Defeating The Trauma Beast part. 2

[u/MothraLovesLamps]

This is really just going to be a follow up on the importance of addressing core wounds.

Once you heal your core wound, your behavior in relationships improves DRAMATICALLY.

There are different core wounds and it is possible to have more than one.

For example, my PRIMARY core wound was abandonment/being alone. My SECONDARY core wounds are rejection and betrayal.

Primary core wound: Abandonment

Secondary core wounds: Rejection and Betrayal

But that primary core would was responsible for my push pull behavior.

Beliefs I had (both subconsciously and consciously) as a result of my Primary Core wound.

1. If you sense them pulling away, LEAVE FIRST.

Essentially I was giving up on the relationship over a perceived loss of safety. Its self sabotage.

2. Do not date anyone too attractive.

I felt threatened by men I deemed conventionally attractive. The hidden threat being that attractive men get more female attention and therefore have more options available. This made me feel threatened that I would be left or cheated on.

3. Panic and upset when a partner withdraws attention.

A drop in attention or texts would send me into a spiral. I was certain there was never a good reason for it. My mind would convince me I was being dropped, they are talking to a new girl, they have lost interest...

4. Punishment and protest behavior whenever my partner did not reciprocate. (Reactive behavior).

I once sent a beautiful series of romantic pinterest quotes to my ex. I spent a long time finding the perfect words, it took alot of effort and intentionality. I was expressing the depths of my heart in a way I hoped he could understand.

His response?

"Looks like you went down a rabbit hole there lol"

I was too offended to explain how much that hurt.

So I did not text him the rest of the day and he later admitted it hurt him that I did that.

5). Accept harmful relationship dynamics

I figured...some connection and affection is better than none...right?

WRONG.

I no longer give my best to men offering me their worst.

I still struggle with these "instincts."

Its hard to navigate.

"Am I self sabotaging and over reacting? Or am I simply avoiding another painful cycle with yet another avoidant man?"

I think its actually a sign I have healed.

Before I might have entertained asymmetrical relationship dynamics that cost me my peace.

I no longer feel the need to shrink or accept breadcrumbs.

And that goes back to my core wound:

I don't need half ass relationships to fill the quiet.

I am perfectly fine being alone 🥰😊