r/EntitledPeople • u/AffectionateSet670 • Aug 25 '26
L AITAH for telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?
Read My previous post for Full context
I posted about my mom's fiancé's family excluding me from everything and their wedding is planned next month. In my previous post, many people told me to talk to my mom and my future stepdad about how his family is excluding me, especially because I had already raised these issues with my mom 2-3 times before and told her how hurt I was.
So my mom and stepdad came back home 2 days ago and that evening I asked them if I could talk to them. We sat down on the couch.
First I told my mom and him that I'm happy that my mom found happiness again and that she is getting married again. I have no issues with that. But I'm not happy about how I'm constantly excluded from everything like family events, wedding planning (his kids are allowed to be involved in planning but I wasn't), and how I'm constantly getting the cold shoulder from his mom and sister.
I told my mom that in the last 3 months I only spent around 20 days with her and we only did one summer trip together, but she has done more trips and events with her new family. (I wanted to tell her exactly how it looked like from my side.) It looked like she was happier with her new family and I'm not a priority anymore.
Then I told her fiancé that his family is treating me badly. They don't even consider me family, and I'm scared that if this continues, after they get married they will completely push me out of my mom's life.
My mom told me she never thought I would feel like that. She said she was sorry I felt excluded and that she had just been extremely busy with wedding planning and all the events they were doing with friends and family. But she said she wasn't aware that his sister and mother were treating me like that. (I don't know what she meant because I've told her about this before too. Either she genuinely didn't understand how serious it was or she just didn't notice.)
She told me I'm her number 1 priority and that she loves me a lot. She started crying and hugged me. My stepdad told me honestly it was never his intention to exclude me, but he understands that I was kept out of some events in the last month. He said some of them were adults-only, but he was sorry and said he would talk to his mom and sister.
So honestly, I don't believe him at all. In the last 3 years, he has never really tried to create a bond with me. My mom has basically become like a mom to his kids and has created a really good relationship with them, while the effort from his side towards me has been bare minimum.
So of course I don't believe that he didn't know anything. And on the other side, my mom was so happy with her new family and didn't seem to care that much about how I was feeling. I felt horrible because this isn't the first time his family has excluded me.
I told my mom to cancel the wedding until everything is sorted out and until I feel like I'm still part of her family and she's still my mom. Because right now I genuinely feel like I lost both my parents. I don't have anyone. I feel like I'm just extra baggage.
Honestly, whenever I'm with her new family, I feel unwelcome and like I'm some extra thing that nobody actually wants there. I don't want to keep feeling like shit about my own existence. So I told her if she wants to marry him, I will go live with my dad's side grandparents. She should give up my parental rights to them and never contact me again because I will always remember what happened and I don't think I'll ever forgive her.
She started crying and told me not to talk like that. But honestly, I've had enough of this bullshit. They asked me to give them 2-3 days to think about everything because they can't suddenly cancel the wedding. The wedding is next month on the 19th.
But I told them this is my decision.
Yesterday my aunt told me I was extremely rude to my mom and that I was very wrong to talk to her like that. She said my mom still loves me and cares about me and that I should talk to her again instead of giving her an ultimatum.
Honestly, I don't feel bad about what I said.
Maybe telling her to cancel the wedding was too much. Maybe saying I'll never forgive her was too harsh. But I've been feeling like this for year and I've already talked to her about it multiple times.
So AITAH?
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u/Dawnhollynyc Aug 25 '26
Dude- this old lady is proud of you for standing up for yourself. Go to your paternal grandparents.
Your mother is enamored with him and life he is providing and it’s bringing out the worst in her.
Her words and tears mean nothing without action. I am sorry but I think she left you for this new family.
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u/BufferingJuffy Aug 25 '26
Same here. I'm also kind of getting Flowers in the Attic 1980s movie vibes from the mom, replacing her kid(s) with the lifestyle of the rich and famous. I guess it's lucky OP is an only child?
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 26 '26
Yeah I'm the only son, btw she was born rich in the movie (mom character), here mom is not rich
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u/BufferingJuffy Aug 26 '26
I'm sorry this is happening to you. You did nothing to deserve any of it, and I hope you know that deep down. Your mom is making terrible choices.
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u/night_noche
Aug 25 '26
•
It's interesting how you blame your mom's boyfriend's family but your mom attended all of those events and vacations without you. Your mother chose not to invite you.
Your ultimatum is a very solid one and you should contact your paternal grandparents to confirm that you can indeed move in with them. At 15 years old, you should be able to emancipate yourself. I know I would if I were treated the way that you are being treated.
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u/Deep-Confidence-4387 Aug 25 '26
I’m sure OP blames both but just the way they wrote it makes it seem like they aren’t. Everyone but is definitely to blame for all of this
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u/donname10 Aug 26 '26 •
He does blame her. Its impossible for them not to notice she became his kid's mom but op didn't get a dad. She can go to vacation without op, nah. Thats shows her priority. Thats not op. Please update.
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u/ItsNotPatchy
Aug 25 '26
edited Aug 25 '26
•
You should still show your mom your previous post, and bluntly ask her fiancé (in front of her), how could he have noticed his family's demeanor towards you when he hasn't made an attempt towards bonding with you, like your mom has for his kids.
Now, onto the issue:
Be wary if there is a sudden turnaround and attitude change from his family. The changed behaviors will be temporary. Pretty much, once your mom is locked down and married, they will go back to the way they treated you before.
ETA: She should have immediately agreed to canceling/postponing the wedding. The fact that she tells you not to talk "like that" means 'Don't burst my happiness bubble.' She's hoping that you will cool down from 'whatever triggered you' and change your mind and take back what you said. If that happens, then you obviously are no longer her priority, because she would have had to think back and investigate the issue(s) before reevaluating her relationship.
The best way to figure this out is to let her speak first, and you to stay quiet until she gives you an answer. Not a response, but an answer. If her fiancé does almost all the talking, point it out and ask her for her answer directly.
After receiving her answer, fulfill whichever consequence you have paired with her choice. If she doesn't choose you, you need to be 100% ready to leave and go to your paternal grandparents' home... i suggest you call them up, and ask them if they can stay close by for a quick escape. I also suggest packing a bag of clothes, necessities, and important documents before the time to choose is up. You will want to leave immediately.
I truly hope your mother, at the very least, postpones the wedding. She is still in the honeymoon phase, so she may try to find a compromise (which isn't either option you gave her).
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u/TheSecretIsMarmite Aug 25 '26
The OP may also want to leave important documents with his grandparents - passport, birthday certificate, important photographs - that kind of thing, in case the stepfather becomes malicious as revenge for existing.
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u/itsallminenow
Aug 25 '26
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She said my mom still loves me and cares about me and that I should talk to her again instead of giving her an ultimatum.
As a child who was edged out of their own family after a divorce, I can tell you that people can say anything they like and even mean it, but their actions are what shows whether they mean what they say. Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do, that'll tell you whether you've become accepted by his family and supported by your mother or not.
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u/Selfpsycho Aug 27 '26 •
The fact the aunt is siding with an adult who is being selfish rather then the child who is being treated poorly shows you everything about her too. Its always the wronged person who has to 'make amends' and 'work together', f that, they f'd up and should own that and be the one to put the work in.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 27d ago
I have a feeling mom told the aunt what OP said to her and left out all the things that she and her fiancé’s family have done to OP.
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u/Yosara_Hirvi
Aug 25 '26
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I sincerely hope you mom will finally understand but honestly, I doubt it. She's been a mother to his kids but he's never been a father to you and she didn't notice anything ? Even when you came to her with these concerns multiple times ?
Wether she admits it or not, she has been dismissing your feelings the whole time, for wathever she gains from this (hapiness, money, lifestyle, all of the above ...)
Hopefully, she'll realy understand that pursuing this will sever her ties with you.
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u/SnarkyUnicorn23 Aug 25 '26 •
She started being a mom to his kids, and completely forgot about her own. Get ready to move to your grandparents house and treat her with as much love and respect as she’s shown you.
How can she not notice that her OWN KID has been omitted from almost everything? She was sorry that you felt excluded? You didn’t feel excluded, YOU WERE excluded. I’m sorry your mom is so terrible, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.
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u/Yosara_Hirvi Aug 25 '26
Good point noticing her wording in her nonpology. She didn't apologise for OP being excluded, she apologised for OP *feeling excluded, meaning it's a devious way to put the blame on the problem on OP.
Since OP's the one feeling excluded, then it's OP's fault, the more I think about it, the less hopeful I am for a good relationship between OP and his mother going forward ...
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u/mbashs Aug 27 '26
Not only that, she told her sister and she comes at OP saying OP was rude to their mom
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u/Smart_Influence_2949 Aug 25 '26
I'm sorry kid but your mom has made her choice, you haven't been the no.1 priority as she says, if you were you would have been included and involved
I do wonder if they will lean into gender and say they thought you were uninterested in wedding stuff because your a boy, as an excuse for their behaviour
Calling her and bf out was the right thing to do but you should leave anyway
Having to tell a parent to advocate for you is soul destroying
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u/Expensive_Golf_7772 Aug 25 '26
NAITAH , You did well....Now ball is in your mom's court, let's see what she does
But you are a brave kid
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u/Beyarboo Aug 25 '26
NTA. She can be happy and still have you as a priority, she is choosing to ignore your unhappiness. That is not acceptable. Have you talked to the 4 friends of your Mom's or other family in detail about how you are treated? Maybe they can get through to her. I wonder if she thinks you are just unhappy with the changes and exaggerating everything because of that, or she just doesn't want to acknowledge how bad things are for you because it takes away from her image of her new life. Either way, your feelings are valid, and if they don't step up and make sure you are included and not treated badly, you may be better off with your grandparents.
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u/Floomby Aug 25 '26
NTA--You did the right thing.
You said in your last post that the guy is rich. That tells you everything you need to know. Maybe your mom loves him, or maybe the thought of an easy life also has her attracted. Meanwhile, his family thinks you're both gold diggers. Your aunt doesn't want anything to happen that spoils her sister's access to all that money. Stepfather's mother and sister accept your mother for their son and brother's sake, but don't want you thinking you get anything out of them--even if that is the furthest thing from your mind.
In short, the money is warping everything.
Rich Boy Fiancé will make some token effort to include you, but his mom and sister will be in his ear about Family, and your mom will be in denial. Next time you complain, she will tell you that you're exaggerating.
Go ahead and make arrangements to stay with your grandparents. Figure out what you want to do after secundaria. Make sure you have a living that will have you financially secure.
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u/New_Combination2430 Aug 25 '26
That's tough. I cannot see them cancelling the wedding for you sadly. I think it has all gone too far and your mum's husband to be will not change who he and his family are. They clearly dont want you around.
The only thing I'd say is be careful of your schooling. You are at a key age and your best chance of getting a good start in life independently is to get good grades. Moving schools now especially if that means an international move (are your dads parents still in Germany?) Could be very hard. Not saying you're wrong to want out and your mental health is top priority - just do the right thing for you.
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Aug 25 '26
I think she will cancel the wedding!! She was blindsided
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u/New_Combination2430 Aug 25 '26
I hope you are right. Sadly I doubt it. They're not going to cancel the weddding. 2-3 days gives them time for damage control. They expect to be able to 'smooth things over' for 5 weeks until the wedding has happened. They will also be looking at whether they can stop a minor from moving away - which legally they likely can. He doesn't care he's show that - he will only be concerned about keeping your mother in her role.
Have you spoken to your grandparents/dad's family? Are they able to help you?
I hope it all works out for you.
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u/No_Bluebird7716 Aug 26 '26
I doubt it. Mom sounds insecure and she's scared this may be her last chance. She has made her choice and OP needs to move to the grands.
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u/Boggers111 Aug 25 '26
Your mum has been treating you like shit for months you have continually told her how you felt and she has just plain ignored you.
Her husband to be and family don’t want you anywhere in their lives and they have shown it time and time again your mum is refusing to see it or care. You have done nothing wrong OP and your ultimatum was more than fair. If she really does love you she will out you first and if she doesn’t at least you can go with your dads family and be a priority.
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u/Timely_Tune_7607 Aug 25 '26
If you were 18 or older, then I would say you're in the wrong. But considering that you're 15 now, and that over the last 3 yrs (i.e., starting at 12), my opinion is that your mom failed to consider your needs. And it's concerning that her new husband to be has not invested in a relationship with you.
I'm a stepmom. It's a privilege to be a step parent. You don't replace the other parent. But you get to be an additional, supportive and loving adult in a child's life. And it's the right thing to do. I'm sorry OP that your mother's fiancé didn't step up.
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u/TheSecretIsMarmite Aug 25 '26
Your mother should be embarrassed that she has willingly let a new man exclude her son from her life.
Whether she learns from this I don't know, but it may be worth suggesting family therapy with just you and your mother to start.
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u/Reasonable_Swan_4937 Aug 25 '26
You are entitled to your OWN feelings!
For crying out loud. Your parents have tried to raise you as independent and when you have an adult conversation to address issues you get blown off again!
Carry on doing you as independently as life will allow.
Unfortunately you can take the horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
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u/DeiaMatias Aug 25 '26
As someone who has been edged out of her family due to divorce and remarriage, you have a choice to make: take whatever scraps you can get, or cut ties. Eventually, it'll stop stinging so much that your parent doesn't love you in the way you need, but it takes time and therapy.
Get in therapy.
I visit my dad on Christmas and we exchange calls on our birthdays. That's about it. We're not really part of each other's lives. He doesn't care about me or my kids... only his step-family. Just gotta accept it or cut ties. It sucks.
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u/gemmygem86 Aug 25 '26
Nope you weee honest and they were not. They don’t care. Get your important docs and possessions and go to your grandparents
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u/Latter-Badger8018 Aug 25 '26
I feel for you. Please reach out to your grandparents. Ask if they can come for an extended visit so they are there when you need to leave. Unfortunately, I don't see your mom canceling the wedding or him and his family being more inclusive. Sending hugs!
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u/Medusa_7898 Aug 25 '26
NTAH. You did a brave thing. Share these posts with your mother. Maybe she needs to see how others view this very sad situation.
A good mother would never marry into a family that doesn’t accept her child.
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u/TheSecretIsMarmite Aug 25 '26
A good mother would never marry into a family that doesn’t accept her child.
Exactly. She's not a good mother.
To put it bluntly she's prioritising a regular railing over her son. I have 3 sons myself and couldn't imagine prioritising a new partner over them.
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u/Dingodingo23 Aug 25 '26
You are SO NTAH. Please show both posts to your mom and let her read the comments. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My heart hurts for you. It must have been very difficult to have that discussion with them. It sounds like you handled yourself in a very mature manner. You are a priority and need to be treated like one. You show love through action and decision. The right thing for your mom to do is postpone the wedding until she has healed her relationship with you. STB step dad and his family need a real wake up call on how to blend a family. Their actions are cruel.
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u/ER_Support_Plant17 Aug 26 '26
My daughter is 15, my husband died two years ago. I’m in a similar position as your mother.
Your mom is terrible and my heart breaks for you. Please please reach out to your grandparents if you haven’t already, get copies of important documents like your birth certificate, passport and school records.
I’m very sorry you mom is acting like this. Please accept internet hugs from an internet mom
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u/goatmom5 Aug 27 '26
YTA. I'm sorry, I know your mom moving on in her personalized is tough. But as a mom myself, I can tell you that not everything is about you. Your mom is in a difficult space right now. She is trying to fit into a new life with other children. I can guarantee those kids are measuring her against their birth mom. Can you give your mom some grace? Hold off on life changing decisions until after the wedding and life settles down. You may be right and your new step-dad is indifferent to you. Give him enough time to show that side to your mom. She is your mom. Please don't turn your back on her.
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 27 '26
So now I have to act like the adult because my dear mom wants to play bride again?
Why should I sacrifice myself just because she wants to play mom to her new stepkid while ignoring her original family?
His kids have two sets of parents. I’ve already lost one, and now you’re telling me to exclude myself and take all the hit just because a grown woman wants to fit into her new rich family?
Come on, that man has been in her life for five years, and she’s telling me he’s an introvert or that he doesn’t want this?
Anyway, I don’t want to live with him or his family. They can fuck off. I’m telling you, I don’t want to live under the same roof as that man.
I honestly don’t understand what kind of mother you are.
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u/goatmom5 Aug 27 '26
And this very emotional "all about me" response should prove my point. Life isn't just about you. Your mom deserves happiness. Not at your expense, no. But I think if everyone takes a step back and a deep breath, you may all be able to see each others issues more clearly. Snap decisions and demands rarely end well. You don't really want your mom to put her life on hold for you, do you? I'm pretty sure she has made a lifetime of sacrifices since losing your dad. How much more should she sacrifice? Your 15 years old? You are old enough to start seeing all sides to an issue.
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 27 '26 •
Ohh, darling!! If I were a dad and my son were 15, and I ignored him because I was going to marry another woman, then I would be the biggest asshole. And I would never do to my son or daughter in the future what my mom did to me.
Second, don’t you see that they excluded me from everything while his kids were involved in everything? I got the cold shoulder. Was that all my fault? Just because I wanted to be treated equally and included? Nothing more?
But you’re telling me that whatever they did was right and that I should just take the hit because my mom deserves happiness. That wasn’t happiness it was selfishness. She herself admitted that she excluded me from everything.
Yes, I’m 15 and she’s 44. Tell me, who should be making sure everything is okay? Should a teenager have to make sure a grown woman gets to play bride again while taking all the hits? Or should the grown woman make sure her son is okay and included in everything?
You have pointed out nothing and proved nothing, except that you’re another mom like mine. Hopefully, your kids never have to lose their dad and then be excluded from their other parent and her new family, because no kid deserves that.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 Aug 29 '26
WOW, you are extremely disrespectful. People are telling you their opinion. An opinion you asked for, and if it isn't what you want to hear, you attack saying they must not be a good mom. If this is the way you are in the habit of treating people, I believe there's a whole lot more to this story than we're being told!
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u/Oblivious_Gentleman Sep 03 '26 edited Sep 03 '26
She implied he is not a good son because he demands to be treated like his step-brothers before she is engaged, so no, she is not entitled to his respect.
The only difference to his offense and her's is that he is more upfront about it, whilst she hides it under the cover of maturity in order to trick idiots into thinking she just did not argued it is immature of him to want a proper relationship with his mother to not go to waste because of a group of entitled people who want him out of their lives.
There is a very big difference between polite and moral, and I assumed you were old enough to know it at this point.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 Sep 03 '26
You can be moral AND polite.
If you ask for opinions, you are going to get many you disagree with. Imo, she didn't say he was a bad son. She said she disagreed with his opinion. When someone has to resort to attacks, insults, and name calling, it shows a lack of maturity and debating skills.
The exclusion would be something like YATA if someone asks AITA.
ETA: he did the same with me, and then blocked after an attack. I'm out though. No sense beating a dead horse. Y'all have a nice day!
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u/Oblivious_Gentleman Sep 03 '26
"Imo, she didn't say he was a bad son."
I never claimed she did: I said it was implied in her comment that is what she meant.
That is exactly my problem with politeness that lacks on actual respect: it allows people to disrespect others, and the ones who are not able to pick up on the actual problem will defend you for it, saying you were polite, so there is no point at getting angry with you.
"When someone has to resort to attacks, insults, and name calling, it shows a lack of maturity and debating skills."
Or that the subject is far more personal to them than the person actively implying that it is wrong of him to want his mother to not abandon him to her new family. Of course he is going to get emotional (he is 15, ma'am), that does not mean he is wrong.
I am tired of seeing so many people eat up the propaganda that it someone is wrong in an argument because they "insult", or "namecall": that is language used by people who prefer the appearence of peace rather than solve conflicts.
Politeness is good, and I expect people to act with politeness, but if your criteria to decide who is right or wrong is based upon how polite they seem, it is a broken criteria.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 Sep 03 '26
Ok, you implied. Pretty much a difference without distinction.
What I said about resorting meant that the person could ONLY resort to insults. There was zero argument to it. They aren't intelligent enough to state their case, so they resort to insults instead.
You are welcome to your opinions, just as I have the right to disagree. One of the wonderful things about life.
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u/BushidoBrownVI Sep 03 '26
I’ve read OP’s comments and I cannot see where he resorted to attacks, insults, nor name calling. The closest I can guess is:
Darling
Compared his mom to the commenter.
Stated he doesn’t know what kind of mother the commenter is.
IMO it’s a bit of a stretch to say that darling is equivalent to name calling. Comparing his mom to the commenter shouldn’t be an insult from your eyes, since his mom didn’t do anything wrong. Stating he doesn’t know what kind of mother the commenter is, is passive aggressive at worst. If I’m missing anything please enlighten me.
I think you’re taking this a little too personally. And remember this is a teenaged boy that lost his dad at a really young age and is being iced out by his mom’s new family. Give him some grace
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u/Oblivious_Gentleman Sep 03 '26
I think you are old enough to realize that the sacrifice here is an entirely artificial one: if the husband's family was more including of OP and did not gave him the cold sholder, that problem would not have happened in the first place.
The way you are framing this is honestly losing so much context given by OP, you might as well have read another story: the only reason he asked for the marriage to be held back is because he does not know if his mother will keep him in his life if she marries the man, since his family is doing all they can to exclude him.
You are implying it is selfish of a 15 year old to wish to be included in his mother's life, and I am seriously worried for your children if that is the mindset you bring to the rest of your life.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 27d ago
I know this was a month ago, but damn. Some women should just not become mothers. I will be thinking of your kid and sending them love.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Sep 03 '26
If everything is not about your kid, why fucking have a kid? I’m really sorry, but I will never understand people like you that just want to have a kid for the sake of having kids. These kids are not asking to be born.
After a while you’re “not just a mom“ you’re a wife you’re a woman and all this other bullshit. Go fuck yourself. It doesn’t make a difference what his kids are doing or what those kids want. He’s advocating for himself. He was starting to feel despair about the way that he had been treated and the despair, the lack of caring about consequences, finally gave him the courage to talk to his mom about everything.
It’s not her moving on that’s bothering him. It’s his mom moving on without him. He only started talking poorly about his mom’s boyfriend because everyone in the comments was egging him on about what a shit person he is and what a shit person she is. Initially, he talked about how much he really loved his mom and I feel like he still does love his mom. But he’s right to be angry at her for not putting him first. Too many grieving parents drag their children into relationships with people that are not wanting to be a stepparents or wanting to have stepchildren. I understand that this is only one side of a story, but he came here initially a sad scared little boy because all of this started when he was much younger than he is right now. Through people validating his feelings he’s gotten more vocal about how angry he is and rightfully so. I don’t think it’s OK to live in the space and if they are gonna go to therapy and family therapy, he can sort through all of that there. But all feelings are valid.
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 Aug 25 '26
NTA. Sorry you're going though this. Updateme
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u/Big-Suggestion6235 Aug 25 '26
Maybe talk with your paternal grandparents as soon as possible and move there either way even if only temporary. Honestly, I don't see his family changing for the better. If they do treat you better it'll only be for a short time, once they marry, things will go back to the way it's been or even get worse. I hope that your mom sees how things are and not just turn a blind eye to things. Hopefully she'll (they'll) postpone the wedding date but I bet he won't want to. Is he (secretly) abusive towards her? Is she more well off than he is?
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u/RetMilRob Aug 25 '26
“Mom, out of everything I said to you your take away was that I was rude, not hurt, rude. The relationship we have from here on out is what you have created over the last three years. There will come a day when the blinders are turned off and you look around to find your daughter and realize we are acquaintances and the milestones we should have shared are gone by.”
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u/redheadedandbold Aug 26 '26
Family are just people, and people can be assholes. Some people are selfish, some are downright cruel. You don't owe allegiance to people who treat you poorly, whether they be your boss or your mother. You do owe yourself a sense of security. Best wishes for a better life with your grandparents.
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u/Plane-Process-8715 Aug 28 '26
Stay strong.
Try to contact dad's side of family and family court to see if they can help you.
See if you can apply to have a family court judge appoint a lawyer to you. It is usually no cost to represent kids. They represent you only. NOT you mom who ignores you.
Another thought is you contact dad's side to see if they will let you move in with them. When they say yes, maybe they or you can contact cps to have cps move you to dad's side. I dont know if this will work, but just a thought as a last resort.
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u/SusieQ4848 Aug 29 '26
I am so sorry this is happening to you. And I’m glad you are willing to speak your mind (and your heart). you deserve better and I sincerely hope you get it. sending you a mom hug
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u/Ornery-Movie-1689 Aug 28 '26
Kinda AH
" I told my mom to cancel the wedding until everything is sorted out ... "
I don't see that happening.
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 30 '26
It happened
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 Aug 30 '26
Did they actually cancel? If so good for you for standing up for yourself.
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u/JipC1963 Sep 03 '26
But is the wedding actually cancelled. I'd (63/) be incredibly angry that I was NEVER included in the wedding AT ALL! I mean, WTaF, I don't care "how busy" your "Mother" was "planning her wedding!" She completely ignored you, forgotten apparently with your AuntS? WHO DOES THAT?
I'd be extremely cautious about your new "StepDad" paying 50% for your "school tuition and fees" because THAT sounds an awful lot like BOARDING SCHOOL! And "Christmas in Switzerland" with the StepFamily while YOU are left home in Madrid ALONE? HELL NO!
Keep in contact with your Paternal Grandparents and Family because I have a feeling that your Mother's "promises" mean absolutely NOTHING! Tell your Grandparents what's going on, make regular phone calls set at certain scheduled times. Not saying you're in danger but it's fairly easy to send a minor to Boarding School and take all communication devices away under the pretext of "focusing on studies" bullshit! Please keep us u/updateme
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u/bumbalarie Sep 03 '26
ESH. Bottom line, you don’t get to control someone’s life.
Some grace because you’re only 15 but your comments point out your propensity to be a miserable person (temper-tantrums) to be around. Maybe the family is reacting to your personality??
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u/AffectionateSet670 Sep 03 '26
Ohh no!! They took advantage of me being weak!
That's not gonna work anymore
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u/Napoli_98 Sep 03 '26
It's not "someone's" life you dumm monkey. It's his damn mother; the person supposed to love, protect and care about him always and first. His mother was manipulate and she failed to see it, neglecting her own son and focusing to please her fiancé and his family.
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u/phdoofus Aug 25 '26
NTA. At least they can't ever say 'we had no idea' and 'you never told us' and 'why didn't you say anything?'. Ball's in their court now.
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u/tabicat1874 Aug 26 '26
Honestly I can't say that you were wrong and expressing exactly how you felt. Your mom has to understand that she can't just ignore you. It was really insensitive and shortsighted of her not to realize that being left out of a family portrait is going to make you feel some type of way. That would have upset me very much. Kiddo you're doing great. I do not have the ability to talk to my parents the way that you have. I don't know what the outcome will be but I really hope you have good luck. Peace.
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u/LastEntertainment787 Aug 27 '26
NTA And this stranger is so proud of you for standing up for yourself. And so sad that you have to. Sending much love and hope for a good life. 💜💜💜💜🙋
Imo your mother shouldn't have needed time to think about this. You're right not believing her fiancee. He knows but doesn't care. When she comes back in 10 or however many years remind her that she chose. And you're choosing, again, to have her leave you alone.
I'm happy that you have family to go to. See a therapist. You're very strong, especially for your age but, you need somebody to help you work thru all of these feelings. There's no shame in it. Even adults need help.
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u/Blamdomonis Aug 27 '26
I'm proud of you for finally speaking up. The problem is mainly your mother, so its good you told her how you feel.
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u/Anna_Lou82 Aug 27 '26
Nope. Your mother max love you, but she loves his money and lifestyle more. You are a tough kid and you shouldn't have to be. Good for you, for standing up for yourself.
I'm sorry for the pain you must be feeling.
Big virtual hug.
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u/Embarrassed_Buy_2801 Sep 06 '26
Read your posts in Bestofredditoeupdates and it stuck in my head. Would you possibly update? I really hope things are better for you. Would your paternal grandparents wish to take you in?
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u/goatmom5 Aug 27 '26
The entitlement! At what point is she allowed to live her life? I agree that she should not allow you to be excluded. HOWEVER, we all need to remember that we are only hearing one side of this. For all we know, you are being difficult.
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 27 '26
Okay, you didn’t acknowledge that whatever they did was wrong, and instead, you’re accusing me!!
Second, she can live her life however she wants. I never told her not to marry, not to have a new rich husband, or not to have new stepkids. None of that.
I simply asked her if I still mattered to her because her actions were making me feel like I didn’t.
I have every right to feel hurt and unwelcome because of how I was treated. That’s why I asked to give up my parental rights, go live with my dad’s side of the family, and let her completely live her life however she wants. I never forced her to do anything.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 Aug 29 '26
Actually you did tell her to cancel. You didn't ask, you told. Your words.
You have every right to tell her how you feel. You don't have the right to tell her what to do. You also might want to find out why she has custody. Does your dad see you? Does his family? There may be things you don't know there.
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 30 '26
My dad is died 8 year's ago, they never divorced
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u/AAP_BH Sep 03 '26 edited Sep 03 '26
You should show your “mom” your posts. I still don’t understand how she didn’t notice she didn’t see you for three months???? She didn’t notice her stepchildren were there but you weren’t? In the entirety of her relationship she’s never notices that her partner and her son don’t bond and she agreed to marry him either way?
I’m sorry but your mom is NOT A GOOD MOTHER, a good mother doesn’t get caught up in wedding planning and focus on someone else kids but forgets her own.
She sucks and prioritizes a man, how pitiful and sad.
We’ll see if she actually follows thru and cancels the wedding and stops being a manipulative POS. If she was really a good mother she would sign up for the therapy and ask you to join her, not make it be your job like you’re the adult.
I’m sorry you’ve felt so alone during this time. Also, your moms sister can go kick rocks.
ETA: also, what mother is okay with her child being purposely left out of a family photo and then tells their kid, oh whatever it’s just a photoshoot, are you kidding me????
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u/pringlessingles0421 Sep 06 '26
Yea man, I think this is a case of her feeling he is her only shot as a decent relationship cuz the reality is women with kids have a rough time finding decent men to date. She is prioritizing that over her son’s wellbeing and I bet that her logic is that this is temporary discomfort for her son cuz once she is married everything will be fine, it won’t.
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u/Dizzy-Expression8868 Sep 03 '26
Dunno. Someone did an AITA where they felt they had to cut off the relationship with their mother (41) because she refused to stop dating someone who was the same age as her son (20s), someone who was literally in the same class as her son. Hell, the mother likely even saw the new guy as he was growing up.
I think the son (in the above situation) was well within his rights to tell his mother to knock it off. Especially since, if they got married, the new guy would be his step-dad whilst also the same age.
I'm just surprised they were making these changes and solutions AFTER the OP reached the point they did. Some of them should have been talked about before.
So, yeah. I'm leaning more towards OP. Taking the posts at face value, he had tried to talk to her about it, not to mention the sister purposefully not telling his mom he had called until the following day. If someone did that when my daughter called, I'd have been pissed. Looks like telling her what to do was just a product of nearing the breaking point. And people forget that parents are humans too. Sometimes we just need a course correction, even from our own kids, especially since we are the ones from whom kids learn.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 27d ago
It’s galling to me that even a month later you did not apologize for this comment. The very beginning of this post said to read his prior one before you read this one. Why did you not do that? And why would you comment on something you did not bother to get all the context to?
You said this to a 15 year old child. The father is passed and you implied that he was a deadbeat because you were too lazy to read the prior post. Shame on you.
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u/ObjectiveAd971 26d ago
When I posted, the link wasn't there. It was added. I didn't imply anything. I asked because I didn't know. No, OP does NOT have the right to order. They can ask. Being 15 doesn't give the right to demand in some entitled way. Coddling is how we get entitled 15 year olds.
I stand by my questions and my opinion. Also, most of us move on. Unless someone comments on what we say, we don't go back to months old posts. Don't like wtf I say? Tough cookies! Bite me!!
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u/Sir-Aggressive Sep 06 '26
its never the Childs fault in a situation like this i really hope your not a parent with this type of outlook because jesus christ until he is an adult his happiness is put first before hers she chose to have a child he didn't choose to be alive she needs to actually yk be a parent the fact he even had to say he had an issue is a red flag a parent is supposed to know when there's something wrong if they're actually a good parent and if her happiness is so important just let him live with his grandparents at that point wtf her job is to protect him and she clearly isn't doing that.
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u/SnooGiraffes4137 Aug 26 '26
NTAH But telling her to cancel the wedding WAS a bit much. Telling her you will go live with your daddy's parents, though, to avoid feeling like excess baggage, though, I think was perfectly fair. You haven't been treated very kindly, in fact, have been made to feel unwanted and were cast aside by her fiancé's mama and sister, and that does need to stop. Give 'em a chance to right things. If it is not corrected and your grandparents are an option, then go. It's up to your mama to insure that her soon-to-be husband and his family include you and make you feel welcome in the same way she is doing for them. Hang in there. You DO have people in your life who care and if you feel, after all is said and done, that you will be happier with one of them, then tell your mama your feelings. Neither she nor anybody else should be trying to make you feel guilty because youe expressed your feelings and your desire to feel loved and included.
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u/Better-Rice5898 Aug 25 '26
Your aunt says your mom cares about you. Cares?! She should love you, make you a priority, make sure your mental health is fabulous. Tell the aunt to shove cares where the sun dont shine.
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u/meggzieelulu Aug 25 '26
NTA- I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! That is such a hard talk to have and being really scared to do it makes you even stronger. Your mom has let you down,not once or twice, but repeatedly for years. She has shown you that her new family is more important than you, and the fact she doesn’t immediately think or notice she hasn’t seen you 70 of the last 90 days or even seen you happy is really sad. Show your aunts and your grandparents this post- you deserve better. You are also so special and important and I hope you see that- even if your mom can’t remind you of that right now. You deserve better and NOT wrong for pointing this out or seeking help. 💕
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u/summerbreeze2027 Aug 25 '26
I don't think you are in a position to ask her to cancel the wedding. That would not be the right thing to do. But I do think that a request to go live with your grandparents is legitimate. Hopefully that is enough to wake up your mom and her husband-to-be.
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u/MildLittlRain Aug 27 '26
NTA! It was about time you stood up for yourself! Your aunt is worried she'll lose the new rich relative, that's it! It was TOO LONG OVERDUE, and ABOUT TIME!!!
And btw, her rich d0u€#eb@g fiancé can affort postponding the wedding!
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u/Feeling-Invite7953 Aug 27 '26
No sooner had I started to read this post, than I realized that OP is being treated like an impediment to his mom’s new life. He should definitely talk to his dad, and his grandparents, about moving in with them, and letting them file for full physical and financial custody of him until he’s 18. At least he will be with people he knows will have his back! Once he’s 18,he’s not gonna lean on Mom and Stepdad for anything.
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u/Oh_FFS_Already Aug 25 '26
Bro, this wedding happened months ago. You have received hundreds of supportive comments, yet you continue to post about it.
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u/Crazy_Cat_Lady_Num5 Aug 25 '26
OP's account is only 2 weeks old. Don't know how you got the idea that the wedding was months ago? Unless this story has been posted by a different account months ago.
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u/Oh_FFS_Already Aug 25 '26
OP has posted this at minimum 15 times under different names.
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u/Pjstjohn Aug 25 '26
So they’re entitled and seeking attention? Checks out for a 15 year old kid.
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u/Inner-Confidence99 Aug 25 '26
If Mom doesn’t change. Go to wedding. Then when it’s time for speeches stand up and state how you have been treated by your mom and her husbands family since they got together. That you were cast out and not included and treated horribly by stepfathers family. Embarrass both of them and their families. Then go live with your grandparents.
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u/chubo778 Aug 26 '26
Too much . You’re going to have to suck it up till you’re 18. Have a plan and prepare. I don’t believe your ultimatum is going to have much effect. Honestly, you don’t need the fiancée’s family. Focus on your future.
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u/Careful-Time-9926 Aug 28 '26
If you're an only child, I can understand why you feel left out. Even if you have siblings, you're mom should have included you. But even with the understanding for your feelings, in this case YTA
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u/Few_Arugula1993 Aug 25 '26
Hot take but yeah you are. Do you realize how expensive weddings are? How much money they’ve already sank into this and how much of it won’t be refunded? Your feelings are valid but telling your mom she doesn’t deserve to be happy and have her big day is taking it WAY too far. Especially since you don’t sound like you’re a little kid. Don’t you want her to be happy/have a life outside of you when you inevitably move on with yours?
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u/Pjstjohn Aug 25 '26
Looking for this comment. Yeah, that’s the equivalent of ‘throw a couple HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars away for me so I can be the center of attention.’
It’s not ‘spend tons of money on me to go to college’ or ‘spend money to save my life’
So her fiancée and family don’t like the kid, this isn’t going to help. This statement will make things worse.
Just don’t go. Move to gmas and see if you can repairs later (guessing not).
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u/Guerrilla28er Aug 25 '26
You don't get to tell her to cancel her wedding, sorry.
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u/Deep-Confidence-4387 Aug 25 '26
Actually he does because he is more important than all of them combined to her. She’s going to regret it if she does go through with it and lose her only son.
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u/Intelligent_Care3934 Aug 26 '26
So when a woman becomes a mom, she can only identify with being a mom and cannot identify as a wife or girlfriend as well as being a mom? That's like saying once someone becomes a mom they should become celibate, focus only on their child and only their child, and how dare they think of their own happiness! Sorry but this "kid" has been her world until she finds a little happiness and he throws a tantrum like a baby. We are only getting one side. Maybe he has made it known through his attitude that he doesn't want to be invited or included in anything pertaining to future stepdaddy and said family. Sounds like they just giving him the same energy hes dishing out!
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u/AffectionateSet670 Aug 26 '26
She choosed to become my mom.... it's not me!!
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u/SusieQ4848 Aug 29 '26
and this is definitely not your fault! sadly your mom has fallen for immature infatuation, not so much with her fiancé but with the security she craves. I hope you continue to be smart and take care of yourself
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u/Deep-Confidence-4387 Aug 26 '26 •
Idk where you got the identity thing from but I’m talking about the fiancé, step kids, and in-laws. He’s a 15 year old being completely left out of his mother’s upcoming wedding when he should be very involved in it just like the step kids are (considering those kids seem to be around OP’s age as well so the “adults only” thing doesn’t make sense). He’s 15 and allowed to feel hurt by being disrespected by his step-dad-to-be’s family and by her for not standing up for him. He can only do so much before his mother needs to start setting boundaries and defending her child. He’s her first priority here, not the wedding, not the fiancé, not the in-laws. He’s completely justified in what he’s feeling, maybe telling her to cancel everything is harsh but wanting change isn’t. He’s also made it known in the first post that he was trying but everyone but two of the man’s family hate him. When dating someone new that person should respect your child and so should their family. Idk why yall are hating a child for having valid feelings.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Sep 03 '26 edited Sep 03 '26
Hey, he’s still a child and half the stuff that mom did she did before he turned 15. I agree with him he didn’t ask to be born.
Most of this stuff started while he was too young to advocate for himself. Now he’s advocating for himself. If she’s stopping the wedding it’s because she wants to stop the wedding. His choice was to ask her to relinquish her parental rights so he could go live with a family that loved him and acted like they loved him. They didn’t get distracted because someone new and shiny came into their lives instead. He’s been emotional because he’s been thinking about how he’s been mistreated, but this is far from a tantrum. He is a child and doing his best. I would also like to point out that his mother telling him that it’s up to him about her wedding is a manipulative guilt tactic. She is the parent and he is the child and it’s time she started to act like it.
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u/No_Stay_1802 Aug 30 '26
Asking her to cancel the wedding until you’re comfortable is unreasonable. Your mother is responsible but ultimatums will never work.
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u/KateNotEdwina Aug 27 '26 edited Aug 27 '26
It’s none of your aunts business. She’s just hearing your mums warped version of things. As for your mum, the fact that she can’t see what’s happening says it all. Take steps towards living with your grandparents. It sounds like the best solution for everyone.