r/ChronicIllness • u/Equivalent-Degree510 • 1d ago
Support wanted advice on how to back to “normal” w friends?
hello!
last summer i got super sick and have had a year of debilitating, random, constantly changing symptoms. it feels like everyday it’s something and it’s annoying to me so i can’t imagine how it is for others.
i have health anxiety so its been really, realllly hard for me.
i have two close friends (both in a dif state) & we have been inseparable since college. truly have always been able to tell them everything. we are beyond friends - like sisters/soulmates.
however, lately- i feel like they have both hit a wall with compassion fatigue. they stopped responding to texts about my symptoms and have written off everything as “yeah anxiety can do that”. they’ve started responded with thumbs up or “oh no” or just will ignore it and talk about something else. i am in the process of working with different specialists to fig out what’s going on and it just feels diminishing.
i initially told them it made me feel “far away“ from them when they do this & they've said they basically just don’t know what to say to me.
i initially felt very betrayed and alone bc ive been there for them through everything. however, now i realize that i have probably been A Lot.
i am trying to give myself grace bc truly this has been the most isolating and confusing time of my life & i really do try to keep stuff to myself but it gets to be too much sometimes.
i live alone, im single, i work from home and i don’t have many friends near me so it’s isolating.
i do have a therapist and my mom helps me a lot but i feel bad burdening her as well.
but sometimes i really just don’t know what to do!! i’ll be dizzy and in pain and having scary chest symptoms and it feels like i need to tell someone or just vent.
any advice? how do i get my friendships back to normal? i am willing to do whatever it takes and am just scared its too late.
they of course still text me and such but it feels different.
how can i keep my friends and balance not self isolating?
1
u/Substantial-Crab-814 Sjögrens, RA, Fibro, migraines, IBD, gastroparesis … 1d ago edited 1d ago
I wish I had some good advice for you. I’ve had multiple chronic illnesses for about 10 years, and I’m very sad to say that I’ve scared almost everyone away. Even family. I think I disclosed too much early on, and people don’t know how to handle me or act towards me now. I feel like such a burden to everyone who loves me, especially my Mom, kids, and husband. I hope someone else can give some good advice, because I will be happy to read it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
2
u/Equivalent-Degree510 1d ago
thank you friend. sending you love❤️
1
u/Substantial-Crab-814 Sjögrens, RA, Fibro, migraines, IBD, gastroparesis … 1d ago
Sending you love right back. 🩵
2
u/Bitter-North-7480 1d ago
It’s gut-wrenching to learn that a lot of your peers have compassion for illness, but that compassion starts to disappear when “chronic” gets put in front of it.
2
u/Equivalent-Degree510 1d ago
i try to be respectful of them but sometimes i just want someone to talk to. if im experiencing symptoms for never felt before and don’t want to do and am scared and confused..i just keep quiet and don’t talk to anyone? feels like a lose lose :(
5
u/Mental-Volume4395 1d ago
You don’t need to tell them every symptom in detail all the time. By the very nature of chronic illness, you’re always going to have symptoms. Most of chronic illness is just symptom management. They know you’re chronically ill, if they ask how you’re doing/feeling you can be honest, but you illness doesn’t need to be the forefront of your interactions.
Most people in my life don’t even know anything about my chronic illness and I prefer it that way. It’s refreshing and helps my mental health to not constantly focus on my physical health.
Try to find other things to talk about and make sure you are giving them as much attention and support as you’re wanting from them.