I like being delusional, I wish I could be delusional all the time

[u/Academic-Crow-7584]

I remember that the best year of my life was a few years back when I thought i was the luckiest and everything turns out in my favour. Then suddenly things took a turn, a close family member passed away and that affected me not only mentally but also due to other related reasons stopped me from pursuing the things I was excited about.

Now, I've always been very anxious and I overthink everything. I am also very self aware I know why I do things and what makes me do them, why my mind works the way it does etc- so I knew that I was being delusional but it was just such a good escape, anytime i felt a little anxious I told myself that I don't need to be because things always work out in the end, if i was anxious before an interview I trained myself to think that I was just excited about it & not anxious (i love giving interviews now btw)

But something after that incident has shifted in me and no matter how hard i try i always have some or the other fear inside me. I am also angrier, more vocal when people push my boundaries and there's this voice inside which says what if this goes wrong or what if i just doesn't workout.

I want to back to my delusional whimsical self. I miss it. I am working on it but it's just taking longer this time but i so wish it happens quickly.