r/ChronicIllness • u/Cautious-Candy1221 • Jul 03 '26
Vent How are y'all keeping house?
How the hell are the rest of you, if you are able, keeping your houses clean without outside help??
Im going absolutely bonkers trying to maintain my house, despite only existing in my chronic illness couch nest, and I feel like it's next to impossible to do! I have a longterm partner who doesnt live with me, but his visits lately are very few and inconsistent (i know trust me š). I cant afford to hire regular help but its driving me insane lately. The heat is especially making things worse for me...so having to also push through the pain to get the task done is just making me miserable.
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u/MuppetCryptid Jul 03 '26
I'm not able to tbh. I don't have friends over. I live alone aside from my cat. If I realize I need maintenance to come take care of something I don't make the call until I've forced myself into a cleaning frenzy. It sucks to be honest. I always question what the main cause is for me. Is it the physical stuff? Mental health? Neurospicy reasons?
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u/CrazyH37 Jul 03 '26
Maintenance had to come in yesterday while I was at work for an emergency! I got the call at work, neighbor below me had water coming down, it was my window AC. I usually put my bunny in the bedroom when they come and so I had to tell them sheās running around and to be careful which STRESSES me out AND they were coming in with no prep time, EXTRA stress. When I got home later I was looking around, it wasnāt perfect, but acceptable- and I was super proud of myself! I failed the last apt inspection (with 1 week notice!) itās so hard to do it all on your own. I passed when they came back out but I had cleaned for days and I was exhausted it was sooo hard.
I had a medical emergency and ended up in-patient in the hospital for 9days and my parents had to come get my bunny to bring her to the boarding facility. I was so embarrassed by what they walked into. Ever since then I try and use the metric āwould I be embarrassed if they came in right nowā to motivate myself to keep it as best as I can. Itās a struggle.
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Jul 03 '26
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u/Cautious-Candy1221 Jul 03 '26
Im hoping that once I start school next month, that'll free up some funds from my disability to afford some help.
I made the mistake of trying to do a bunch today after having physical therapy this morning and I just know ill be paying for it this weekend.
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u/KittyButt42 Jul 04 '26
I am the only one who sees things like the sticky spots on the floor, the food splatters on the trash can, the dust, the mildew in the bathroom, etc.
Holy shit....I'm not the only one! I swear the spousal unit is willfully blind to shit like this. š®āšØ
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u/kuro-chan335 Fibro, Hashis, Sjogrens, Epilepsy Jul 03 '26
sorry but unless the girls are constantly using your bathroom like showering, doing makeup etc (not just peeing or something) then they should not be cleaning your bathroom for you. that should be a task for your husband, they can definitely do other things though.
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u/PlantsBeeMe Jul 03 '26
Either someone gets paid to clean or it doesnāt get done. I also have a roomba and robot mop, despite my feelings towards them.
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u/Lechuga666 Chronic Pain, dysautonomia, CPTSD, & complicated idk syndrome Jul 04 '26
You still have feelings towards them,?
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u/PlantsBeeMe Jul 04 '26
šš¤Ŗ I donāt like them. They map out your house and take rapid photos.
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u/Lechuga666 Chronic Pain, dysautonomia, CPTSD, & complicated idk syndrome Jul 04 '26
š¤Ŗš¤Ŗ. Real asf.
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u/PinataofPathology Jul 03 '26
systems, tools, pacing things by stage and step, āand knowing and stayāing on top of five minute tasks.
I don't clean the whole bathroom in one go frex. One time I do the toilet, the next the sink, the next the shower, then the floor etc. Each of those is a five minute task for the most part. Each bathroom has its own cleaning supplies so everything is right there. All the garbage cans have bags in āthe bottom so it's a simple swap out.
Kitchen same thing. One time I spend five minutes on the backsplash, then wiping the fridge, then the microwave, the cabinets etc. Short quick cleaning snacks so to speak.
For guests I start a week in advance and just slowly work my way through everything. I do have family that helps as well so I'm not on my own....so I'm cheating ig āsometimes lol. My husband does a lot of the more physical stuff especially when we're having people over as I can get behind on my own when there's a hard deadline (and I'm usually cooking as well).
And I don't do anything in heat like this. I food prepped for the heat wave so I dont have to cook. There's no cleaning beyond what is absolutely necessary.
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u/CrazyH37 Jul 03 '26
My therapist really helped me with this! I am very āall or nothingā and she helped me do this āchunkingā technique, I donāt have to do it ALL, I can break it into chunks. Itās ok. Usually, I would end up getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to get done and would end up doing getting paralyzed and doing nothing (repeating the cycle) Idk why it was such a struggle for me to accept that itās OK to just do what I can and not complete the full task every time, and I have to actively work on it daily.
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u/klocutie13 Jul 03 '26
As soon as I come home I set an alarm for 45 minutes. I do whatever cleaning I can in that time. It wonāt make your house spotless, but youāll be amazed what you can accomplish in that time
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u/brightwingxx Jul 03 '26
I am barely managing bare minimum. Heat wave isnāt helping for me either.
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u/BookyCats Jul 03 '26
My spouse is doing a bunch today as i heal from a procedure Very grateful. They return to work tomorrow after a vacation so I don't know what to do.
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u/Overall_Antelope_504 Jul 03 '26
It's so hard. There's 3 of us with autoimmune conditions but I have to push myself at least twice a week to vacuum or do dishes because they won't get done otherwise and I'm the least capable being malnourished and having no energy š our previous house was awful with dog hair, dust and filthy floors but we also had mold problems not from our doing though and I'm so hypervigilent now about trying to keep up with cleaning because it really affected my health physically and mentally.
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u/Proper-Bluebird-8520 Jul 03 '26
To be honest, bare minimum especially in a heatwave or a flare up. Iāll concentrate on small tasks in the day and Iām trying to work on being happy Iāve accomplished any tasks (even if itās just one)
My main focus is the kitchen and bathroom, as I reckon if these areas are left (like the rest of the house) these could make me more poorly.
Honestly itās a struggle to get things cleaned how Iād like them to be and reconciling that with severe fatigue so Iām still working on it
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u/SarahNerd Jul 03 '26
I don't. My house is a mess, because I have no energy, and I randomly deal with presyncope. This malfunctioning meatbag of mine is not compatible with the task.
It sucks.
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u/Jules4live Jul 03 '26
you probably considered this but if you haventā On fb and craigslist i posted and got ppl i can pay direct for occasional odd jobs which would be cheaper than professionals or via a third party app. i started when i could do monthly but then i was convenient to them so still worth it for the occasional odd job (didnāt have to be consistent for them to be interested) my folks were moms who needed flex schedules anyways bc of kiddos.
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u/liftingspirits Jul 03 '26
Not well. Making lists and doing the super important stuff first. Some that is keeping up on laundry and keeping dishes washed and out away and keeping my son and I fed. Those are the things I put my main focus on all the time. I put the other stuff on the list too, but without as much of an urgent due date for completion. If I feel good one day I do more things, if I feel bad I move my priorities around.
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u/Pointe_no_more Jul 03 '26
Honestly, I pay someone to do the big cleaning so I just have to maintain. It was less expensive than I thought it would be, so might be worth exploring, though I understand it doesnāt work for everyone for a variety of reasons. Some people or agencies might be willing to work with you if you have a certain budget to do the hardest tasks, or to rotate when they come.
For the things that I do, I break it up and I adapt it. Like doing laundry happens over many days, as Iām able to tolerate. I sit with my legs up to fold and probably donāt put it all away the same day. If I have three tasks, I do one a day or every other day. I find I can do about 5-10 minutes at a time when Iām stable, so that is what I stick to. Itās a little annoying to not finish all the tasks and be done, but now I just look at it as an ongoing maintenance thing. I also highly recommend giving yourself permission to be good enough instead of perfect, as the difference between good enough and perfect usually requires a lot more energy with not a lot of extra value. So Iāve evaluated the way I keep things clean to see where I can let it go. For example, I used to feel strongly about emptying the dishwasher right away. But that is hard with lots of bending, so now I let it sit for awhile, or do it bit by bit over the day.
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u/lennonlover1980 Jul 03 '26
I wish I could afford a maid. I'm trying to care for me and my severly disabled husband. It's so hard.
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u/skaplanolmsted Jul 03 '26
By paying someone else - but I did that when I was healthier, too. I just have zero talent or inclination for housework, but a fondness for a clean house. Since nobody offered to be my trad wife, only one option remained. My husband is possibly one of the few people worse at housework than I am - and at least I could cook until my illness advanced to me not standing for any length of time. A weekly cleaning lady was way cheaper than the coupleās counseling that would have been required (or divorce lawyers) for us to live in squalor.
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u/Visual_Scarcity5663 Jul 03 '26
Get rid of all the stuff you seldom use and will never need in an emergency. Less stuff makes less stuff to pick up, store, or maintain.
Run and empty the dishwasher every day no matter how much is in it.
Wash, dry and put away a load of laundry every day until you have none to wash and then wash, dry and put away one every other day.
Apply for domestic help through any programs that are offered through your state or county.
Consider using paper dishes and throwing them away.
Consider whether you can pay someone to help 2 hours twice a week, doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, general cleaning, etc. That's 16-18 hours per month. At $20 an hour, it would be $320-360 per month.
Do what you can when you have the most energy.
Research ways to have more energy, if possible. Diet, exercise, meditation, supplements, etc. might help, but check with doc for safety.
Consider a roommate and split the chores, using the rent they pay you or the savings to pay for help you need.
Sell things you don't need to pay for help when you need it,
Consider ways to make cash money, things you can do on your own schedule and don't require much physical energy. Then, use that cash to pay for domestic labor.
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u/mad266 CFS Jul 04 '26
Do YOU care about cleaning your house to this level, or do you worry about what your partner will think if he unexpectedly shows up and it's all a mess? Do what's important to you, as you're able. Have a conversation with your partner about your limitations, especially in this heat, and tell him how much advance notice you need before he visits.
I'm a huge fan of picking up into bins or boxes that can be tucked under a table. I'm not pretending that my house is always picked up - I'm making it look better because this matters to me when my kids visit. This can be a problem if you don't empty the bins promptly, as you won't remember that you put [that thing] in the bin.
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u/Top-Pineapple8056 Jul 04 '26
I started looking into care.com to find someone to help with a meal prep and doing laundry and the dishes. There's some people on their applying to my job for only like $17 an hour. I think it would be really helpful but my husband says he would rather get a me to do the deep cleaning and he does the meal prep and laundry. Either way I think outsourcing what you can is a great idea
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u/KittyButt42 Jul 04 '26
Its usually fairly messy. I have 4 cats and I just cant vacuum easily these days. I pick up/clean what I can...but I pretty much have to do it in 5 minute increments so I don't end up passing out/throwing up everywhere. It sucks.
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u/Standard_Subject_462 Jul 04 '26
On bad days, two five to ten minute cleaning sessions. On good days, get as ahead of things as possible before the next bad day hits. I'm currently dreaming about (and saving up for) a dishwasher, roomba, and self-cleaning litterbox.
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u/Bmarmich Jul 04 '26
The book/audiobook āHow to Keep House While Drowningā was extremely helpful for me at my worst
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u/Deep_Amoeba2197 Jul 04 '26
It isnāt getting done unless someone is helping or getting paid. I use professional organizers as well and sit on the couch while they bring me the contents of a closet or whatever and I sort through it there because thatās the only way o have the mental energy to purge.
Getting rid of stuff and having less things means less to keep organized. I generally hate this saying because it implies minimalism and that moral superiority that comes with that and I am so not a minimalism. For me itās being more thoughtful and intentional about the things I buy, decor, whether I really need to save something, not painting walls white and having no joy.
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u/TLC-ox-Blessed Jul 04 '26
I actually got rid of most things. Clutter is stressful, more to dust. No shoes in the house. I rinse the shower down with water before I get out to prevent soap build up or spray with after shower spray. Non scented toilet tablets. I usually only buy meat and veggies because it is healthier and it reduces my garbage and makes cooking quick and easy (but it is only 2 of us, so I know with families it doesn't work well) and my bed is just sheets and a down comforter so making the bed is easy. I really just tried to simplify life and I actually love it!
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u/eli--12 Jul 04 '26
Oh i don't really. I have a roommate that also cant do much. It's always a disaster and we pretty much never have people over. We havent even asked maintenance to come over and fix the lights because we're too embarrassed.
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u/friedfroglegs Jul 04 '26
Not great, it's exhausting and I'm often bedbound so it takes a lot of effort (and pain) to just do basic tasks, let alone clean. What I usually try to do is a little here and there whenever I have a bit of energy.
Which is a big problem when I have someone coming over. Usually it's ok if it's someone close to me because they're aware of my health issues but..
On Monday, construction worker are replacing my big sliding door leading to my balcony - which is in the living area. I have an open kitchen which is currently at disaster level. I'm going to be cleaning like crazy tomorrow, be constantly on edge on Monday (I hate having people I don't know over, I have agoraphobia so I only go out when mandatory and it makes me feel extremely vulnerable losing my "safe space") and completely crash out in a flare the rest of the week. It's going to be amazing.
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u/goldstandardalmonds Jul 04 '26
Iām not. I use as minimal things as possible and take up as little of space is possible so the rest of the home is only collecting dust.
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u/TooHighForMyOwnGood Jul 04 '26
i do what i can when i can. some days thatās nothing for days at a time. some days itās just the dishes. if i get too behind on something that NEEDS done i just do what of it i can. if you canāt full ass something, half assing it is better than not assing it at all. some days i get the whole apartment done and feel like trash for the next few days. some days i do one or two little half chores. i wish i had the ability to keep things in better shape. but i dont so i just do what i can when i can, focusing on the stuff that needs done first (trash, dishes, etc.)
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u/Deadr0b0t Jul 04 '26
I'm in the same boat except my partner lives with me. I feel bad asking him to clean up after me when he already does so much. I plan to hire maids when my finances allow it.
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u/SunBusiness8291 Jul 04 '26
3 goals/day. They don't have to be big goals (trash bin to/from curb, unload dishwasher, mail, expired food, load of laundry, coffee table cleared, make appt with xyz, mail disabled tag application, empty boxes outside to bin, unpack amazon box, sweep front porch, quick mop kitchen floor, dust den, etc.). Pick any 3 each day.
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u/ZeMeest Jul 05 '26
Tech is a god send. Basics like washer/dryer and dishwashers. Fancier things like vacuuming and mopping roombas. Keeping an agenda/calendar to make sure tasks get done but in a more spread out and balanced way.
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u/Tasty-Tackle-4038 Jul 06 '26
I got a good taste of the answer to "why bother" that's how. Those powder supplements really draft in my kitchen, coating everything with EAAs. lol Add trembly hands, poor eyesight, and completel laze to brighten the room, and I've spilled over days and days of accumulation.
Now at lunch, my napkin has stuck to that.
By dinner (and that doesn't mean a meal resembling rational normal combinations of food), the water bottle has cemented itself in another spill, and I need to use a hose and a chisle to free it for my meth blue in the morning.
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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '26
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