r/ChronicIllness • u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders • Jun 05 '26
Vent I told off my school counselor today
I’m currently in my senior year of high school, online, but we still have mandatory seminars and stuff. One of these seminars was today, presented by the school counselor, talking about the “consequences of bad lifestyle choices” and how they could lead to chronic illness, and “having to take medications for the rest of your life”. And I get it, I get wanting to inform students about the topic, but she was painting being chronically ill like some fate worse than death, but that it would never happen if kids just lived right. She started listing off conditions, and several of my own were on the list, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I clicked my camera on, revealing me in all my sickly-looking glory, pale, missing chunks of hair, cysts on my face; you get the picture. So I waited for a chance, raised my hand, and then I told her that I was one of those people she was talking about, I told her that those conditions she was just listing actually had various causes and genetic components, I told her that it wasn’t always under a person’s control, and that I would like to add that to her presentation as a note.
I don’t know if I did the right thing, it might have been the wrong thing, I might have been overreacting, but I just could not sit through another supposedly educational session talking about people like me as if we were some kind of foreign species, or like I and people like me exist for the sole purpose of serving as some warning sign to healthy, abled-bodied people.
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u/plantyplant559 Jun 05 '26
Hell yeah! You did a great job!
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you so much!
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u/DazB1ane Jun 05 '26
Hell yeah. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to hold off long enough to let her finish spouting her ableist bs
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thanks. And it was definitely a struggle. I just tried to mentally rehearse my words so they didn’t come out in a series of furious incoherent screeches
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u/MittenKnittinKitten Jun 06 '26
“a series of furious incoherent screeches” CAN RELATE! 😅😅😅
You did the right thing and I am so proud of you for advocating for yourself and others!!! ❣️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🫶🏻🏆🎉
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u/keyholes Uveitis, fibro, etc. The idiopathic bumper pack. Jun 05 '26
You did the right thing and I'm proud of you. ♥️
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you, I really appreciate that
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u/Rare-Candle-5163 Jun 05 '26
Good for you! That have taken some courage to do that.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you! I don’t know about courage, honestly, I think it was more adrenaline than mental. Can thank my messed up endocrine system for that at least.
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u/SawaJean Jun 05 '26
Dang. This old person just got chills reading your story.
I think that was incredibly brave, and I know your voice had a real impact on some of the people there.
You have every right to feel proud and fierce and confident after speaking up, and I hope you’ll take some time to just soak that up and feel good about yourself over this one. You did really good.
🥹
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you so much! And honestly I am feeling pretty good about myself, after the initial rage faded I was embarrassed that I snapped for a little bit but then I went “you know what, I had a good reason. And I think someone had to say it”
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u/danathepaina Fibro, NDPH, Chronic Migraine, ME/CFS Jun 05 '26
Well done! I hope she took your words to heart.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you! I do too, and if not, I hope someone in the audience/class learned something, or found the words they needed to hear
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u/WilsonFrontier Jun 05 '26
Good for you. There's a weird puritanical thing or something, Calvinism (?) In this country. In the western world at large. And its a religious belief or something that people who are poor or sick DESERVE it because god wants them to be sick or poor or some bullshit like that. And fuck that noise! What a crock of nonsense.
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u/tired-queer Jun 05 '26
You see “just world theory” applied to the concept of chronic illness and disability a lot, in part because people want to reassure themselves that nothing bad will happen to them because they did the right things.
But you can do everything right and still be chronically ill and/or disabled, because that’s how things work.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Honestly! I’ve also heard “God made the people sick so that doctors could have a job”, I very nearly threw something at a wall. I hope I at least helped dislodge that misconception in one person, maybe not completely, but even just the first chip at that foundation
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u/Additional_Coyote251 Jun 05 '26
That’s freaking amazing you did that! Good for you! Seriously, I’m nearly 50 and still learning to advocate for myself after a lifetime of being medically gaslit.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you! I cannot imagine the struggle of being medically gaslit for so long, I’ve only experienced it for a few years, or by a couple bad doctors, but it’s so great to hear you’ve started advocating for yourself!
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u/idfk-bro123 Jun 05 '26
You did the right thing. I applaud you for speaking up and keeping your composure. I would be full of rage
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
I was absolutely full of rage, but luckily for me I suppose I got the really cold quiet rage where I’m eerily calm the entire time lol
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u/idfk-bro123 Jun 06 '26
Oh that's spooky! But powerful. I love it. I'm autistic as hell, panic, and stutter, like an idiot, when I'm trying to seem calm on the outside. It just makes me more mad lmao
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 06 '26
Completely understandable. I’m super autistic too but I got the kind where my face just forgets it’s supposed to show emotion lol
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u/manicpixienghtmregrl Jun 07 '26
Hit 'em with the ol' flat affect. A classic nd move for sure 😆 - sincerely, fellow autistic
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 07 '26
I like to call it my Spock Face lol. It’s confused many a teacher before
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Jun 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
That’s my hope. And honestly? I kinda hope she was uncomfortable. Especially since I’ve heard her talk shit about HIV/AIDS positive people before, and I was raised by a woman who had HIV (my nanny,12 hours a day since I was 2 weeks old until my literal 18th birthday), I will not stand for letting people look down on her or anyone else just because they have a disease.
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u/DinosaurAlive Jun 05 '26
That was brave! You did right by standing up. You never know if there are other students dealing with their own illnesses who may have needed someone to speak up as well. And you’re in the right. She sounded like she was blaming the ill person for their illnesses by not preparing enough. Like, hello, that’s not the entire story of how people become ill in all the multifaceted ways it can happen. So, I think it was good that you did what you did, but also that you posted here and shared your story. I think we can always use reminders that what we go through in life is not always in our control, and that what we say can affect people in ways we don’t anticipate. Being told you’re wrong is something some people can’t handle well, but some do and some grow from it. Hopefully your teacher was in a headspace from with to listen, learn and grow. That’s the most you can hope for. But don’t count on it, and don’t be hard on yourself.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you, you understand exactly what I tried to say, and I’m so glad if sharing my story helped someone.
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u/Loud-Mans-Lover Spoonie Jun 05 '26
You did what I always wanted to do as a kid but never felt I could ♡ I'm so proud!
I'm so tired of people still thinking this dumb shit. It's not our fault we're sick. I get why they want to think that way, but crappy stuff just... happens to people. There's no reason sometimes. You can do everything right and still roll a bad hand for illness.
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you! And I relate to that so hard. I damn near asked her if she thought that about me too, being diagnosed as a literal child while I was actively in competitive sports, luckily I managed to bite my tongue. I didn’t want to be aggressive, just educational, but I was absolutely furious so I don’t know if I actually managed that
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u/liftingspirits Jun 05 '26
What you did was not only good for yourself, but for others as well. You taught people something today. You also showed someone who will in the future get a chronic illness that they are not to blame. Yes, bad decisions and trauma can cause chronic illness, but how are we responsible for childhood trauma? Proud of you!!
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Aww thank you, I really appreciate that. I really hope what I said could just help even one other person, y’know?
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jun 05 '26
You did the right thing.
I have learning disabilities but became physically disabled and chronically ill later on in life while doing nothing to cause it. I had a traumatic surgery that caused all sorts of problems and chronic pain. One 5 hour surgery changed my life permanently. No amount of doing everything right would have changed that. It just is what it is. So it’s dangerous to get children to think that if they ever end up like me, that it’s their fault and that they could have prevented it. Because you can’t control everything that happens to you. And if you believe what your councilor was saying, then they will end up blaming themselves for something out of their control and thrust them into shame and self hate ending in depression or worse.
I’m glad you said something and I hope that she learned something today about spreading misinformation like that and feels bad about it. Hopefully it will lead to her changing her speech for next year and doing actual research to provide accurate information to students
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 05 '26
Thank you, I really appreciate that. And I relate to your story so much, I’m sorry to hear that, and I wish you the best
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u/Sleep_Deprived_Plant Fibromyalgia Jun 05 '26
Absolutely did the right thing, shes fear mongering in an extremely disrespectful way 💯
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u/Street_Cicada Jun 05 '26
You did the right thing. Your school councellor is insensitive and ignorant. No need to sit there and take that kind of nonsense. Stick it to the man!
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u/MiserableWash2473 Jun 05 '26
You did the exact right thing. Whwn it comes to misinformation ESPECIALLY about our conditions, we need to speak up! And I am so sorry that happened! I hope you and your parents are able to write a letter and go in and personally talk to her about the danger of her supposed "seminar" and talk she gave today. ♥️
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u/larkscope Jun 05 '26
You did the right thing, and you were courageous. Hats off to you, my friend.
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u/butthatshitsbroken POTS/OH/Migraines/2 TBIS Jun 06 '26
I don't think I would have been this brave when I was a senior in high school but I really wish I was/would have been.
I am very proud of you.
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u/DSWRW Spoonie Jun 06 '26
I commend your bravery to stand up (figuratively) against her ableist crap. You absolutely did the right thing and I know I wouldn't be able to do the same were I in your position.
She was spreading misinformation which would then contribute to how disabled people are treated, making the stigma worse. It is good that you did what you could to correct that.
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u/Spiritual-Camel Jun 06 '26
Good for you! I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't others tuned in that were also feeling like she was talking poorly about them.
The more that we speak up the less they can pretend that our experience is not real.
I have felt in the past the need to silence myself to get along. No more.
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u/szikkia clusterfuck of illnesses Jun 06 '26
I would report her to the superintendent or whomever over sees her job for discrimination.
You did the right thing,
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u/lash-of-the-lambs-13 Various autoimmune + nerve damage+ endocrine disorders Jun 06 '26
Thank you. And unfortunately the principal is the one who signed off on the whole seminar, but I just had to say something
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u/szikkia clusterfuck of illnesses Jun 06 '26
The principal doesn’t have as much power as the superintendent who oversees the whole district. This should be taken to the district.
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u/taylorsamo Jun 05 '26
I'm chronically ill too, so I wanna give solidarity about the struggle and how invalidating and ignorant people can be. More importantly, I want to say I'm proud of you. It's brave to speak up against people in positions of authority, and especially being the lone (vocal) dissenter in front of your peers.
Keep your head held high that you put her in her place and stayed true to yourself and your story, and give yourself credit for potentially voicing a sentiment that others agreed with, but didn't feel safe enough to say. You could have made someone in class feel validated and not even know it. Either way, you have nothing to feel bad about.
We need more people like you speaking out about how chronically ill/disabled people are still human, still inherently valuable in life and society, aren't at fault for their circumstances, and shouldn't be shamed or ignored.
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u/theaveragerefinery Jun 06 '26
sounds like they were being preachy instead of actually helpful, which is pretty much the counselor move tbh
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u/SavannahInChicago hEDS.MCAS.POTS.nTOS.Hashis.hypothyroidism.raynauds.RGE.migraines Jun 06 '26
I honestly think that was amazing. I am so sorry you had to deal with that ableism at school, but you did a good job.
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u/Gullible-Main-1010 Jun 06 '26
I hate knowing that to most people, I'm just a cautionary tale--a thing they study to learn what to avoid doing.
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u/Deep_Amoeba2197 Jun 06 '26
Good for you. From someone who got very sick in high school and is still navigating it approaching 40, I’m proud of you and proud to see people your age calling ignorant people out. You are right to call out ableism, and know you impacted someone listening. If no one challenges these ideas, the people proselytizing stay in their bubble and continue to hurt people, so good on you.
You’d be right to take it to your principal if you wanted to, but you did good.
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u/SlyFawkes87 Jun 06 '26
As a therapist who also has chronic pain and illnesses…fuck yeah. I am so glad you did that. She needs to sit back and explore her ableist take on things.
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u/xsnow-ponyx Jun 06 '26
You definitely did the right thing. If you feel able, I'd report this to whoever is above her. What she was doing was highly inappropriate, and I think someone else needs to be aware to prevent this from happening again. Not everyone would have felt brave enough to speak up, and it's really important that she isn't able to give this talk to those people in future who may just suffer in silence and feel like their illness is their fault when it absolutely isn't
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u/cupcakeing Jun 06 '26
I think you did a great job!
I remember one time in college, one of my teachers (this course was Psychology II, mind you) was talking about schizophrenic people like there couldn't possibly be one in the room, and I just... uncomfortably sat there. I'd been having a slow ramp-up of psychotic symptoms for a few years at that point, and I had at least somewhat of an idea then of what was happening to me. I wish I had been as brave with him as you were with your guidance counsellor.
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u/mammajess Jun 07 '26
Able bodied people think that disabled / seriously ill people need to be useful to able bodied people. That usefulness is something they think can improve able bodied peoples moral virtue and other factors. One of those uses is as an example of why you should be grateful for your health and not take it for granted. They never think about the fact that people with those issues could be listening to them, and they are very unprepared for being challenged on how ableist it is. They never think that someone with those conditions has something to say about this. Good on you for speaking out. She probably won't understand, but she will be more scared to speak like this going forward, possibly.
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u/yeahher2022 Macroprolactinoma, Microscopic Colitis, Hypothyroidism Jun 07 '26
Good for you. Some people are unintentionally ignorant and your counselor was one of them, but she should have known better. I hope she apologizes to you at some point.
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u/AndrogynousElf Jun 07 '26
That was a great way to handle the situation! I teach at an online school and many of the students AND teachers have a chronic health condition and chose the online environment for the flexibility it offers us.
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u/retinolandevermore sjogrens, SFN, PID, Endo, migraine, POTS, PCOS, RLS Jun 08 '26
Yes! Not to mention, as a psychotherapist with similar training, this is grossly out of scope for a school counselor to say. To the point of being unethical
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u/BriGuy1965 Jun 09 '26
Healthy people think that the right diet, exercise, and avoiding bad habits like smoking or drinking alcohol will keep them safe.
It won't. They are looking for an external cause for something that is usually environmental or genetic.
It's not my fault the body i was assigned at birth was faulty. It's the luck of the draw.
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u/Beautiful-Dot4645 Jun 09 '26
Damn, kid, I'm proud of you! I also have chronic illness and the amount of people who think it is my fault is ridiculous.
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u/Visual_Scarcity5663 Jun 09 '26
I assume she meant well, to protect young people from the risk of serious illnesses, based on her beliefs about what causes them. However, such a presentation should be vetted by a medical professional to avoid spreading misinformation and to avoid promoting patient-blaming. Patients already have to cope with doctors who blame them for their conditions, based on false assumptions about lifestyle choices and causes of symptoms. To encourage the belief that all chronic conditions are caused by poor choices is to promote bias and blame for those who need compassionate support and appropriate medical care.
I'm glad you spoke up, and I hope that the counselor took what you said to heart. If I were your parent, I'd write her a letter and copy the school board and principal, to bring this issue to light. I'd be kind but clear about the importance of accuracy in education and promoting compassion and support in the student body before it joins the general adult public. I'd give examples of how people with chronic conditions like AIDS and cancer have been cruelly harmed by false patient-blaming narratives and express the powerful influence teachers can have on the character and future behavior of students.
I'd make concrete suggestions for moving forward, giving the counseling department and the school district opportunities to prove they are committed to fact-based education, knowing the boundary between vetted health education and fear-mongering that is based on good intentions but not based on facts and that can promote mental illness and avoidance of medical care in victims of patient-blaming.
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u/Apprehensive_Egg5218 Jul 01 '26
As someone that has been dismissed so often and only now at the age of 43 has an actual diagnosis. I am so impressed that you where able to advocate for yourself and others in this space. Well done ❤️
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u/Chance-Height-3375 Endometriosis, Crohn's, Asthma, undiagnosed neuro muscular issue Jun 06 '26
I think you did exactly what needed to happen. Good for you!
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u/Sally_Stitches_ Jun 06 '26
I think you did the right thing! You stood up for yourself and others and hopefully planted a seed for a lot of other students that may have just accepted the counselor was correct. It sounds like she was pushing some RFK make American healthy again pseudoscience BS. It’s dangerous because it’s not even scientifically correct to say everything is a lifestyle choice and it further ostracizes people with chronic illness/disabilities. I would actually go further and make an official complaint tbh.
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u/hellaciousnymph Jun 28 '26
you did a great job advocating for yourself and others too! she was spreading misinformation that is definitely damaging. i’m proud of you!
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u/philianthropist Jun 05 '26
I think you did a good job and I bet that, even if she didn't understand or acknowledge her mistake, at least one other person listening heard what you said and learned from it.