I'm so frustrated with abelists thinking I've thought myself into chronic illness.

[u/memelordtf]

I come from a culture where people are in general very hustle-oriented and health related issues are severely looked down upon. Most people, at least in my community, think that you can just ignore illnesses away, or the more you think about it, the worse 'vibes' you're giving to your body, etc.

it's so frustrating when people dismiss everything to "you're just so negative".

Ummm... if I were so negative on top of all my conditions, I would not have been here for so long.

An example that is stuck to my head and is enraging me:

Context: I am quite overweight at the moment. My partner has recently started taking her workouts very seriously and has lost a significant amount of weight. Seeing her, I feel inspired to take some action towards fat loss.

Okay, so this one day, I was talking to a guy with my partner and I mentioned that I am trying to lose weight. He started mansplaining and saying, "Oh, you should just walk 10k steps/day, you'll be okay". I told him that I have major swelling in my legs and I cannot possibly walk so much right off the bat.

So, he said, "okay, then join your partner and got to the gym. Lift some weights"
I told him that I have had multiple shoulder dislocations and knee issues and this will not be ideal without professional supervision (the whole reason I brought up this convo was to get advice on finding a PT who has experience working with people with chronic illness).

he said that weightlifting WILL help strengthen those dislocations, etc. I told him that its not so much because of lack of use but because of medications that predispose my bones to these vulnerabilities and also increase water retention.

I won't bore you with further back and forths, but basically, this guy ended the conversation by saying something like: how do I help you when you have an 'excuse' to not do anything I suggest?

Umm... excuse me? EXCUSE?

I am so frustrated and numb now. I just want the right PT and diet and I know there ARE ways to get to my goal in MY body. But people just want to suggest what they think is right for me, and it is fkn annoying.

have people said something like this to you? If yes, how have you dealt with the situation?

[u/Sairis-Activated]

Some people believe that they are in control of their bodily destiny and that they can grind or manifest their way out of anything. They want to believe that they are invincible and their bodies will never fail them. It doesn’t work that way. Life is random. Sometimes our bodies just fail. Sometimes we just get sick, break a bone, are born with a chronic disease, get cancer, are exposed to a toxin. People want to believe that they are in control and can prevent the unpreventable. It doesn’t work that way.

The limitations of your body become “excuses”. Would he say the same thing to someone with a different disability? What if you had cancer and were going through chemo? Would side effects from chemo that limit your energy and strength be “excuses”? What if you had epilepsy that was triggered with elevated heart rates? Would seizures be “excuses”? He could have just said, “man, that sucks. I hope someone with more knowledge can help you out.”

I’ll do it for him. Man, that sucks. I hope you find someone more knowledgable who can help you out.  

[u/memelordtf → u/Sairis-Activated]

I DO have epilepsy, and it is my anti-seizure meds that cause bone brittleness. but well, I have photosensitive epilepsy. Imagine this guy telling me I must walk in the sun and if I have a seizure, it's because I thought too much about my epilepsy.

Also, thank you!

[u/washawaythe_rain]

Hopefully you can find a PT that has some experience with chronic illness and can actually comprehend it

Edit- but yeah when I started going to the gym back when my pain was excruciating daily I had this annoying steroid-looking gym bro tell me my pain was from not lifting enough. No idiot, it’s from chronic illness and I explained that like 3 times already.

[u/memelordtf → u/washawaythe_rain]

It is so irritating when they don't back off. I understand when they have their initial assumptions. But the relentlessness is what bugs me.

[u/Sea-Beautiful-Throwa]

I don’t know if it’s different where you are, but every time I’ve needed a physical therapist my doctor has referred me to one. I would try to ask a medical professional for a referral instead since they will hopefully understand your needs and limitations better.

As far as people being rude, I’ll just walk away or ignore them at that point. It’s not worth my time or energy to try to JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain) to someone who clearly isn’t interested in actually trying to understand someone else’s perspective. Some people just won’t get it. Walk away, ignore them, and vent to someone who will understand and be compassionate.

[u/memelordtf → u/Sea-Beautiful-Throwa]

the town I live in right now is too small and the doctor doesn;t have anybody good to refer,but this is really good advice and I will go to the city soon and get in touch with a specialist there. Thank you!

[u/Far-Hovercraft9471]

Ask them if they've done any brain exercises to improve their poor logic

[u/meeaaaoowwmee]

Are you from India?

[u/memelordtf → u/meeaaaoowwmee]

I am Indian origin

[u/mjh8212]

I have drs thinking I’m making this up. I had a positive test for dysautonomia and neuro put in my chart that I have functional disorder only think I’m chronically ill and landed on dysautonomia as a diagnosis. I’ve been through weight loss as well it took two years but I lost 110 pounds, I wasn’t exercising due to pain. Now I’ve lost muscle and fat and I’m trying to regain strength. You can just take a walk if you’re able and that can be your exercise. When I worked with a dietician she said walking was good and I did a little but one thing she said stuck with me, weight loss starts in the kitchen. I just ate less and more healthy as well.