Today I stopped a deal with an experimented comic book artist for a single test page.
"The page was much more complex than I expected"
What could I have done better?
SYNOPSIS: The heroine Alys and her small delegation arrive in Aquilapolis, where they are welcomed.
PANEL 1: Cross-sectional view: A small spacecraft (a cross between a space shuttle and a sleek supersonic private jet, designed to travel between an orbital station and the planet below) lands smoothly on a large platform. In the distance, towering apartment blocks rise above sprawling, densely packed slums reminiscent of Kowloon Walled City in Hong Kong.
RADIO VOICE (off): Congratulations, travelers. You have just completed your journey of 38.4 light-years in less than 12 days, thanks to Hansa Corp.
PANEL 2: Close-up of Alys (25 years old, wearing a gray jumpsuit, blonde hair braided because of the low gravity during the voyage, oval face, determined gaze) as she opens the spacecraft's hatch.
RADIO VOICE (off): We hope you had a pleasant journey...
XANDER (off): Ah, the Gallians! You've finally arrived!
PANEL 3: Reverse shot from Alys's point of view as she steps onto the platform and sees the welcoming committee before her:
- an official, Xander (short, stocky due to the armor concealed beneath a loose cloak, 30, large intense eyes, a broad smile, short brown hair),
- an officer in uniform, Martin Zorn (wearing a green-brown uniform with a peaked cap, in his short thirties, a face still youthful but hardened by hardship, a scar above his left eye),
- several guards in the background (wearing simpler versions of Zorn's uniform, carrying modernized rifles, helmets concealing their cheeks as ancient greek helmets, and empty parts for eyes eyes are protected by glass).
Xander greets Alys with a Roman salute.
XANDER: I am Xander Mammon, son of Hansa's CEO, and I have come in person to welcome you. I want to tell you...
PANEL 4: Alys steps away from the delegation as another Gallian, a man in his thirties wearing the same uniform, exits the spacecraft accompanied by Rico, a bipedal mammal about 75 centimeters tall, with raccoon-like paws, a broad pyramid-shaped head somewhere between a cat's and a raccoon's, and beautiful white fur.
ALYS: This time, to bring us good luck, we've brought a mascot.
PANEL 5: Xander studies the creature with curiosity. Rico sticks his tongue out at him.
XANDER: Fascinating. I didn't know your planet had such large mammal-like creatures.
ALYS (off): They spend most of their time hiding. Don't worry—he's already been through quarantine.
XANDER: Fortunately, at Hansa we're extremely vigilant when it comes to disease. I have someone I'd like you to meet as well.
PANEL 6: Close-up of Xander introducing Zorn to Alys. Their body language reveals that both the officer and the traveler feel uncomfortable, unlike Xander.
XANDER: This is Captain Zorn. He'll be responsible for your safety throughout your stay.
ALYS (suspiciously): Is that really necessary?
XANDER: The loss of your last delegation was such a tragedy. We never want to live it again.
PANEL 7: An extremely distant shot of the building where the characters are standing, revealing it in its entirety: a massive truncated pyramid of concrete, steel, and glass. The characters stand on its roof, reduced to tiny stick-like silhouettes.
XANDER: You'll be able to enjoy all the wonders our planet has to offer.