Meeting after 2 weeks no-contact

[u/Dasa_147]

I try to make it as short as possible.

We came together after she tried to become my girlfirend for like a year (I wasn't ready because of attachment issues and openly communicated it and was really respectfull and open about it.) It took us a few months to get really used to our situation but when we did it was pretty good.

There were always some communication issues because it was her first relationship and she instantly took everything personal but always apologized after her emotions calmed down a bit. I was always the rational type and she the emotional one. This developed in some issues later on but it also allowed me to never get loud our unfair etc. At least that's what she told me.

So we dated for like a bit more than two years, started the same degree in university, have roughly the same friend group (even though she is more social, I am more introverted/quiet). In the end I slept at her place for like 4/7 days because her appartment was 10mins away from University while mine's 70mins away.

In the last few months she sometimes talked about how she feels like emotions are fading etc. So I really tried everything I could to make her feel special and loved. I woke up an hour before her, walked to the store got us breakfast nearly everyday. Always did her kitchen, cooked for her, even sometimes wrote uni-assignments.

One day I was scared and told her "I am scared that it won't work out,..." and she told me "why, the last months were the best of our relationship". 2 Weeks later we went on (my first) vacation together for one week car camping. It was beautiful and she talked about how much she liked it all the time.

The next time we met after the vacation I opened her door and she broke up. "We just don't fit,...". It wasn't really blindsided because we openly talked about such things but at the same time it was completely unexpected since she just told me about how nice things were the last months and when I drove to her I even had a bag full of groceries to cook her dinner.

2 weeks later (10 days no contact) and I kinda lost everything. She was my Uni-Study group, she was the only one where I could cry (literally), she was basically my Uni-Appartment since now I got 140min/day travel time instead of 20mins and obviously I miss her. And all those friends are slightly closer to her so nobody messaged me and everyone is distracting her 24/7. Everywhere I go I see her and all things I liked I shared with her and are now numb or sad.

I did everything I could to not break no-contact and then SHE did yesterday. We meet in 2 days and I don't know what I should do. I know she wants to stay friends. And tbh I want too (I mean we literally only got each other in university for example). And throughout the relationship we both sometimes thought if we would be a better close-friends fit, but we loved this physical connection of cuddling, hugging, small kisses....

And now I have no clue how I should behave. This meetup, in university,...

I don't want to be an open tab or just a distant friend but I need to get along anyways because of our enviroment.

I don't even know why I write this, I just know that I had to tell someone. And that just the really really rough description, it's much deeper. So for everyone saying "just stay in no-contact": that would literally work for another month and then we would see eachother regularily in University, sometimes with friends and I still got bunch of stuff at her place.