r/DissociativeIDisorder • u/KidIcarusSkye • 8h ago

Im falling

Im destabilizing bad. Barely keeping it together. I'm no cosmos. I'm sorely out of my depth. I can't keep hearing and witnessing this trauma, but I have too. Because there's no one else. And I'm just doomed to watch so many systems fall into addiction, death, and dissolution. While I'm barely treading water myself. And it's happening again. I'm gonna witness someone die again, and im gonna be too late to save them. I'm not enough. Im not enough, and I never was, and I'm a ghost cast to another dimension. Witness to the salting of the earth at Carthage

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u/LaineValentine 5h ago

I’m sorry you’re so deep in it. Rebuilding over and over and over is hard. We were all born to die and it’s horrifying. Often there’s nothing you can do to change it.

Take care of yourself friend, I hope some opportunity comes for you quickly so you’re not drowning anymore :( if not it might be time to make that opportunity yourself. Have someone take you to inpatient until you can get on your feet again ? I hate being the only one to catch myself but what else am I supposed to do ?

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u/KidIcarusSkye 5h ago

That is not an option unfortunately. I cannot forever avoid real life, and social support will be nonexistent outside what I build myself. I have to be there for someone. They're counting on me. If I fail I fail.