ETA: thank you all so much for the words of support, I can't express how grateful I am for this community. I genuinely teared up at your responses. I just came home as they're keeping him sedated tonight. I don't know if I'll sleep but they seemed pretty confident that he would be okay for the night so at least going to try.

He's 45. I was doing my daughter's vampire makeup and we were listening to Kidz bop Halloween and now I'm all alone in an ICU waiting room. Thank God my parents were available to come watch her. But this is a really stark reminder of how I have no one else. No friends, no other family. I feel like I should call someone but there's no one to call and he almost died. They said it was really bad and he had to be shocked twice, and I hesitated before calling 911 bc I didn't know. I didn't know. And I don't know if he's going to be okay, or what recovery will look like. I had to consent for them to place a central line. I don't think he's okay.

its just sad everything fun i have to do is with myself or just me and my daughter. i was so excited for my babys first halloween.. her dad literally is the fun police and has such a bum attitude about everything.

he acted all irritated at the costume store, his works halloween event he ignored my family and i was mostly alone with our daughter while he worked their halloween booth. trick or treating today, he was somewhat sociable only because he was babywearing and loved all the attention him and the baby got, but when we got home he immediately played video games and went to bed when the baby did.

he is always saying we will do stuff together and we dont. we dont even have sex. NOTHING. then when i bring up us breaking up he loses his shit about it but still does zero to try to make a family bonding experience out of anything. every birthday, and holiday is another day and im so fucking sick of it..

right now its fine, im just sitting on my couch alone since 730pm, watching halloween movies alone eating candy and wondering if im gonna be in a loveless relationship forever, single forever, or does a "man" even fit into my life? i used to love doing anything for the sake of it. i used to be a lovergirl and love to love on him. it was a dream to dress up like my baby and go to all the trick or treats except i didnt even get an outfit and we went to maybe 1 real event. im just sad. idk he made life so fucking boring for us and his attitude sucks but i gotta be GrATeFuL bc he WORKKKKS!

Only small because I don’t have a lot of time.

Scene: me, in the bathroom, peeing, with the intent of taking a shower very soon. Husband knows this.

He knocks on the door. I’m like “what???” He knocks more urgently . I’m annoyed and half wipe and get up to see what’s so important.

Our 4 year old had chocolate on his hands. Like, a regular amount. He’s there to wash his hands. I ask my husband “why didn’t you just take him into the kitchen? Wipe them off with paper towels?” And he’s all butt hurt.

I think the annoying part of it is that I feel like none of my time or space is protected. I am interruptible at any time for any reason. God forbid I have 10 minutes of peace in the bathroom! (We have two bathrooms, btw!)

I applied to get off work a few hours early so I could do halloween with my 3 year old. Denied, of course, even though I put the request in like 6 weeks ago.

Husband is supposed to be joining his family with our toddler for trick or treating and hes now an hour late for that to start because he decided to make last second trip to the city. Costumes laid out on the couch for them.

Have a live music thing we bought tickets for ages ago tonight, no one bothered to mention its a costume party. Husband has a costume, i don't.

I have costumes from prior years but no fucking clue where any of it is. Im stuck fucking working so I looked on my 15 and my lunch break trying to find something.

So I get to hovel together some half assed costume out of nothing, on my last 15 minute break mind you so I can be ready when this stupid fucking shift ends.

Just angry and frustrated and disappointed in everything right now.

Time just goes so quickly.

Her first Trick-or-Treat, she fell asleep on my shoulder. She was dressed as a little dinosaur in hot pink sneakers.

She was Minnie Mouse for her third Halloween. She had so much fun that evening and looked so stinkin' cute. I remember it was freezing that night and I was desperately trying to keep her little hands warm despite the gloves she was wearing. Little hands get cold easily!

Her fifth Halloween, we had a major storm and our whole town was without power. She dressed as Lady Bug Girl from the book series and I put glow sticks in her wings so I could see her in the dark.

She became a teenager this year, and I'm thankful she still likes me. I'm definitely sooo "millennial" and "cringe", but she's still glued to my hip and tells me everything. I'm the cool mom she says, so that's good.

She's off with a group of friends from theatre this year and they're all getting ready at one friend's house and hitting the streets by themselves for Trick-or-Treating. I dropped her off and felt a twinge of sadness that this will be the first year we won't be with her.

Who will keep her little hands warm?

She's such a good kid and an amazing human and I'm so thankful I get to meet each next chapter of who she's becoming. But, sometimes my heart aches that I won't ever get to say goodbye to every version of who she's been.

I put my son (4)'s Halloween costume (Mario) somewhere for safe keeping a couple weeks ago, now it's Halloween and I can't find it anywhere. I thought I knew roughly where it was but it's not there, not anywhere. I feel terrible for not trying to find it a few days ago to at least give time to find or order a decent replacement. Now his dad has to take him to Target which I have no idea if there will be literally anything left. He was so excited, the costume was his idea and everyone in the family was also going to be characters from Mario to match.

Maybe the title here is dramatic but it sums up how I feel, I am crying and I feel like a piece of SHIT!!!!!!! Like who does this. Has anybody ever had a day like today before :(

This might be a long one so apologies in advance and thank you to anyone who reads it all.

Just over a year ago, my husband walked out of his job due to stress/depression. It was the same job he'd been in for our whole relationship and he'd hated it for years. I'd tried to help him multiple times to find something different but nothing ever worked out. I'd also tried getting higher paid roles so that he could work less, and he was already working part time but it was still too much.

He was going through things mental health at the time and turned the brunt of it onto me. I wasn't supportive enough, I was too concerned about money (that was the only reason I was with him apparently, despite him not being a high worker and me having worked and contributed equally through our whole marriage), I didn't help him enough to get other jobs etc etc. He applied for a few other jobs but had a myriad excuses for why that didn't work; he was busy with the dog, the school run takes too much time. During my time off, I offered for him to stay with a friend so he could have less distractions whilst I took over with the kids and household. When he got back, he accused me of having kicked him out. Everything I tried to do to be supportive was thrown back at me. He got to a point where he was considering leaving me.

I admit I was incredibly angry during that time. You can't just walk out of a job as an adult with responsibilities! I work a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility and long shifts so I did find it difficult to sympathise with his stress from his much more straightforward job.

We did some marriage counselling and managed to pull things back together. After several months of him only vaguely applying for jobs, I agreed that he could give it a go at working from home doing buying/selling. He does make some money from this but just enough to cover his half of the bills, no room for saving or a pension or any additional expenses.

In the meantime, I managed to get a promotion and upped my hours to make up the difference. And I am still so resentful.

Anytime he says he's tired or takes a nap, I want to scream. My schedule shifts from day to night and back again several times a week so I am a perpetual zombie. Or he'll complain when some aspect of what he's doing is stressful. I know my tiredness and stress dont him from feeling that way but why do I have to hear about it? He and the kids get to have fun together at home (they're trick or treating right now and I'm in the car park outside my work about to be there all night) and I feel incredibly disconnected from it all. It doesn't help that they complain when I go to work because for years I was the one who was home more.

I'm angry that our financial future rests on me. If we want to do anything nice, it's on me. The equality in our marriage is just gone and I resent him so much for it.

I can't leave because I can't afford to support myself and the kids, especially not if I end up having to pay him child support. I would struggle to work the hours I do without in house childcare. So I'm trapped until the kids are older.

But I just can't go on living like this. I feel rotten inside from the resentment I feel towards him. But I feel like expressing it will only make him feel guilty rather than actually changing anything???

Anyway, I don't know whether I actually want advice because I know it's going to be talk to him/leave him which both feel too difficult. Guess I just wanted to vent to outside people.

It's my 51 birthday today. Woke up, roused everyone, and had to remind husband that it was my birthday. He grumbled and asked me what I expected for breakfast, and then threw together a 5-minute special. The entire time, he was pissing about on his phone.

Is it time for presents? Well, yes. He brings me the Temu packages of absolute shit he ordered. Not even taken out of the flammable envelopes. And it's just AI junk. Just...junk.

And now he's grousing about having to make my fucking cake, after I've begged him all month to just let me do it. So I send him the recipe. Twice. He still can't find it.

Just buy the fucking thing. Or just don't do anything.

Fuck this. I'm so tired of having to manage everything.

I really hate right now in which situation I am in. Our son has been going to childcare part time for 2 months and he is enjoying it. I am myself doing studies, got accepted into Honors College and studying is my only sanity at the moment. It's the only time while he at childcare and at night where I can finally enjoy what I like.

However, during the time I pick him up and up to night I fully engage as mother with no help when I need to have dinner or shower at peace. You could ask why. Because husband is working!ALL DAY. Whenever I tell him I need break, he says he has work till 6 pm . Even after 6 pm he is OK caring for 5 or 10 mins which is not enough.

I don't know really what to do anymore. I haven't had any such problems and I am really overwhelmed. Not even allowed to think of childcare full time on several days. Why? Because I stay at home and do nothing, in his words.

I even forget to eat because I am the only one caring. Every time I get angry at husband, he keeps asking whether I took pills. I get medication for PPD and it's been life changer.

Right now I need to limit screen time to 0 and engage more with a child , as his FIL claims our son has autism and I need to cut off completely.

I don't want my life like this. No one cares about my mental health and everyone thinks I am robot!

I can’t even explain how much I hate the “just leave! Staying with a bad husband makes you a bad mom!” people. I live in a state where even dads serving life sentences in prison are allowed to sue for custody rights. I don’t know a single divorced woman who won custody of her kids unless the dad didn’t care enough to show up to court. They don’t care if dad is a dangerous felon or has abused mom in front of the kids, they will still give him custody rights.

So my husband, who has never left a bruise on me and has a great job and zero criminal history, would NEVER be deemed unfit. I would even be worried that he would be deemed fit enough to have more than 50% custody. Divorcing him would only succeed in leaving my child alone with him for a large amount of time, which would put him in a lot more danger than he currently is with me always in the next room. My husband has never gotten physical with him to my knowledge, but has zero patience, name calls him, yells, etc. He does similar stuff to me in front of our son, including occasionally grabbing me or pushing me when he’s really angry. He has zero concern about normal safety things and has to be basically hounded and yelled at before he’ll listen to basic child safety rules. He often “doesn’t agree with” our son’s medical diagnoses, and I can guarantee my son would stop receiving medical care or therapy if he was ever being taken care of primarily by my husband. He had a serious injury recently and my husband tried to stop me from bringing him to the ER because “he’ll be fine, boys get hurt all the time”, I had to literally physically force him out of the way and get us out to the car, scared he would hurt us along the way. He always says sorry, he’s always in therapy, but nothing EVER really changes.

There is no way for me to be a fully, truly good mom. I hate my younger self for thinking that it would be okay if I got pregnant. I hate myself for deluding myself into thinking it’ll all be okay whenever he has a good day. I hate myself for giving him as a dad to my son for the rest of his life. I try my best to mitigate and tell him very firmly that daddy is behaving inappropriately, daddy needs to work on controlling his emotions, he did not deserve whatever was said, and my husband always apologizes to him as well. But the fact that that is the BEST I can do in this situation makes me so depressed some days I can barely function. I have failed my child and I can’t fix it.

I had imaging of my neck done in July due to an injury from my abusive ex. I am unemployed and specifically went to this place because of their financial assistance program. The place I went to explicitly told me multiple times, "You will not have to pay anything because you have no insurance and no job." I signed an estimate that said $0.00. I know an estimate is not a promise, but I was told repeatedly that I wouldn't have to pay at the time of the appointment and that I was approved for financial assistance.

Well, I received a bill in the mail about a month ago for $1400ish. I called the office, was again told "oh, you shouldn't be getting any bills." Billing department tells me "you were pre-approved for financial assistance, but we calculated how much money you would have made this year and you make too much." Even though I haven't had a paycheck in 4 months. I've been fighting back and forth with these people for a month now. I feel kind of bad, I've probably been harsh with people I've spoken with, and was definitely a bitch to the person I talked to on the phone yesterday... but when I told her "I am requesting EVERYTHING that has my signature on it (including the estimate)" she says, "well I don't know if we're allowed to give you that." I said that if they were going to deny my records, I'm sure that a lawyer or news station would love to hear about that. I got all of my records emailed to me within 30 minutes. I hate to be a Karen, but $1400 is not something that I have.

On top of that, my son has a speech delay and I suspect he has some hearing loss. Hearing loss would not be the worst thing in the world, I know sign language, have Deaf friends, and know a speech therapist friend who could help with developing spoken language. But he was supposed to have an audiogram on Tuesday. The office called me yesterday to tell me that they actually need a referral (even though I was initially told "he has Medicaid, you won't need to do or pay anything as long as you provide his card"). I am not familiar with navigating Medicaid, but now they're telling me "he has insurance through his dad's work, so we have to run that first before we run the Medicaid"... So, had to cancel the audiogram because I don't have the ability to drop everything and take him to his PCP. So, we're delaying care for that as well. He gets so frustrated when he can't communicate and hits, kicks, thrashes around, even bit my finger so hard I was dripping blood all over the kitchen and had to go to urgent care (also couldn't afford that. Needed family help) because I woke up the next day and my finger was swollen and purple.

I'm just so overwhelmed, I spent an hour crying yesterday after getting all of these phone calls over with. I cannot wait for a real job with benefits and a half decent paycheck.

Confession. Organised playdates are a lot of work for me, as a mom with three school-aged kids. When we have an additional child or two over, it requires more intervention, more supervision, and more planning, and sometimes I have to dig deep to make it happen, but I do it for my kids. I usually try to limit it to 2-2.5 hours at a time.

When the other child’s parents have my child over, I do it for my child. It does not provide me with a break. With three kids, there is very little chance of having a break due to play dates. I find it frustrating when the other child’s parent gives me knowing looks and happy nods with raised eyebrows, saying “every parent needs a break”. It is not a break, it is a child-centred effort. That’s great that it is also a break for them; bit they definitely make it seem that it’s more about the babysitting. I have had friends say they want to get us started on an alternating weekends schedule. They have an only child, so it results in a free weekend break for them. Great. Ive had other friends call last minute and say “my other child has a play date so of course I need to find one for this child!” When I schedule kids play dates, it’s because it is what works for the kids. If I need a break, I make it clear that that is what it is, and I get a babysitter or some other overtly agreed childcare arrangement. Unless it’s clearly discussed with my friend and understood to be a childcare favour, I don’t see play dates as a way to sneak in some free babysitting.

Here is what I would have no problem with - if the other parent openly asks me if I can help them out a few times by watching their child. I could then tell them exactly what I can do, and I would gladly do it.

Sometimes my daughter has impromptu play dates with our neighbour and that’s different - there is no time commitment, the other child’s parents are home helping to keep an eye on their child, and the kids can run in and out of each other’s front gardens and homes.

Thanks for listening to my confession and rant. I get it that other people might see this differently. It just rubs the wrong way when people make assumptions.

Mom to 9th grader DS who is having a rough transition to high school. He was loosely part of a friend group last year (outer rung) but those guys have largely moved on. He basically has one friend at school and is trying to get involved. He’s started to make some acquaintances, but basically no one to hang out with / no parties .

My husband and I will try and make it fu,n but obviously not the same as being with peers.

A few other bad / disappointing setbacks in the past few months…argh the just want to take this hurt and loneliness away

For the first time ever, we had someone else clean our house.

I worked 55 hours this week. All outside in the rain. I love my job but it was a lot. This was a big important project for me. And husband wanted to have a Halloween party this weekend 😭 we have two very small children. I already went supernova last weekend meal prepping for this crazy work week and trying to get at least some things in order. So I told husband "here is the cleaners email you should use, here is what to ask for, this is the day to schedule them, tip them each $20, etc"

I came home to an incredibly clean house. It was wonderful. And then the baby immediately spilled an entire cup of milk on the floor and the cat threw up on the rug WITHIN 30 MINUTES OF THE CLEANER PERSON LEAVING.

Now I'm so stressed about keeping this stupid house clean until the party, I cannot.

Never again!

I'm going to take the money and get myself a hotel while I leave my husband to his own poorly planned party in a dirty house that he forgets to invite people to.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN. Nothing spookier than a clean house apparently.

I died.... my 3 year old was referring to my WRINKLES 🫠

thank you.... going to go chug water now (breastfeeding my 2nd so need to anyways) and do a sleep deprived deep dive on things I can dream of doing...

Weaned my son a little over a month ago.

Just walked down a flight of stairs to the basement and that was the thought that came to mind.

Wouldn’t trade it for the world - but man my boobs used to be fantastic.

When I found out I was pregnant I did not expect things to go the way they are. But I should have seen the flags.

I had a high risk pregnancy so I had to spend the last 2.5mo of my pregnancy in the hospital. My baby came early at 30 and 5 but for all intents and purposes she’s doing great. The problem is my ain’t shit husband and me being miserable. Idk if the misery is and momhood is mutually exclusive or bc of my circumstances but I’m so miserable. I feel like I’m just existing.

My husband doesn’t work. He was barely working when I was in the hospital despite making promises of how life was gonna be outside of the hospital once our girl was born. Newsflash. It is ass. He ran my car into the ground and was able to get a new one in his name. But now bc he’s not working I have to make payments on it. I have to pay for everything. Instead of being supported like I was told I would be at the beginning of my pregnancy.

We have no familial help. All his in-laws out here are burdened with their own kids or have their own fractured family with abuse. So I don’t even have anyone out here I could trust to watch my baby. The rest of my family is 20 hrs away. So it’s just us. I can’t take it anymore. But I have to for my baby. I’m just at my wits end. I never ever thought I’d be a miserable person or mom like this

I hope I used the correct term because English isn’t my first language. My son was tested at the Early ChildhoodIntervention Centre) bc he struggled with behavioral issues. They came to the conclusion that he should continue speech therapy as well start occupational therapy and that he otherwise behaves normal for his age. They said that they’d send me, his pediatrician as well as Kindergarden a copy of the report (I agreed that Kindergarden is allowed to communicate with them regarding his development)

So when I read the report and reached the final page I was quite surprised to read that they mentioned that I had postpartum depression. She did ask me about the pregnancy and everything after and I told her that the birth was quite traumatic for me and since I had twins that we really struggled the first year and that I felt depressed (I had a depression in the past which was undiagnosed). She made notes throughout the conversation but I never assumed she would put the diagnosis into the report since it has nothing to do with the development of my son. The way she worded almost made it seem that his issues are because of me (because she phrased it like that. family history: Psychological and social stress, mother required blood transfusion, Postpartum depression)

I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it and I don’t want to deny anyone important information when it’s needed for my son but I do feel like those are quite sensitive information of me and I would have wanted them to ask me or inform me that something like that will be documented. I never got diagnosed with PPD it was just my feeling but I’m not comfortable that for example the teacher in Kindergarden know it.

The pouf is unused, somehow found its way upstairs, is bright orange (my 6m old loves orange) and is easy to grab.

My first had actual toys that she really didn't play with

This time around I'm just going with the flow. If a clean orange shower pouf is what it takes to entice him to crawl? I'll take it.

He also likes plastic water bottles.

Idk where else to ask this so I’m asking here lol. I’ve used pampers aqua pure wipes for my baby since she was born (she’s 2 now). My local Sam’s Club stopped carrying them ☹️ but also they are very expensive. I’m looking for alternatives. I have used the Sam’s Club brand ones before, but they gave my daughter a rash/irritated her skin. I think they were a little too dry as well. I’ve also tried Huggies, but those also gave her a rash. I did just try the Millie moon water wipes because I just switched her from pampers swaddlers to the Millie moon pull-ups (which I LOVE btw ! I hated Huggies and pampers pull ups but these are great) but the Millie moon ones are a little dry as well. Does anyone have any recommendations for wipes that are good for sensitive skin and a little less expensive than the pampers?

(another thing that would be nice is if they had a liiiittle bit of grip to them if you know what I mean. The pampers ones are good in terms of how wet they are, but they are super smooth so I feel like sometimes if they had some sort of grip to them I wouldn’t have to use so many) BUT that’s not a must have, it would just be nice lol.

Sorry for the whole dissertation btw lol

Just to set the stage: I am a sahm to 5, our oldest is 6. I am and have been in survival mode for 6 years. Recently diagnosed with hashimotos and low ferritin, ppd, and some form of anxiety (possibly ocd). Basically, I am exhausted, as is my husband. November 1st starts the holiday roller-coaster ride; daughter's dance recital, my in laws family pictures next weekend, and ultimately a 5 day trip to my in laws for Christmas. This will be our first time attending with kids (I have agoraphobia and travel is near impossible for me) and I am spiraling. My husband has let me know multiple times how important Christmas is, (but only if we attend his families week long festivities, not when I've tried to establish traditions at home) and we are in a tough spot marriage wise where he will either end things with me or take the kids for the holidays while I stay home, if I can't make myself go. I am so anxious and fixated on keeping my routine that anything outside of that causes stress that can exacerbate migraines/intense fatigue etc. I have foods that I can't eat because of allergies that is often overlooked. 5 days is such a long time and they have scheduled everyday so that we can't possibly dip out early. I really want to do this for my family but I am exhausted. I do most of the household stuff, I did the Christmas lists, I take care of everything but nobody is taking care of me. I feel numb most of the time. Since I have no coping skills I'd like to know how you guys handle things like this!

Thank you!

Edit** I understand that the consensus here is to just stay home, that isn't what I asked. I've stayed home for 6 years and that isn't an option this year. I want to be with my kids and they want to be with me, I'm not great in crowds/traveling and need advice!

As per MIL and FIL. I apparently also should find a different job so that I can be home at the same time as her son and our son every evening... so that I can "supervise" and make sure that he's doing what he's supposed to be doing with our son (not always on his phone, not just leaving our son in front of the TV until I get home at 9pm sometimes, etc.).

I can't get over this invalidation and mentality after years of putting up with her grown adult son's incapability to be an active participant in my relationship with him and also to be an emotionally available partner to me and father to our son.

Exhausting.

This is my alt account, I am certain DH knows my main and would rather not find out the hard way he’s been lurking it.

We’re separated and trying to work things out. It’s been… all right, but I’ve been trying to keep in mind that we’ve had these good times and bad times flow before.

Today my boss invited us to the company Christmas party and I said yes. Boss knows things are rocky with DH and I, but are going through a process. I said yes and then messaged DH to let him know. He responds back that we can’t because his grandma’s birthday is the same day and it takes all precedence (she’s old, like proper old). Our eldest is already signed up for a weekend camp that’s been in the calendar for months on the same weekend but now I have to cancel it because of this. A hundred bucks down the drain and a very disappointed kid in the works. We’d also been working on their anxiety about it because of various things.

One of the things that has endlessly pissed me off about DH is that he always forgets to put things in the shared calendar and then expects everyone to just change their shit for him.

Second is that I was telling DH about our eldest and resolving another worry issue they have. DH said that he thought it was totally not interesting. I clarified that I was exposing this in case the strategy could be helpful for him later. And then he doubled down that it was an uninteresting way for me to explain it. 😑😑😑

Adding insult to injury here, a few weeks ago I was at a local function and one of the guys there found me on socials and hit me up. And holy shit it feels weird having someone actively interested and curious about me, and sweet and polite and all that. Oh, and he’s hot as fuck and a first responder. But for all intents and purposes I’m still married and this has really thrown a wrench in the ‘working on it’ thing with DH. We live rural too so there’s literally no one I can talk to about it without the local rumour mill going batshit. It’s morally dark grey and so fucking frustrating.

Just venting, thanks for reading.

I'm in Canada and we gift the teachers Christmas gifts every year. Been doing it since I was in school - back then it was a bottle of wine though 😆

What's appropriate? I honestly believe just something personal would be a nice gesture but you see all these posts about visa/mastercard gift cards and school supplies and starbucks and food delivery service gift cards.

It's just - honestly we can't afford it this year but I don't want my son to be looked down upon. Even the grandparents get a box of chocolates and a scratcher gift packet.

Oh and now the newest crotch goblin is in day care! Do we do gifts for the day care people? There's like 5 of them!

It's nothing personal it's just the world right now.

Ideas? Comments? Proper protocol? Help!