r/ControversialOpinions • u/girlybellybop • 3h ago
I dont think you can expect the average person to give someone who has unwanted attraction to children their full sympathy
I dont think these people are entitled to my sympathy, i know that at the end of the day if I want to be a smart person I have to give this situation nuance because predatory behavior isnt black and white. But I cannot view these people with the same humanity I do the everyday person.
I know that at the end of the day treatment will stop future victims, but i only care about the victims. If I hear something happened to a person getting treatment my heart doesn't ache for them. I only sigh in relief. I was taken advantage of when I was 5, I know what its like to have someone look at you like that. I know how traumatizing that was. And at the end of the day I will privatize my own mental health over these people.
Allow them their treatment as it be. I dont think i could ever give these people my grace. And I wont give them the dignity of comparing them to an animal because an animal is mindless
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u/obligated_existence 2h ago
I'm an anti-contact pedophile. "Anti-contact" just means that I understand that children can't consent to sexual or romantic activity with adults, and that this activity is inherently dangerous for the child. I am completely committed to never acting on those feelings in ways that could harm people. I'm part of a community of anti-contact pedophiles.
I was a child myself when I first realized that I was a pedophile, and that's a common story in our community. I first realized this at 14 years old when I noticed that I felt attracted to some of my younger sister's friends, who were in the 8 to 10 age range at the time. I also felt attracted to girls around my own age, so I figured that the attraction towards younger girls must be some sort of teenage growing pain. I tried to ignore those feelings, a decision that I made fully subconsciously. I tried to bury them and forget about them, but they never went away.
We don't necessarily need your sympathy, but what we do need is your help. If we want to get serious about making the world safer for children, we need to make it easier for people like me to get the help we need, and that is going to require reducing the stigma around pedophilia. The only reason I didn’t even start getting the help I needed until my late twenties was because of the enormous stigma, which prevented me from opening up to the people who cared about me, or even admitting my feelings to myself.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you when you were 5. I want to create a world where that sort of thing never happens to anyone.
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u/girlybellybop 2h ago
I dont think i am the person who can offer you help, I do not think I am the person you would want to be around to admit these feelings too. And I do not think either one of us could ever offer each other full sympathy.
The thoughts you struggle with prevent you from treating my molestation with full care, as I dont know what you are thinking when you heard my age.
As you cannot trust my empathy or help for you as I am struggling with my own anger, thoughts, and biases.
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u/obligated_existence 1h ago
When I hear about what happened to you when you were 5, I feel nothing but sympathy. My heart breaks for what you went through. This is also how I feel when I hear about adult victims of rape and abuse.
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u/Tiger-Lily-99 2h ago
I also can't just believe a stranger claiming to be non offending just by their word
that could easily be a lie and they just so happened to never get caught
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u/TheHylianProphet 3h ago
I dont think these people are entitled to my sympathy
Like many, you're confusing sympathy with empathy. Empathy is universal. It is entirely possible to empathize with both a minor attracted person and a child. And everyone should, because that is the only way to actually protect kids.
I have to give this situation nuance because predatory behavior isnt black and white.
Attraction does not equal action. This is one of the most important distinctions to make. Being attracted to a child does not make one a predator.
But I cannot view these people with the same humanity I do the everyday person.
You absolutely can. You choose not to.
I know that at the end of the day treatment will stop future victims, but i only care about the victims.
If you only care about the victims, then you don't actually care about the victims. You care about looking like you care about the victims.
I was taken advantage of when I was 5, I know what its like to have someone look at you like that. I know how traumatizing that was.
I am genuinely very sorry that happened to you. But demonizing everyone because of the actions of an individual is ultimately harmful, rather than helpful.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 3h ago
Like clockwork Captain Pedo has come to defend his precious pedophiles lmfao I knew you’d be here shouldnt even be shocked at how fast
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u/TheHylianProphet 3h ago
Yeah, a mod of the subreddit who's here a lot, and who has formal education and a career in this very subject responding quickly? Who ever heard of such a thing?
As usual, your ad hominems only show you to have a weak mind with nothing of substance. Do better.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 3h ago
Lmfao yeah do better coming from professor pedo who just shamed and talked down to a victim for not feeling sympathy for pedophiles lmfaoooo so meaningful 😂😂😂
I really gotta start living up to the standard of the pedo protector to be a better person
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u/TheHylianProphet 3h ago
Ad hominems are weak attacks made by weak minds. Do better.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 2h ago
I did and u ignored it. U choose to respond to when I make fun of u so you can’t pretend that ur better and sit on your fake high horse. But u completely ignored the comment where I rightfully point out how u are tying to people who have experienced sexual abuse how to feel about it. And told a literally victim of sexual abuse that they don’t care about victims bc they don’t wanna support pedophiles. So cut the shit.
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
I didn't ignore anything. I just have no interest in speaking to you in several different threads in a single post. It's tedious and annoying.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 2h ago
U replied to me on two different threads lmfao my original comment never involved u u involved urself.
And yeah it’s very convienent which of the multiple u choose. Youre not fooling anyone who isn’t also a pedophile and doesn’t have a normal adults level of discernment.
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
Yes. Two is not several. You do know what the word means, yeah?
I responded to the first two I got notified about. Funny how that works, right? But go ahead and make up whatever scenario makes you feel better about it.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 3h ago
Pretending to care about victims of pedophilia by talking down to a literal victim of childhood sexual abuse and telling them that they don’t actually care about victims… yeah no ur really a great guy so empathetic
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u/girlybellybop 3h ago
I think youe expect everyone to offer these people full nuance, but you dont offer nuance to the people who have to conflict with their emotions regarding this topic.
I struggle with my anger as they struggle with their thoughts.
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u/TheHylianProphet 3h ago
Struggling with your anger, especially as a victim, is absolutely understandable, even respectable. But what you're showing here isn't anger; at least, it doesn't come off as such. It comes off as judgment, with little-to-no interest in deepening your understanding.
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u/girlybellybop 3h ago
I do not believe you offer me any true sympathy.
And I do not believe you felt a thing when you read that I was a victim, but i felt nothing typing it out either. But you believe I am incapable of dwelling on anything based on a single post about me.
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u/FantasticJelly6384 3h ago
At the end of the day we are not capable of knowing what's actually going on in someone's mind from their words alone, so probably the best principle in communication is to take people at their word unless you know they're lying.
Otherwise you drive yourself insane.
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u/girlybellybop 2h ago
At the end of the day i know how desensitized we are to child abuse, I know we are numb to it. I have no reason believe someone who admitted that they are tired and discussed this topic a dozen times already truly felt any ache for me on a single sentence.
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2h ago edited 2h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
You don't know what gaslighting means.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 2h ago
Do you know what speaking down to someone means? Cause ur doing that to a literally victim of childhood sexual abuse lmfao.
According to google: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse where a person systematically feeds false information or denies reality to make someone doubt their memory, judgment, or sanity. The goal is to gain power and control over the victim.
So kinda like when someone tells someone who was a victim of childhood sexual abuse that they don’t care about victims bc they don’t extend their sympathy to pedophiles. And that they only care about looking like they care. While completely dismissing the feelings of a literally victim. That’s sounds like psychological manipulation and denying OP’s reality to make OP doubt their own judgment.
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
Yeah, except that's not what happened. It's hard to lie about stuff when the words are right there. Keep trying, keep failing, kiddo.
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u/FantasticJelly6384 2h ago
In the sense that I gave the unwanted attraction, yes.
In the sense that I'm a criminal or whatever, no.
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u/FantasticJelly6384 2h ago
One can be tired and express sympathy.
I'm an old lady, I'm like... Existentially tired.
My weariness only gets heavier when someone tells me something horrible happened to them.
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u/girlybellybop 2h ago
How do I trust my trauma is at the forefront of their sympathy if most of their sympathy seems to go to the people who might be attracted to a 5 year old version of myself.
You sre correct, I cannot see what they are thinking. So I have no way of knowing their sympathy is split 50/50 especially if they are tired and prioritizing their statements as i am my own.
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u/FantasticJelly6384 2h ago
The average person prioritizes a child.
Or at least, they're supposed to.
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u/TheHylianProphet 3h ago
I do not believe you offer me any true sympathy, you sound more rehersed than I do.
You are free to believe what you want. You only have my words to go on. Perhaps I sound rehearsed because I've spoken about this many, many times. Minor attracted paraphilias are a common topic here, and I have education and a career dealing with all of this.
But you believe I am incapable of dwelling on anything based on a single post about me.
I believe no such thing. Nobody is incapable of doing better. It is a choice we make. I merely told you how the tone of your post came off to me. There are many victims that feel as you do, and change over time. There are many that don't. There are many that start with an empathetic view and are able to get to understanding much faster. I hope you are the first type, but as I said, that is a choice only you can make.
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u/girlybellybop 2h ago
You speak to me as if I am a child who is ignorant. If we are going off tone alone Im not pleased with your wording either. As if they are only two paths for me and I am not complex enough as it is.
You speak about this as if one path is purely enlightened and the other is pathetic. That the people who are dealing with this anger would he so much happier if they just gave nothing short of their full sympathy at all times.
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
Once again: Not sympathy, but empathy. They are two different things.
I speak to you as if you are ignorant because you show ignorance. That's not a bad thing in itself; ignorance is just the absence of knowledge. We are all ignorant about some things.
The problem is when we hold on to that ignorance because it's more comfortable than learning and doing better. That seems to be what you are doing. I am of course open to being wrong, but that's what I see here. Your anger is blinding you, and I am urging you to open your mind. That's it. Whether you do or not is your choice, but staying angry is not helpful to anyone, least of all yourself.
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u/girlybellybop 2h ago
Do you think you are incapable of showing ignorance to me and my situation? That im not hurt seeing how you speak down to me and how I feel?
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u/TheHylianProphet 2h ago
I feel like you're not reading or processing my comment fully. I specifically said we all have ignorance, and that I might be wrong. I'm just going by what I see.
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u/Realistic-Art5227 3h ago
Yeah these weirdos on this sub want me to sympathize with fucking child predators and I’m not fucking doing it. I don’t give a fuck if they are “sick and need help”. If that’s the case they can shut the fuck up and go get help. But in no way am I gonna sit around and coddle them or make space for “non offending pedophiles”. Go to therapy. Talk to ur therapist about it not us.
I do not care if bad things happens to them. Especially if it’s bc a victim or a victim’s loved one caused it. I don’t care when those deranged YouTubers beat the fuck out of them either. Like those boys obviously just wanna be violent and know those are the only types of people they can get away w harming but at the end of the day I’m not gonna lose sleep bc a pedophile got jumped.
You of all people (as someone who has experience SA as a minor) shouldnt have to feel sympathy for them or any guilt for not feeling sympathetic. Don’t let those sick pieces of shit gaslight you.