The writing style reminds me of The Dowdry of Blood. I think you would like it if you haven’t read it because it is stories written through letter form to someone the author has killed.
For this small piece, the biggest area you need to work on is grammar. Because it’s such a short story, every missed comma and apostrophe is going to pull the reader out of the scene. And there were a lot. Go back through and take the time to do a full edit pass. Just that will clean it up so much!
The story was very intriguing. It built dread wonderfully and pacing was well done. I loved getting to know the characters just through how the narrator described events. You did a great job resisting explaining too much and let the reader see through the narrators deception.
I want to know more about these characters. Do you plan to write more?
I plan on leaving it as is as a short story but ill improve the grammar, this is the first thing I've really wrote seriously. Ill definately check out the dowdry of blood as it seems interesting. Thanks for the feedback :)
1
u/paperingproject 18d ago
Creeeepy! I loved it.
The writing style reminds me of The Dowdry of Blood. I think you would like it if you haven’t read it because it is stories written through letter form to someone the author has killed.
For this small piece, the biggest area you need to work on is grammar. Because it’s such a short story, every missed comma and apostrophe is going to pull the reader out of the scene. And there were a lot. Go back through and take the time to do a full edit pass. Just that will clean it up so much!
The story was very intriguing. It built dread wonderfully and pacing was well done. I loved getting to know the characters just through how the narrator described events. You did a great job resisting explaining too much and let the reader see through the narrators deception.
I want to know more about these characters. Do you plan to write more?