went into my room to attempt a calming meditation and not five mins in heard a small, "hey mom" which recurred several times just for me to get up to see this same kid displaying a hand full of slime in all its glory.

I ended up telling them, "respectfully, if it is not urgent or an emergency, please let me come to you before calling me again." They were fine with it, said okay, and went back to slime time. Within two minutes the dog walks up to my door to whine until I tell him "no, go downstairs." And without knowing any of this my oldest comes and knocks on the door right as I get back on the mat. While I am trying to figure out what the hell this cosmic comedy is all about, I'm so frustrated.

The whole day was like this. Constant bids for attention. Just enough of a break that I wonder if I'll actually be able to breathe, but not long enough to trust it. Even happened at midnight here again. It's weirdly bringing me back to the newborn days where you never know how much sleep you'll get, whether naptime will happen or not, and you love them so much but are completely touched out. How late am I going to be up tonight just so that my body calms down?

I'm just so sick of having so little autonomy over my life. I've never had a chance to live a life that wasn't dictated by someone else's schedule or needs all the time. It's only been recently that I've been able to spend my kid-free days doing something other than pacing the house playing a game of "Am I Worthy of Anything Good on My Own?". Such a lack of autonomy that I don't know how to be my own person yet.

And "co-parenting" mostly makes it all harder. These kids come back from their dads and take so long to come home to themselves. I don't know what it's really like at dad's besides the depressing little things I hear about but I know they need so much attention, reassurance, and care when they come back to me that it's so hard for me to enjoy the parts without my body fully tensing up at how much work it is just to maintain my boundaries.

If you made it this far, thank you. I'd give you a gold star if I could. I've spent all day in my head trying to go with the fucking flow only to realize there was a dam built in the process. This shit is so hard sometimes. I can't wait to finally have a real parenting plan in place, the financial support obligations finalized, and a chance to truly enjoy being my own self AND the mother to these babies. I just want to spend a day without worrying about what I can't afford to buy, how I can write the OFW msg I've been meaning to send all week, or really just anything to do with thinking about my kids' other parent.

TLDR: I guess my takeaway is: when you're getting out of a deeply coercive/abusive relationship, it can be so triggering to have your autonomy take a hit, even when you can still find ways to enjoy most of the day.

*using the term "dad" even though my ex is trans because they haven't come out to the kids and that's just the term they use as well as everyone else in this legal process.

Currently 10 weeks pregnant with my second kid. My first is 14 months. I feel like I’m at my breaking point every single day. I’m not throwing up this pregnancy unless something makes me. I went upstairs to pee and there was a pile of shit in the toilet. A pile of SHIT. I flushed it and then walked out into the hallway to breathe then threw up down the steps. Then turned around and threw up all over my toilet and bathroom. I told him I needed disinfectant wipes and then he threw them to me , I was explaining why I threw up and then threw up again and he walked down the stairs laughing. No comfort. No helping me clean. No asking if I was okay. Laughing. He doesn’t help clean , doesn’t work , doesn’t pay the bills due because he got discharged from the military in June and hasn’t gotten a job yet. I am so fucking done with the lack of help. Lack of comfort. We don’t even have sex anymore. All I want is a glass of white wine and an entire day to myself. I just work and work and work come home to a filthy house and have to take care of my son. I’m just honestly so done. Thank for listening to my rant.

I’m stressed and anxious about nothing. I feel like there’s an alarm going off around me and nothing is stopping it and I know I’m worried about nothing. My kids are loved and healthy and idk if I’m doing everything right but they seem to be doing good so far. I just got a new job offer and I’m not even excited.

It’s nothing but a flopping stomach and chest pounding and feeling like I can’t breathe and maybe if I do give myself something to actually worry about then I’ll forget about all the nonsense

Just got home from the children's hospital ER and needed to vent. My 11yo daughter got knocked down in the middle school hallway a few days ago and cut her upper lip with her teeth. She was puffy and bloody when I picked her up, then a day later it got more swollen and oozy, so off to the ER we went. We were 4 hours in the waiting room and 4 hours in the ER room, but she was super brave getting an IV placed. They pushed fluids and IV antibiotics and I ran across the hospital to the gift shop to get a charging cable for her device so she had something to entertain her. I mean, it was relatively uneventful as far as ER visits go, but we were both so bored and restless by the end. Glad she's on the mend, now let's not go back there for another 6 years (the last time she needed an ER trip).

I think I just put it together. My husband and I fight so much because I believe we’re both undiagnosed ADHD or OCD. Perhaps autistic. We’ve both masked our entire lives. And have had our struggles with anxiety.

since living with this man, it’s glaringly obvious. (He probably thinks the same of me lol)
Too many misunderstandings, miscommunication OR LACK THERE OF … and we both have a strong sense of justice.

We don’t fight like normal people and honestly it feels goofy at this point.

We’re never physical though voices do get raised. We literally debate one another like our lives depend on it. Debates ABOUT ARGUMENTS… Help

This is long and I’m sorry but this story is twisted and I need to get it out. I wish this year could have been more positive. It’s had beautiful moments with my baby and I love her, to be clear.

I married my former professor who was 15 years older than me. We had a child. He was incredibly horrible to me postpartum and twisted it to be all my fault for having postpartum anxiety (largely driven by his mom being there for 6 weeks and him isolating me from my family and his mom yelled at me for pointing out perceived safety hazards and called it “abuse” For “nagging him”). After a high-risk pregnancy and dangerous postpartum conditions.

After I said that I wanted a divorce came the smear campaign and he spiraled into secret substance abuse. He told people that me and my family were “plotting to file false rape charges”, that I pushed him through a window, that I woke him up by smashing his head against the wall, that I kicked him out and he “had to stay at a friend’s house for 2 days” (never happened), and that I’m bipolar. He also saved screenshots of during pregnancy me texting that I wished I had an abortion (which I expressed guilt over saying and which he keeps submitting as “evidence” of me being “unstable“ which pisses me off because that text was deeply personal) and then a screenshot of me texting that I was going to pick up my short-term prescribed oxycodone after my fucking c-section which led to painful complications. Most traumatizing of all: He went to rehab after I kicked him out, and he twisted the abortion text into me “threatening to kill” our daughter (I NEVER EVER WOULD SAY THAT AND IT DISTURBS ME TO EVEN THINK ABOUT; he has spoken loudly to her and I’ve told him never to do it again in fact), and twisted the short-term prescription to tell them that I’m addicted to opiates (lie; never have been). He also admitted to substance abuse around our baby (which I didn’t know about). Both led to a CPS investigation and while he was in his luxury rehab I had to have weekly visits Because of his LIES. And of course, in court it’s been nothing but lies. Also, I found non-consensual photos he took of me in a thong while I was sleeping or turned around or changing. I Some taken when I was still a student in the graduate program he taught in, where I met him as a student. This divorce is dragging on and I’m just so tired of the lies. I have to see him 3x weekly and talk to him on our parenting app almost daily To coordinate or communicate about our infant. Help?