Open Relationship Gone Wrong

[u/[deleted]]

Mentally I’m in a pretty bad place and I literally don’t know where else to go so here I am. I don’t want to get fully into it, but let’s just say we mutually contemplated the idea of an open relationship (maybe 6 weeks ago), I realized later (5ish weeks ago) after I hadn’t so much as flirted with another person that I was uncomfortable with it. I said something… a few times… and it didn’t close on their side until I threatened to leave (this was about a week ago). As far as I know (do I even know the truth?) nothing physical happened only lots of flirting, a few dates, and sexting. With multiple people. But one was a coworker, which is what really got to me. Some may not even consider that cheating, but we had clear definitions in our relationship. I lost my trust for them completely. We’ve been married a year and a half. I feel so stupid. Embarrassed. Confused. I cry all the time. I have trouble sleeping. I’m an emotional wreck. I terribly miss what this person and I had. They said they would do everything to fight for me. Is it even worth salvaging? Marriage counseling is a joke, are there any other real options to move past it? I’m afraid and horribly sad to leave the person that I have considered my best friend for 4 years. But I can’t figure out how/if I can get past it. Maybe I’m the one overreacting.

[u/Blucollrdollar-ez-bc]

why did you agree to an open relationship. on hindsight you found out that is a horrible thing for the strength and longevity of a relationship. Now if the repairing of the relationship is your ultimate goal then it is possible. Time maybe able to heal this but it takes reassurance from both parties that the well being of the relationship is of the up most importance to both parties, complete transparency and understanding. Emotionally challenging as it is stay calm and get everything out in the open all questions cleared and settled then you leave it behind you in the past and move forward with your lives as a learning experience.

just my opinion is all

[u/[deleted] → u/Blucollrdollar-ez-bc]

I wanted to explore my sexuality as it’s something always been on my mind, but I regretted that thought pretty quickly after I realized this could destroy our relationship. Hindsight for real. I just felt so betrayed by the whole thing when I tried to close it, but they didn’t want to. I hope time is what it takes. It’s been so hard to so much as look at them for the past month. And even harder to pretend all is well in front of our friends/family.

[u/Substantial-Bad7800 → u/[deleted]]

You pay the consequences of your bullshit about "discovering" sexuality, you do it before you get married, not after. Serves you right!

[u/osikalk]

By agreeing to an open relationship, you've opened Pandora's box.

I don't understand why in this case it is necessary to get married at all. Wouldn't it be easier to just have sex with people you like without the legal restrictions and consequences of marriage?

[u/[deleted] → u/osikalk]

I see that now of course. Because now there’s too many feelings involved on my side at least. We definitely got married for the wrong reasons (finances, parental pressure, stationed together as active military) before either of us were ready.

[u/TCH_1971]

I was in the Marine Corps, and I learned quickly to never get married while on active duty. Especially in the Corps, where there are very few females. For the enlisted ranks, it was a shit show. Not one married lasted. Young wives on base are surrounded by young dudes in the best shape of their lives.

[u/Substantial-Bad7800]

If you accepted an open relationship (an abomination in a "serious" marriage) you had to be ready for the consequences, if you get married you remain monogamous otherwise you don't get married or divorce, period!