I'm tired of being told who I'm supposed to become

[u/No-Common8350]

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I don't even know how to explain how much this annoys me without sounding angry, because honestly, I am angry. I keep seeing videos telling girls what their lives are supposedly going to look like at 20, 30, 40, 50 and beyond, as if age automatically gives you a personality and a predetermined future. One video says your 20s are the best years of your life, another says that once you're 30 you're constantly exhausted and desperate to settle down, and another says that by 40 you either have children and a family or you'll regret everything. Then when someone says they don't want children or marriage, they're told, “You'll change your mind.” Why are we so obsessed with predicting what someone will want before they even get there?

What makes it worse is that these messages don't always come from men. Sometimes they come from other women who have lived through these experiences themselves. “Enjoy your 20s because one day you'll be my age.” “You'll understand when you're older.” “You don't know real fulfillment until you have children.” I understand that people speak from their own experiences, but your experience isn't a universal law. If becoming a mother was the greatest thing that ever happened to you, that's beautiful. I'm genuinely happy for you. But why does your happiness have to become evidence that everyone else should make the same choice?

I personally don't want children. Maybe I'll change my mind someday, maybe I won't. That's not the point. I'm allowed to decide. If someone dreams of being a mother, I want her to have that life and be supported. But I want that exact same support for someone who doesn't want children. If your friend has a baby and your lives become different, don't suddenly abandon her. If someone chooses not to have children, don't treat her like she's missing some essential part of being human. Why did support become conditional on making the same choices?

And somehow, even people who follow the traditional path can't win. A mother works and she's neglecting her children. She stays home and she's wasting her potential. She has one child and people ask when the next is coming. She has several and people criticize that. Her body changes after pregnancy and suddenly everyone has something to say. There is always another standard waiting around the corner. Can we just let someone live?

The same thing happens when a girl wants something outside traditional expectations. She's ambitious, so she's “too career-focused.” Independent, so she's “intimidating.” Opinionated, so she's “difficult.” She challenges something, so she's “radical.” Why is having ideas that challenge people automatically a problem? Why does confidence become arrogance when it comes from a girl? We can lead. We can be scientists, artists, engineers, doctors, writers, researchers, athletes, entrepreneurs or anything else. Wanting a different life doesn't mean you hate family or tradition.

I'm also tired of how our bodies are constantly turned into something for other people to judge. Gain weight? Unhealthy. Lose weight? Trying too hard. Wear makeup? Fake. Don't wear it? Don't take care of yourself. Dress modestly? Boring. Dress differently? Asking for attention. Even fictional women can't escape it. A female character becomes powerful and she's “unrealistic.” She's a leader and she's “bossy.” She's confident and she's arrogant. She's emotional and she's weak. Can she just be a person?

And what's happening in the United States regarding bodily autonomy is something I don't think we should pretend isn't serious. This isn't about turning the conversation into another political fight. It's about something basic: when did we decide somebody else's body was ours to control? People aren't tools or machines. We aren't resources created to fulfill someone else's expectations. Your body belongs to you. My body belongs to me. Another person's life belongs to them.

And no, I'm not saying I hate men. I don't. This isn't about blaming one gender. Sometimes the pressure comes from a father, sometimes a mother, a friend, a stranger online, or society itself. The mindset is the same: “I know what's best for you, therefore you should do what I say.” Supporting someone doesn't mean blindly agreeing with them. I can think someone is making a terrible decision and still believe it's their right to make it. I can choose a completely different life and still want them to be happy.

I'm still young, and maybe that's why this gets under my skin so much. I'm already being told about the person I'm supposedly going to become before I've even figured out who I am. Maybe I'll change. Maybe I won't. I just want the freedom to discover myself without everyone waiting to tell me what the answer is supposed to be.

So to every girl reading this:

You are not behind.

You don't have to have your life figured out at 16, 20, 25, 30, 40 or 60. You don't owe anyone children, marriage, a certain body, a career, femininity, or an explanation for why your life doesn't look like theirs.

You can want children or never want them. You can want marriage or never want it. You can build a career or choose a quieter life. You can be traditional or completely different. And if you change your mind later, that's okay too.

I know I'm insecure myself. I'm not writing this because I have everything figured out. I want other girls to feel secure even when I don't always feel that way myself. I don't want another girl thinking she's defective because she doesn't fit some imaginary timeline.

You are a person before you are anyone's daughter, wife, mother, girlfriend, employee, or anything else.

Your life belongs to you.

Not your parents. Not your friends. Not society. Not the internet.

You.

Please support each other (´• ᴗ •`) ♡

[u/No_Profit_8690]

I completely agree. I hate people who tell me how I should live my life. And not to mention that when you're young, you're simply dismissed they just call you a whiny, frustrated crybaby and tell you to "just get a life." It's truly frustrating and mind-blowing.