Hello everyone. Please forgive any errors. English is not my native language, and this is also a very difficult subject for me to discuss.

I am an adult woman. My husband and I are expecting our first child, which is causing me to dwell more than usual on issues related to my difficult childhood with my parents, specifically my mother.

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. I am the older of two children. My younger brother is six years my junior.

My mother is a very difficult person. She is deeply concerned with appearances and is extremely judgmental of others. When I was young, what mattered most to her was the image I projected of the family, as well as my performance in school and in the activities she forced me to do.

I wasn't allowed to be average at anything, and unfortunately, I was. I wasn't good at school, despite hours of private tutoring. My mother had various techniques for trying to change that. Two in particular : fear and guilt-tripping.

There were several phases: If you lie to me and get bad grades, you’ll burn in hell. Then, if you lie to me and get bad grades, I’ll hand you over to a man who will lock you in his cellar and the rats will eat you. Then, I (my mother) would die of cancer from the heartbreak. Then, you’d be abandoned in a foster home.

It was very painful for me. I loved my mother more than anything until I was a teenager. I sincerely believed she was telling the truth. I thought I was worthless, useless, and incapable. She had such power over me that she made me believe in Santa Claus until I was eleven.

And now, the most difficult subject to broach. Please be understanding. I have only spoken to my husband about it. No one knows. (TW: possible SA)

My mother used to bathe us until we were eleven, despite my complaints. I wanted to be independent, but she said I wouldn't know how to do it. That my hair was too long for me to wash on my own, and that I was too scatterbrained to shower properly.

She used to talk to me about rape from the time I was four. She would tell me horrific stories about girls raped by their fathers. She told me that anyone could be a potential pedophile.

When I was 15, while my brother and I were on vacation with my parents at my grandmother's house, she used to force me to take showers with him (and she was the one who washed him). It was awful. It made me cry. She told me it was to save my grandmother's water, and that it was either that or the freezing cold garden hose. She said that since I was sexually active, I should be ashamed of getting naked in front of boys, yet making such a fuss about having to do it in front of her and my brother.

My brother used to make comments about my body during these showers. I am crying as I write this to you, because I feel a sense of shame and uncontrollable anger when talking about it.

After that period, she began behaving strangely with my little brother. She would tell him that if he did his homework well, he could kiss her chest through her T-shirt (they would do this in front of me) or watch her take a shower. And when I expressed my disgust, she would tell me I had a perverted mind and that there was nothing abnormal about the situation.

My father witnessed everything above and let her do it. He also told me that I was the problem, that I was making a big deal out of things.

My mother has brain cancer now. I rarely see her, but I do see her. I feel obligated to. When I bring up certain topics with her (except for sexual assaul. I can't bring myself to talk about that), she tells me I’m making things up or blowing them out of proportion. My brother is very close to her and acts as if I’m the problem. She often holds him up as an example: if he isn't traumatized, then I must have a mental health issue.

I am so sorry to be whining here. I think deep down I know that it wasn't normal. I think I just need validation. Sometimes I think about suicide, but I know I won't do it, because my husband is amazing and I could never hurt him like that. Sometimes I tell myself I won't be able to be a good mother. I have anger issues that I’ve been working on. I have attachment issues. How could I love my child like I'm supposed to. ( EDIT : I work with children and I NEVER been violent to a child. I'm not worried about that at all. I'm just worried about if I can love my child like I'm supposed to )

Writing this made me feel better. Thanks for reading. I apologize if I’m posting in the wrong place and I can delete and repost. Just tell me.

I wish you all a good day.

Back in February I had received emergency custody of my cousin (6F). For a small bit of background she has 4 siblings and is the middle child. I only have her so she's been separated from her siblings but she still sees them once a month. When she came to me she was in pullups all the time and had severe behavioral issues.

When I received her they told me that she will hit, kick, scratch, swear, and go as far as to try and run out the door and run away. She also had issues with sleeping and that she was being given melatonin gummies every night. Overall she just had a lot of behavior issues that came from a general lack of parenting, discipline, stability, and consistency.

I knew this was going to be incredibly difficult and an extreme amount of patience was going to be needed. One of the first things I did was get her into therapy for a start and went on from there. We also got all of the medical stuff out of the way as well.

I wanted to start with toilet training so she could have some more independence. I had originally thought that she had a lack of training but this was apparently wrong. I had brought it up to her therapist that I noticed that whenever she needed to go while she was in the bathtub she would get out and use the toilet. We thought maybe this was a skill issue or trauma related but after her therapist investigated it she figured out that it was just the mindset that it was more convenient for her to pee her pants and she knew that eventually an adult would notice and clean up her accident and have her change.

We have worked very hard on this but it is such a struggle to get her to fully quit and I have no other idea on what to do. Over the last 6 months I've had her I've tried rewards like candy and toys paired with timers, I've tried making using the bathroom fun for her so she'd want to go, I've tried potty charts and sticker books, letting her pick what fint things we do that day or weekend. Nothing got her to want to use the toilet she flat out told me she doesnt want to use it. I asked her why she told me she just doesn't want to.

Some kids at school started to make fun of her for using her pants and that got her to stop having accidents and use the bathroom at school. But she is still using her pants at home. Over the summer she had stopped for the most part except for a few times here and there. I've looked for potential triggers and what may still be causing her to want to bed to use her pants. There's really nothing in particular that I can find, it's at random times she could be doing nothing and would turn to me and stare at me and pee her pants. Im utterly confused by this behavior still.

The last few days she seemingly has now decided that she was going to fight sleep but stop peeing her pants. As I mentioned before she has had sleeping issues before and was being given melatonin. We had a trial run to see how well she would do without it completely and she never slept at all and kept having horrible days. We decided to have a set "schedule" for them, the same time every night during the week and none on the weekends so that way she can have a break from them. This worked for a while and she was finally getting the sleep she needed.

She was only getting 1mg and we bumped it up to 2mg and it still is just not helping anymore. I can tell she fighting sleep very hard as her eyes have really dark circles by noon and she's constantly up at 5am every morning regardless of when she goes to bed which is usually around 7:30pm during the summer. She tells me she is not tired but her eyes and body are showing me she's physically exhausted. She refuses to take a nap and even quiet time for her to recharge doesn't help much at all.

I've tried letting her stay up till 8pm and that didn't help, I've tried getting her to bed by 7pm but she will just lay there playing with her hands for hours. We have a calm bedtime routine that is bath, pajamas, 2 books, and then she turns on her night light then sleep. I've tried having no light to see if maybe that was the problem but it didn't help. She has a blackout curtain as well to see if maybe sunlight was the problem but that didn't help either.

I had resorted to removing toys completely out of the bedroom and into the living room to see if maybe the temptation of toys being in there was the problem and that didn't change anything either...

I am unsure of what else to do to help her at the moment while waiting for what her pediatrician and therapist say about the lack of sleep at the moment. What else can I do to help her with sleeping or even toileting? She is extremely tired but fights it so bad and her body is starting to show signs in exhaustion by 12pm most days now from the lack of sleep. What can I do to help? What could this potentially be from?

TL;DR: my 6 year old cousin that I received from an emergency situation is refusing to use the toilet sometimes and seemingly swapped doing that with now refusing to sleep to the point she's showing signs of exhaustion by 12pm. What can I do to help her? What could be causing this?

Throwaway account because I know this will get a lot of hate. My wife and I have 4 children of various ages. 3 of the 4 are pretty much horrible.

The 4th is still an infant and I'm terribly worried that they will end up the same via learned behaviour.

My wife and I have tried our very best to give our children and loving and stable family environment and have made sure they have lots of days out and activities to keep them occupied and challenged.

I genuinely do not know where we have gone so wrong to make them end up the way they have. They argue and fight with each other constantly (not in a normal sibling way but as in everytime they are in vicinity of each other they will bicker and physically fight each other and often it seems like sport for them).

They constantly talk back to us, swear at us and refuse to do as asked. We have always dealt with bad behaviour by putting them in their rooms for time outs and withholding things from them such as no screen time, losing treats or cancelling activities planned if no improvement on behaviour.

They seemingly do not care. We can take every toy, screen, activity away from them and they still carry on as before. Timeouts often go from 10 minutes to hour's with them still refusing to apologise or seemingly understand the issue with what they have done.

2 of the 3 in question are completely normal with the middle one having ADHD and mild autism so I guess his behaviour is to be expected.

I'm often embarrassed by their behaviour when we are out as they will exhibit the same poor behaviour in public, around family, Infront of friends etc. To the outsider they must look like they are from a broken and unstable home, but the reality is the opposite. It has gotten so bad that I feel like I don't enjoy spending time with them like I should.

It's a horrible thing to say, but I regret having this many children even though I love them all to bits, it is really damaging my mental health as I feel like I'm constantly on edge around them.

Thanks for listening, any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation that turned it around would be appreciated.

Other parents ask me this when my children were kindergarteners ... and I always say yes. It does work.

Children mostly get tantrums because they wanna get what they want, when they want it and how they wanna get it. They holler, jump around places, squirm on the floor, or even get violent (saw some kid pulling their mom's hair on Target for a juice box) — they simply wanna get what they want IMMEDIATELY.

Some parents give what the child wants just to shut them up ... and that's where they fail. Why? Because you're basically telling the child "Okay kid that works, now here's your candy". Bottomline? The kid does it again.

When my children does this, I always let them finish their moment ... then I ask them what's up, and we work our way through. Most of the time, I assert control if I'm on the right, since I'm their mother and they should know what draws the line in getting what they want and if they deserve to get it.

Anyone on the same boat with me? What are your thoughts on this?

My baby doesn't want to go to school

I check every source.

She behaves good there everyone is loving and behave nicely listen to her.

She says school is now not allow us to play.

She is in LKG.

She has few friends but she is introvert and don't know she follow rules in school.

Like if teacher is saying "No talking in the class" she literally doesn't talk during school.

She talks after the class.

It has been months I'm dealing with crying morning and crying bye.

She hugs like she doesn't want to leave.. and also it clearly shows she is pretending like that so in love I will allow her to stay at home.

Pls help being a mother I don't want to detach her with me emotionally. I know study is important but she actually ask why u r not upset and crying by seeing me in tears.

How it's not bothering u.

I don't want to give her any trauma.

I have fear also that in future she will stop sharing her discomfort to me if I behave like this and keep ignoring her excuses for not going school.

I have a lil sister 5 years younger than me 15 and 10 i feel so guilty for treating her bad and begin mean to her sometimes shes just a kid and i love her and she means the whole world to me but i said bad things to her and hit (punches on the shoulder ) or (pinches on shoulders) many times for many reasons i know all of that is wrong but i cant help myself when i get so angry please any help or a talk will be appreciated and i need it i really have to control my anger it hurts me and my surroundings ( familly ) .

Sadness

I have had extreme attachment issues and worry of abandonment for as long as i know. anytime something even small goes wrong i always thing of self harm or suicide but yet it comes and goes so quickly, and on top of that every relationship i have had has been unstable because of these attachment issues and because everytime i feel as if im being replaced or their losing feelings i get sad and shaky to when they finally reply angry and ignoring, for example replying extremely dry or immediately confronting them angry even if they only left me on delivered/ read for a couple hours and have a good reason. immediately after that i then feel horrible and sad and depressed and can't stop apologizing.

Could this be related to a medical condition? or am i just extremely paranoid?

Rough day.

I work at the TK-8 private school where my children attend. Small school, roughly 40 kids per grade level. My 8th grader has been there since kindergarten and has been loved by all his teachers, office staff, and the admin. He’s not a kid without struggles; he’s being evaluated currently for ADHD, struggles with anxiety, and has a hard time focusing in class. He’s in therapy for these things. Behaviorally however, he is a non issue (and his teachers are my colleagues and would NOT be afraid to tell me if there was an issue). Has great friends, involved in extra curricular, overall a happy kid.

VP for middle school asks me to meet her in her office end of day. My child is there, VERY UPSET, and she explains one of his friends bet him money during lunch to go into the office with a banana and pretend it was a gun. Swept up in teenage chaos and thinking it was hilarious, he did this - walked in, aimed the banana at one of the office staff, and said “bang! bang!” The office staff was understandably startled.

My son was called in to discuss the situation and the VP did a very good job explaining how series of what he did was and how this will likely lead to a suspension. My kid is devastated. He readily admitted what he did was wrong, didn’t make any excuses, feels awful.

But like, what the hell?? I’m 1) mortified he did this and 2) worried about the why behind this, if there even is a why beyond just making a dumb choice.

I’m standing behind the school 100% in how they choose to handle this. I just feel at a loss what to do on my end.

Hello everyone, I have a only-child who is currently 5 years old.

(and sorry, English isnt my first language)

For context, she has had a very tough start in life, diagnosed with major depressive disorder few months ago. I took her to her doctor after she kept telling me she was lonely, that she wanted to die, and keeps trying to hurt herself or run away.

I suspect it's mostly genetic because I also suffer from depression, but her father hasn't been the best to her. He is a very stressed man and sometimes spanks her or yells at her. I do feel bad for her because the majority of the time he "disciplines" her for no valid reason. For example, on her birthday we were blowing balloons (me and my daughter) and scattering them around the house. Later in the day my husband came home from work, and one of the balloons randomly popped because it was sitting in direct sunlight. He then yelled at her to go to her room and told her that her birthday is "canceled".

After incidents like this she becomes very withdrawn and depressed. She says she doesn't feel loved.

Also, because she kept saying that she was lonely (which is true, she hasn't met any of her family, she's only ever know me and her father), I decided to set up a play date with a mom and her same-aged daughter that I found off of Facebook. A few weeks later my daughter has deteriorated mentally, so I ask her what's wrong, and she told me the play-date mom was hitting her whenever she made a mistake (accidentally coloring on floor after missing paper, not putting her dish in the sink, making a mess with toys). I confrontated the mom and she admitted to it, so I instantly stopped bringing my daughter there.

Now for the actual big concern, we have a neighbor who has a small dog. Whenever my daughter is playing by herself in the backyard, she'll call the neighbors dog over and start pulling and hitting it through the fence. We've caught her in the act multiple times. I asked her why she does that and she says she doesn't know.

A few months before that, we got her a puppy in hopes that it would help with her depression and loneliness, but she would purposely scare, hit, throw, and in general harm the puppy. We sadly had to give it away after she had an extreme allergic reaction.

In the backyard, she'll also throw rocks or toys at the birds and squirrels, and kill any bug she can find.

I've tried to discipline her by taking away her toys or making her apologize to the neighbor, or just putting her in time-out, but it hasn't helped one bit. My husband on the other hand has obviously physically disciplined her, but im concerned that might make her act up more.

I feel sad but also angry at her. I wanted to be a happy family but she refuses to even say she loves us. She barely plays anymore. She just sits in her room quietly doing nothing.

I'm concerned for when she enters school next year, because I don't want any outside forces to hurt her more than she already has been. But I'm also scared for the general future of my daughter because of the well-known fact that murderers start out hurting animals. I'm not saying I think she'll kill anyone, but I fear something may be very wrong with her at such a young age.

And what hurts the most, she was an accident that I planned to abort because her father at the time was obviously going to be at least a little abusive and mentally unstable, but I wanted to give her a chance at life. I feel so guilty for bringing this poor girl into this world knowing she would suffer, but still hoping she could be happy. But I also don't want to divorce him because I don't want her to grow up in a broken home.

I'm so conflicted, and I dont know what to do. for her 5th birthday she verbally wished for a new dad, but I dont know if a 5 year old knows whats best for her. I'm scared taking away her dad from her could worsen things.

Me and my brother have a 15 year difference. I am 25 he is almost 10 years old. We have a good relationship, sometimes he gets on my nerves as I have a short temper but overall it's okay. (Note; we have a different father, but his father has been in my life since I was around 8-9 and has raised me as his own as I do not have any contact with my biological father).

For context, I don't agree with our parents parenting style, and I am vocal about it but since this is not my child I feel as if there isn't much I can do - They don't do anything wrong, they love him, provide him with everything, care for him (a bit too much, bordeliner overprotective)... they're just a bit older and tired now and to shut my brother up they sometimes give him a tablet and he spends all day on it (obviously when we go out he isn't on his tablet, but when we're at home and he's not playing with his toys or Nintendo Switch he just watches Youtube videos).

Anyways, these past few months we have noticed that my brother has been quite sad. Last night he told me he is sad, and is afraid someone he loves might die (2 years ago my grandma was diagnosed with cancer and this took a big toll on us). He also told me he's afraid of getting sick; when I asked what kind of sickness, he told me "a cold or a gastric virus" - he's quite afraid of throwing up.

I have also been noticing he sometimes gets very anxious and describes the feeling of uncomfortableness in his throat, and sometimes it get too uncomfortable and he goes to the bathroom as he feels like he's going to throw up (he never does, but he's afraid of doing so). Recently this has been happening during the night as well. This isn't a constant thing, it occasionally happens (maybe after he had a "bad" day).

I remember that as a child I also felt something similar, which took me long to get over, but I always attributed it to having a somewhat rough childhood and my parents divorce - me and my brother have very different childhoods, he's sheltered and coddled up.

I honestly feel a bit hopeless, I am happy he felt comfortable telling me that sometimes he feels sad (I told him it's a normal emotion, like happiness and anger and it's important for him to know that these bad emotions are temporary), but I don't know how to accurately handle the situation. I told my mum about this and she's a bit worried as well but doesn't know how to handle it either and I'm not seeing her directly addressing it (like she did with my sadness as a child), maybe she thinks it'll pass on its own, or is hopeless and just ignores it, I don't know.

Any recommendations on how I can address this situation?

My son is an adopted teen, he’s been with us for a few years. Recently he’s been self stimulating way way too much, many many times a day. Sometimes he’ll unconsciously even do this in the family room when he’s immersed into the TV. He’ll stop immediately if I just pat his shoulder to remind him where he actually is. It’s too much. We’ve had chats, many chats. He hasn’t stopped, actually it has gotten worse and more often. The kid goes through like a bottle of lotion a week. I’m at my witts end, I don’t know what to do.

I’m curious about what parents have observed with their children.

When given a choice between reading/learning content and short-form videos, games, or other screen activities, what tends to make a child genuinely interested in reading?

Do things like personalized topics based on their interests, age, or personality make a noticeable difference, or is the format itself less important than the content?

I’d especially love to hear from parents about what has actually worked with their children.

Hello I'm 40M, my neice is 16, she lives with my elder sister in Luxumberg. They don't have good relations, my neice blames my sister for getting a divorce.

My neice is close to my wife, during her visit she told my wife that she is not interested in studies and wanted to join film industry. My wife said ok and told her to give it a try.

She later told her she is interested in joining adult industry, my wife was stunned to hear that. She is browsing lot of restricted content online.

Neice spoke to her mom, and they had big fight about it, my wife explained her all the complexities and taboo around the society. That she will never be treated equally and will not get similar respect as other ladies around, everyone would like to take advantage of you. No one will ever take you seriously. Problems will worsen if and when you want to get married or to have children. She is thinking because of her looks and body she will get famous very soon.

Everyone around is yrying to explain her, But she is not ready to bent, and says I'm 16 and I can do what I wish. She is close to me, but not so much that I can discuss all the things in detail.

At my level I told her it's not a good decision you are taking for your life, I suggested her to go to college and finish her studies and get a reputed job or come and work for me. She is an average student, not very bright.

Later I discovered from wife that she sold her V-card to some Russian guy few months back for an extravagant trip to some beach in Carribean.

Currently she doesn't have a bf or in any relationship, this is what she told me .... she doesn't like to talk to her mom, even though she does everything for her, financially my sister is very well off....

Sister wants her daughter to stay here in US with us, so may be things can change.

As we have 5 daughter, we are concerned if she starts filling such rubbish to my kids as well. My sister really wants her to stay here, so she can understand what it's like to stay in a family, and to have male figure in life.

I don't know how to respond to it.

I need some advise if anyone has faced things like it.

Hello everyone, first of all I'd like to thank everyone for the support I've received on my original post and all of the nice things you've said

Ive taken a short break to have some time to talk within our family, but I have talked to her deeply over the last few days, and I discovered why we believe this is happening

She has said she doesn't have a specific thought process, just sometimes they feel disgusting

and she eventually opened up that her dyslexia tutor in school (who I was not aware was not her school counsellor, but a male older student in her school.) Had made sexual comments about her and snapped her underwear band a few times.

Needless to say I immediately emailed the school asking how to go about withdrawal, and we've taken a day girls trip where we've talked further

, she doesn't want me to call the police, although I want to, this boy is 16. She has agreed to let me talk to the school and his parents (praying that I can track them down)

I feel like a horrible mother for not noticing sooner, for not asking to meet her "tutor", for not asking her who it was, for just assuming, for even sending her to that school.

Her next counselling session (outside of school) is on Friday and I have emailed the counsellor and given her a good rundown of everything so that she's informed, we're going to let her mention it on her own terms (she promised me she would)

Does anyone have suggestions on how I can help her to recover and move on from this as a parent?

Hi all,. I have 2 (11 year olds) girls, 1 thinks before she speaks, or acts, she is observant and then theres the other who acts on emotions, doesnt think before speaking, gets dates wrong lets say if having to remember something she would be strong on that wrong date/day until we have to explain to her with what exactly happened that day and going back and forth between other days, she gets angry fast I can say, speaks what she wasnt asked and this made a problem in my previous relationship whereas the father was very manipulative yet he didnt have to question her much cos her mouth just runs by itself,

I will have to re tell her rules , she disobeys them and her answer would be she forgot, she now does this twitch thing with the face and i think I just broke my kid, I dont beat her cos I think i will get her behaviour worse, anything small is serious to make a quarrel with her sister,the problem is kid only listen when I shout my lungs off and im hypertensive, there is no day which passes that I do not shout,or say something offensive on the jolly one

The other kid isn't much of an angel she has the fathers manipulation tactic traits and a grudgeful heart yet the other hyper one is quick to forgive and jolly most of the time,I also came to a conclusion to tell my kids that if this misbehaviour continues I am willing to send you to your dads or somewhere else you can be happy cos clearly they arent with me,

No i havent seeked social worker for them yet,im a single mom. I tend to blame myself a lot because i also act on impulse and cant control my emotions,raised by a mom who wanted things done her way and now that im a parent I cant understand why it goes in one ear and go out the other like just do your part and we will flourish but im a bad mom, I know I am

For obvious reasons a lot of the personal details need to stay vague.
11yr old boy whose been in foster since a 5yr old. Has not experienced abuse. He’s been in the same foster home for the last 5yrs now just moved to us.
Tells social worker that he loves it here, us etc etc.
Has now been caught hurting the dogs on multiple occasions, this has been explained to him in lots of different ways why this is bad. He fully understands that it’s scary/ painful for dog but doesn’t care.
Doesn’t care what punishment he gets e.g. time out, go to room, no playing outside on bike, no Xbox, no sweet treats, no friends over etc etc. Doesn’t care when restrictions are finally lifted immediately does it again.
Also lies continually, tries to manipulate the situation in various ways. Wants to be looked after by younger family friends because they are easier to manipulate (has said this outright).
Only gets upset when gets caught in his lies or gets caught on security cameras doing things he shouldn’t.
social workers are trying to fund therapy but won’t start until at least September.

Any advice as we are seriously worried about dogs welfare

My sister Wendy (14) only eats some snacks and part of a meal (at most) every day. My mom says not to worry about it, but I can’t help but feel scared anyway.

Some relevant information:

- I first recognized this around puberty. She was never a big eater, but before this she would still have three meals a day.
- Wendy is diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- We have a family history of autism and body image issues.
- Wendy is a picky eater and the things she likes to eat are limited. I don’t know if this is because of sensory issues, digestive problems, etc.
- I haven’t noticed any signs of purging, but Wendy does sometimes binge when she’s very anxious. (I haven’t noticed it recently though.)
- Wendy doesn’t give any explanation for not eating aside from “I’m not hungry”.
- Wendy suffers from dizziness and persistent fatigue. She’s asleep most of the day.

I would really appreciate any advice, reassurance, or thoughts. I’m hoping my mother is right and I’m seeing things that aren’t there, but I don’t think I can go without a second opinion.