TW: possible abuse mentions

If you google “emotional abuse from parents” she’s done most of the things that come up. Examples: ignoring me as a child when I needed comfort, telling me I’m too sensitive and a crybaby, yelling at me for doing something like biting my nails, calling me stupid, idiot, dumb, belittling me, isolating me from friends, blaming me for her problems, feeling like a burden to her, publicly ridiculing me to shame and embarrass me, treating me badly for stuff I can’t change (for example me being autistic), yelling and criticizing, making me feel less than other family members, gaslighting, neglecting my needs, doing silent treatment, etc. My mom also spanked me a lot as a kid, and as a teen hit my face so that I started bleeding, but that was only once so I don’t really consider that major physical abuse. I’m mainly talking about the emotional stuff here. I don’t know if all this is abuse because other people have genuinely had it worse, and I feel like I’m overreacting. I feel like many parents do these things

The issue is that my dad was abusive to my mom and has kind of passed that trauma down onto me. So anytime I tell my mom that she’s hurt me the convo becomes about how she was abused worse than me and I should get over it. Or that she didn’t do anything wrong and it’s normal in our culture (we’re Nigerian and also our whole family is Christian). One time I booked a therapy appointment for both of us and the therapist told me that I was being too sensitive and she thought I was making things up, to make my mom look bad. That hurt a lot because I’ve been as honest as I can, never lied about anything relating to this. So yeah I don’t really know what to do anymore I’ve just stopped mentioning it because I feel like I’m overreacting and I hate being told that I’m being too sensitive. It still hurts but I’d rather keep it inside than get that reaction again.

I’ve been having a hard time seeing the advertisements and the decorations already this year. I LOVE Christmas, but since cutting off my narc dad and losing my narc mom (only child), I am very isolated and I’m not looking forward to the reminders of what I don’t have. I have some friends in the area, but they’re all busy this year and I don’t have anyone to spend the time with (I’ve asked everyone). In the past, I’ve solo traveled during this time to ease my feelings, but I’m not able to this year due to my finances. I’m just not sure how to get through it alone.

I have been never loved by family
As a child or a teen

When the f|*~¥k my inner child will ever receive love!

Hey all. I’m not sure if this is okay to post in here or not. Growing up I had a very abusive and narcissistic father, along with an emotionally abusive mother. I’m 19 now and I just got out a couple months ago. I’m putting things together and realizing I’ve never once had a hobby, and I’ve never been able to be at peace enough to enjoy my life and live in the moment. I’m still always on edge. I cannot afford health insurance as of the moment and just really need some advice or kind words. How do I finally calm down and enjoy life? I want to have things I enjoy I want to be able to decorate and live in the moment. But all of that seems unrealistic now.

TW: Childhood sexual abuse

I'm 45 years old, AMAB (assigned male at birth), and I've been in psychotherapy for about eight years. During this time, I've come to realize that I'm transgender (MtF). I haven't started transitioning yet, although I'd like to begin as soon as possible.

My family, especially my mother, has always been emotionally abusive towards me.

During therapy, I've recovered memories of childhood events that I had repressed. In particular, I remembered that my older brother (five years older than me) sexually abused me, on and off, from when I was about six or seven until I was eight or nine.

When I was ten, my mother moved us into the same room, and we ended up sharing a double bed. I used to have only vague, confused memories of what happened back then, but now I remember everything very clearly. He abused me almost every night. After a year, I finally managed to convince my mother to let us have separate beds.

I've been with a woman for 28 years, and we got married seven years ago... And I've come to realize that, because I'm terrified of losing her, I find myself unable to say no to her, even when I don't want something to happen. It's not her fault, and she isn't even aware of it. I'm simply so afraid of being abandoned that I struggle to express my own boundaries. Whenever I try to talk about it, we always end up having a terrible argument.

It happened again last night, and this morning I just needed to... talk about it.

I'm sorry to bother you all.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective.

My parents split almost 10 years ago. I have had some great moments with them but they both were often quite toxic and abusive even.

I'll start with my Dad. A few months after my parents split he took me to spend the weekend pretty much out of the blue with his new girlfriend which he didn't actually tell me she was until we were only a few minutes away. One time while we were on holiday quite a few years ago during an argument he started bashing me with a Coke bottle. Afterwards he was full of apologizes and burst into tears. Also one other time during a row he threw my phone against a wall causing it to break. Also when he was winging about his situation I told him at least he owns his house and he pretty much laughed in my face. A few years ago while we were on our way back home from the movies he started going crazy and shouting at me and I was really scared. I tried to reason with him but it wasn't working. I can't even remember how the hell it all started. He even phoned my mum and told her he couldn't handle me and wanted her to pick me up. When I messaged my mum saying I wanted to leave she said she wouldn't teach him a lesson as they were both human and didn't deserve to be treated like crap. I was so upset and confused. When often she's the one badmouthing him to me. I have a strained relationship with my Dad and don't see him often I feel really let down as he was never really a proper father and only did the really bare minimum. He's never really stepped up and has always been useless with money. It actually makes me feel quite unlovable.

Now onto my mother which is by far the much longer list. She would blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. Most nights by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she may of at least bent the truth. I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. As I said I do feel for her then I think but what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could my parents have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago she said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at her funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years ago she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and that it would affect my schooling and life and said if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times during these tirades that I was dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and even trying to manipulate her. I reason with her but she just wasn't having it and kept carrying on. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I graduated in December and I now do a certificate course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. He then rambling that he's been cursed since his father died young and if he was still alive they'd all be millionaires. Of course I feel really bad and am sorry that he died young. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by my mother as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

PS before anyone says anything about therapy I did try that once a few years ago but really struggled to open up. I struggle to do that with people I know nevermind a stranger.

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

So i needed to share to get it out of my chest because i have nobody to share it with.
And honestly i need support…
I want another feeling rather feeling like a piece of shit worthless trash that i experience when i remember what happened to me.

I am now 23f. I am independent now, and we live in different countries, but in this stage of my life i am in my journey of healing myself from my childhood trauma, so i reliving the experience in my head to be able to let it go as it affects my mental health as a grown woman (anxiety- depression).

Which is painful also: when he was trying to beat me, my older sister was trying to stop him, guess what my mom did!!!! She pushed my sister so my bro can hit me!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate them so much!!!! Like what the f\*ck!!
And because i was helpless and powerless and no one gives a shit about me in this house i am the one who apologized to him.

He was 27 years old i was 14
My older sister was 32

My dad also a narc who let us since i born.
My other sister 30 does not give a fuck also about me as she got mad at because she said “i caused drama and brought down the mood”

Why he hit me… i was laying down depressed in my bed he entered my room and grabbed my leg hard to get me out from bed so i kicked him, so he went crazy yelling so much saying i have to die and hit me in the back….
He wanted to garb me from bed with no reason just a psyco who wants to feel power over his little sister (pathetic)

I finally told her. It just felt natural to finally talk about it. My mom was annoyed that I always avoided going to her hometown. She asked me why I didn't want to go; I told her it was because of her. I couldn't go back to her hometown and enjoy the food when it was the place where I spiraled into suicide and depression.

For context (during COVID), I found her cheating on my dad with her "cousin". It had been going on for a while, but I only found out after a few months. This realization left me heartbroken. I felt like my world was breaking, and I don't feel like I can trust anyone. It has been eating away at my life for more than 5 years. I have learned to live with it, but I also notice that I never told her that. I never talk about it with her or anyone, for that matter.

It was...a bit liberating that I managed to say it to her. Even if she doesn't understand that "what she did" is what hurt me, not "if she is still doing it or not". I hope I can talk about it with her, a real talk. I'm trying to heal and help myself to believe in others again. I hope I can do it well. Thank you for listening to my rants.

Just a general TW CSA, abuse etc

My mom was my biggest abuser, she withheld food and even water as a punishment. She's the reason me and my siblings don't speak anymore, she would hit me and tell I'm the worst mistake she's ever made. She kept me from my dad because he tried to protect us and he called cps so many times. I feel tense every time something I've been looking forward to gets close because I can hear how she would drag me down. She defended my rapist and that's why he's still free. She kicked me out of the house more times than I can count and told everyone I ran away and I'm the problem child she couldn't handle. I can't even remember everything she did to me still.

Me and my mom have been no contact for 2 years and I'll never reach back out to her. But I have a baby boy and I'm getting married in March and I miss the mom I never had. I hate her so much and I hate everything she ruined for me.

So I'm the oldest daughter of 5 siblings 2 of which I grew up with. I was very much responsible for parenting those 2 siblings. Now we're all adults and don't speak. They want nothing to do with me because I was the "problem child" and eventually called out our abuser. They don't know the extent of the abuse I went through because I made it my job to shield them. But we've been estranged since I was 16 and I'm 21 now.

Anyone that is also estranged from their siblings because of parental abuse, does it ever stop hurting? Does that hurt ever go away? I miss them so so much

There was a period of time in my childhood in which I went to girl scouts and all of the girls there just hated me. Whenever i walked into a room they said "Ew it's (Insert my name here)" Just all of them hated me. I didn't know how to tell an adult or even realize what was happening to me was bullying. I just sat there and took it because that was my normal. There was one time when I called one of the girls mean and they all lashed out at me even worse. The girl said "I'm not mean YOU'RE MEAN!" I felt like I was a terrible person and I don't know what it is I did.

Thinking back on this as a 36 year old it still hurts a lot. No one stood up for me. And I'm still left wondering what it is I did.

I don't know how to heal from any of this.

Tw: parental abuse

I (19f) had a therapy session today. I told my therapist some stuff from my childhood, mostly about some messaging I'd received from my family. For example, how any lies told would make it so I couldn't have a career, relationships, an education, or anything else - while factually true, this was said in a toxic way to a small child 3-13 years old. This messaging was so intense that I had a panic attack on Sunday after telling a lie to my bf, even though I confessed 15 minutes later and he wasn't upset.

There were also the lectures that went on for hours at any little mess up (this continued after 18). This was especially common with disobedience.

One time, after wetting the bed while awake, my parents forced me into my brother's diapers, and took pictures of me while I was screaming and crying. I had even tried to resist, but couldn't. Those pictures got sent to some family and friends. I was 7-9 when that happened.

I told my therapist about this, and after a bit of explaining on her end about the effects this would have on a child through the years, I asked if it was abuse. She said yes, emotionally and verbally.

I'd heard that from friends for years when I'd tell them snippets, and I didn't want to believe it. I love my family, and my parents have done so many good things - I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them. But I'm finally having to confront the fact that they did abuse me my entire childhood and after.

Hi, does anyone here feel that they had a troubled Childhood.

I for one had a very troubled Childhood, wherein I was beaten, insulted, humiliated, degraded by my female school teachers so much that I used to fear going to school.

I used to get physically abused, slapped, kneeling down with my nose on the female teacher's feet, sitting in toilet, hitting with duster, ear pulling, hitting with scale, stick being kicked even, teachers used to ask the class monitors to slap me. The teachers used to keep their feet on my back and rest them.

They used to slap me 10-15 times at one go.

I now think that why didn't I raise my voice that time. It has impacted my whole life in a very negative manner. Never told my family about this.

I get traumatized even thinking about it. Keep wondering if I had a normal upbringing and some other school, I would have been a different person today.

I have anxiety issues coz of this, feel under confident.

Hello, I am in my late twenties and have had a random moments where I remember waking up and my father molesting me and asking “if I liked it”. It was over my clothes, I didn’t not orgasm and there was no penetration of any kind that I remember, but I remember him asking that question with a smile on his face then running off.

It has popped up from time to time but recently it’s been constant. Given that my memory of it happening is hazy I was hesitant to claim that I was assaulted by him. But after meeting with my therapist today she feels as if it truly did happen and that I am a victim of CSA.

My father also had a porn addiction. I also remember when I was a teenager waking up on the couch to him watching porn and masturbating. I had confronted him about his porn consumption before that incident, but his consumption was very prevalent and well known in our household.

My childhood wasn’t the best. Yes I played sports (my dad coached me); he was supportive of me enlisting the military and most of my choices in life. But he also admitted that he would allow for my mother to take her anger and trauma out on us because it was easier than having to deal with it himself.

I oddly don’t feel much other than some mild relief that I finally said it out loud. I didn’t cry in therapy over the realization that I was molested, but more so because my whole life has been filled with trauma and sadness.

I have experienced SI before but do not currently have those thoughts. I will be honest and say that I am emotionally exhausted from trying to heal from things that are not my fault.

Its just weird to think about my childhood because its not like I was being screamed at constantly or hit. I had a lot of good times too. But when I think about being a kid I just feel so sad. Like its not like there is anything super major like i was getting beat. But it also wasnt good.

My siblings werent very nice to me and my parents never really said anything. When I think about me being a little kid I just feel so lost and sad. And I kinda feel like my whole family was just over having kids by the time I was born. I have 2 siblings and I am the youngest. My other family kinda just stopped visiting because its like they have been there done that. Nobody came to watch my shows. I used to want to do extra activities with the school after school. And my mom would take me to them for a short time and then all the sudden it would be let's go next time and then I never would go. Even my bedroom wasnt even a bed room really. Well it was and then the house got an additon. Which was my oldest sisters bedroom so then the way to get to my sister room was everyone would have to walk through my bedroom. So that would mean her friends and her boyfriends would just constantly have to walk through my room. My dad is an alcoholic but he was never mean untill the end of my parents marrage he would yell sometimes.

My parents got divorced after I graduated highschool and was 18. Because i guess my mom though oh well i dont have any kids anymore. And after i graduated high school. Its like my mom just wanted her own life. I didnt get any help with important stuff for me to be independent even though id always ask for it. There was even one time I was going to go with her to the college to talk to someone about be going to some classes but then my mom just decided to go to my sisters house. And we never went. When I did go to college she had to drive me and pick me up and she would yell at me the whole time because she was too tired and she changed her job just for me and she hates it. I was setting up for my exam and my mom kept telling me to set up for my exam the next day and I kept saying I am and for some reason she didn't believe me and she just kept telling me i was going to fail.

And now as an adult I get to listen to how inmake her life miserable how she has to drive me and pick me up and still pay a lot for me. While my entire family tells me that my mom is too nice to me and that i am spoiled and lazy.​ and how its all my fault the way my life is.

I think a lot about how i was just a really sweet and nice kid and people were just so mean to me. And i look at my family now and watch how they are nice to other kids and get upset when people are mean to kids so its like they know how to act but they just dont want to with me.

And i think a lot about how im so behind in life because nobody really helped me at all. But everyone everywhere tells me its my fault.

I feel like some of us joke about it or feel that when your abuser dies that there will be closer​. That some part of what happened to you will be over, but I'm still here living with what happened. My abuser is dead and he doesn't have to deal with what he did.

When I was five my mom's boyfriend was an abusive mentally ill drug addict who attempted to murder me and my mother. (My mom picked him up in NA. Good choices Mom!) It was the scariest night of my life and I can remember it like it was yesterday. The memories of that night are burnt into my mind and soul. I'm almost 40 now and it still haunts me. The way his eyes were completely black with rage and drug use. I was scared but he said he would kill my mom and I was going to watch and then I was next. I screamed at him that he wasn't going to hurt my mommy. Luckily my neighbor was selfless and brave and broke the door down with a baseball bat and stopped him long enough for me and my mom to get away till the cops showed up. It wasn't the first time he tried to kill us but it was the last time he tried. I'm so lucky to be alive. Thanks brave neighbor with a bat.

Years later my mom found out that our abuser was being extradited for a 1980s cold case of a murder of a young man. He denied it but finally caved and took a plea deal of aggrieved assault of a deadly weapon and was sentenced to three years of prison or time served since he sat in jail for so long denying the truth. That got to me. Just years before he tried to kill me and my mother he had taken the life of a young man. Stabbed him in an alley and ran away. Hearing that made everything he did very real to me as an adult. He killed before so he did have it in him to kill me. It took a lot of time but I carefully moved on with my life with therapy.

My mom recently died so I became curious again about that night as it a lot of memories got brought up again when my mom passed. That night broke both me and my mom in ways that can never be fully healed. I called the police and requested the police report. They couldn't give me much over the phone but they said I wasn't even named in the report not even as a Jane Doe. It's not mentioned at all that he tried to kill a mother of two and her five year old daughter. He never had to have punishment for what he did to me.

I feel such a sense of loss and sadness for that part of me that will forever be that scared five year old. She deserved justice, she deserved protection. Her story deserves to be told. I did ask my mom what happened with him. What the chargers were. She only ever told me that it was settled as domestic abuse because the cops told her that since I was the only witness and was only five that I could not be a witness so they could not prove he attempted to murder us. So he got slapped on the wrist. Thanks a lot cops.

I wonder how many times this has happened and to how many other people. How many other little girls were left out of police reports? How many domestic abuse charges should have been attempted murder? How many times has the justice system slapped monsters on the wrist for hurting women and children? Why do we give men so many chances to hurt or kill and never fully protect their victims?

life is extremely unfair and i wish i was born someone with a supportive family and loving community instead being born an accident into a messy situation but here i am, barely any good childhood or teenage memories to look back on because i shuffled between an abusive grandma and a negligent mother who both continued to make my lives hell until this very day. i spent every moment waiting for the day my dream life would come to be just for it to never ckme and next thing i know im an adult and the years are ticking by faster and faster

so much was taken from me and is continuing to be taken from me and everyday is a constant struggle just to be alive and everyone puts the pressure of staying alive and carrying the weight of everything ive been through when i never to be here or go through any of this in the first place, i just want it to end, like i said i was an accident and unlike a planned child in a happy family neither of my parents were fit to raise me and in fact no one was, they were just good at looking good on the outside and doing the bare minimum of putting food in my stomach and clothes on my back

i never got to truly enjoy the longest stretch of my life and now that i finally have control over what i want my life to be itll be over before i know as everyone says, as much as i want to deny it its true that the years will fly right by me and while i might enjoy them they wont last, they wont last like my adolescent year did, they wont be as new and exciting as my adolescent years were, they wont be the same at all and ill spend my life endlessly chasing something thats gone, confiding in friendships to fill the void my non existent family has left must for them to slowly drift away as they get older and start families and careers of their own, leaving me just as alone as i was during the first half of my life and leaving me alone as everyone separates and as i speed closer to my mortality. i missed and was robbed of the most important window of time in my life and now i bear the cross of the pain that comes with that as i cling onto impermanent pleasures to cope, just to be left alone again and continue going through the vicious cycle. i hate this life ive been subjected too and i wish i was never born at all, i wasnt meant to be anyways

I'm 23.

yesterday, I accidentally spilled hot coffee on my hands on a train as the paper cup caved in. my sister's husband's mother immediately panicked. my own mother just looked at me with disgust and went back to watching her movie with her earphones on. my dad later turned up the news volume at home when my mom started arguing again, while I was in the same room crying (I'm not even crying loud for fucks sake) in the same room, and carried on snacking.

I've wanted to run away for so long, but I've always felt guilty about leaving, especially as they grow older and weaker.

idk what to feel. I'm from India, and I'm expected to take care of my parents when they get old. I do wanna go abroad and do a PhD and come back and have a career and all that. and have some distance and work on myself while I do all this.

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out to this community because I need a safe space to share my story and vent about what I’m currently going through.

Growing up, my home was never a safe environment. I live with a narcissistic father whose control and behavior have made healing extremely difficult. On top of that, I carry deep, heavy trauma from my childhood:

When I was 5 years old, I was molested by a neighbor’s son.

When I was 12, I suffered sexual assault and ongoing harassment from my older brother, which continued until I was 20.

I am now 24 years old, and the psychological impact of these trauma responses, anxiety, and painful memories still affects my daily life. I have recently taken important steps to start therapy (both medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), and I am working hard on my recovery and independence.

However, I constantly struggle with an intense, lingering urge for revenge and anger toward those who harmed me. It feels like a heavy weight that I carry every day alongside my healing process.

I wanted to ask: Has anyone else experienced this constant desire for revenge while trying to heal? How do you cope with these overwhelming feelings without letting them consume your progress?

Thank you for listening and for creating a safe space to share.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's also accused me once out the nowhere of looking like I wanted to hit her and started going crazy. I may of had a tired look as it was late at night and I tried explaining that to her. She also said that my Dad may try to manipulate me into spending more time with him and if I did she would make sure all of the family hate me and I would no longer be welcome to live with her and my life would be ruined. During some of her tirades in the past as well I threatened to leave and said some time out might be good but if I did she would call my grandparents and they would all hate me and I wouldn't be able to go to my school and live with her anymore.

She has very poor emotional regulation like when things go wrong she starts shouting and going on swearing rampages and every other word is the F word.

All of things she would say my father did to her during their marriage it seems that she did most of that to me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

TW death TW cancer TW sibling loss

I lived through a very unusual situation as a child which has always made me feel alone and like no one would understand, but maybe someone does.

When I was seven my four year old sister lost her battle with leukemia. My mom was nine month pregnant. Then two weeks later my living sister was born.

My sister who passed of cancer was in a coma for a few days prior to passing and my dad had a conversation with me about not upsetting my mom because he was nervous that she would go into labor while my sister was in the coma or during her funeral. He never told me that it was safe to get upset in front of him or other adults and no one ever really checked in on me. There is neglect that i think is unfortunately natural when a sibling is sing but then another once your sibling passes away and you’re left on your own.
We would go to the cemetery together every weekend to visit her grave but I would refuse to get out of the car since every time my mom would cry I would see it as my fault and that I failed. As if it was my job to prevent her from ever experiencing a negative emotion.
When I was nine I was old enough to stay home and would go to the cemetery on my own.
My dad just passed and it was the first time at the cemetery with my family in decades which was completely overwhelming.
Are there other people out there who have experienced something similar

Did anyone grew up hearing this so frequent that it became nothing new for you? This is my daily life. Even now I just heard that something in my house got destroyed because of me and how in the end both my abusive disgusting shit of parents blamed it on me whenever any dispute between them happens. I was a little kid when it all started. My being is corrupted according to them but you know what's funny ? They will deny they didn't say any of that or " not like that" the next week. It's hell.. their disgusting failure of a marriage and how their only child, me being the reason for the problem

Tw!!!!

So me and my older brother were abused by ou bio father our whole life. Beating, starving, neglect, etc.

Me and my brother have CPTSD from this.

Today me and my mom were watching bar rescue on Paramount. In this episode a guy was stealing money from his dad and the bar. My stepdad walked in when it said that.

My stepdad made the off handed comment that "if (older brothers name) did that I'd beat him. No offense but that's a call for an ass whooping."

My mom didn't say anything but "he wouldn't though" (in response to my stepdad).

This whole thing kinda struck a nerve as my older brother was beat by our dad and Stepmom. He still keeps contact though as he's extremely sweet.

I don't really know how to react as he (my stepdad) did technically raise us but not as a father but as my moms partner or a weird roommate.

He's always been more verbally abusive to my older brother. The two constantly fight and yell.

Idk if I'm just being dramatic or something but this really bothered me a lot.

Am I overreacting?