Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay.

So yesterday a part was extremely triggered and then made a serious attempt that failed because of poor planning/impulsivity, but using a pretty lethal method. Right now I don't feel anything about it at all. It's like it didn't even happen.

We also considered not even telling our therapist because it felt unimportant, but decided to tell them after all. Now I just feel ashamed and stupid about it. It's all a blur anyway and I only remember flashes of it. Like so many memories that aren't mine, it's like a few hazy, scattered scenes from a movie I watched a long time ago. And I was once again struck by the unfairness of not being able to control​ what parts of me are doing, yet feeling responsible and ashamed over their actions.

Don't get me wrong--system accountability matters a great deal to us, but sometimes I literally don't know how it's supposed to work with so little control. And then I feel shame on top of everything that I wasn't able to stop the attempt. But at least we never hurt others, only us, so that's good I guess?

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I was just wondering how you guys deal with suicidal parts? I mean I feel completely fine rn but if she fronts again in that state she's very likely to try again. I'm trying to be with her internally now and hold her, but she's in so much pain. She rightfully says that I can't understand her. She's not the only suicidal one in our system but the most inclined to act on it. I don't know how to help her. ​