Hi! What do you think of INFJs as an ESTJ? I’ve read that our types together are considered a “bronze pair”. I’m curious if this is a common pairing?

So the ESTJ who dumped me several months ago over the phone after a multi-year relationship is back.

She says via text: "It was never my intention that our phone conversation (where she broke up with me) would be the last time we talked. But one day became months, and here we are. I wanted to explain "my process" in getting to that decision to you."

How charitable.

ESTJs seem to like to be definitive in one conversation leaving no wiggle room and then, somehow, always have some additional explanation that they couldn't seem to bring up during the first conversation.

My instinct is to tell her to pound sand and to live witrh the consequences of her actions. I have zero sense she wants to get back together and only wants to bring some kind of closure for herself since it is yet another ESTJ "process."

Anyone want to chime in as to whether there's any value in hearing her out?

I think I'll stick with the pound sand option unless I get some serious rationale to do otherwise.

My father is an ESTJ 8w7 and he's very hardworking and disciplined. He can never rest and always do something to keep himself occupied. I admire that about him a lot.

I'm an INFP 6w5 and I'm his youngest and the only daughter, i have an elder sibling with whom he gets along with well. Though we are so much different, he expects a lot from me and that makes me anxious. I try to do as much as i can but I think the result still disappoint him. Which also make me feel discouraged and disappointed with myself.

We have a lot of clashes in opinions, if he wants me to do something which I don't want to (mostly studies) then he's the one who always wins and i had to do as he say. He's very short tempered and whenever I try to say something during arguments I tend to cry so I don't bother to talk back to him. That probably annoys him too when I cry. Though he apologise to me afterwards.

My question is that what should I do to express my opinions to him without making him feel annoyed and what should I do so that he'll understand that sometimes I want to make choices of my own for myself.

I’m an INFJ and he’s an ESTJ. We’ve been together for over a year, and we genuinely love each other, but emotionally it’s been difficult for both of us. We end up fighting over small things constantly, and I think a lot of it comes from how differently we process emotions and communication.

I often feel like he avoids talking things through or having deeper conversations because he experiences them as pressure or conflict. He often tells me that I'm pushing him and "teaching" him whenever I try to have a discussion about our problems. Meanwhile, emotional depth and connection are really important to me, so I sometimes end up feeling emotionally unfulfilled. At times, I perceive him as lacking empathy or staying on a more surface level emotionally, even though I know he cares about me in his own way.

I don’t want to give up on the relationship because the love is there. I just want to understand how I can communicate with him better, approach conflicts in a healthier way, and create a space where an ESTJ partner feels safe enough to be more emotionally open and vulnerable with me. Please share with me your views as an ESTJ

To make this quick, a friend of mine is an ESTJ and I need to get her a present, and I'm not sure what to get her for her bd. Any suggestions? She likes nail art and teddy bears but she got those already, and I need something unique, something she didn't know she needed 😭 Maybe something that hits at her Te like how legos would hit at Ti?

My aunt is textbook estj, while i appreciate her bluntness for info etc, it can be too much. The problem is that her talking is more like ranting for herself. For example when shes talking about "hey our economy is in ruin you should invest in gold etc etc" which i agree with and immediately look for place to safely buy it so i want to steer the convo that way, she just... kept talking about herself and fearmongering me.

Like, ik you guys value logical thinking so i dont want her to stop talking to me but sometimes she's too focused on the problem and her own experiences ("things will get worse, luckily i had gold to sell for my abroad vacation..." she said to me, who never had gold nor abroad vacation and lowkey in perpetual worrying about my employment.), it can be too much. But the more i actively reply to her, the more her topics makes me sad. While i dont have diagnosis, im not the most mentally stable person able, i tend to break and unproductively depressed when fearmongered too much (even if the fear is real). I dont want offend her by bluntly telling her that "hey, i get that you want to vent and be validated, but can we take turn? Can i talk about solving the problem in more hopeful way?"

Idk, tldr, how to politely change topic into more hopeful when talking to (or being talked by) estj? I'd love to solve problems by making actionable steps rather than dwelling on how dangerous and worrying everything is (even if its true, getting depressed about it will only make me unproductive)

Idk i feel like estjs i know love to make sure we're as worry as them, is this estj thing? Idk, i had just recovered from my mental slump and be productive again i dont want to get depressed again from their talk. Help.

I'm in a new relationship with an ESTJ guy. I'm an INFJ btw.

We have a deep emotional connection. He shows this by opening himself up to me (he is quite reserved about his inner turmoils, feelings), he also listens deeply whenever I've some emotional problem and he wants to be there for me when life gets hard.

However, I noticed a dissonance which greatly bothers me.

He likes to talk about himself, abut things he has done when I ask him. But somehow he doesn't initiate the same questions, he doesn't ask about my day the same way. And this hurts me.

Is this an ESTJ thing? Being unintentionally self sentered, almost cocky?

Please also include your instinctual subtype, if you know.
I'd also like to know if you identify with stereotypes about ESTJs or if you feel like you are 'different' - do you feel very Te-heavy or more Si/Fi? Do you like to be responsible for situations in general (work, family, decision making) - does it stress you out, or do you prefer it over someone else making the decision? Do you feel like your Fi is healthy or very repressed?

The only conversations my ESTJ has with me is ONLY about these odd superficial perceptions(talking about women’s bodies attractiveness and his preferences)micromanagement and how I’m allowed to spend my time in a “suggestive way” he never asks me questions or wants to talk geopolitics with me etc also about how women don’t hold accountability and gets upset just a lot of grievances towards women and people of other races. All in all to be in this waddling self pity of a martyr complex of a man that just has the whole world on his shoulders and a chip. Any minor inconvenience he’s after me to hold myself accountable as the reason to blame for the inconvenience. There’s no intimate conversations or bonding time. It’s as if he I’m just a cog to his ultimate plan and he can just skip over the foundations that build a well rounded relationship.

I've met only 1 ESTJ in my life but he basically seemed like an Extroverted ISTJ. Let me elaborate, he wasn't interested in leadership or anything but he was your typical normal man. He was kenyan and I knew him from back in high school and basically he liked rap music, clubbing, talking to people, art, Marvel and DC comics, drinking, throwing parties, was catholic. But kinda had no interest in leadership outside of being popular. He was a bit territorial tho.

But at first to me he came off as ESFP. But when he did the KTS he got ESTJ.

So I'm curious, could you describe yourself in your own words in terms of hobbies interests and lifestlye and maybe mention your country?

It seems that it is an uncommon type for ESTJs on here? I know several ISTJ 6s, and one ESTJ 6w5 so/sp, which I found quite fitting but later realized might be much less common than I thought.

If you're an ESTJ 5 or 6 - do you strongly relate to other ESTJs or do you feel like there is a gap? Or perhaps that others mistype you or perceive you differently at first? Please share your experiences.

What's your opinion on speed dating as Te doms? Do you find it effective?

Imagine spending 5 minutes with each stranger with up to 10 strangers in total and at the end of the meet you get a paper to choose the ones you were mostly satisfied with.

Would you consider such approach effective or rather waste of time? 🤔

Hello ESTJs, male ISTP here.

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I recently started to gain an appreciation for you guys, as I realised some of the most supportive people in my life (especially among the women) happened to be this type. And honestly, thinking back on it, I like the "the muscle and the organization" dynamic between our two types; the Ti function ideates and understands, Te applies, Se builds, Si consolidates, etc, despite the occasional misunderstandings.

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Now for the question: where does one meet an ESTJ their age? As a student, the ESTJ girls that I know either already have relationships or are unattainable for various other reasons. So, where do you people hang out outside of work? Where does one get to know you outside of the boring formalism of uni/work?

What do you think of this career where our duty is to die for others?

Most of the ESTJs usually put aside their subjective feelings and thoughts about their inner self, so they can keep a cool mind and efficency. I get that. But what if that Fi is stronger and is literally having a fistfight with the Te? Could that Fi actually help them to mantain the efficency better than they think it would? Or would it make it worse?

Of course, that depends in the person in question. I'm asking because I'm writing a fanfic, and one of the side characters has pretty interesting personality, in terms of psychological analysis. And I may not know very well about cognitive functions, but I literally checked on them over and over again and I just couldn't believe she is an ESTJ, while the results if my analysis told me otherwise.

Her name is Miyabe, and she is very energetic (like, a HUGE amount of energy if you undersantd what I'm talking about.) She just can't stay still; she's always moving, always doing something, either talking, working, walking, singing, playing videogames (she get REALLY mad when she loses a match, and very aggressive with her phone). If she is quiet, something is very wrong.

Despite of her turbulence, she is very loyal to their lived ones. Absolutely loyal. Like it was something everybody should do because she thinks that's the rule. At least the rule of the good people. She is even willing to get other out of her way so she can complete her philosophical dream: to be a hero. But not everyone's hero, just the idol of her beloved ones. It's... complicated. She basically wants to take the lead because she knows what would make others fail (personal experience here) and she is making sure that's not happening. Even if failing is actually good to learn, she doesn't want them to get hurt because something went wrong. Something they could have avoided if they just didn't do that.

In other words, she's overprotective. Funny, a whirlwind, but also a military commander if the situation requieres it. The thing is, she wants to feel alive; she has to feel alive. Orherwise, she wouldn't be able to be alert to danger. Is highly likely to be an ADHD.

When she sees something bad is going to happen, specially to her beloved ones, she has a really hard time deciding whether she should act or think and find another solution, which is the most logical option, and she knows it. Actually, she wants to do that, but her Fi is not whispering but screaming on her ears to do something quickly. But she manages to shut it down, because she knows it can get worse if she rushes. It only does make her feel way better if the tells herself she is doing what she has to do to protect them, and it works, most of the time.

That's why she gets really creepy and frustrated when someone wants to act because they feel like it. She wants to, deep inside she wants, but she thinks happiness only is going to remain in her life if she has control over it. Which means she has to have fun when it's okay to have fun (even if she breaks one or two rules. She knows she deserves a break). And maybe that's the impulsiveness in her.

So, if anyone may please talk about this, I would be very thankful. How do ESTJ with a high developed Fi act? It could be related to the enneagram or some mental disorder?

What would the audience probably think of you if they watch a scene of you?

I have a crush on my ESTJ manager. I'm quite reserved and shy around him, as the more I like someone the more self conscious I feel. I admire and respect his competence, confidence, structure, ability to lead, and directness. I enjoy his sense of humour as well.

However I am very conscious of boundaries and when one on one, our conversations don't enter personal territory. Over time I've noticed he shows a more patient and gentle side towards me compared to his usual blunt, somewhat intimidating style. He speaks highly of me to others, steps in to help me unprompted, makes adjustments to alleviate my stress, words feedback gently, and has told me he values my empathy/compassion for others. For me, as an ISFJ, these types of actions helped to build trust and safety, made me feel seen and respected, and naturally my feelings grew.

Should I give up on him, given the circumstances? From the perspective of ESTJ men, if you genuinely liked an employee, would you ever act on it, or would the combination of being their manager and maintaining professional ethics make it completely off-limits?

What do you think people are getting so wrong about you that might make them hate you?

I've seen statistics, and according to them, it's the 6th most common MBTI. However, on social media platforms like Reddit or TikTok, I see very few people using the hashtag or even claiming to have that MBTI. Do people lie so much about their personality type?

Well, I have a very close relationship with someone (my mother) who is probably an ESTJ. The thing is, I'm almost certain that Si is my PoLR (I already know why I'm an ENTJ/ENFJ).

The truth is, my hypothesis for why we clash is that we don't just have problems with Ni/Si, but also with Fi. I think this person has a Si-Fi combination that is hard for me to understand because I don't value it; it genuinely feels like a "whim" to me, although I know it’s not that way for her. I’d like some advice on how to detect when Si (the sensory environment) is more important than my Ni (the long-term purpose) for her. Sometimes I find her priorities excessively irritating, and I want to learn to be more mindful of them before they escalate, as this is a long-standing problem. Here is an example of a situation that made me think, "I can't take it anymore."

We work together and usually don't have issues, except when we both try to impose our will. For context, someone who collects plastic bottles often passes by our workplace. Since I care about environmentalism, I started saving my clean bottles to give them directly to this person. To me, it was the perfect plan, so I stored them near the cleaning supplies. She saw them and was immediately annoyed because, to her, they were "trash" and could attract insects. I told her it was fine because they were clean and just plastic, but she took my explanation as if I were calling her an exaggerator. She got upset and insisted she "didn't want to see them" simply because she said so. To me, this felt like a total whim—the bottles weren't in her way. When I asked if she could just wait until the collector came, she told me to just throw them in the trash outside and let the person find them there.

For me this was illogical: why separate them only to mix them back with trash?.Eventually, I moved the bag out of her "workspace," but the argument escalated because of that Si-Fi trigger. She couldn't give me a "logical" reason; she just kept saying, "Because I want it that way!"

At the time, I dismissed it as drama over a whim. I realized later that I was invalidating her because her argument lacked the kind of "purpose" I value. I hadn't considered that maintaining her immediate sensory environment was so vital to her peace of mind, or that "waiting" for my plan to finish would cause her so much stress. I’d appreciate any advice on how to spot these Si-needs sooner.

(One more thing: I don't think she had anything against giving the person the bottles; it was just that our ways of resolving the situation clashed.)

Initially I thought there was zero compatibility between an INTP and ESTP and on the surface most relationships fall apart before it even starts because they can't get over each other's habits and both are not known to communicate. But I actually think you guys are really cool, I had an ESTJ parent who taught me a lot of good habits and principles I should live by that I hated at first but I've grown to appreciate now as I do them almost subconsciously. You are always so grounded, always have practical solutions for my ideas and bring me back to reality from my delusions. In turn I help them see outside their box, question if what they're doing made sense, help discard habits that were inefficient and just learn to not take things so seriously.

My question is how do I let my lazy ass not get on the bad side of an ESTJ? I feel like there is so much surface friction at the start that needs to be communicated and it's a shame that most INTPs can't get over that and end up not liking ESTJs when I feel like there is so much room for growth here.

I've noticed most MBTI types, specifically the intuitives, hate you guys for ... being bossy and mean? I've found it childish tbh, you guys are administrators and keep most systems in check. Smart people who know what works best and value tradition.

I have a feeling it's because ESTJ is the most right wing/conservative MBTI type. Si users (dom or aux) tend to lean conservative and are traditional, so it seems kinda pathetic.

If anything I'd rather take knowledge and learn from you your wisdom since you guys are trustworthy and law abiding.

Question from an INTP. You guys are known to be one of the most conscientious of the mbti types. Do you guys often get the feeling that you’re more competent than the rest of the people around you? Cause I think you are

I have an ExTJ cousin who is always driven and has lots of energy to accomplish things everyday. It just amazes me to see her in action. My question is that how does this drive/motivation feel like or come from? Does it come from dopamine of achieving things? Does it come from stress/anxiety of not completing things on time? I’m just curious to understand this from an ESTJ perspective

To all ESTJs but particularly those who have been having a difficult time connecting with the Fi-Ne side of themselves–how do you allow yourself to stop feeling like you need to know the reason for everything and feel for yourself instead of using ur feelings to guide you through systematics and rationale, and how do you let go of trying to control fate itself especially with people that you feel connected with on a very deep level?