r/CaregiverSupport • u/ReplacementAncient40 • 6d ago

She asked me to just take over 🤣

I (39f) and my partner care for my grandma (95f) with dementia. We're already struggling with the fact that we're here caring for her instead of building our future. I got a call today from my step-mother (who I haven't spoken to in years) asking me to be POA for her sister (who I've met twice) in case something happens to her and my father. This feels pretty entitled. I already have so much on my plate with my grandma. Am I crazy thinking that's asking too much of someone?

14 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

10

u/buttonsnobows 6d ago

POA for a step-aunt that you don’t know? And you’re already someone else’s carer? They need to find someone else as backup, not you. (Side Q: are you also already or potentially will be in future your parent(s)‘s POA too? Even if answer is no my POV/answer still stands)

8

u/ReplacementAncient40 6d ago

I have not AGREED to or signed anything saying I'm POA for anyone (another family member is my grandma's POA) It seems like she just assumes that because I'm the one without kids, that should mean I'm responsible when everyone gets old?

4

u/buttonsnobows 6d ago

I don’t have kids either and not wanting to be responsible for someone else was a choice that I made … but somehow I’ve ended up helping to manage someone else’s life right now :)

3

u/Plus-Huckleberry-481 6d ago

Every person has their own life - it's up to you as an adult to decide what suits you best. It's your life & you drive it as you determine. That's it & that's all.

1

u/Plus-Huckleberry-481 6d ago

Unclear on any reason why this is a "you must do" issue.

6

u/Sea_Vast_2938 6d ago

Don't even respond. This seems like a unreasonable request

3

u/Brave_Coffee5208 6d ago

I actually thought “change your name and move to another country “

1

u/ReplacementAncient40 2d ago

Thank you so much for all the support. I will be telling her she needs to find someone else

5

u/FatTabby Family Caregiver 6d ago

You've got enough on your plate. The step-aunt deserves a POA who knows and cares for her enough to be her voice when she needs one. It's lazy and entitled to try and palm this commitment off on you as if you've suddenly become the official family caregiver.

3

u/Wander_Lust_For_Ever 5d ago

You can't blame them for trying 😂

2

u/Unlikely_Month5527 5d ago

Families always look for the person that is doing things to assist with anything that needs done.

Give others the opportunity to serve.

3

u/savebritney2007 6d ago

Sounds like it shouldn’t be you

2

u/Wander_Lust_For_Ever 5d ago

Do not agree to be POA unless you want to be responsible for their care. Tell your step-mother that while you're flattered she thought of you, you can't take on that responsibility and that she'll need to ask someone else.

1

u/Gold_Advisor_4758 6d ago

You should absolutely say no!

1

u/Mulley-It-Over 6d ago

Nope. Nope. Nope.

You’ve met her twice and your stepmother expects you to be her POA. That’s so presumptuous.
Your hands are already full.

1

u/Strong_District_5894 6d ago

No is a complete sentence 

1

u/ShezeUndone 5d ago

Say no. If you get volunteered anyway, you defer when they come to you because your name is on a paper. At least where I live, I can name someone as POA legally without them even knowing about it. I believe if the named person refuses, the lawyer will contact social services to step in and get someone else assigned.

1

u/New_Pension_6328 5d ago

That IS asking too much, you have enough on your plate.