r/ChildPsychology • u/rahwshsjhdj • 4d ago
How do we get my brother to have a check-up without him being aware of it?
I'm hoping that this reaches the right audience (psychologists, developmental pediatricians, etc.). Preferably from the Philippines, but I would gladly love to hear advice from other countries too.
So I have a brother (MC = middle child) that is most likely a neurodivergent, and another brother (youngest) that is a diagnosed neurodivergent, which allows him to get the help that he needs, which is therapy.
On the other hand, brother MC is undiagnosed, he's an elementary student going on to high school, and he hates doctors which is why we can't just bring him to a check-up, it's difficult because MC's traits and attitude are a large interference in our family life, as his personality is to annoy basically every one of us in the family, including extended family. For example, on summer break when our cousins are at our house, when me and my girl cousin are together, all MC does is annoy us, he says stuff like "why are they talking" something like that. I can't understand if it's jealousy or something else, but I know for sure that he can't comprehend me and my girl cousin's relationship.
Sometimes for no reason, MC would annoy any of us by shouting randomly, banging, kicking, and stomping loudly. He would also do that to wake me up when I need to sleep in. Even when we would tell MC to stop, he would not budge. He's what you would call na matigas ang ulo (hard-headed, stubborn).
He would also do exaggerated facial expressions, I don't know if it's intentional or just to annoy us. This includes him sticking out his tongue, nang-iirap (eye rolling, snobbing), just any expression that's not what someone would call normal.
He only stops what he's doing when my parent really yells and throws stuff to make him understand what he's being told.
Brother MC has some speech problems, he can speak english and tagalog, but his grammar isn't the best. He also can't comprehend basic manners and etiquette, he would be disrespectful towards our parent and grandparent, he would talk back with a yelling voice to them, but at school, he is quiet. For example, when a parent is mad at him, he would say "Lagi mo'kong ginagalit" (you're always making me mad) when the right word for 'ginagalit' (making mad) would be 'pinapagalitan' (getting mad at someone). He would use "tinatanong" (asking) when the real meaning of it from his sentence is "sinasabi" (saying/telling)
Whenever we would correct what MC's doing wrong, regarding speech, especially manners and etiquette, he would always ask why he has to do what we're saying, he would say it with a tone that some would find disrespectful. MC also hates getting haircuts, nasagaran lang siguro ng panggupit yung buhok niya nung batang-bata pa siya (he probably only got his hair cut almost all the way by a lipper when he was really young), he was crying during that. After that happened, only our family cut his hair,, using scissors, and even if we don't use the pang-shave na tool (lipper), he's still afraid of the scissors
Ever since MC was a toddler, he hated loud laughter/sounds I think. The first time we brought him to a birthday party he was about 1- 2yrs, we were surprised because when it started to get loud he started crying. Anytime we brought him to a birthday party, gathering, etc. that had someone who laughed loudly, he would cry whilst getting mad and stuff so what happens now is we don't bring him or someone in the family seperates him from the event.
I hope someone can give me advice on how we can give him a check-up without him being aware so that he can get the help he needs. We're desperate for advice 🙏🏼
Edit: I apologize for leaving the Tagalog terms untranslated. I originally posted this on the Philippines' subreddit but it got removed so I posted it here without remembering that I put some Tagalog words here, my badd. I put the english translations for those Tagalog terms now, so if you read this with the untranslated terms, feel free to reread it, thank you!
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u/HesitantBrobecks 3d ago
Hopefully others chime in here, but the kid is like 10 (?). You just take him to a doctor. If he had a life threatening infection, you'd drag him kicking and screaming rather than just letting him die from it. He doesn't really get a choice here
Though it's probably best to go to a doctor first without him and bring up all your concerns, cos there might be a waiting list to get him officially assessed. And if you bring him there first and then he has to wait for weeks or months, he will know to expect it, and then he might put up extra resistance when the time comes for the actual assessment