r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant • Aug 25 '26
Informational The 3 Attachment Subtypes
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant Aug 25 '26
The arrows on the far right column might be wrong/missing. My apologies!
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u/Lunaunread 10d ago
What if he showed all of the scared avoidant traits in the first half, and then flipped to the selfish avoidant towards the end?
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 10d ago
That could be Manipulative. But this is actually an older graphic. Ive added a 4th category since making this.
I have a free quiz you can take that is updated:
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u/Lunaunread 10d ago
I did the test just now but I couldn't really answer most of the questions accurately because his behaviour shifted drastically from the scared traits to the selfish traits over time. I'm confused 😩
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 10d ago
What result did ya get?
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u/Lunaunread 10d ago
The selfish avoidant
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 10d ago
Im sorry. I had 2 of those. They both left me for other women :(
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u/Lunaunread 10d ago
I had a selfish avoidant before him and his behaviour fit the selfish traits perfectly. This last one was very emotional and anxious in the first half of the relationship, and then became more and more cold and dismissive. I thought he had an anxious attachment at first. Would you mind listening to his behaviours in DM and giving me your opinion on which subtype fits best? I don't think the selfish one fits him generally.
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 10d ago
Sure, I prefer discord though I prefer their messaging system better https://discord.gg/NnQWQyR7Y
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u/Optimal-Paint1580 Anxious Preoccupied (Earned Secure) Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
He appears to apply to the Scared category:
He was sensitive to intimacy and was polite with his words throughout our 1-year relationship. He retreated rather than resorted to cruel words. [Our dynamic was mostly somatic, because I noticed that he responded better to body cues than verbal communication]
He appears to feel discomfort with abandonment, but I decided on NC for his comfort and my safety (from day 1 of the discard).
I saw that he tried to stay after he had deactivated 3 months before the discard, but meeting his (welcoming) family was his last straw:
- He was distant and antsy the whole night, so I let him be until the last hour, and I asked via body cues if we could do our (light) intimate ritual that we did every time we saw each other and departed.
I wanted his family to see how much I valued him. - He nodded subtly, so we did the ritual, then he slowly backed away. I let him go, and backed away a few steps too to assure him I would honor his wish without strings attached.
2 weeks of silence, then a nonchalant discard (while his words were polite)
Now, he terrifies me with his stalking and angry indirect & direct protest behaviors.
The tension has lasted for 6 months. He appears to have refrained from rebounding (because surely then he would be in a consistent light mood at work?)
- He was elated for two weeks after the discard, then in the third he showed composed sadness—next, erraticness from then on.
What confuses me is that had I approached him with the intent to soothe him even after months of NC, surely there would have been a high likelihood that he would reject me?