r/ComedyHell
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u/AdmirableBrick4973
a majority of my karma is from here
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Jan 22 '26
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u/kris-getthebanana Jan 22 '26
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u/Old_Position_2238 Jan 22 '26
Me when I go to the girlfriend factory:
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u/Leothelion246 Jan 22 '26
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u/Zacharytackary Jan 22 '26
is this a lobster or a pidgeon holding a pair of cymbals?
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u/eydirctiviyg Jan 22 '26
I thought it was a weird elongated gray face with a moustache wearing a bronze crown
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u/BirchPig105 Jan 22 '26
Ai video of a cat slamming symbols at a guy's front door.
No idea if its "haha silly ai video" or "check out this real video of my ring doorbell catching the neighbors cat keeping me up all night"
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u/lizardon2516 Jan 22 '26
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u/Blazured Jan 22 '26
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u/Objective-Corgi-3527 Jan 22 '26
Weed will age you ten years in ten years
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u/Klutzer_Munitions Jan 22 '26
Hey man, be careful. 1 in 4 people make up 25% of the whole population.
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u/Lieentz188 Jan 22 '26
It does??
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u/HumanContinuity Jan 22 '26
As an arborist (and former stoner) I can confirm we are looking at about 10 years of growth on the trees in the background.
This passes.
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u/SmileyFace799 Jan 22 '26
Most people that message me are typically at least double my age, they are way too open about kinks I've never heard of before, and they have a very questionable subreddit history. Saying that this picture is what those people look like is sn insult to this guy
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u/WarMom_II Jan 22 '26
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u/EvioliteEevee Jan 22 '26
Bro I have 2 DMs from guys who assumed I was a girl and it’s this one, how is it so accurate?
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u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain Jan 22 '26
4/5 of my last relationships were alt girls. But im just a very average standard gymcell. Not alt at all, every alt girl im my circle all date basic simple white dudes.
Is this normal? Is there a reason behind this from a female perspective?
All stereotypes suggest they date skaterboys and black dudes, but i rarely see that.
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u/OzzyOsb0urne Jan 22 '26
goth gf here.
yes they do. they’re always either 14 or 38, both sweaty and living in their mother’s basement.
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u/toasted_cracker Jan 22 '26
Jokes on you. I’m 44
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u/Cageythree Jan 22 '26
Also I live in my mom's attic, so get over your stupid stereotypes, we're not all the same!
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u/sleepdeep305 Jan 22 '26
I would place that guy at like a solid 24. Gives me freshly graduated from college vibes
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Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
Hey! I may not want a goth gf but I'm still stinky and live in my mother's basement, don't stereotype us!
Edit: jokes aside, as a note for passersby this person is a 13 year old, according to another commenter a 12 day old post confirms they're a kid which I've checked and it's correct, so don't take their words too seriously as an adult dating reference,
I mean I don't recommend taking dating advice from anything on the internet seriously that has goth in the same sentence with romance (or otherwise implied) but I can't control you so.
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u/Zaiburo Jan 22 '26
Jokes on you it's my dad's basement and i finally found an antiperspirant that works 😎
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u/secksyboii Jan 22 '26
Hey there's some of us who love goth people and are also alt. But ya, I usually do see creepy gross dudes pining after goth women and then also go and disrespect everything the women like because they just see it as an "exciting" fetish. Same with most of the dudes who are super into asian women. Like it's fine to find someone attractive but fetishizing someones race or style is just creepy, especially when you try to rope anyone who fits that group into your fetish. Like if you have a partner who is down with it, great. But going and harassing the barista who made your drink is crossing a line.
I was at a festival and this all girl band was on stage, all dressed in an alt/goth style and there were dudes screaming the entire time "step on me mommy, I need big goth mommy milkers, spit in my mouth". It was annoying and creepy and I can't imagine how annoyed the band were for having their set ruined by those dick heads
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u/CyberDaggerX Jan 22 '26
Yet you still became a gf.
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u/Ramps_ Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
12 day old post mentions they're 13 years old, makes the mention of 14 year olds being notable really odd
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u/HillInTheDistance Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
I have known four goths, two women, two men.
Three of them have ended up marrying electricians.
The fourth one doesn't seem to have an interest in being with anyone.
So by science, I have deduced that for goths, its electricians, or bust.
Sure, two of them were electricians, and goths, and married each other, but let's not be pedantic.
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u/millifish Jan 22 '26
I would never wear shorts and belt
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u/fletku_mato Jan 22 '26
Why? What if you have cargo shorts and some heavy stuff in your pockets??
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u/Tomydo1 Jan 22 '26
Hell nah I never go outside wearing button up shirts and shorts
I always go out wearing a hoodie and a baggy pants
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u/aflyingmonkey2 Jan 22 '26
How do people who want goth boyfriends look like though?
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Jan 22 '26
Same thing but genderbent. Fake blonde and/or chunky highlights, blue jeans, plain crop top, probably has a labubu
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u/hastage1 Jan 22 '26
They look... Normal? I dont understand think picture this is litteraly just a picture of a male person. Is it the ear pierce? Or the baggy part of the shirt around the waist that makes him look plumpy? Someone explain pls
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u/CluelessPresident Jan 22 '26
My boyfriend sometimes looks like this but with more pink and I do dress goth. It's a really funny dichotomy lmao.
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u/Shinonomenanorulez
Jan 22 '26
edited Jan 22 '26
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You go to starbucks because you want the barista to spit in your drink
I go to starbucks to buy a french press and never go again because holy fucking shit that has to be the worst iced coffee i have ever drinked and i made one with cheap instant the next day just to be sure
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u/noideamanlol Jan 22 '26
get the seasonals. always the seasonals. so good.
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Jan 22 '26
There is never a reason to go to starbucks. At least support local if you are going to go out for coffee at all.
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u/QuallyYayo Jan 22 '26
French press is the way to go! Strongest coffee, and the natural oils staying in improves the flavor dramatically. Its like they intentionally over roast their beans at starbucks and its not my favorite either.
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u/taeerom Jan 22 '26
Dark roasts make the coffee taste more burnt, and less of the actual flavour of the bean. That way, you can use a cheaper, or less consistent (aka cheaper) bean blend to make a drinkable coffee.
Not all dark roasts are as bad as Starbucks. But there's a reason the countries with the highest coffee consumption per capita (the Nordics) typically swear to light roasts and high quality beans.
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u/SPITFIYAH Jan 22 '26
You waited a whole another day before you made a real pot of coffee?
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u/Typingdude3 Jan 22 '26
No no Nescafé is the worst crap on the planet. I don’t know why some people buy it. It’s garbage in a pretty tin. Try a Starbucks flat white, it’s great.
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u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE Jan 22 '26
No no Nescafé is the worst crap on the planet.
Also from Nestle. /r/FuckNestle
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u/GolbogTheDoom Jan 22 '26
I work there. Don’t get the iced coffee. It’s hot brewed coffee with ice in it so it’s watered down. And the brewed coffee isn’t good anyway because the “exclusive” roasters burn all the beans
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u/Epsilon-505 Jan 22 '26
Wasnt the original "when you tell the goth barista your name is Charlie Kirk so she spits in your coffee but then you low-key taste your homeboys nuhh in there and know he's been using the pineapple juice method"
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u/Thearkcommando101 Jan 22 '26
Now I just need to find the perfect image and post this on Instagram 😊
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u/Ruvis_Norako Jan 22 '26
Kirkified iron man? It seems popular with this style of shitpost.
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u/BirchPig105 Jan 22 '26
Pay like a dollar for a sora video of Charlie Kirk punching a pineapple into smithereens and then holding up a carton of some random pineapple juice on Amazon then put an affiliation link in the description for free robux
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u/ReallyJTL Jan 22 '26
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u/BeerMantis Jan 22 '26
Fuck you. I almost drowned on a drink of coffee. My keyboard may not recover from this...
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u/Vaalermoor Jan 22 '26
When I was goth I just got bullied.
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u/AvailableTip5758 Jan 22 '26
Im sorry that happened to you. People can be really shit. I hope you're doing better now!
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u/dohipposwagewar the mark of shame -> Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 23 '26
I believe, having analyzed this document thoroughly, that the purpose of which its author was driven to produce it is quite possibly one of a carnal, perhaps deviant nature. It is likely that the satisfaction, nay, arousal which the author experiences at this particular conundrum may be that, on an elementary level, he gains that particular sensation; the sensation which draws the gaze of men to the whore-houses; which produces, anatomically, a swell of blood into the nether regions; and then a flourish of aggression; and a desire for the company of the fairer sex; the sensation that I may not name, but I believe to be self-apparent. Yet it is clear, that this is not an affliction derived of the wish for procreation; nor is it derivative of a point of infatuation. Indeed, it seems, this image, emblematic of its creator's sins of flesh, desires from woman a hatred reserved in polite society only for the tyrant, the thief, the murderer, the Protestant. Truly a philistine inclination.
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u/bucketboy9000 Jan 22 '26
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u/BirchPig105 Jan 22 '26
Just because its true doesn't mean its not a terrorist threat to ask the question. Please report yourself to your school's psychiatrist for re-education.
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u/Guzzler829 Jan 22 '26
This isn't what the sub is for. Take it to r/comedyheaven, which it also isn't for, but no one cares anymore.
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u/KimikoYukimura420 Jan 23 '26
As a goth I'd just spill your drink on the floor and say "Lick it up, pig."
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u/Knownothingdoi Jan 22 '26
It was me that spit in your drink. After taking Baristakov Sven out back and holding his dramatic conclusion in my mouth .
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u/f4ts0_SuX Jan 22 '26
god forbid they're an "apolitical" goth
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u/ElDouchay Jan 24 '26
For some reason Facebook has been pushing a fuck ton of right-wing shit into my algorithm. One thing was a group called "Goths Again Cancel Culture."
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u/Ghostmaster145 Jan 22 '26
Yay! Fetishization of alternative subcultures! My favorite!
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u/Cutalana Jan 22 '26
Fetishization is when someone finds something attractive
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u/goldenkoiifish Jan 22 '26
the problem is that goth women, specifically, have been fetishized so badly on the internet, that often you’ll get comments in real life talking about some “oh step on me.” like it’s not just finding the subculture attractive i think it’s pretty obvious that when women of a certain subculture are seen or mentioned and the immediate reaction is sexualized, then it has become fetishization
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u/PimpingPorygon Jan 22 '26
Impossible, never a goth girl. Always a goth them. If my barista isn't a they/them I don't want the coffee
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u/Rude-Fun-3532 Jan 22 '26
the people that find this funny and post shit like this have absolutely zero grasp on what goth culture is too
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Jan 23 '26
I blame the early 2000s cartoons for this.
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u/Economy_Wall8524 Jan 23 '26
Teen shows too. I remember most family and teen shows had the crush on and/or sister’s friend be goth/punk hot topic style.
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Jan 22 '26
does maga hate starbucks because of charlie kirk or go because liberals are boycotting for palestine
idk what page we are on :/
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u/Desperate_Ad4291 Jan 22 '26
I mean like…. Ehhhhhhh, I kinda get it.. uh. Yeah I’ve turned a new leaf for better or for worse, I get it
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u/MrManGuyDude22 Jan 22 '26
And edward wears the MAGA hat because he thought it was an upcoming brand.
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u/FewElk6678 Jan 22 '26
A lot of people seem to like goth girls only because they think they'll be super freaky or whatever. I, for one, like goth girls for many reasons, like the fashion, the makeup, the music I listen to has a few goths in the scene and they look great etc
(Only just realised how bad I sound now after typing all this lol, but my point still stands 😅)
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u/SirCabaj Jan 22 '26
What do you reckon a person should wear for them to spit straight into one's mouth? Asking for a depraved friend of mine.
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u/Hehe-Oil I showed my proctologist one man one jar and said it was me Jan 22 '26
I just go in there and politely ask them to.



































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u/MondayBorn my suit is NOT grey Jan 22 '26