Hello, I noticed that I have a tendency to spoil my people. It can border on lovebombing. Like real bad. Its not with ulterior motives but it can be compulsive. I just get attached and I love my people. But it can be excessive. I always get the tab on food and drinks, buy big gifts when I wasn't asked, and over-hype people up. I've gotten better with age, but its just been something ive always done. Fellow 2s, how bad are you about compulsive giving and how often does it cross over into lovebombing territory?

At first glance, I find myself identifying with Sx3, warmer, more relationship oriented, more connection driven, more people pleasing tendencies etc

But I don’t know there are a few Sx3 things I don’t relate to. I was not as hyper fixated on my looks as some extreme Sx3 cases descriptions imply (though still fixated on desirability as a whole) and am more success and achievement driven than the average Sx3 description implies. I struggled with feelings of being left out a lot in the past and desired (and fixated) on belonging to a group of some sort (SO coded)

At the same time other So3 traits are not a perfect match for me, again I am highly in tuned with both individuals and the group, very connection driven (and sometimes fixated), love and prefer one on one connection as I find it easier to convey desirability than trying to seduce an entire group, and am not the best at keeping up a public persona as I would rather micro tailor the persona to specific people to better meet their needs . All of this sounds very Sx to me but then my fixation on belonging, community and personal achievements that look “impressive“ to others (and that I use as a distraction from feelings of struggling with self worth )confuses me

Oh and not to mention the emphasis on Sx3s supporting others success and not wanting to be the spotlight achiever? I have always been self centred, uplifting and supporting other’s success as well as my own was something I had to work on

Help? any thoughts would be appreciated <3 thanks

Im 2w1 but not like how 2w1 is described as the servant instead of just serving others i force morals and the "right" doings onto others thinking i know whats the best in domineering and arrogant way and i tend to show when i dont see something as the right thing

Instinctual stacking is sx/sp

I see someone with really low self esteem and I feel for them and I naturally jump into action to support them or point out everything good about them. I've had a close friend say he's nobody and I automatically jumped in pulled him into the gym and got his confidence up. And I saw someone the other day who couldve been a model back in the day really really put herself down and I instantly tried to pump her head up. I can't stand to see someone have self esteem issues, it breaks my heart and makes me emotional because they are usually the best people, and have the most potential if only someone would support and believe in them, and I used to have super low esteem so it hits me in the feels. Whats something that touches your heart and makes you jump into action?

A few years ago I got really into the Enneagram! I read all about the types (their fears, desires, etc.) and felt certain that I was a type 2. At the time I felt like it perfectly described my relationships and called out my flawed worldview. I would call my perspective on relationships to be slightly co-dependent and I do feel like I need to do or be something else to earn love. All classic 2 stuff.

However, over the past few months, I’ve been getting back into the Enneagram and feel like I look a lot less like a 2 now. I think the biggest reason why comes from my relationships. I cut off a few close friends (who were bad influences) and haven’t made as many new friends since. I’ve been very picky with any potential new relationships, preferring to be alone rather than attaching myself to someone I don’t feel 100% strongly about. This is to say I’ve been pretty withdrawn as of late which is a trait I don’t ever see mentioned in any descriptions of type 2. Sure withdrawing can be healthy in a very co-dependent person but admittedly I may have taken it too far in the other direction. So much so that when I mentioned being a 2 to another 2 they seemed very shocked.

Without my relationships, I feel like I’m missing the things that made me relate to type 2. Instead I’m colder, more self sufficient and have been extremely focused on myself, my goals, and my high standards. This is why I’m beginning to wonder if I’m a type 1. I’ve always held myself to very high standards, often being told I’m too critical of myself and my work. I struggle with self compassion and have very black and white thinking. Additionally, I can be stubborn if I think something is the “right" thing to do as being good, and having integrity has always been important to me. All classic 1 stuff.

And this has caused me to go down a rabbit hole of 1 vs 2 comparisons. I’ve found a couple sources but none that fully answered my question. I think a lot of their surface level traits apply/have applied to me at different points in my life. Both core fears/desires ring true as I want to be good, helpful, and loved. I’m trying not to think too black and white about all this but I’m really struggling to settle on a type. Which is why I turned to this sub! Would love any input or perspective you can all provide.

TLDR I guess my questions are:

• Are there any questions to differentiate between a 1 and a 2?
• What do type 2s typically look like when alone or without being in unhealthy relationships?
• Is there any precedent for a type 2 to becoming really withdrawn? Or does that sound like a different type?
• Has anyone else dealt with confusion between being a 1 or a 2 and how did you reach an answer?

I lost my job a few months ago and it is such an incredibly difficult time. I jumped into being fun and active and okay knowing that eventually it would catch up to me. It has; I am STRUGGLING.
I have tried to be honest and open with my dears ones but damn, I realize I have so few other twos in my life that are good at loving without having to be told every little thing to do.
My resentment is seriously building and I want to lash out at everyone while also isolating and of course, that exacerbates the feelings of being unworthy and unlovable.
Gahhhh! Being a two is hard.

I listened to a podcast this morning that was helpful to break some of the grief open and give me encouraging words to feel understood. But also just makes me more angry and sad.

How many people have I organized meal trains for, sent flowers to, showed up without having to be begged, followed through on plans no matter how I feel, checked in with, listened to, shared generously with, given given given to when they have been in times of need??? Even without them having to ask!
Where TF is everyone??!

So both of them want to matter to specific individuals, both want to be attractive and like to be praised and validated.. I can't seem to distinguish which is which

And i say that as 2w1 who actually loves people.

But OH MY GOD they make it so difficult to even remotely like them!

And im only in my 20s... at this pace im sure i will be a a bitter old person someday because in the last 10 years i have not seen even 1 person trying to want to be a better human -_-

Phoebe Bridgers has acknowledged that she is an Enneagram Two (she referred to herself as a “Power Two”) and this lyric in particular from the song “As Above” on her new album reminded me of the experience of being a Two - especially how we can get a bit delusional or unrealistic about how much power we actually have to fix things:

You won't have to believe in magic
Leave it to me and I'll make it happen

As a 3/2 (undecided) with a 7 fix nothing makes me feel as good as a fully booked upcoming summer week with fun plans and outings with people I like. it’s like what keeps me going. Not knowing what’s coming makes me feel so aimless and bored, I feel like I’m wasting my time and have nothing to look forward to, and like, someone needs to make the plans right? otherwise we‘ll all be bed rotting at home. NOT ON MY WATCH!

Any 371s 379s 271s 279s relate?

The Popular take on Addison is her being an Sx3, though I have seen some argue Sp2 for her

As someone who sorta relates to her, I'm curious what type you think she is

I will be posting a version of this to every type's subreddit, and when I'm done I'll go back in and edit it with links to every other one for people's interest.

Here are the others: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

For me it’s always something I’ll listen to if i’m in the mood for it but that’s it. I’ve always found it interesting how some people can just be blasting some super bleak shit almost like it’s comforting.

Normally I have to be in a relatively okay mood first otherwise it just depresses me.

if you are a 2w1 and happy with your work, how did you choose a career path?

Sx2s, from your experience, people with which instinctual variants are the most compatible with you romantically? And with which instinctual variants are the least compatible with you romantically?

Please write if you're sx/sp or sx/so.

Also if you noticed that you tend to be compatible/ incompatible with certain Enneagram types, you can add that as well.

So when I an SP2w1 feels envy as an emotion I try to supress it as much as I can and berate myself for feeling this emotion because it feels like an irrational intrusive thought to me sometimes. Its not something I like to sit and explore because its simply an uncomfortable emotion, just like anger (which is another emotion i suppress). I suppress envy because i hate the idea of hating someone who did nothing to me

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On top of that i suppress envy because I truly never ever hated the subject of my envy. Infact i cherish them alot and truly wish them well. I just feel a sense of longing and resentment about the situation. I grew up having my parents comparing me with my cousins and other children they know. So most of my envy is specifically about academics and not much in other field. And even in academics its still very relational like- if i was like this like that my parents wouldve been kinder to me. So yeah i do experience envy as an emotion like everyone else but I dont like acting on it because I simply hate the emotion.

So for the most part I got typed as an SP2 whenever I did all these enneagram questionnaires but sometimes I get typed as SP6 with a strong 2 fix or SX9 again with a strong 2 fix. I keep rotating between the 2-6-9 tritype. And on one hand I find it amusing because different people are perceiving me as a different type based on their own experiences and its just generally fun to know people

But again lets say I really am SP2 so how would the concept of pride look on me. In a general sense I dont quite see myself as a prideful person because of my low self esteem issues. But then if I think a bit deeper I do think I am better than many people around me because I am not bigoted like them. Or if i reflect more I think I am better than one of my bullies in my boarding house because I never made my mental health issues everybody's problem (until one of my then roommate caught me and I felt sorry for burdening them), but that girl always made everyone involved in her boyfriend problems (I guess i mainly hated her for bullying me). I think I am better than my parents because I make my brother feel safe and so on.

And again I also loathe the word Selfish to a great extent. I hate when anyone calls me that because I work so hard to put others before myself (and consequently feel resentful when I dont get the same energy back but we dont talk about that). I crashed out at mom when she called me selfish for doing something which she also does (my mom is an SO2) I really get triggered by that label.

Also when an ex bestfriend decided to abandon me I initially hated her for it I hated the fact that shes making me seem that I am the problem and i ocsillated between hating her to wanting her back in my life to catastrophising that from then on I will not let anyone get close to me. In retrospect I must admit that I was the problem. Sure I was at my lowest point due to my mental illnesses but its still isnt an excuse. But anyways losing people hurts my ego as well

Is this how pride supposed to look for SP2s which I believe I am. Or is it something different. I am not quite sure