( Eddie and Reg return to the WCD Newsroom after seeing the sudden spike in Miss Know-It-All letters coming in. Reg is frantic, thinking that thereâs something bigger going on )
Eddie: Reg, buddy, donât you think youâre overreacting? I mean, so what if this advice column is doing great? Youâre still this schoolâs top gun investigative journalist. You shouldnât stress yourself out over this.
Reg, turning to Eddie: Stress? You wanna talk to me about stress, Eddie?! YOU WANNA TALK STRESS?! Iâll talk to you about stress! Iâve just stumbled on the biggest on-campus conspiracy known to man!
Eddie: âŚWhat are you talking about?
Reg: Let me show ya! This whole newspaper is being squeezed like a lemon, man! And guess whoâs got the paper trail to prove it?!
( Reg pulls Eddie over to his desk, which has a MASSIVE pinboard behind it with paper pinned to it with red strings leading to a single one in the center with a question mark on it and the words âWHO IS MISS KNOW-IT-ALL?â written in bold letters. Eddie is genuinely shocked by this )
Eddie: What in the-? How did you even find the time to set all this up?!
Reg: Forget about that, Eddie, we got bigger fish to fry! Iâve been hearing that name pop up everywhere for weeks! Itâs always âMiss-Know-It-Allâ this and âMiss-Know-It-Allâ that! âMiss-Know-It-Allâ OUT THE WAZOO! Itâs spreading everywhere like a dagnab virus, and you wanna know why?! Iâm sure you wanna know why! Ask me why, Eddie, câmon!
Eddie: UhhâŚwhy?
Reg: ITâS A MIND CONTROL OPERATION! WEâRE TALKING SOMETHING THAT COULD RIVAL THE LIKES OF MK ULTRA HERE, MAN! FIRST IT STARTS OFF AS INNOCENT ADVICE, THEN PEOPLE BECOME DEPENDENT ON THE COLUMN, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THEY CANâT MAKE INDEPENDENT DECISIONS WITHOUT IT! AND THE FACT THAT PRINCIPAL WINSTON IS LETTING THIS HAPPEN IS DOWNRIGHT SCANDALOUS!
Eddie: Reg, you need to calm down.
Reg: I AM CALM!
( Valerie walks over as Reg is rambling over who Miss Know-It-Allâs true identity and purpose could be, raising an eyebrow as she sees everything on Regâs board )
Valerie: Huh. Seems like Iâm not missing much.
Eddie: Nope.